Snapshots of Caregiving

Helping to care for someone, whether they are young or old, is a time to step up to the plate and show how much that person means to you and many times it also turns out to be a time of personal growth.

I have taken care of lots of babies and toddlers and I have also taken care of elderly relatives.  Until you do it, you really don't realize how much time and energy it takes to properly care for another person.

For me it is instinctive.  I see the need and I want to help.  There are few things in life that can make you feel as good as when you help someone else just because you love them, not because you are getting paid.  As my generation of baby boomers ages and my parents generation lives longer than the previous one, millions of Americans today find themselves providing unpaid care to an elderly person or young child.

To be a healthy caregiver, you must also make yourself a priority because extensive caregiving is harder than you think.  If you don't take care of yourself than you really aren't in good shape to take of another person.  You can easily burnout if you let it become all encompassing.  It can be a physical and psychological drain on a person's resources.  It requires a lot of patience and a lot of flexibility.  Caregiving can be isolating and we need all the resources we can find.

The Washington Post recently ran a special section on March 5 about the demands and rewards of caregiving and I thought it would be helpful to share some of the excerpts from it:

Troubleshooting, and tailoring how you help
By Rosalynn Carter
Former First Lady

There are four kinds of people in the world: those who are currently caregivers, those who have been caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.

There are going to be many, many more older people.  We are living longer.  There's the baby boomers.  There's also the veterans coming home with physical problems, mental problems, PTSD, traumatic brain disorders.  Somebody's going to have to take care of them.  There's a dearth of geriatric professionals and those who know how to care for people with mental illness.  There's going to be a greater need for them.

We (care experts from the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving) go into the home of a family.  We ask them to name five problems they have and then we work through the problems.

For instance, there was one woman whose husband had Alzheimer's.  He wouldn't go into the bathroom.  But he loved plants.  And so when our trainer, our care coach, was working with him, one day they decided to put a plant in the bathroom.  And he went in and watered it.  Now he goes in and gets in the tub.  He takes a bath and goes to the bathroom.

You have to tailor how you help.

The elderly don't want to be a problem
By Alene Moris
Women's Rights Leader

Right now, we see the elderly as a problem.  Why don't we look at the elderly as a resource?  We want to help.  We don't want to just be trying to keep ourselves busy.  I hate that.  There are important things to do in life and we need to be able to continue being useful.  I'm a great believer in being useful.

We've got all these healthy "young old" people who go into retirement from 60 to 75 (years old) -- and what do they do with themselves?  They want something meaningful to do.  I think we need to look at ways in which they go into caregiving.  They understand it.  They're close to it.  They see it.  They know that they're going to be there.

Finding Help
By Monica W. Parker
Assistant professor, Department of Medicine, Emory University

Many people who are working can't afford $17 an hour for a caregiver for eight hours a day.  If you're too rich to be poor -- and too poor to be rich -- you're in a no man's land.  You can't get somebody to come to your house to take care of you or assist you.  Maybe there isn't an adult day-care program near you.  There needs to be more services available for working families to help them care for retired workers.

There's a growing acknowledgement that many of us are caring for our relatives and we do need assistance.  It's affecting everybody.  The people I come in contact with feel a lot better when they know where to go for help.

Only One Thing To Say...Thanks

There is a special place in the universe for people who are caregivers.  Good karma follows them wherever they go.  To selflessly make sure that another person is clean, comfortable and safe is a true act of love and respect for another human being. 

If you love the person who happens to be sick, elderly or unfortunately both, you know that they need you.  The simple tasks that you perform for them can test you but it can also be a rewarding experience.

In caregiving, you can lose yourself and become part of something bigger as life unfolds by itself.  You may recall the wonderful memories of this person in happier times and there is beauty in caregiving because the life of the one giving care is as valuable as the life of the one receiving care.    If you are not related to or are a stranger to the person, then it is even more admirable, for the caregiver is performing the essence of  'doing unto others as you would have them do to you.'

I feel that it's never to late to say "thank you" to anyone for anything.  Life is about having no regrets and taking care of someone when they are vulnerable falls into that category of doing something just because it's the right thing to do.  A verbal expression of gratitude is a powerful thing and always appreciated.

The link below will take you to a Los Angeles Times story that is an open letter from a son to his mother thanking her for the incredible acts of kindness that she performed.  Often in life we don't think about what another person has done until life has knocked us around a little bit and we come to realize that kindness should be treasured.  The timing of this son's heartfelt thanks being published on Mother's Day makes his letter even more special, but it could have been written on any day of the year.

http://www.latimes.com/health/la-me-0513-lopez-moms-day-20120513,0,1527908.column