The Kindness of Nurses

Have you ever been in an emergency room at 2 am?

Unfortunately, my son and I found ourselves there Sunday night because we needed to take my Dad to the hospital for medical attention to various issues that by themselves were not a big deal, but taken collectively, for a man in his 80's, they added up to a serious situation.

The doctors agreed about the seriousness of my Dad's symptoms but didn't decide to check him in until after midnight and then he was finally assigned a room around 2 am.  By the time we got home, it was 3 am.

 

 

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep.  After putting in a full day's work on Monday, I was looking forward to going to bed early but before I pulled the blankets entirely over my head, I wanted to say add a few words about nurses and their kindness.

Nurses are incredible.  Their jobs are physically and emotionally demanding yet they continually show unbelievable amounts of compassion to people who are in various and varying stages of sickness.

Mixed in with all the beeping medical equipment that never seems to quiet down, nurses provide the essential human touch that people really need, especially in the middle of the night when things always seem worse.  Sometimes it's a hug or a pat on the hand or a quick joke, but nurses seem to always be dispensing good will and just all around emotional support to those who feel sick or those who are scared and nervous about being in a hospital.

I'm not taking anything away from doctors and the obvious importance of their roles in anyone's medical care.  But it's the nurses who end up rolling up their sleeves and doing the down and sometimes dirty support work of taking care of their fellow human beings.

 

My Dad is still in the hospital as of this morning and I know the nurses will be doing what they do best!

Preventing Burnout

Holidays are the best!  They always seem to arrive at the right time, just when we need a break from our daily routines.  Just when we need time out to relax and recharge.

 

 

 

Holidays help us take a break, both mentally and physically, from the responsibilities we carry out every day. I intend to sleep in, exercise more, hang out with friends, and read.  I do all of these things on a regular basis but holidays allow me to do them for longer, uninterrupted periods of time.  And I can do them spontaneously which adds to the fun.

 

Holidays also opens up our creative juices and gets us to thinking of different ways to decorate our houses, apartments or even ourselves!  We try new recipes and sometimes even travel to a new place.

 

When we continually do our work routines or personal responsibilities over and over again in just the same way, every day, with hardly any break in the routine, we can start to burn out and then things start to go bad.  You can be on the path to burning out and not really know until it's too late.  Others probably know it because they see a change in you, but you are probably determined to power on, pushing to do what you need to do at all costs.

 

It's time to take a break!

 

The Washington Post story below is about nurses and how they deal with patient burnout but their solutions could be our solutions too:

 

Nurses at the Georgetown Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center
do stretching exercises
Photo by Marvin Joseph/The Washington Post

 

http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-06-10/national/39865768_1_burnout-intensive-care-unit-nurses

Quietude

I am constantly reminding myself to chill out: when I am driving to and from work, when I am at work, or when I am in a situation where my expectations are not even close to matching up to reality.

 

Add to the equation a traumatic event such as the recent bombing at the Boston Marathon and the resulting increased security and it's no wonder that you, me and others are on edge.  Stressed out.  And the toll that stress takes on our physical health and mental well being is daunting.

 

I don't think I am alone in feeling this way.  No wonder people are finding it difficult to get along.  The work-hard-get-ahead lifestyle eventually catches up with you whether you admit it or not.  If you don't feel well, you're not going to act well.

 

So I'm thinking that we all can take it down a couple of notches and play better together.  One way that I try to play better with others is to remind myself to lower my voice.  If I can keep my voice in a monotone volume when talking to others then that does a lot to calm me.  I have a tendency to get excited when I am talking and then have a bad habit of raising my voice.  I'm getting better at achieving this but it's still something I need to constantly work on.

 

 

 

It's all about inner peace; a state of mentally and physically being in a calm place.  Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss and contentment.

 
Looking within myself to quiet my conflicts and trying always to smooth the rough edges is one way for me to try and get to a place of inner peace.  If I don't try to find and practice inner peace, then I can't very well go out in the world and deal with others in a civilized manner.  It really starts within me.

The words to John Lennon's infamous song, Imagine, come to mind:

 

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

 

From big worries in your life to small inner butterflies, together let's look within ourselves and give inner peace a chance.

 

Happy Talk

As a woman, I have had many conversations with men about all different kinds of subjects but after a certain amount of time, I can sometimes see their eyes glazing over in disinterest even as I am talking to them.

 

Most women instinctively know that they like to talk more than men.  I know that I really enjoy verbally taking a situation apart and talking about it and then verbally trying to put it back together again in search of a solution.  But I usually have to find a woman who will listen to me do this.

 

Even my husband would only listen for so long and then he would usually bark, "My God, get to the point!"

Courtesy of the New York Daily News

Well, the point today is that new research was just published in The Journal of Neuroscience concluding that a protein called FOXP2 is responsible for our ability to verbalize, and girls' brains contain higher levels of FOXP2 than boys' brains.

 

Now there seems to be scientific evidence that girls like to talk A LOT more than boys.  Research indicates that women say about 20,000 words a day and men only blurb out about 7,000.

 

After reading this, I wondered, "Is this one of the reasons why men prefer to be quiet about their grieving?"

 

I know some of this information is stereotypical but there is also some truth in the "Chatty Kathy" woman and the "Strong and Silent" man.  I do know a few men who like to chat but they are few and far between.

 

Some men resent being encouraged to talk about the emotions of their grief or even the particulars of how they are doing after the death of a loved one.  In general, men like to put their feelings into action such as doing some kind of activity with their hands.  They immerse themselves in their work and that is their way of processing their loss.

 

Talking is just not the first reaction men have to dealing with a trauma.

 

I read of one man who after his 20-year-old daughter lost control of her car and was killed, the father spent several weeks rebuilding a neighbor's fence that was damaged in an accident.  The father described this activity as crucial to his healing and to "getting me through those first two months."

 

Maybe men think that by verbally expressing their thoughts and feelings that then they are vulnerable, and that's not something they are comfortable with.  Or maybe they have had bad experiences with trying to put their emotions into words.

 

Doctors are beginning to discover that there is such a thing as "men's grief," a grief that is processed very differently than women's. It's not the wrong way or the right way.  It's just the way that belongs to men.  Men's methods of grieving shouldn't be evaluated by the way women deal with their grief because we know that everyone grieves differently no matter what their gender.

 

Since women know that talking makes them feel better, they automatically assume that talking will make men feel better.  And sometimes that's not true. 

 

Whatever the case, the only reason women want men to discuss their grief feelings is because repression of the hurt, the anger and the confusion that surrounds grief can only be unhealthy.  Unrecognized and unacknowledged grief will only become stronger and harder to tame.  Grief that's expressed outward is grief that's released and it then allows you to start a healing process.

 

Vive la difference!

 

Getting A Life

"Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast? Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water gap or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a cheerio with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Each time you look at your diploma, remember that you are still a student, still learning how to best treasure your connection to others. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a letter. Kiss your Mom. Hug your Dad. Get a life in which you are generous."

 

                                             ~ Excerpt from Anna Quindlen's Villanova Commencement Speech, 2000

 

 

 

Baby Practices Picking Up Cheerios

 

 

I worked a few hours in the office yesterday and then was able to leave early.  I didn't feel guilty at all about cutting the work day short.  I was looking forward to meeting my son at the movies.  We saw "Les Miserables" and I enjoyed it but I prefer the stage version of the iconic story about the French Revolution.

 

While waiting in the lobby, I let my mind wander and watched the cold, rainy weather outside.  I could feel my shoulders relax as I looked up at the clear slanted ceiling and my eyes followed the sliding raindrops down the glass.  After a few minutes, my mind seemed to empty of office concerns and I starting thinking about the importance of mentally and physically breaking from my work schedule.

 

I could work all the time if I wanted to.  Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with work and I am happy to have my job.  I have a strong work ethic and get a lot of satisfaction from doing my job and doing it well.  But there comes a point when you need to recharge and you can't do that if you are always working and always pushing yourself to do more work.

I find that working constantly starts to make me inefficient.  I start to get tired, I get headaches easily and I start to answer people in a short manner.   When I start experiencing those symptoms, I know it's time to take a break and do some of the things that Anna Quindlen suggests in her quote above: pick up the phone, call a friend or a family member, write an email, connect with another person.

I need to work to support myself financially but I also need to remember -- especially during the holidays -- to take a break and enjoy the treasures of my life.