A Friend's Good Bye Letter

Last week a childhood friend of my father's died.  They had known each other since they were in grade school and met each other while playing on the black top when they were about seven or eight years old.  They both went on to attend the same high school, playing basketball, and later both went into the insurance business working for different companies.

 

 

Over the years, they stayed in touch with each other as best they could.  They both worked very hard while trying to raise large Irish Catholic families.  My father and mother had six children and my Dad's friend and his wife had eight children.  Our families didn't really mix, not because we didn't want to, but more because the ages of the children were different we didn't live close to their neighborhood and there basically was just too much stuff going on to try and coordinate anything.

 

When you have known someone for as long as my Dad and his friend knew each other it is hard to let go.  My Dad knew that his friend was not well but didn't know how sick he was until he received the news of his friend's death.  One way to keep the person connected to you is write a letter to the person now deceased.  I don't think this is morbid.  In fact, I think it's very healthy.

 

The person who died is someone who had an important place in your life.  The person is physically gone but the friendship is still there.  Sharing memories -- whether it's through writing a letter or talking to others about this person -- is a healthy way to process your feelings of grief and to establish  to yourself that the friendship or perhaps love in other cases, is still there and will always be.

 

 

Now my Dad is writing a letter to his friend's widow and their adult children about his special friendship with this man and it is bringing back a lot of great memories for him which he hopes will also be a comfort in the days and years ahead as they and my Dad work through their loss.

 

Don't ever unestimate the importance of a note written from the heart.  After my husband died, I received cards from people who worked with my husband or were friends with him and some wrote notes to me about how they knew him and their experiences with him.  I saved those cards because those notes were like little pieces of a puzzle that was my husband.  Sometimes the stories caught me by surprise and other times I only knew the story from my husband's point of view and the handwritten note reveal a different side of him to me.

Let me be honest, sometimes the stories weren't always the best but either way, the notes were part of dealing honestly and openly with our feelings of grief and trying to find comfort in reaching out and sharing.
 

A Heavenly Summer Wind

Happy Birthday Love today to a Special Person in Heaven.

 

The Birthday Boy was an abrupt-on-the-outside, marshmellow-on-the-inside kind of a guy who was my husband and my friend for 17 years plus.  He was an old school kind of Dad to five talented and fantastic children and took a HUGE amount of pride in his work as an award-winning reporter/writer.


He never forgot his New Jersey roots, having been born and raised in Red Bank, and was a die hard Giants and Yankees fan.  He loved everything about New Jersey: the infamous jokes about exits, the rumble tumble way of life and the edgy personalities of those hailing from the Garden State.

 

In honor of his birthday, I am posting a video of Hoboken's own Frank Sinatra singing one of his favorite songs: The Summer Wind.

Happy Birthday To The O:

ER Awakening

I feel very lucky to have good health and after spending four hours in an emergency room Tuesday evening, I have renewed my commitment to doing all I can to preserve it.

My Dad had an urgent eye incident and he needed immediate medical attention so we drove to one of the local hospitals here in Washington, DC and waited for a diagnosis.  You can debate the pros and cons of Obama's health care bill until the cows come home but it all falls away when you are in an emergency room.  Or maybe it's that the harsh reality of health care in the United State becomes very clear.

Insurance or not, there are priorities in an emergency room and chronic and extreme cases always come first: gun shot victims, people in car accidents, anything that looks like it may be fatal.  I think the people who work in emergency rooms are incredible.  Doctors, nurses, police, medical support staff are all running around busy with the purpose of trying to fix people and get them back in some kind of working order.  These people must be wired differently because I have no idea how they find the stamina to do this kind of work day in and day out. 

I'm sure there is a system in the emergency room for the rest of us who are urgent but not looking like we fall into the fatal category.  I just couldn't figure it out.  I know it was based on the idea of triage but that's about all I could figure out.  After you have been waiting for while, your sense of time becomes skewed and you realize that the word "shortly" as in "the doctor will be with you shortly," is a relative term.

I guess this is my long way of saying that health is more than not having a disease; more than not being injured.  If you are lucky enough to not have an ongoing health condition, then please become a participant in your own health.  Make good choices about diet, exercise and rest.  Also pursue activities that make you happy and bring you peace and good mental health.

You can participate in your healing and find a good solid healthy way of life for yourself.  You know your stress points and cravings better than anyone else.  There are things you can change.  Try to become proactive.  I have found that the more I take control of my health, the better I feel. 

Start today.  Google "GOOD HEALTH" and see what pops up.  Look at what you eat.  Take a ten minute walk.  Call a friend.

My Dad is home now and I thank the doctors and nurses who helped figure out and diagnose his eye problem.  They were wonderful!!

But I won't forget the ER and the dynamics of being there.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is my Dad's 85th birthday and I wish him the happiest of birthdays!!  He is the best Dad in the whole world!!

I love him very much and respect what he has done in his life.  He loves the beach and fishing and hanging out near the water.  Today he is spending the day down on Chesapeake Bay with my brothers and I know they will have a blast because they'll eat and do everything whatever they want.

He is quite a wonderful character (you never know what the mail will bring) and a great Dad who once held down three jobs to provide for our Mom and six children.  Not many people can juggle three jobs, let alone find the energy to do three jobs.  Underneath all of that hard work is a kind and generous man with a sweet soul.

He is sentimental to a fault and tears up (almost every time) he hears the song "Danny Boy." Yes, Dad, we know you want to go back to Ireland.

I am very lucky to have him in my life and I know my siblings definitely feel the same way!

Happy Birthday Dad!!! XO