Miss Representation Screening/Motion Picture Association of America

Last night I attended a screening of Miss Representation, a new documentary film written and directed by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, filmmaker, actress and wife of California's Lt. Governor Gavin Newsom.  The title of this groundbreaking film is a play on the words used in beauty pageants and also a revealing interpretation of the messages mainstream media uses to market women.

According to Miss Representation, which premiered at the October 2011 Sundance Film Festival, aired on OWN and will soon be released on DVD, American teenagers -- in one week -- spend 31 hours watching TV, 17 hours listening to music, 3 hours watching movies, 4 hours reading magazines and 10 hours online.  That's 10 hours and 45 minutes of media consumption every day.

Since the media plays a dominant role in shaping and defining the issues of political discussion, Miss Representation argues that we've handed over quite a lot of influence to outlets that are primarily driven by ratings, circulation and profits.  Those aren't dirty words except when you get the most out of all three by constantly going for the lowest common denominator.

It's the American way to make a profit but does it mean that it has to happen at the cost of exploiting and demeaning women?  Miss Representation calls mainstream media and the advertising industry to task for not doing its homework and for its constant narrowing of the potential of girls by putting them into designed slots of people who are smart but unattractive or attractive but ditzy. 

What's so powerful about Miss Representation is that it reveals that what drives those ratings, circulation and profits is the packaging of gender stereotypes in a way that's different and more pervasive than Americans have previously experienced.  Regulatory restrictions or filters on language, visuals and hours of programming are now gone.  Cable, radio and the internet are now 24/7 insatiable machines which must constantly be fed with content.  As long as people tune-in or buy sexist, vacuous, superficial, violent programming then that's what will hit the airwaves or sit on store shelves.

Miss Representation takes "the medium is the message" dialogue to another level.  The 90-minute film interviews teenage girls, politicians, journalists, entertainers, activitists and academics, such as Condoleezza Rice, Nancy Pelosi, Rosario Dawson and Margaret Cho, and shows scores of examples of how mainstream media belittles women who have achieved or are trying to achieve leadership positions.

Newsom's Miss Representation takes the stand that what hurts girls also hurts boys.  If boys get used to viewing plastic, photo shopped and airbrushed images of women how are they going to relate to the real deal?  If women's value comes only from youth, beauty and sexuality, then what type of culture are we becoming?

Please watch the Miss Representation trailer and decide for yourself:

Mom 2 Mom

After experiencing a personal loss, everyone has to find their own way of getting back into the game.  Sometimes it's not pretty.

The piece below is from hellogrief.com.  You may not agree with how this woman felt but she is courageous in stepping out from the pack to tell how it really felt.  Please give it a read.


The One Where I Lie To My Friends

Posted On November 8, 2011 @ 8:51 am;  Featured in Parents, Hello Grief

 

^[1]The truth about grief and loss is that they do not always come with pretty, neatly packaged feelings.  Many of us have had thoughts that we may be afraid to share with others, for fear of what they may think of us, for fear that they may see how broken our loss has truly left us.

One brave and honest guest author living in Europe shares her feelings with us, and helps us to see the many faces of grief.  She helps us to understand that any person’s grief can be ugly and raw at times, and that we must learn how to accept and live through those feelings as we move toward healing.

I have a confession to make: a friend is moving back to the US and even though I pretend to be sad about it, I am actually happy she’s going.

I feel terrible for feeling this way, but I can’t help myself. It’s amazingly selfish and if any of my friends in real life knew they would be very upset with me. They would be horrified that I could think such a horrible thing about someone I call my friend. It would probably change their view of me completely. So I hide it. I keep it to myself and pray that no one discovers my dark secret.

So what is this friend’s crime? What has she done to make me so happy that she’s moving so far away?

Three words

HER BABY LIVED

Yes, it’s a simple as that. We were pregnant at the same time. Our due dates were a month apart. We had all these plans about our babies being friends. She was having a girl and I was having a boy and we joked about them being boyfriend and girlfriend. We were going to join the same playgroup. We were on the same path.

Until that horrible day.

“There’s no heartbeat.”

Those words uttered at my 36 week growth scan changed everything for the hubby and me.

But not for her. Her baby girl lived, and is here.  On this earth.  In her arms. While my son looks down on me from heaven.  I can only hold him in my heart.

This friend and her daughter are walking reminders of what I have lost. In fact, in the 9 months since my son died (yes, it’s been 9 months now) I have yet to meet her daughter. I can’t meet her daughter. In fact, we had a near miss a few weeks ago and it nearly sent me into a crying frenzy.

So I pretend…

That I will miss her.

That I’m sad to see her go.

That our group of friends will never be the same without her.

When really, I can’t wait for her to be gone. So that I don’t have to see the awkward looks on people’s faces when they are in the same room with the two of us. Knowing the struggle they are going through:

• Dying to ask her about her baby, but not wanting to hurt my feelings.
• Wanting to invite people over but knowing she may not have a babysitter and knowing that I can’t be in the same room as her daughter.
• Feeling like they somehow have to make a choice whether to see me or her based on her childcare situation.
• Feeling like they are stuck in the middle of this horribly awkward situation. Where her baby lived and mine died.
• Trying to be good friends to each of us while not hurting the feelings of the other.

I don’t envy their situation. I try to put myself in their shoes, but I’m too close. I am unable to think objectively. So as much as I like this friend (and believe it or not, I really do) her move is a huge relief. Because I get to keep the other friends.

And I really need them right now.

As horrible as it is to say this, I need them more than she does. So I’m lying to everyone. Saying how much I will miss her and how sad I am to see her go. When really I’m just counting down the days.

So I’m a liar, and it makes me feel like a horrible person. Even though all I’m really trying to do is survive.

The author of Finding My New Normal ^[2] blogs about her life, and her husband’s life, after the death of their son in the 36^th week of pregnancy.  Having recently moved from the US to London, she shares her journey openly, including her plans to have another child.

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Friends With Benefits

FRIENDS

I hope the day will be a lighter highway
For friends are found on every road
Can you ever think of any better way
For the lost and weary travellers to go

Making friends for the world to see
Let the people know you got what you need
With a friend at hand you will see the light
If your friends are there then everything's all right

It seems to me a crime that we should age
These fragile times should never slip us by
A time you never can or shall erase
As friends together watch their childhood fly

Music By: Elton John     Lyrics By: Bernie Taupin

Having a network of good and true friends is invaluable when you are trying to develop resilience to life's traumas.  Your friends may not have experienced the loss of a spouse, a child, or a near and dear loved one and it might be hard for them to understand the depth of your grief.  But, more importantly, your friends are probably sticking to your side whether they get it or not.  That says a lot about them and it says a lot about you.  To be fair, sometimes it's hard even for you to know the depth of your grief and how you are going to feel from one minute to the next.  Don't toss your friends under the bus because they can't read your mind.

Life will slowly get better because close connections with other people relieves stress and boosts your immunity.  There is a direct health benefit to having friends, says Blair Justice, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Texas in Houston.  You are a happier person when you have friends.  People who live isolated lives -- without hugs, handshakes or other physical contact -- are just as likely to develop heart disease as those people who smoke, eat high-fat diets and don't exercise, according to Justice.

Just being with people who love us and care about us sends a message that we are still connected to a community of  friendships, a community of humanity.  I am sure your friends are trying their best to be sympathetic and support you even if it doesn't seem they know what to do or say.  For sure they know that their friend is hurting and they want to make it better for you.  Hang in there. 

To manage your grief, it's important to regularly discuss what's going on in your life with your friends or family members.  It's not always going to make sense to them but it's important to acknowledge that it's not logical; it's just how you feel right now.  The give and take of trying to problem solve with others will help you feel stronger and may allow you to give your mind a rest from constantly thinking about the future.

So pick up the phone today and call or text a friend.  Your heart will thank you!

Hanging Out in the 'Hood

I saved a lot of money today.  I didn't do any shopping.  Even though today was Black Friday, I didn't walk into one store or visit any websites to shop or buy anything.  I just wasn't up for being sucking into the great vortex of shopping madness that now occurs on the day after Thanksgiving.  To me it's just a marketing ploy.  There may be 42-inch flat screen televisions that cost $199 but there's probably only four of them in the store and standing in line or camping out in a tent to take advantage of that price just isn't worth it.  I will do my bit for the economy.  It just didn't happen today.

Instead, I raked leaves with my son.  Besides working off the extra Thanksgiving calories I consumed yesterday, I got to spend time with my son and as he gets older those moments are to be grabbed and cherished.  It was a beautiful day and raking and cleaning the yard turned into a simple moment of talking about nothing at first but then more about life and how things are going for him in his senior year at Fordham.  He also had met up earlier in the day with a friend's son who is a junior in high school who wanted to chat with him about what college is like and how he should navigate the process of applying.  I told him that it was very nice of him to talk to this friend's son and he said he wanted to do it and enjoyed it.  But he was also surprised by how the conversation made him feel.

"It was weird in a way," he said.  "I've known this guy since he was in elementary school and now he's talking to me about applying to college and at the same time my friends and I are now looking for jobs for after graduation.  I don't know... I feel kindof, I don't know...old."  I was laughing hysterically.  "Oh yeah," I said.  "At the ripe old age of 21, you are really pushing it.  You have no idea what old feels like."

And then my son got to the crux of why today was so special.  "I don't want it to go so fast,"  he said.  "I think I need life to slow down a little bit."

Amen to that.

Mucho Thanks!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

The classy and world famous Rockettes

Are you watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade yet?  To me, it's not truly Thanksgiving until I watch The Rockettes perform their incredibly precise dance numbers and their infamous kickline.  Then, of course, there are the numerous marching bands, celebrities lip synching popular tunes and the huge balloon animals.  Maybe you're peeling potatoes or putting the turkey in the oven.  Whatever you are doing and wherever you are, I hope your day is full of great food, family and friends!

Today I want to send a big thank you to all of my wonderful readers who have supported me and given me invaluable feedback.  I feel very lucky -- and amazed -- that others have connected with my blog and read my posts on a regular basis.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Macy's Parade in New York City

Jamie Lee Curtis

Hello faithful readers!  Remember in 2002 when Jaime Lee Curtis revealed in a national magazine what she really looked like without help from make-up and hair assistants and more importantly, air brushing?  Maybe you don't, but I do and I thought it was one huge courageous move for women.  Besides her acting and writing talents, I applaud Jaime Lee Curtis for her honesty and independence. 

Jaime Lee Curtis' other bold move:  quitting alcohol and pain pills in 1999.  Since we're all in this together, one person's experience may help another person who is trying to rebuild their life.  Here's Jaime Lee Curtis' recent down-to-earth interview with MariaShriver.com:

Jamie Lee Curtis - Actress, Author, Activist & Mother

By MariaShriver.com

1. What are your three words to live by? Why do these words guide your life?

Sobriety - Without it, I have nothing.
Love - My favorite quote from No Great Mischief by Alistair MacLeod is: "All of us are better when we're loved."

Humor - In Joni Mitchell's song, People's Parties, she wrote: "Laughing and crying you know it's the same release."

2. What does being an Architect of Change mean to you?

I think it means being brave and not being calcified in our family patterns.

3. Who do you consider to be an Architect of Change in your life?

Every sober woman I know.

4. What's the most important lesson you've learned in life?

That I am not in control.

5.  What is one thing you are working on right now that you feel especially passionate about?

My family.

Owen Danoff -- New Cover Song/Lonely Boy by the Black Keys

Please check out the latest recording from the very talented Owen Danoff who is on his way to being recognized as a major singer/songwriter.  The below YouTube video Lonely Boy by the Black Keys is covered by Owen Danoff.

Love his energy and his voice!!!!  Click below and enjoy: