Fab Friday

It's Fabulous Friday!!  It's hard to believe that this is the last weekend in March!

I'm ready for the weekend and I hope you are too!!

Go for it!!

Electronic Meltdown

Yesterday was a day from electronic hell.  Every time I turned around some piece of equipment in the office needed attention.

Don't you just hate it when computers, cell phones, blackberries and xerox machines misbehave? 

I don't consider myself a tekkie kind of person at all.  I don't feel any desire to stand in line when I know Apple is going to be selling a new iPhone or a new iPad.  I am open to learning new things about electronic devices but I'm not very happy about it.  I'm of the mind that if it's working and it's doing everything that you want why does it have to change?

It just doesn't make sense to me how a computer can be working fine -- receiving and sending emails, printing out documents and all the other things that computers do -- and then the next day you walk in, log on and your toolbars are missing.  I usually know how to figure some of this out myself but not always.

My computer wasn't monopolizing all of the mischief.  The charger to the Blackberry wouldn't work so I went to Radio Shack to see if they had another one.  Thank goodness Radio Shack had them in stock but I also need a converter so I could charge a cellphone we sometimes use overseas.  Of course, Radio Shack was out of those and wouldn't get them in again for weeks.  Try CVS, the Radio Shack guy said.  So I did.  Wouldn't you know it?  CVS had the converters and they only cost $3.99.  Yeah!!!!

I'm the kind of person who turns something off because I think it needs to "rest."  I don't think that's such a crazy idea.  When I've been using the xerox machine and copying reams of documents, I can feel the machine starting to warm up.  Don't you think it's the machine's way of telling me it needs to take a break?  I do and I talk to the xerox machine as in, "Please don't jam.  This is a really important job!"

It's the little things in life that can make you happy.  I like to think that my computer and cell phone and I are all part of the same team, working together to get things done, not falling apart and needing attention.  So listen up all you electronics -- behave yourselves and do what you are supposed to do.  PLEASE?????!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is my Dad's 85th birthday and I wish him the happiest of birthdays!!  He is the best Dad in the whole world!!

I love him very much and respect what he has done in his life.  He loves the beach and fishing and hanging out near the water.  Today he is spending the day down on Chesapeake Bay with my brothers and I know they will have a blast because they'll eat and do everything whatever they want.

He is quite a wonderful character (you never know what the mail will bring) and a great Dad who once held down three jobs to provide for our Mom and six children.  Not many people can juggle three jobs, let alone find the energy to do three jobs.  Underneath all of that hard work is a kind and generous man with a sweet soul.

He is sentimental to a fault and tears up (almost every time) he hears the song "Danny Boy." Yes, Dad, we know you want to go back to Ireland.

I am very lucky to have him in my life and I know my siblings definitely feel the same way!

Happy Birthday Dad!!! XO

The Anger of Losing Someone

Anger is a normal part of grieving.  It is.  When a loved one dies, many people feel angry first rather than sadness because they feel they are being left behind and also feel very helpless. 

Everyone says that life must go and it does but what do you do with the anger you feel?   Many people try to push the anger down and ignore it because the intensity of it scares them.  That's not going to work because eventually the anger will pop up at another time in a situation that has nothing to do with the person's death.  Intellectually you know that your loved one did not have control over the situation but that doesn't stop you from feeling something different in your heart.

Go ahead and feel the anger but you must not hurt yourself or someone else.  You have to find a way to let it out in a constructive manner.  Whether that means that you yell into a pillow, break dishes or rip clothes, feel it and express it.  Otherwise it's going to stay inside you and build up.  You may need to find a support group or go to a grief counselor to address it and work your way through it.

I found this very good first-person piece on anger and loss published recently by Hello Grief (www.hellogrief.org) and thought I would share it:

Loss and Anger
By Victoria Noe

Posted By Hello Grief on January 10, 2012

Anger can be unattractive, there’s no question about it. It’s messy and unpredictable, sometimes loud and violent. And in a world where we like things to make sense, it’s often unacceptable. But never more than when you’re grieving. There’s a long list of people we can be angry with:

The person who died: why didn’t they take better care of themselves? Why did they take such a stupid chance? What were they thinking?

The medical community: why didn’t the doctor force them to take better care of their health? Why didn’t the paramedics get there sooner? Why hasn’t someone discovered a cure for cancer, etc.?

God: why did you make a good person suffer? Why did you leave those children without a parent?
Why them? Why now? Why not someone else? Why not me?

The family: why didn’t they make him go to the doctor? Why did they let her live alone?
Why?

Why?

Why?

Death is, after all, the great unknown. Despite stories of white lights and visions of deceased relatives, no one’s come back from any extended time in the afterlife. We don’t know what awaits us.

And we REALLY don’t know why people die when they do. We say “it was just their time,” and obviously, it was. As a friend, that sense of helplessness can create even deeper anger.

Many times when I’ve grieved I’ve been angry, although I rarely shared those feelings. Despite being one of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ famous stages of grief, it’s probably the least acknowledged.

Anger can be useful, but when turned inward, is more likely referred to as depression. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about white-hot, body-shaking, screaming-at-the-top-of-your-lungs anger.

You’ve already realized that the grief you feel for your friend is being devalued because you’re not family. And that can add to the anger you already feel.

Even those who are also grieving are unlikely to accept your anger. Think of Sally Field melting down in the cemetery in Steel Magnolias, and the shock on her friends’ faces. The minister in The Big Chill – “I’m angry, and I don’t know what to do with my anger” – is much calmer about it, but the look in his eyes is anything but.

The problem with suppressing the absolutely justified anger we feel when a friend dies is that it will bubble up eventually. It will present itself suddenly and loudly and often in a completely unrelated situation. And that presents its own complications. Screaming at a barista who doesn’t know you won’t bring back your friend.

So, if you’re angry that cancer treatments and cures came too late for your friend…

If you’re angry that your friend’s family dismissed her threats of suicide…

If you’re angry that your friend drove drunk…

If you’re angry that an evil person chose your friend at random to kill…

Embrace that anger: accept it and embrace it. You’re angry because of the pain that your friend’s death has caused. That’s, dare I say it, normal. Frankly, it would be strange if you weren’t angry. You’re angry because you loved them and wanted them to stay close to you always. Selfish maybe, but normal and human.

So, as long as you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else, you have my permission to be angry. Then you can work on channeling your anger into positive action, to keep your friend’s memory alive every day of your life.

Guest author Victoria Noe created FriendGrief ^[2] to discuss the idea that there are profound differences in grieving the death of a friend, as opposed to a family member. While she writes on the loss of friends, her ideas can often apply to any individual who has suffered any type of loss.

Goals & Dreams

You are never too old to

 set another goal

 or

 to dream a new dream

                                                        

~ C. S. Lewis

Mad Men

The season premiere of "Mad Men" airs tonight and I can hardly wait.  It is my favorite television show and I am very curious to see where creator Matthew Weiner takes the endlessly interesting characters who work at the New York City ad agency of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.

Watching "Mad Men" is like opening up a time capsule and immersing yourself in all of the sophistication, controversy and change of the 1960's.

The writing is suberb and from the moment you step in to the offices of Sterling Cooper you know you are in for a great time of it.  People drink constantly during the day, smoke all the time, yet there is hardly any cursing.  There are no computers or cellphones but there are lots of face-to-face meetings (romantic and business) in hotel rooms.  No one has any tatoos or piercings but there are lots of sexy crisp white shirts on the men and beautiful form fitting dresses and suits on the women.  Everyone looks like they are pulled together even though they aren't.  And underneath all of this is the backstory of the 1960's -- civil rights, women's changing roles at home and in the workplace, the Vietnam War, drugs and the Space race with Russia.

I also like to watch "Mad Men" because my husband worked in various news rooms in New York City during the 1960's and I like to imagine what the city was like during that time.  I think it would be fair to say that it was a time of working hard and playing hard.  Watching Don Draper (played by the handsome Jon Hamm) and Roger Sterling (played by the witty John Slattery) is very similiar to watching two people play a game of chicken in terms of taking work and play to the limit.

So I'm going to start making the popcorn.  Check it out if you get a chance.  You won't regret it!

Michele Woodward -- Managing Change

Michele Woodward

I'm always looking for people who have positive insight about life and its surprises.  An office friend told me about Michele Woodward and how she is a fantastic life coach.  I read her blog (www.michelewoodward.com) and have found that she almost always presents a fresh perspective on how to get out there and do whatever it is I need or want to do. 

Michele doesn't just talk the talk.  She has also walked the walk.  She is a divorced mother of two teenaged children, so her down-to-earth advice is not clean and dry theory; it's based in real life, rolling up your sleeves and being in the trenches experience.

I loved the following inspirational post from Michele's blog and I hope you do too!:

From Here To There
By Michele Woodward
March 11, 2012

I am rather smitten with the idea of transformation.

Utterly fascinates me.

It fascinates me how common things like today's newspaper gets recycled into tomorrow's paper towels.  Like how left over table scraps can become food for tomorrow's flowers.

Magical things fascinate me, too, like how simple trial and error leads to a new invention that changes the world.  Like the light bulb.  Or the internet.

To some of these things we say, "Yes, but..."

Yes, but nature's way of doing things - has nothing to do with me.

Yes, but that's somebody like Thomas Edison.  That's somebody like Steve Jobs.  Not somebody like me.

Rarely, it seems, do we say, "Yes, but...I can do that, too."

But it's more than possible.

You absolutely have the power to transform things.

You.

An you can do it all by yourself, when you think about it.

You can transform the challenge of sickness into the relief of healing, just by talking about it in a different way.

As in, "I am on my way toward remission."

You can transform the stress of working with a difficult person into calm productivity, just by managing your own energy and being an advocate for yourself.

As in, "I am not jumping into that drama with him.  No, I am not."

You can transform your business from struggling to succeeding, just by focusing on your strengths and what really matters.

As in, "Despite the advice of marketing gurus, I know I am an introvert and not at my best in large networking events.  I'm going to meet people my own way."

It's daunting and a little confusing to think that you have any power to change anything.  Because so many of us have lived our lives believing we're at the mercy of others.  That power belongs to someone else.  That we're small, insignificant, unable.

But we're not.

I know you're not.

The power to transform -- to shift one thing into another -- is your greatest superpower.

And, if you open your eyes and see, you will find that you use this great skill of yours every day, in ways large and small.

Every time you open a door, turn a corner, start a new document, begin a conversation, you have the ability to transform one thing into something else.

And guess what?  The more you use this superpower, the stronger it will get.

The stronger you will get.

So begin today.  Begin by transforming where you are right now, to where you'd like to be.

And that's as easy as getting up from your chair and moving some place else.