When I find myself getting close to sensory overload, I seek out quiet places to sit, to refresh and chill out.
After Monday's tragic shooting and killing of 13 people in the Washington Navy Yard, I truly needed a break from being bombarded with images and information. Sitting in nature helps bring my focus back to what is important to me about the big picture of life.
As I notice and enjoy what is around me, I remind myself that I can't change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but I can change how I interpret and respond to these events. You can develop being resilient. Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in your life as you deal with stressful circumstances and sometimes even traumatic events.
There is a beautiful park a few blocks from my office and I often find myself there in the middle of the day enjoying the beautiful flowers or listening to the cleansing sound of the small water fountain. I don't stay there for very long but ten or fifteen minutes is long enough for me to reduce whatever stresses I may be feeling.
And when I go home, I don't sit in nature, but I do check in on my new green space: my lettuce garden.
My Lettuce Garden
It's not a very big container but I am proud of my little lettuce garden that I keep on my screened in porch. My son gave me some packets of seeds for various kinds of lettuce this summer and it has been comforting and hopeful to nurture and grow my small plants.
Lettuce In A Box
Find your green zone; a place where you can calm down and pause to think about life's small, fleeting pleasures. You'll be surprised what a little patch of green can do for your soul!
Resilience is a quality we all have within us. We can take that resilience and make it work for us and strengthen ourselves if we choose.
Resilience is a tenacity of spirit; a determination to deal with adversity in our lives. I know it doesn't feel like it at the time we are trying to handle one of life's stressful or sad times, but the courage and patience that we find inside ourselves as we process hardships can help us come out on the other side of it a better person.
A better person, you ask? How can that be?
Adversity can sometimes make us better people in terms of gaining new insight about life and about yourself. A better person in terms of coping and reordering our priorities. And a better person in terms of appreciating and loving life even more than we did before because we know how it can change up in a snap.
The good times sparkle even brighter after those challenging times, don't they?
Of course, I am not wishing adversity on anyone. I don't have to because life hands it to us all on its' own. I know this from my own experiences and those of my family and my dear friends.
Accepting and even anticipating change helps us maintain flexibility about life and all that come rolling our way.
They say that sharing is caring and I care so much about my readers that when I read the below post yesterday from the Bereaved Partners Support Group (@BereavedPartner on Twitter), I couldn't wait to share it with you.
So many things in this article resonated with me: especially the idea of stepping into your fears and working through them to find something new in your changed life.
Healing and recovery happen. It may not feel as though this natural process is happening to you but it is. You must believe in a new way of life and even a new point of view.
It doesn't mean that you won't miss your loved one. You will. But it will not feel as raw as it did in the beginning. I can't tell you how many people would tell me that my husband would not want me to live my life in a sad way; in a way of constantly feeling pain. I knew they were right but I didn't feel that way. I wasn't in that place yet. And then one day it did make sense to me and I did realize that it was okay to enjoy my life.
It is okay to buy some beautiful flowers. It is okay to go out and laugh with friends. It is okay to open myself up to new opportunities.
Please read the below story. I love it because it is so hopeful!!
Awakening
One of our group attendees passed on this passage to us to share with others. We encourage you to read it. It is eye-opening, grounding and beautiful…
BPSG Team
Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get it… when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out… ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realise it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realise that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you… and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself… and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself… and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-resilience.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties… and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the out-dated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, its not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is a temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our souls. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people… and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
A good friend from high school who I am now friends with on Facebook (Yeah!), posted the below message on her page. I found it to be so hopeful that I wanted to share it.
Today is a clean slate and an opportunity to start or finish or say or write something that you didn't get a chance to do yesterday. There is always hope that things will get better. I truly believe it!! Hang in there if you are going through a rough patch.
Either way, we have 86 days to go until Election Day and now that the presidential and vice presidential tickets for both parties are set, it's going to be a long, hard slog.
How to survive in Washington, DC and remain hopeful that everyday conversation can remain civil?
It is possible. Vent while you're putting your make-up on, while you're taking a shower, while you're walking around the house.
Or don't get sucked into negative energy. One positive and healing action I have been following over the past few weeks is boycotting the local and national morning television programs. I look forward to watching the 7 pm evening news but I am doing my bit for energy conservation by not turning on the television in the morning. It has become a wasteland.
If I want to find out about the weather or traffic before I leave for work, I go on the internet and look it up. The majority of stories that air in the morning are not news stories -- the celebrity drivel is off the charts -- and half the time I'm not even sure that the reporting is accurate. It's the same stuff over and over again because the television stations need to fill air time.
So let them fill it. I'm just not watching and OMG my outlook on the upcoming day is now so much calmer.
The issue of staying hopeful during these times is also addressed in September 2012's Oprah magazine and Donna Brazile, a weekly contributor and political commentator on CNN's The Situation Room, wrote the following insightful piece:
How Can I Stay Hopeful? If the nightly news makes you want to ditch civilization and move to a desert island, you're not alone. Here's how Donna Brazile keeps engaged.
Ten years ago, I was hired by CNN as a pundit, bloviator, spin master -- and those are just the nicer names for what I do. It was an incredible opportunity for someone like me, who enjoys the political process -- but it came with certain risks to the soul. News shows are often formatted like gladiator battles: The Democrat goes "head-to-head" with the Republican; we "faceoff"; one person "slams" the other. I've been called a racist because I support affirmative action; I've been called a bad Catholic because I believe in birth control. At the same time, I'm supposed to vilify the opposing side.
I often get depressed by this political environment. We're inundated with stories about congressional gridlock and a deeply divided public, all the while the planet overheats, unhinged dictators in the Middle East run amok, and the economy goes off the rails. Like many Americans, I've sometimes doubted the functioning of our government. Take the night the U.S. Supreme Court ended the vote count in Florida during the 2000 presidential election, or that horrifying period after Hurricane Katrina when I could not get anybody at FEMA on the phone to help me locate my missing disabled sister.
But ultimately, I don't have the luxury of tuning out. Instead, I think of my mother, who taught me to find the good in every person and situation. She never let us lose hope -- and she always made sure we believed Santa Claus would come, no matter how dirt-poor we were.
She's the reason I've spent my free time this summer looking for nice things to say about Mitt Romney, even though I don't plan to vote for him (for starters, he's an honorable, decent and loving father who obviously cares deeply about this country). When I feel myself getting steamed up over an issue, it really does help to remember the rich humanity of my so-called opponents -- even one as formidable as former Bush advisor Karl Rove. Competing against him was blood sport -- and yet he and I have great rapport. We discovered early on that we share a love of history. Karl doesn't just know dates and facts; he can tell you what people were eating, drinking and thinking in 1896 -- and he's always sending me books by Joseph Ellis. He's proof that it's possible to disagree with someone on just about everything but still respect them.
Of course, I don't look for the good in others just on the campaign trail. I see it in the policeman on the beat who's there when I am walking home late at night, and the air-traffic controllers who make sure the plane lands safely (I don't know who these people are, but I'm always praying for them). It may not be easy to believe in government, but I can certainly believe in the postal worker who tucks my mail neatly into my box so it won't get wet when I'm traveling.
It's people, not politicians, who make this country what it is. When I look around me, I can't help having faith.
Everyone is tired of the ice, the snow, the cold and winter in general.
For those who are grieving, winter can be particularly harsh. As an antidote to this dreary time of year, Sibley Hospital is organizing a day trip on Wednesday, March 9 to the 2011 Philadelphia International Flower Show. This year's theme is "Springtime in Paris" and visitors can expect to enjoy spectacular flower sculptures and carousel topiaries as well as lush flowering trees, lilacs, roses and borders of lavender.
Travel Itinerary -- Wednesday, March 9, 2011
8:00 am Depart Westwood Shopping Center in Bethesda, Md.
11:00 am Arrive at Philadelphia Flower Show
Free time to enjoy the flower show &; lunch on your own
4:00 pm Depart for Washington, DC
7:30 pm Arrive Westwood Shopping Center in Bethesda, Md.
Cost per person: $79.00 (includes transportation, entry into the flower show, tolls, taxes & all gratuities
Contact: Kim Grizzle at Eyre Tour & Travel for reservations at 1-800-321-3973
