What Am I About?

One of the presents that my insightful son gave me for Mother's Day is a book about blogging.

From the very first post I wrote, he has always been my biggest supporter.  I love it!

He is always asking me what I am going to write about and I run ideas by him to get a younger point of view and I also ask him for permission to write about him or something he said or did.  Some writers would disagree with requesting permission from him but I feel it is the polite thing to do and asking also prevents angry or hurt feelings. 

At 22 years old, my son has very good instincts about life plus he visits completely different websites than I do.  He is happy to give me a heads up about an idea that he thinks might translate into a timely post and I am glad he does.  He has given me some great ideas! And so has my son's book!

One of the first exercises the book suggests is to make sure that you know who you are as a blogger.  Are you a baker? A decorator? An athlete?  I am a little bit of all of those things but that's not why I chose to start writing my blog.

 

 

I started Cry, Laugh, Heal in December 2010 because my husband died in 2003 and I was raising our son by myself and working a full-time job.  I had spent two years attending a support group for widowed persons and then decided that I wanted to contribute to the online conversation about grief.

 

In the beginning, I only wrote once a week and I only wrote about grief.  As I started to work my way through some major grief feelings, I began to see that I was doing more than surviving and getting through a day.  I was slowly but surely, with the help of others, rebuilding my life.  It's not the life that I thought I would be leading, but it's a life I feel good about and a lot of it has to do with blogging.

 

I am still working a full-time job but I always find time to write.  I too am still working through my grief and just like you I need support.  In every post, I try to be as honest and as straightforward as I can be.  It is important to me to call things what they are, for that is when you truly start to untangle a feeling, a problem or a situation.  I love the comments that readers leave and I look forward to all the different kinds of feedback that blogging makes possible.

So to answer the question of the exercise in my son's book asking who are you as a blogger?  I am a widow, a mother, a former journalist and a dancer.  I love life and I try to do something every day that scares me, that challenges me and that I am passionate about.  I try to stay authentic about what grief is and how I deal with it; how sometimes it just pounds you down.

 

But you can't give in to the pain for there is so much in life to discover anew and it's usually on the other side of the pain.

 

Thank you so much awesome readers for visiting my blog, Cry, Laugh, Heal.

I'm not sure where life is taking me but let's travel together.

 

Being A Mommy

On June 25, 1990 my life changed forever.

 

I gave birth to a magical baby boy and I discovered a kind of love I had never known before.

 

A fierce, unconditional and wonderous kind of love that continues to take my breath away!
 

I say surprising because I was totally unprepared for the depth and the size of this love for my son.  As the oldest of six children and one of 35 first cousins, I grew up constantly surrounded by babies and toddlers.  Also, there is only seven years separating me and the youngest of my siblings, who are twins.  That's a lot of bottles and diapers but also a lot of fun!

 

I adore children and find them to be exhausting but special little creatures who I automatically love for their spontaneity and ability to constantly reveal the world to you in fresh and exciting ways.  I thought I had figured out what motherhood would feel like because I had been taking care of children since I was six or seven years old.

 

Until I gave birth to my own child. 

 

Holding my baby boy after giving birth was a truly powerful and emotional experience.  All those feelings of love, protection, hope, joy and expectations came at me all at once as I gazed down at his beautiful face!

My son is now 22 years old and I can definitely say that I love him more than anything else in the whole world!   But I also can definitely say that I like him as a person and enjoy hanging out and talking to him whenever we can.

I love this picture of my son!!! He is so happy!!

Raising my son with his father and then later as a widow, has made me dig down within myself and try to work on the twisty sides of myself and put him first.  In other words, to consider what life is like from his perspective, not in an indulgent way, but in the way of trying to understand that he has been dealt something in life that is entirely different from what I knew as a child.

He has brought out a different side of myself and helped me become a better person.  Being mother and father has not been easy but I have to say that I wouldn't trade one second of it because those jobs are the most important jobs we are ever asked to do.

Today I think of those early days when a sticky kiss and a hug from my son as a baby and a toddler where the best things I could ever receive to the current days of animated and quiet conversations about life that end with "Thanks Mom! I love you!"

Thank you Ryan!!!!!!!!  Being your mom is the best!!!!
 

Only One Thing To Say...Thanks

There is a special place in the universe for people who are caregivers.  Good karma follows them wherever they go.  To selflessly make sure that another person is clean, comfortable and safe is a true act of love and respect for another human being. 

If you love the person who happens to be sick, elderly or unfortunately both, you know that they need you.  The simple tasks that you perform for them can test you but it can also be a rewarding experience.

In caregiving, you can lose yourself and become part of something bigger as life unfolds by itself.  You may recall the wonderful memories of this person in happier times and there is beauty in caregiving because the life of the one giving care is as valuable as the life of the one receiving care.    If you are not related to or are a stranger to the person, then it is even more admirable, for the caregiver is performing the essence of  'doing unto others as you would have them do to you.'

I feel that it's never to late to say "thank you" to anyone for anything.  Life is about having no regrets and taking care of someone when they are vulnerable falls into that category of doing something just because it's the right thing to do.  A verbal expression of gratitude is a powerful thing and always appreciated.

The link below will take you to a Los Angeles Times story that is an open letter from a son to his mother thanking her for the incredible acts of kindness that she performed.  Often in life we don't think about what another person has done until life has knocked us around a little bit and we come to realize that kindness should be treasured.  The timing of this son's heartfelt thanks being published on Mother's Day makes his letter even more special, but it could have been written on any day of the year.

http://www.latimes.com/health/la-me-0513-lopez-moms-day-20120513,0,1527908.column

Mom is "WOW" Upside Down

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom and all the incredible Moms, GrandMoms and other women around the globe who do the most important job in the world!!  Some of you out there may disagree, but I challenge you to find another job that comes close to being as rewarding.

If your Mom is no longer with you, I hope the loving memories you have of her make you smile today.

Being a Mom is the journey of a lifetime.  From the bottom of my heart, I have cherished every minute of being a mother to my son who is now in college.  I will forever hold in my memory bank the moment when my husband and I first heard the heartbeat of our baby in the doctor's office during a sonagram.  All of my protective instincts instantly kicked into gear and it was a spontaneous bond that has and will last a lifetime.

When my son was about two years old, we were at the beach and my husband and I took him to an amusement park on the boardwalk.  We saw the ride where the small boats in shallow water go around in a circle and so did our son.  He loves the water and he really wanted to go on the ride so we buckled him into his boat and watched as he "drove" the boat around and around.  Of course, we waved every time we saw him as did all the other Moms and Dads.  As I watched the other parents making faces, waving and yelling to their children, I also recognized something else in that look; that loving and letting go look; that bittersweet moment of realizing that their babies were doing something on their own and that the moments with them were starting to go a little bit too fast.

Yes, being a mother is similiar to riding a rollercoaster but that's the beauty of it.  Taking care of and nurturing a child, guiding a child to know right from wrong, watching it develop and grow into an independent young adult is truly a wonderous thing.  Don't get me wrong.  There were plenty of times when I thought my brain would to turn to jello if I had to change another diaper, explain why we couldn't do something, wipe another nose or wait for sleep to finally arrive.  Do they ever sleep?  Do they ever stop talking or making messes?

Noooo, because they are children........And then, out of the blue, you get a big, messy spontaneous hug or kiss planted on you and that...is....PRICELESS.

One of the most surprisingly things I have experienced as a Mom is that I have learned from my son.  Mothering is definitely a two-way street.  I constantly see life through his fresh eyes and I am exposed to a point of view that sometimes makes me reconsider mine.  He has helped me temper my innate impatience -- and that is no small feat -- and most of all, he gave me a reason to rebuild my life after his father died.

For my own wonderful mother, I say "THANK YOU, THANK YOU" for continuously giving your patience, wisdom, generosity and the biggest gift of all -- your unconditional love.  I have no idea how you have found the time and energy to continuously juggle the needs and wants of six children who were born so close together that there is only seven years between the oldest child and the youngest child.  But you've done a first-class job and you have earned a special place in my heart and the hearts of my siblings.

HAPPY MOM, MAMA, MOMMY & MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!