Year of the Snake

 

 

Chinese Celebration of the Year of the Snake/ AFP Photo

 

Happy Year of the Snake!

 

Chinese New Year is here and millions around the world are celebrating "the Year of the Snake."  Just so you know, 2012 was the Year of the Dragon.

 

In Chinese symbology, snakes are regarded as intelligent and wise, BUT the Chinese also believe that snakes have a tendency to be somewhat unscrupulous.  Oh yeah. . . we all are familiar with someone who might have "done us wrong."  Being unscrupulous definitely has a bad vibe attached to it, which is probably why Americans say that when someone acts badly he/she is a "snake in the grass" and can't be trusted.

 

I'm not sure why a whole year of snakes is a good thing but I'm willing to think of snakes in a different way if good luck is involved.

Which makes me wonder:  does good luck just arrive in our lives like the house in the Wizard of Oz that fell from the sky and landed on top of one of the Wicked Witches or do we make opportunities for good luck to enter into our lives?

I think having good luck is a combination of making the most of my opportunities, whatever they might be, and trying to be proactive and positive about life.  I know there are a lot of things that are totally out of my control but the way I look at life is one thing I can change and try to keep as positive as possible.  Coming at life with a positive outlook is a big step in the direction of  being receptive to good luck.

We all can use a bit of good luck in our lives so I wish your coming lunar year to be one that's full of fortune, peace, prosperity and good health and lots of good luck!

A Year of Blessings

How Have You Been Blessed?

I know we are in the middle of January, but I just saw this idea on a website called The Honest Company (www.honest.com) and I wanted to share it right away.  Hopefully, this idea is new for you too!

 

Here's the basic idea:  At the beginning of a new year, start writing down blessings that happen to you throughout the year and put them in a container.  On New Year's Eve or Day 2014, you can empty out the jar and read all about the year of blessings that you had!

 

The Honest Company's blog suggested writing down wishes or memories made throughout the year but I thought writing down blessings whenever you think of them instead of memories and wishes would be a positive way and perhaps a reinforcing way to look for the good things that happen to you as you heal. 

 

Rebuilding your life and trying to find a new way to live your life after the loss of a loved one is a slow process that has many stops and starts.  I have found that it sometimes is a subtle process too.  Everyone's journey is unique.  Small changes can be happening to you and you may not be aware of it.

 

What kinds of things am I talking about?  For me, my sleep pattern started changing as I began to gather strength after my husband's death.  Instead of tossing and turning or hardly sleeping at all, slowly I began to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep for longer periods of time.

 

What a blessing!

 

Blessings happen to us every day and we may take them for granted.  The sun is shining, someone smiled at you, your jeans fit.  A blessing can be whatever you think is a positive thing that has happened to you!  I try to tell myself that no matter how bad the day was, there had to be something good in it.  You know what those days are like.  Those days when everything seems to go wrong or it doesn't happen the way you planned?

 

I still try to find a positive in all that frustrating stuff.  Sometimes it's just a blessing that the day is over and you can wake up fresh and try again the next day.  I know life can be painful but if I can't change the circumstances then I have to try and learn to roll with it and find some good somewhere. 

 

Have fun with this blessings idea.  It doesn't have to be an every day thing.  You can write down whatever you want whenever you want to write it down.  But at the end of the year it might surprise you to look back on the blessings that took place in your life in 2013.

 

Last night I found a container for my blessings and I wrote down two: a wonderful son and good health.

 

What are your blessings?

 

Have A Little Happiness

At this time of year, it is easy to find self-help advice almost everywhere we look: online, television, magazines, books.

It's the beginning of a new year and it's traditionally a time to take stock of what we've done in the year gone by and think about what we want to improve about ourselves in the new year.   As we put up new calendars and turn a fresh page, we evaluate how we would like to go forward and perhaps we even have a new plan of action.

 

 

 

 

 

Most people are hopeful that the bad habits that they practiced in 2012 will either change or maybe even disappear in 2013.  Advice seems to be everywhere because we all are different.  Each one of us is set up different from the other.  One person's advice will trigger something in someone and another person's advice might not make any sense to them at all.

 

As I said in yesterday's post, I'm not making any new resolutions this year because I'm going to try and approach each day as an opportunity to do my best. 

 

But then a great friend sent me this short story written by a Jesuit priest, Rev. James Martin and I thought these five down-to-earth, common sense suggestions he writes about could easily synch up with my plan to try and find the best person within myself.

 

I am open to advice from anyone, especially a Jesuit!!!! 

Five Easy Things for a Happier Year

Dec 31 2012/ By James Martin, SJ

 

Rev. James Martin is a Jesuit priest, the culture editor of America magazine and author of numerous books including The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything.

Okay, we all like making lists of New Year’s Resolutions. And most of the time--well, much of the time--we have a really hard time keeping them because they’re so difficult. Lose 20 pounds. Read a new book a month. Never get drunk again. Avoid all sodas. Don’t eat any chocolate again. Stand up to my boss. Go to the gym every day. Sometimes you feel defeated by January 2.

 

But how about five simple things you can do to be happier--which you really can do? Here are five easy things you can do for a happier life next year. And they’re a lot easier than losing 20 pounds.

 

1. Be a Little Kinder. I think that 90% of the spiritual life is being a kind person. No need to have any advanced degrees in theology or moral reasoning, and no need to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the world’s religious traditions, to get this: Be gentler and more compassionate towards other people. In other words, say “Thank you” and “Please.” Ask people how they are. Listen more carefully when they speak to you. Don’t say snotty things about them behind their backs. Basically, give them the benefit of the doubt. I know that sometimes you feel like acting like a jerk—you feel justified because of the way you’re being treated—but you don’t have to. Most of the time you have a choice: I can be a jerk or I can be kind. Be kind. You’ll find that you’ll be happier with yourself at the end of the day. And, as an added benefit, everyone around you will be happier

 

2. Relax a Bit More. Let’s not belabor the point: a lot of us are rushing around like lunatics these days. Overbooked. Overscheduled. Overworked. Crazybusy. Exhausted. Checking our phones and iPads and blah blah blahs every five seconds. Do you really, really, need to be checking in every few minutes? Can you set those things aside for a just a little bit? And aren’t there just a few tasks you can let go of? A few months ago I realized that I had completely booked myself for the next few months and started to get a little overwhelmed. The more I thought about these supposedly fun things, the more depressed I got. I had to ask myself: How many of these things did I really have to do? For me the answer was about three-quarters of them. The other quarter I could let go of. Maybe the proportion is different for you, but looking at cutting back a bit is a good exercise. Relaxing a little bit more can lead to more creativity, more time to think, and more time to pray. Paradoxically, it may make you more productive. It’ll certainly make you happier—and again, everyone around you happier because you’re not stressing everyone else out with your stress. I’m not saying check out completely, or quit your job, or tell everyone that you’re stopping every activity you presently do. Just relax a little more. You’re a human being not a human doing.

 

3. Enjoy Nature More. Look up at the sky. It’s pretty amazing. Every moment of the day. Yesterday where I was staying it was a brilliant blue. Clear. Cloudless. Ahhhh. Enjoy it. How about noticing something as beautiful as the trees in your neighborhood? Are you watching them cycle from spring green to green to red to barren? Give yourself a few seconds to be aware of that. If you live in a city, can you notice the wind on your face or the occasional burst of sunshine peeping through the gray buildings? If you’re lucky enough to live by the ocean or a lake, well, I envy you! Notice nature a little more. It’s always changing and so it’s always a surprise. And can you thank God for the natural things that you notice every day? Natural beauty is, I think, happy-making for most of us; and being more grateful to God will add even more to your happiness.

 

4. Be a Little More Grateful. Try this: Notice the small daily things that you tend to overlook. The stuff you take for granted or like, but don’t really consider “special.” The taste of your favorite cereal or coffee or juice in the morning. An unexpected phone call from a friend. Your child’s laugh or a nephew’s or niece’s giggle. Your cat’s crazy antics. A funny TV show. A small house job finally finished. Stop and savor those little things. And say thanks to God. I’m not saying that you can’t be sad or bummed out. Life’s really tough some times. Most times. But I’ll bet that there are a few things in your life that make you feel lucky. Just a few seconds a day is all it takes. Gratitude is the gateway to the spiritual life. Open that door today. You’ll be a happier person once you step through.

 

5. Pray Just a Tiny Bit More. I’m not saying that you need to enter a monastery or take out a mortgage out on a hermitage. But just a few more minutes a day is enough to jumpstart your spiritual life. Think of it as a relationship. If God is important to you, wouldn’t you want to spend some one-on-one time with God? That’s what prayer is. And there’s no best, or only way to pray. Whatever works best for you—imagining yourself with God, quietly meditating on a favorite Scripture passage, or reciting an old prayer that comforts you—is what’s best for you. Just a little bit of prayer will help you feel in closer touch with God. And that relationship, because it connects you to the transcendent and makes you feel less alone in those tough times I mentioned, will make you happier.

 

There. Those aren’t so hard are they? Be kind. Relax a little bit. Enjoy nature more. Be a little more grateful. Pray just a tiny bit more. You can do all those. And in doing those you’ll be happier. And have a Happy New Year. 

Happy New 2013!!

Happy New Year to you and yours!

I hope you are not feeling too hung over today from the fun you had last night and may your first day of the new year be a harmonious one.

My New Year's Eve last night was a low key one for me: an early dinner with family and then home to try and stay awake to watch the ball drop in New York's Times Square.  I ended up falling asleep on the family room couch way before midnight (no surprise there) but then woke up at midnight because the neighbors were setting off fireworks and yelling, "Happy New Year" out in the street.

 

I looked out the window and watched them and smiled.  I loved the spontaneity and the celebration!

 

A new year had started.  A new year spread before us, fresh with expectations and wishes and time that it is unwritten.

 

I took a deep breath and said a prayer that this would be a year of good health and healing.

 

For those of you who lost a spouse, a child, a relative, a partner, a friend or an acquaintance in 2012, may you move forward into the new year with a sense of resilience and may you bring your memories of your loved one with you.

 

Use those memories to give you strength and let them restore your broken heart.

 

Use those memories as a touchstone and let them remind you that your loved one would want you to return to living your life.  You will never ever forget them, just as I will never forget my husband who died.  Weep for them when you feel sad, but also laugh for them when you remember a funny thing they did or said. 

 

Talk about your loved one and reach out to others.  You may feel alone in your thoughts but you are not.  There is always someone who cares enough about you to sit quietly and listen as you seek to recover and restore your outlook on life.

 

It can be scary, for this healing process is exposing you to a different life, a life with new people, places and possibilities.  But remember you will always have your loved on with you and that person will always be in heart and in your memory.

 

To you my fantastic readers, I wish all of you good health, happiness, love and laughter in the new year and as 2013 unfolds, take your time to find new meaning and new purposes in your wonderful life.

 

Peace Always & Happy New Year!!!!!

 

May 2013 be all that you wish it be!!!

 

 

 

 

A Time of Healing

As 2011 draws to a close and a New Year is almost here, you might be trying to figure out how you are supposed to face the future without someone you lost.

Longtime grief counselor and educator Dr. Alan Wolfelt of Fort Collins, Colo., advises story-writing and storytelling to help the healing process.  "Tell the story of death and you begin to acknowledge it," Wolfelt writes.  "Tell it 10 times and you begin to let it enter your heart.  Tell it over and over and you find it becoming part of who you are."

And from that storytelling you will gain strength; the strength to face the next hour or the next 24 hours without your loved one.  Some of my first New Year's Eves after my husband died were sort of a blur of numbness, confusion and feeling outside of myself.  I marked the holiday in a low key manner because I didn't feel there was much to celebrate and I was just trying to survive.  Eight years later, things are better and I will be spending New Year's Eve with good friends and feeling as though I can face life's challenges.

The healing process might be different for you because the length of the grief process is different for everyone. There is no predictable schedule for grief. Although it can be quite painful at times, the grief process should not be rushed. It is important to be patient with yourself as you experience your unique reactions to the loss.

With time and support, things generally do get better. However, grieving can run in cycles and it is normal for significant dates, holidays, or other reminders to trigger feelings related to the loss.

Taking care of yourself, seeking support, and acknowledging your feelings during these times are ways that can help you cope.  Numbing yourself with drugs and alcohol will not help you cope and only prolongs the grief process. 

Give yourself time and eventually, hope will rise from the stinging pain you are now experiencing.