Congratulations to The Class of 2013!

After (hopefully) fours years of hard, hard work and spending thousands and thousands of dollars on college tuitions, remarks by a notable person -- whether an author, celebrity, scientist, politician or even the First Lady or the President of the United States -- definitely seems in order before degrees are handed out at universities across the nation.

 

For the parents, relatives and friends of the graduate, and even those of us who have already graduated, whether from a university, a community college or the School of Street Smarts, the commencement speech is also a time to pause and listen; to see whether the speaker can offer us new insights about life.  We can gain new perspectives or get our engines reignited by remarks made in the annual rite of commencement speeches.

The reason I find commencement speeches so capitvating is that they usually reveal something about the speaker that we might not have known before.  Many times, the commencement speaker talks about what they were like as a young person, what they wanted to achieve, what life instead handed them and then what they did with life's surprises.

Oprah Winfrey Speaks At Harvard
Photo Courtesy of David L. Ryan/The Boston Globe

Commencement speeches show us the resilience of the human spirit, for everyone needs resilience in order to move forward.  Some people do graduate from college and go forth into the world and do exactly what they planned to do and that's wonderful!  But I think I not only speak for myself, but also for many, many others, who start out thinking they are going to do one thing when they leave college and then end up doing something very different.

 

As the Class of 2013 leaves their respective campuses, poised for change, they may find a world very different from what they expected -- or maybe not.

Here are a few of this year's commencement speeches that stood out for me:

Former U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords (who is still recovering from being shot in the head in 2011), Bard College:

"The nation's counting on you to create, to lead, to innovate.  Be bold, be courageous, do your best."

President Barack Obama, Morehouse College:

"We've got no time for excuses.  In today's hyper-connected, hyper competitive world, with millions of young people from China and India and Brazil, many of whom started with a whole lot less than all of you did, all of them entering the global workforce alongside you, nobody is going to give you anything you haven't earned.  Nobody cares how tough your upbringing was.  Nobody cares if you suffered some discrimination.

 

"Moreover, you have to remember that whatever you've gone through, it pales in comparison to the hardships previous generations endured -- and if they overcame them, you can overcome them, too."

Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Princeton University:

"I'm not going to tell you that money doesn't matter, because you wouldn't believe me anyway. In fact, for too many people around the world, money is literally a life-or-death proposition. But if you are part of the lucky minority with the ability to choose, remember that money is a means, not an end. A career decision based only on money and not on love of the work or a desire to make a difference is a recipe for unhappiness."

Comedian Stephen Colbert, University of Virginia:

"There is no secret society out there that will tap you on the shoulder and show you the way.  The true secret is, your life will not be defined by the society we have left you. . . Every generation must define itself.  If you must find your own path, and we have left you no easy path, then decide now to choose the hard path that leads to the life and the world that you want."

TV host & Multimedia Entrepreneur Oprah Winfrey, Harvard University:

"It doesn't matter how far you might rise, at some point you are bound to stumble.  Because if you're constantly doing what we do, raising the bar. If you're constantly pushing yourself higher, higher, the law of averages, not to mention The Myth of Icarus, predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to know this, remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us into another direction."

"It's okay to feel bad for a little while.  Give yourself time to mourn what you think you may have lost. But then, here's the key: Learn from every mistake because every experience, encounter, and particularly your mistakes, are there to teach you and force you into being more of who you are."

Here's to the Class of 2013!  Congratulations and Good Luck!!

 

 

Bobbi Kristina

ABC News

If there is one thing I have learned during my personal experience with grieving, it is that we all grieve differently.  Each of us has our own path that we follow in the healing process and it takes different amounts of time for each of us to work through and find out what we are comfortable doing and saying when we are trying to adjust to the loss of a loved one.

I remember asking myself how I was going to live through this pain, how was I going to get over my loss and what the hell was happening to me.  Your loved one is physically gone but that person is still living in your heart and soul.  It might be very different for you, but I have found that grief tends to lasts as long as it takes you to accept and learn to live with your loss.  For some people, grief can last a few months.  For others, grieving may take years.

I started thinking about this while watching the recent televised interview earlier this month that Whitney Houston's daughter, Bobbi Kristina, gave to Oprah Winfrey.  Many news stories speculated that it was too early for her to be talking in public about her mother's sad and untimely death because they thought she might not be able to handle it.

For someone whose mother died just about a month ago, I thought she was a very poised 19-year-old.  I also thought her interview was a gift to viewers.  When your mother is as big a celebrity as Whitney Houston was, reporters and photographers are around you all the time.  Still, it is not easy to go on television and discuss what you're personally going through and how you feel.  While she didn't have to do the interview, I felt that she might have agreed to do it because in talking to Oprah, who knew her mother so well, Bobbi Kristina might have also felt closer to her mother.

And that closeness, that connection, is something we all fight to keep.

"I'm doing okay," Bobbi Kristina said in the interview with Oprah.  "I'm doing as good as I possibly can."

Bobbi Kristina revealed very personal and intimate thoughts and feelings about her mother and discussed some of the things that can happen when you are still in shock from the sudden loss of a loved one.  "She's always with me," Bobbi Kristina told Oprah.  "Her spirit is strong, it's a strong spirit.  I feel her pass through me all the time."

Bobbi Kristina said that sometimes when she is in the house, the lights will flicker a little and she will look at them and say, "Mom, what're you doing?"  Oprah gently laid the foundation for discussing what a grieving person can sometimes experience when she told Bobbbi Kristina that some people believe "we're crazy" for believing in "visitations" from those who have died.  "I can hear her voice, you know, and spirit talking to me, telling me, 'Keep moving baby. I'm right here. I got you.' She's always with me," Bobbi Kristina said.

To take your pain and turn it into a positive experience is a gift to others in the same situation.  It doesn't matter whether you are a celebrity or not.  Feeling the loss of someone you love is a universal and human emotion.

Watching someone else trying to navigate grief can be helpful.  You feel you are not alone because the other person may be expressing the same confusion, pain and stress that you are feeling.  People respectfully watch a public person in the midst of grief to see what they are doing, how they talk about their feelings and how they handle themselves, many times giving hope to others so that they too can find positives in their lives.