Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Working Through Emotional Pain

Sunrise off the coast of Ireland
At one time, I thought that if you ignored something unpleasant it would go away or solve itself on it's own.
And sometimes that actually does happen: people move away, they change jobs or people decide to transfer their children to another school.
But for the big emotional stuff -- grieving, divorce, abuse, illness -- I find you have to face it and slowly work through the painful issues to get to the other side of it and eventually heal your inner self.  I have found that if you ignore the emotional pain from these traumas, the pain only becomes worse and unfortunately, it takes a lot longer to heal.
Sometimes we cannot heal on our own as hard as we may try and when that happens you may find that you need to talk to a professional or find a support group which may help you work through your painful experiences.  I say thank goodness these resources exist so that we can take advantage of them!
In the October 2012 issue of Oprah magazine, I found some words of wisdom from Iyanla Vanzant that may help you take the first steps to dealing what has happened to you.  Iyanla Vanzant is the host of OWN's Iyanla's Fix My Life.  Here is her take on how to get past emotional pain:
"Everything we experience -- no matter how unpleasant -- comes into our lives to teach us something.  To move on from something difficult, look for the lesson.
Start by asking yourself: If this is the way things are supposed to be, what can I learn from it?
Think about how you may have contributed to the painful experience, or if there was anything you could have done to prevent it.  Often we don't realize the lesson because we'd rather avoid reliving the pain.  But once you allow yourself to reflect on the sadness, anger, guilt, or shame you've been hiding, those feelings will begin to subside.
Yes, someone hurt you.  Once you've forgiven them and let go, you can move forward and begin creating the life you desire."

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