I recently called a woman I know whose husband died a number of months ago. It hasn't quite been one year yet and I wanted to check in with her and see how she was doing.
She said Sundays were particularly hard especially when the weather is classically crisp and autumnal. Her husband was a huge sports fan and the television would be on all day. Pre-game shows, the games, switching between the games during commercials and post-game shows. It was all about football.
Depending on who was playing, her husband would yell and scream good things and bad things at the players, the coaches, the referees and sometimes even the team owner. Besides the screaming, there was sometimes banging on the coffeetable and pillows thrown around the room. It made for a lively day and of course she loved every minute of it.
I could identify with everything she was talking about because this is the way my Sundays also used to play out when my husband was alive.
Now she turns on the television -- even if she's not watching the game -- because it doesn't seem right for it to be Sunday and not have the noise of a football game playing in the house. She finds it comforting and at the same time surreal because there is no yelling and the whole experience is rather flat compared to what it used to be.
But she is taking the first steps of getting used to life without her husband and those can be the hardest.
She says it's a struggle but she is trying to stay in the moment and take each day as it comes to her.
And that's all anyone can do to find out what real healing is.