Divorce v Death

I'm not sure why people compare getting divorced to losing a spouse.

But they do.

Hmmmmm.  One of these things is really not like the other.

Yes, both situations are the end of something, but one is final and the other is not.

Both situations are traumatic and force you to assess your life and eventually rebuild it in a new way.

But the death of a loved one is final.  You will never see that person again.

With divorce, you might feel like you never want to see that person again but they're still alive.

Lots of widows and widowers hear this comparison but that doesn't make it true.

Shortly after my husband's death, I had a couple of people make the same comparison to me and I thought it was weird but then I heard from others about the same thing.  Recently, I read the following on another woman's Facebook page.  Having been widowed for six years, this woman thought she had heard it all until another woman said to her, "My husband had to work on Saturday, so I know what it's like to be you."  The widow thought to herself: "REALLY?  Did he come home for dinner?  Then, no you don't."

 

If you're still not sure of the difference between divorce and death, here is a short video made by a young woman named Kim Richardson.  She makes her point quietly and effectively.  The video was tweeted yesterday by a support group in South Carolina called Widows of Opportunity (www.widowsofopportunity.)

 

 

Happy New 2013!!

Happy New Year to you and yours!

I hope you are not feeling too hung over today from the fun you had last night and may your first day of the new year be a harmonious one.

My New Year's Eve last night was a low key one for me: an early dinner with family and then home to try and stay awake to watch the ball drop in New York's Times Square.  I ended up falling asleep on the family room couch way before midnight (no surprise there) but then woke up at midnight because the neighbors were setting off fireworks and yelling, "Happy New Year" out in the street.

 

I looked out the window and watched them and smiled.  I loved the spontaneity and the celebration!

 

A new year had started.  A new year spread before us, fresh with expectations and wishes and time that it is unwritten.

 

I took a deep breath and said a prayer that this would be a year of good health and healing.

 

For those of you who lost a spouse, a child, a relative, a partner, a friend or an acquaintance in 2012, may you move forward into the new year with a sense of resilience and may you bring your memories of your loved one with you.

 

Use those memories to give you strength and let them restore your broken heart.

 

Use those memories as a touchstone and let them remind you that your loved one would want you to return to living your life.  You will never ever forget them, just as I will never forget my husband who died.  Weep for them when you feel sad, but also laugh for them when you remember a funny thing they did or said. 

 

Talk about your loved one and reach out to others.  You may feel alone in your thoughts but you are not.  There is always someone who cares enough about you to sit quietly and listen as you seek to recover and restore your outlook on life.

 

It can be scary, for this healing process is exposing you to a different life, a life with new people, places and possibilities.  But remember you will always have your loved on with you and that person will always be in heart and in your memory.

 

To you my fantastic readers, I wish all of you good health, happiness, love and laughter in the new year and as 2013 unfolds, take your time to find new meaning and new purposes in your wonderful life.

 

Peace Always & Happy New Year!!!!!

 

May 2013 be all that you wish it be!!!