Being Positive

My son came home from college for a brief Easter break and happily it caused a shift in my outlook.

For me, the take away message of his visit is all about the importance of having a positive attitude.  Maybe it's young energy or maybe it's because he has a smaller plate of responsibilities than I do but my son has a wonderful tendency to find happiness in many things.  Just by being around him, I was reminded that being positive makes living a lot easier. 

You think that sounds obvious?  If being positive is so obvious then why am I not surrounded, enveloped and overwhelmed by it?  I wish being positive was obvious and pervasive and something that came naturally to everyone.

I am not a negative person but I am a realistic person.  I can also be an incredibly silly person; sometimes in situations when I shouldn't be.  When I am practicing my realism, it may sound as if I am purposely looking on the lesser side of a situation but that's not my goal.  I am usually drawing from my years of experience and that is hard to ignore.

But this past weekend, I let my son lead the way in some family situations and even though I didn't really want to do some of the things he suggested, I did them.  And I found out that by doing them it got me out of my usual way of looking at things and changed the way I divide my time.

I also found that if you look for the best, sometimes you find it!  Sometimes when you know you have to attend a gathering of some sort, you think you know what's going to happen.  But that's not always the case.  Being positive that it will turn out okay helps you going in to the event and can actually help you handle it in a lighter manner.

It was refreshing and I'm glad that it happened.  It's wonderful when you learn something from your child!

Playing With The Moon

Playing With The Moon
By Amir Jutt

You invited us into the world of science and made us love it as you did.  You taught us that writing simply and elegantly is not as easy as you made it look.  You passed on more to us than you will ever know.

For all of the stories you told before anyone else knew them, for all of the stories you wrestled out of other people's brains and for all of the stories that flowed from your ever constant fingers on the keyboard, this picture is for you on your special day.

If God is allowing anyone in heaven to play with the moon, I'm sure it's you.

Spring Into Action

I hope everyone had a beautiful Easter and Passover celebration!

Love Links

In my purse I carry a post card that my husband sent to one of his oldest friends many years ago when we were on one of our annual family vacations at Bethany Beach.  He wrote some silly note about the beach, the kind of message that someone writes when they know everyone at the post office will read it before it reaches the people it is addressed to.

The friend's wife gave the postcard back to me after my husbad died and for some reason, just having that post card in my purse makes me feel connected to him.  Or maybe it serves more as a touchstone, allowing me to remember a wonderful memory.  If I am stuck on the Metro or have to wait in line somewhere and I have forgotten to bring a book or a newspaper to read, sometimes I will briefly pull out the post card to read it and look at his handwriting.  It makes me smile.  It doesn't make me sad.  I think it's because the message he wrote reflected his wry sense of humor and his outlook on life.  It's just so him.

I have questioned whether it is a healthy thing for me to carry this postcard around.  Am I being weird by looking at it from time to time?  Is it obsessive? I don't think it is, but I'm not sure.  It doesn't feel weird.  I think it would be dysfunctional if I denied to myself that he was dead and read the postcard several times a day, every day without fail.  But I don't read it every day and sometimes I honestly forget it's in my purse because there's so much other stuff in there too.  The memory of my husband and those wonderful times at the beach are just that, memories, and they don't hold me back from living my life and going forward.

An article I read recently refers to momentos such as my postcard as "links" or "likages" to our loved ones.  These links can be small everyday items that the person used or it can also be a piece of jewelry that the person once wore that you now choose to wear.

I think the idea of keeping or wearing items that remind you of your loved one can be healing and sometimes help you move through your pain and back into your daily life.  In trying to find new opportunities, you can gain inner strength and recover from your loss.  Every day I feel that I am rebuilding a new life because I need to -- for myself and for my son.  I look at the postcard as a positive reminder of the time we had together; not a maudlin reminder of a loved one who is no longer with me.

What do you think of keeping a loved one's momentos?  What has been your experience?

Calgon, Take Me Away

The world around us can be dynamic and sometimes intense.

If channeled in a positive direction, being around people who are intense and dynamic or situations that are dynamic and intense can be a good thing; even a great thing.  It can be the fuel that gets the creative juices started and sometimes can bring about breakthroughs or solutions in otherwise stuck situations.

But if you are already feeling overloaded or overwhelmed by being the single parent (either widowed or divorced) who works full-time, takes care of the house, the children and the finances, then maybe for your own sake it's time to take a temporary break from the strong emotions and go far away from the madding crowd.

You can probably feel that you are getting close to blowing a gasket as in "if one more person comes to me with a problem, I think I will loose it." 

That "I've had enough" feeling reminds me of a popular commercial for bath salts that ran on television many, many years ago.  The commercial would show the average stressful day in a woman's life and then you would hear the tag line of "Calgon, take me away."  Next you would see a bath tub full of bubbles, inviting the viewer to run to the store and buy a box of Calgon for inner peace.

I think there's something to this drugstore remedy because the thing that you might really like to do to relax is either too expensive, illegal or maybe both.  It's important for single parents to make themselves a priority and take care of themselves just as well as they take care of others.  I think I can definitely spring for a box of Calgon and turn off the phone and the computer.

CVS, you better be open late tonight!

Happy Birthday Mommy!

Mother and Child
 By Pablo Picasso

Today is my Mom's 81st birthday and I truly hope she has a relaxing day.

I've always thought it was funny that my parents birthdays are a week apart.  We've never celebrated them together because my parents are Aries and their strong personalities need separate birthday celebrations.

My Mom did an incredible job of raising six children who were born close in age.  There is only seven years between me (the oldest) and the youngest child.  There is a set of twins in our family and one of my sisters and I were born in the same year so we are the same age for a month.  Think about taking care of six children all by yourself: the logistics, the time, the energy, the patience and the imagination.  You're tired just thinking about it, aren't you? 

My Mom is the ultimate mother.  I can honestly say that she loves all babies and she adores their spontaneity.  She was a hands-on Mom who would get down on the floor and play with us and think up games for us to play.  She showed us how children should be enjoyed and let us dance around or sing or tell stories to entertain the family.  There were many nights when my parents admit to turning off the television just to watch all six of us perform.

You paid your dues, Mom, and today I send you big birthday hugs and kisses!

Emmylou Harris

Emmylou Harris

Happy Birthday Emmylou Harris!!  The Grammy-winner turns 65 today and I thought it would be appropriate to share one of my favorite songs that she wrote with another Grammy-winner, Bill Danoff.

The song, Boulder to Birmingham, recounts her feelings of grief in the years following the death of country rock star and mentor Gram Parsons.  Danoff also recorded the song with his group, Starland Vocal Band, on their self-titled debut album.

It is a beautiful, haunting song.  I think we all can identify with that feeling of doing anything, even walking from Boulder to Birmingham, to see the face of a loved one just one more time.  Once you listen to it, and you can find it on YouTube, I think you'll agree that Boulder to Birmingham stays with you for along time:

Boulder to Birmingham

Lyrics By Emmylou Harris

Music By Bill Danoff

I don't want to hear a love song

I got on this airplane just to fly

And I know there's life below

But all that it can show me

Is the prairie and the sky

And I don't want to hear a sad story

Full of heartbreak and desire

The last time I felt like this

It was in the wilderness and the canyon was on fire

And I stood on the mountain in the night and I watched it burn

I watched it burn, I watched it burn.

I would rock my soul in the bosom of abraham

I would hold my life in his saving grace

I would walk all the way from boulder to birmingham

If I thought I could see, I could see your face.

Well you really got me this time

And the hardest part is knowing I'll survive.

I have come to listen for the sound

Of the trucks as they move down

Out on ninety five

And pretend that it's the ocean

Coming down to wash me clean, to wash me clean

Baby do you know what I mean

I would rock my soul in the bosom of abraham

I would hold my life in his saving grace

I would walk all the way from boulder to birmingham

If I thought I could see, I could see your face.