Pushing Those Emotional Buttons

I have three sisters and two brothers who are younger than me.  Yes, I am the oldest of six children and we are very close in age.  Such a cast of loved ones has made, and continues to make for many great stories and many great memories.

 

I would say I talk to at least one of my sisters every day and sometimes I talk to all three of them during the coarse of one day.  That's a lot of yakking, right?  Not really because we also email and text each other.

 

In our own unique ways, each one of us has learned that life can be fabulous yet fragile.  Our conversations reflect those learning experiences and as such have become a lot more open and honest.  We have learned the hard way that even though you know what button you can push to get a reaction from a fellow sister, that it's not a good thing or even a kind thing to push it.  Pushing the button can sometimes instantly take away all the good feelings that we worked so hard to create and then you find yourself walking back a lot of what you said and doing that wastes a lot of time and a lot of energy.

 

 

Your emotional buttons will always be there but I have found that even if the button is pushed you have a responsibility to yourself and the other person not to react the way you did when you were younger.  In other words, just because something is said, it doesn't mean you have to take it personally or emotionally and go off the deep end.  Most of us find there is already enough drama in our daily contacts with strangers, we certainly don't need an extra dose in our personal lives.  I think you can acknowledge that you know the button's been pushed but then you can say something like, "Okay, I know that what you just said made you feel a hell of a lot better, but let's talk about what's really going on here."

 

Life is just too short to carry around a lot of emotional baggage every day.

 

You have to figure out when to let go of a behavior and change course.  Think of how much mental energy it takes for you to think about what happened to you, what was said to you, who said it, and then stir it all up until it becomes some kind of foaming emotional cocktail that you carry around with you every day with a big cherry on top.

 

I'm tired just thinking about it. 

 

Instead, I try to jump back from what happened, look at it, figure out what my foolish role was in it and learn something from it.  If an apology is needed, I apologize.  If the person is just venting, I ask if that is what is going on.  If I am annoyed, I go back to the person (not always right away) who got under my skin.  Like the other day, I caught myself.  I could feel that I just wanted to argue the old way of saying something sarcastic.  But I stopped myself, and put myself out there a bit and said, "I don't want to argue.  I just want to find a solution."

 

Take time to reflect on the negative things that happen to you because we can learn from them (ouch!) but don't make those things that annoy or hurt you the centerpieces of your life.  You are so much better than that.  At some point, you have to let go of it and toss it away.

 

Otherwise, the negativity will feed on itself, leaving little room for the great and good things that life will definitely bring your way.

 

Pretty In Pink -- Grieve Out Loud

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/after-losing-three-sisters-to-cancer-bethesda-firefighter-turns-to-advocacy/2011/05/26/AGDZfqHH_story.html


I read this timely story in The Washington Post yesterday about a local fireman, Marshall Moneymaker, who had lost his three older sisters to breast cancer in less than two years.  Moneymaker and his wife did all they could to help the three sisters beat this awful disease but it wasn't enough.  After burying three sisters, the enormity of what had happened left Moneymaker emotionally exhausted.

Where do you go when you have felt pain and loss deeper than you ever thought possible?

You can shut down and put out the "Vacant" sign or you can stay involved in life and fight back.  And that is exactly what Moneymaker did.

A month after he had buried the third sister, some volunteers for the Susan G. Komen 3-day Walk for the Cure were coincidentally setting up a pitt stop near his firehouse in Bethesda, MD.  One thing led to another and he and the other volunteers started talking about breast cancer and how it had dramatically touched their lives.  One of the volunteers Moneymaker met was Mollie Simpkins.  Simpkins said she felt a bond with Moneymaker and she liked his generous spirit.

"After you lose someone to cancer, you're not sure if you're grieving or honoring the dead properly," Simpkins said.  "Everybody has their own way.  There are those that grieve in silence, and then there's us."

Moneymaker's actions in the face of personal tragedy are incredibly heroic and show us that freedom comes from not being afraid to grieve out loud.

Check out the picture of Moneymaker above decked out in pink as a tribute to his sisters.  That's my idea of a real man!