October Snowfall in NYC

This past weekend I visited some people I love, in a city I love, even though the weather forecasters were predicting snowfall in October.  I didn't believe it would actually happen.  I thought it might be cold enough to snow but I never thought it would actually stick to the streets and accumulate.  Obviously, I was wrong.  By Sunday morning, CNN said New York City's Central Park received 2.9 inches of snow and thousands of dollars in tree damage.

Saturday morning, on the way to New York, it was heavy pounding rain.  Thank goodness I was not driving.  The traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike was heavy and my Vamoose busdriver was a pro!  We left Bethesda at 7 am and arrived in Manhattan a little after 11 am.  I would say that was great time under any weather conditions.

I then met my son, who is a senior at Fordham University, and we ran in the chilly rain to the subway to travel downtown and see the new 911 memorial at Ground Zero.  By the time we came out of the subway at the World Trade Center stop, the rain had turned to big wet snow flakes and the temperature had dropped dramatically.  On the way to Ground Zero, we walked past Zuccotti Park, home of the Occupy Wall Street protesters living in wall-to-wall tents.  I don't know how they were able to stay warm because the city had taken their generators the day before.  I was freezing walking around the city for about an hour.  I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to be camping out in a nylon tent with no heat.  The OWS protesters deserve a lot of credit for their steadfast commitment to a critical economic issue that desperately needs to be addressed.

My son and I were both anxious to see the new memorial and we didn't care how harsh the weather was.  The recently televised dedication ceremony on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and all of the pictures we had seen of the site made us want to go there even in the driving rain and snow and see it up close and personal.  But it was not to be because somehow we missed the information that visitors are required to reserve a pass to gain access to the memorial built to remember the nearly 3,000 people who lost their lives to terrorism that awful day.

I guess we are spoiled by the fact that in Washington, DC visitor passes are not required at the numerous historic memorials scattered around the Nation's Capital.  You do have to go through security checks but you don't need a pass to gain entrance.  Unfortunately, we didn't see the 911 memorial on Saturday since we didn't have a pass, but we walked across the street to the new World Trade Center Financial building and went inside and looked at the 9/11 site from there.  It was enough for that day.  We felt we had done our best.

In the spirit of sharing, if you do intend to visit the National September 11 Memorial in New York City, you need to log on to http://www.911memorial.org/ before you go to visit the site and reserve a pass because visitor passes are required and will be checked.  Also, you will only be admitted at the time printed on your visitor pass. 

We were disappointed but we're not going to let it get us down or prevent us from seeing the new 911 memorial.  It's worth another try and now that I know the visitor routine, I'm looking forward to going back to Ground Zero and taking it all in.

Laughing Enriches Your Life

It's really true, according to the story below.  Laughing can make you relax and breathe.

When times are tough, a sense of humor can help us cope.  I think
it always makes you feel better if you can make fun of the person who is stressing you out or make a joke about the awful situation you're in!

KHAM/Reuters

Laughing may help ease blood pressure, boost mood and enrich health in other ways

By Carolyn Butler, Published: October 24

The Washington Post

Whenever I took a tumble or scraped my knee as a child, my mother typically assessed the situation and then promptly tickled me, counseling, “Laughter is the best medicine.” This trick remains remarkably effective with my own boys and, to this day, YouTube videos of laughing babies or cats playing with printers still have the power to make me feel a bit better when I’m under the weather.

But while giggling is certainly a great distraction when you’re hurt or feeling low, I can’t help but wonder whether the old adage is true: Can laughter really have a positive impact on health?

There is a growing body of research indicating that a good guffaw may improve immune function, help lower blood pressure, boost mood and reduce stress and depression. And despite a dearth of more rigorous, long-term studies, the sum of these findings is compelling, says cardiologist Michael Miller, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Medicine who has researched the topic.

“We don’t have any clinical outcome evidence to show that laughter will reduce heart attacks or improve overall survival. However, we do have a number of studies that have shown that there is a potential upside, in terms of vascular benefits and also overall health,” he explains. “These findings certainly support laughter as a reasonable prescription for heart health and health in general, especially since there’s really no downside.”

A new study from Oxford University supports a long-held theory that laughter triggers an increase in endorphins, the brain chemicals that can help you feel good, distract you from pain and maybe deliver other health benefits.

The study reports on six experiments in which people watched television sitcoms or a live comedy performance, either alone or with others. The participants were then subjected to various measures that prompt discomfort, including wearing an ice-cold sleeve or a tight blood-pressure cuff and squatting against a wall for long periods. In all cases, laughing with buddies for just 15 minutes resulted in an average 10 percent increase in pain threshold. A change in affect alone — in other words, getting happy but not laughing out loud — did not have a significant impact on pain sensations.

According to lead author Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary anthropologist, these results back up prior research suggesting that people who laugh need less pain medication after surgery. She explains that if laughing “triggers endorphin activation, then it may have direct [health] benefits, because there is a possibility that endorphins help to ‘tune’ the immune system.”

Still, we’re not just talking about a snicker here and there. The key is that real, true, unforced laughter is “an energetic, stressful activity that stirs up all of our physiological systems . . .involving strong vocalization, an increase in heart rate and blood pressure and muscle contractions all over the body,” says Robert R. Provine, a neuroscientist at the University of Maryland Baltimore County and the author of “Laughter: A Scientific Investigation.” He explains that modern laughter of the “ha-ha” variety evolved from the “pant-pant” of primates and early humans, which he says is “really the sound of rough-and-tumble play.” Indeed, the new Oxford study found that endorphins are released only when “we ‘laugh till it hurts,’ ” meaning we end up running out of breath or physically exhausted, says Dunbar. “It is only full belly laughs that do this, not polite titters.”

But before you work up a new stand-up routine, Provine points out that laughter often has little to do with jokes. “Real laughter is unconscious — you don’t decide to laugh, it just happens — and if you look at what people are doing before or during a laugh, it’s usually not associated with jokes,” he says.

Dunbar says the most important benefit of laughter may be that it brings people together, which is clearly good for emotional health. “When you laugh, you’re almost always in the presence of another person, whether they’re physically present or imagined on radio or TV,” agrees Provine, who has shown that laughter in social settings is 30 times as common as when a person is alone.

He says that those studying the effects of laughter need to tease out “to what extent any health benefits of laughter are associated with the social context of laughter.” People are far more likely to giggle when others do (which explains laugh tracks on television sitcoms), he says. “It could be that it’s the playful interaction with friends, family and lovers that makes the difference [in health measures], and not the physical act of laughter itself.”

For now, I intend to keep using the tickle cure on my kids — and I no longer feel guilty about watching those YouTube videos of babies guffawing. In fact, I will no longer feel guilty about inflicting them on others, either. Because who can’t use a few more laughs in her life, regardless of how or why or even if they make you healthier?

Maya Angelou

Talk about rebuilding your life and living courageously.  Maya Angelou is truly an inspiring woman.  Enjoy this Washington Post interview with her:

Marvin Joseph/WASHINGTON POST

Celebrated poet Maya Angelou speaks about a life well and creatively lived

By Laura Hambleton, Published: October 24

The Washington Post

Poet, writer, civil rights activist, professor, filmmaker, dramatist, singer, Grammy Award winner: Maya Angelou, 83, has also been called the nation’s premier memoirist. She was in Washington last week speaking about her long, rich life. Having come to prominence in 1970 with the publication of her acclaimed first memoir, “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings,” Angelou still teaches, still writes, still travels, though she is physically more limited these days. In February she was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her lifetime contributions.

Appearing at a conference organized by LeadingAge, an advocacy and education group, Angelou recounted stories of her childhood, broke into soft song, told jokes and read from her poems, including “The Health-Food Diner,” an ode to her previous life as what the poem calls a “carnivore smoking”:

No sprouted wheat and soya shoots

And Brussels in a cake,

Carrot straw and spinach raw,

(Today, I need a steak).

Her audience loved it, applauding and laughing.

Angelou, who speaks English, French, Spanish, Italian, Arabic and the West African language of Fanti, spent a few minutes before her appearance talking with The Washington Post about aging.

— Laura Hambleton


When did you start feeling your age?
(She laughs.) This morning, getting in and out of that bus. Generally, I feel good.


What is the best part about aging?
Wisdom. Enough wisdom to thank your creator, if you believe there is one, or your luck, if you don’t.


What has been the hardest?
Finding I had muscles I didn’t know I had, and joints that I didn’t know could be so recalcitrant. The physical discomfort is probably the worst.


Has aging changed your creative process?
Not at all. I am just finishing a new book. It will be my 32nd book. [My mind] is good. It’s a good mind, and I keep it active. I play word games and do crossword puzzles, acrostics and word jumbles. And I speak a few languages. I take every advantage to use one of the languages. That keeps the brain active.


What do you hold most dear?
Love. I don’t mean indulgent love. I mean that condition of the human spirit that is so profound that it can allow us to look at people and not eat each other up, to accord each other some rights and to go further than that, to try to love them, whatever that mystery is. To love people who don’t look like us, who have different complexions and different hair, and to love them. To feel empathy for pets and wildlife. It’s amazing.


And what of friends?
That is love. I don’t mean sexuality. I mean sensuality.


What is your greatest accomplishment?
My greatest blessing is giving birth to my son. [Guy Johnson, born in 1945, is a writer.]


Any regrets?
I wish I had known more, but I didn’t. I only knew as much as I did at that time. The most wonderful thing, as soon as possible, is to forgive yourself. People do only what they know what to do, not what you think they should do. Not because they were experienced or were exposed to this and went to this school and have this degree. We think they know, but not necessarily. Intellectually they might memorize certain statements. But they don’t know, in fact. When I have made mistakes, I forgive myself. I forgive anyone who comes in my earshot. I try to make sure I don’t make that one [mistake] again.

Staying Healthy

I don't think Halloween is considered the beginning of the holiday season, but in an unofficial way it's the start of that time of the year when fattening goodies seem to be everywhere.  It's a constant struggle, and for me, I really have to mentally up the ante against gaining weight and remind myself that it may taste good now but it will take a lot longer to work it off.
 
Halloween is all about the candy and it seems to be everywhere: the grocery store, CVS, offices and even banks -- which never give out anything for free.  At least with Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Year's, there are other food groups to choose from when you are celebrating.  But with Halloween comes the introduction of the powerful food/candy/holiday connection that I've always associated with this time of year.  Starting with Halloween, I tend to relax my diet and give myself permission wayyyyyy tooooooo many times to eat sugary things and unfortunately, this sugar party can sometimes last until at least the New Year, if I don't try to put the brakes on it.

Every year I tell myself that it's okay to buy candy to give to the kids in neighborhood and this year I intend to buy only two bags.  Not two bags of something I really, really find tempting like M&M's or Reese's Peanutbutter Cups but two bags of something I dislike.  My way of dealing with the possibility of over indulging is to buy candy I don't like at all.  Yes, I know it's hard to believe, there is such a thing.  I don't like Sweet Tarts, gummy worms or gummy bears, Milky Way bars, Three Musketeer bars, or anything that has caramel in it.

This year my strategy is read a lot of Kris Carr and try to keep myself on some sort of a nutritious track and to exercise more frequently.  If you are not familiar with Kris Carr, she is a cancer survivor, wellness warrior and author of several books, including the best-seller Crazy, Sexy Cancer Tips and Crazy Sexy Diet.  I find her to be refreshing and down to earth and her books are chock full of great factoids such as this one: The U.S. Department of Agriculture has estimated that we eat 79 pounds of corn sweetner per year.  That's a lot of sugar!

When you first eat candy, it initially makes you feel so good and seems to take away feelings of stress, loneliness or anger.  But don't be fooled.  It's a temporary high and in the long run, sugar doesn't help your body or your mind feel stronger or healthier.  It compromises your immune system and with all the holiday socializing that's about to be upon us, we all need to be as healthy as we can be.

As Kris Carr says, we are all sweet enough, all on our own.

So Sweet!

Happy Friday Everyone!

I posted this just because it is so sweet.  After a rough week out there in adultland, I needed something simple and straightforward.  Have a great weekend!!

Everyone needs recognition for his accomplishments, but few

 people make the need known quite as clearly as the little boy

 who said to his father:

"Let's play darts.  I'll throw and you say 'Wonderful!'"

                                                                                    --From The Best of Bits & Pieces

Read All About It

A friend called me the other evening to talk about the obituary of a mutual friend that was recently published in a national newspaper.  He said he and others were beside themselves because the obituary didn't capture what the guy was really about.  To him, it seemed rather flat and cold and the very thought of it made him do a slow burn.

I've been there and I know what he is talking about because I have had my own issues with the obituaries in this newspaper.  Maybe this annoyance at the lack of important details in obituaries is another example of the internet's effect on newspapers or maybe it's a generational difference.  I'm not sure; maybe it's a little of both.  Or maybe it's just a matter of expecting too much.  It reminded me of what Irish author Brendan Behan once said: there is no such thing as bad publicity except for your own obituary.

I do know there was a time when newspapers took a lot of pride in the way their obituaries were written and presented and lots of newspapers recognized that circulation could be affected by how that section of the paper was handled.  But newspapers are now struggling to survive and even the word circulation seems old-fashioned.  I know it's called progress but I still like to have a newspaper delivered to my house and even though I watch the morning and nightly news on television, I always read at least one newspaper every day.

Today it's all about how many hits you get, or how many impressions you get or how many followers you have on Twitter or Facebook.  The obituaries, or the Irish sports page as some joke, were once considered the meat and potatoes of newspaper coverage.  It was a paper's unspoken connection to the community it covered. 

My friend and I discussed how decades ago, The Boston Globe used to actually print anybody's obituary on the front page.  That's what helped the Globe gain readers and become popular.  But that was then.  I know it's hard to imagine that happening today because only celebrities, Presidents, world leaders or someone despised by the masses would rate an obituary on the front page of any newspaper.

A good obituary is similiar to a good speech:  it's not too long, it informs, it explains and sometimes it makes you smile.  It tells you how old this person was when they died, the causes of their death and how their life influenced their community or the world at large.  It more than a resume; it's supposed to tell you what this person did with their life, good or bad.  I don't read the obituaries every day although I know lots of people who do.

I have been known to read the obituary of someone I don't know at all because of something in the headline that drew my interest.  When that happens, I always come away with a feeling of  "Wow! What an interesting person and look at the twists and turns of their life."

These days, I'm not sure how many people even read a newspaper.  Lots of people depend on Yahoo! or other online news services to find out what's happening in the world.  I told my friend that since he and others are dissatisfied about the state of this person's official obituary then they should write their own obituary, and with the family's permission, pass it out at the memorial service that his wife is going to have a few months from now.  This is their opportunity to really go on and on about the guy and let people know what the newspaper didn't include.

After all, that's what friends are for...right? 

Healing Help



Photo credit: Samantha Kira Harding



When you are rebuilding your life and trying to find "a new normal" for yourself and your children, recognizing, addressing and expressing the strong emotions associated with grief can help you heal.

Moving forward takes time.  Unfortunately, there is no set schedule for when you are considered to be officially "healed."  It would be comforting to be able to predict exactly how long it will take for you to deal with grief and bereavement but that's not possible. 

Personally, I would say it really took me several years to get through the layers of sadness, guilt and exhaustion.  But I think I speak for most people when I say that the healing cannot start until you first work look at what has happened and then work through the pain.

I know that confronting the actual loss of your loved one and the pain of that person no longer being in your life is the hardest part but if you choose to ignore it and tamp it down thinking that it will eventually just go away on its own, you're making it harder on yourself.  It won't go away and the process of trying to put your life back together will take so much longer.

Each person needs to move through their grief at their own pace because each person's circumstances are unique.  They know when they are emotionally ready to let go and move forward.  Writing about your feelings, talking to friends or other widowed persons either individually or in a support group or seeking advice from a therapist or a spiritual counselor can help you discover a variety of coping skills.

I found the following positive story about creativity and its healing powers on a fantastic website, http://www.crazysexylife.com/, and thought I would pass along to you.  Enjoy! 

The Healing Power of Creativity

By Lynn Zavaro on October 13, 2011

Creativity is a tremendous life-transforming tool that we all have the ability to access, whether we feel like we are artistically creative or not, to know more deeply who we truly are and to support us to create the lives we really want.

Creativity also heals.

As a child, I always wanted to express myself, to be free without limitations. Yet, I was conditioned to believe I needed to color in the lines, choose the right color that matches the others and make sure not to make a mess. I wanted to speak out loud all that I felt. Yet, I was taught that I needed to use my quiet voice and speak only when spoken to. I wanted to be bold, big and uninhibited yet, I feared I was “too much” and lessened my size.

The little one in me soon learned to wrap it up tight, be concerned about what other people would think, compare myself to others and worry if what I was doing really mattered. I learned to doubt myself, question myself and got caught in needing acceptance out in the world.

But now, as an adult, I am free to be own person. I am free to create my heart’s desire. But, I can’t do it alone. I need the little one inside of me to join me.

Igniting the energy of our child-selves, we tap into our free, authentic self-expression with total permission to be whomever and however we want in the moment. When we meet a project, a dream or an endeavor focused, concentrated and in the present moment, being true to ourselves and making choices based on this truth, creativity purifies.

Imagine your body (emotional, spiritual, physical and mental) is a chamber like a pipe. Inside the pipe are calcifications that have built up over time. Crud, roots, mud and waste corrode the pipe and create blocks. When we are fully present and engaged in a creative endeavor, the energy moves through us like water through the pipe and pushes out whatever is blocking it.

Creativity burns like a fire through the stuckness and dis-ease held in our bodies and turns what doesn’t serve us into ash. It dissolves the layers of conditioning that were put upon us and brings us closer to knowing who we truly are, our absolute nature and what we are capable of.

When we feel sleepy or bored and resist what we are being called to create, we fall into the trap of questioning who we are as a creative being. When we take ourselves too seriously, the energy in our body may get stuck, calcified or heavy. We may find ourselves depressed, ill or without real, palpable, expressive joy. Yet, when we connect to the creative aspect of everything we do, our body will awake, and we remember what it feels like to be vibrant and alive again.

Here are four ways to engage creativity to bring healing to our lives:

1. Play, laugh and have some fun. Choose to do something today that is fun and playful. This healing act supports you. Let go of pain from the past and know in your heart of hearts your life is of purpose. You will feel lighter, experience a sensation of release or anticipate with enthusiasm the direction you are headed. Celebrate and bring healing as you joyfully find laughter and experience a healthy release.

2. Let out the kid in you. When we played as children, we had a rich fantasy life. We dared to dream, run wild and had active imaginations. As adults, we lose this childlike, innocent quality. This is why it is good to reconnect with our little one within. He or she is still a large part of who we are and it is essential to our overall health and well-being.

Ask your child self what he or she would like to create to express themselves fully. Does she want to dance in the living room, throw a pot on a wheel? Does he want to climb trees or go for a hike in the wilderness? Schedule a creative play date and make sure you follow through.

3. Jump into the Unknown. Choose something new, daring and risky that will cause you to let go and dive into the wild abandon of the unknown. Maybe something in your life feels ready for a change. Why don’t you jump and make that change today? Prepare to jump into the unknown, to brave the height of the mountain and leap into mid-air. Begin by investigating the mystery of who you are to better discover yourself.

4. Be an Adventurer. Welcome the places that may make you feel uncomfortable or fear and use these situations as creative moments that create catalyst for change. Welcoming what makes you uncomfortable will cause you to immediately birth into a new way of being.

Loosen your grip, relax and be an adventurer in life. Are you drawn to paint? Pick up a brush! Have you always wanted a motorcycle? Take a cycle safety class. Are you interested in learning how to meditate? Start with sitting for five minutes a day.

Invent what you want in your life by getting out of your own way and allowing your creative expression to come through. Create for the pure joy of creating and strictly for the love of doing it. And as you do this, watch your body fill with light like the sun coming out behind the clouds.

Live freely! Live healthfully! Be you!

Lynn Zavaro has a master’s degree in counseling psychology and her book and card deck set, “The Game of You™- An Interactive Way to Know Yourself, Create the Life You Want” offers a powerful, profound and fun experience of self-discovery and transformation.
Photo credit: Samantha Kira Harding

Living Through Personal Crisis -- Register Now for Oct. 19 Conference

There is still time to sign up for this conference if you or anyone else you know is interested:

Sibley Hospital's Widowed Person's Outreach is sponsoring a conference on Living Through Personal Crisis on Wednesday, October 19, 2011.

Bestselling author Dr. Ann Kaiser Stearns brings a powerful message to those dealing with the pain of a loss. With her inspirational insight and helpful healing strategies, you'll discover how you can move beyond the harsh and painful events that have occurred, grow stronger and still live a fulfilling life.

When a loved one dies, a marriage or important relationship ends, a financial or health crisis occurs, or even a dream is shattered, you still have a choice in how to live, says Dr. Stearns. Through her study of people who have successfully rebuilt their lives after a significant loss, she gained insights into resilience. Dr. Stearns has shared the findings of her research in more than 200 nationwide radio and TV interviews, presentations, and workshops. Her inspirational guidance and helpful healing strategies will help you discover how you, too, can move beyond harsh and painful events, grow stronger, and still live a fulfilling life.

Dr Ann Kaiser Stearns is a graduate of Oklahoma City University (B.A.), Duke University (M.Div.), and the Union Institute (Ph.D.). She is a professor of psychology at the Community College of Baltimore County and an adjunct professor in the Police Executive Leadership Program at the Johns Hopkins University. The mother of two daughters, she lives with her family in Maryland.

For more information about Dr. Stearns visit her website, www.AnnKaiserStearns.com. The latest edition of her book, Living through Personal Crisis, will be for sale at the event. She is also the author of Coming Back: Rebuilding Lives after Crisis and Loss and Living through Job Loss.

Register now to ensure your place: Seating is limited. Cost is $35.00 and includes lunch.

Place:  Kenwood Country Club

              5601 River Road
              Bethesda, MD 20816

Schedule:   9:45 am - Registration and Coffee or Tea
                      10:15 am - 12:00 noon - Keynote Address
                      12:00 noon - Book signing and Break
                      12:30 pm - Lunch is served

For information and to register, please call Pat Ebbecke at 202-726-3418.

           

Listening Can Be Powerful

Every day I try to maintain a positive attitude about life.  I remind myself that I am blessed for having family, friends, a home, a job and good health.  I tell myself that this day is unique and I have an opportunity to do something I didn't get to do yesterday.  But it is still an anxious world we live in these days and we need to be aware of its' toll on others.

I am certain that God has a plan for all of us.  I am sure there are people out there who don't believe in God or any kind of higher being but that's not me.  I truly believe that God watches over us and I try my best to be good and stay on the straight and narrow.  Of course staying on the straight and narrow would be a million times easier if I could learn to keep my big mouth shut.  But that's another post.....

So instead of talking, I am working on listening.  I am learning that listening is a very valuable skill.  I think lots of people, myself included, carry around varying degrees of emotional and financial baggage and they're not sure what it all means and how it's going to turn out.  I'm not sure what God's plan is for us right now but in the past week, I think God's plan has been unsettling.  Last week, a male friend a few years older than me died suddenly, I found out today that a mother I know committed suicide and over the weekend I went to visit a family friend who just entered hospice care.

Comparing notes with a long-time friend about this, she said she knew what I meant because there are many of her friends right now who started taking medicine for anxiety or depression and doing all they can to keep it together during these tenuous times.

Life is fragile and that is all the more reason to hold on dearly to the people who matter most to you.  Whether those people are family, friends or both family and friends, life can switch gears very quickly.  I don't know whether these things are happening more often because I have reached a certain age in life or because the economy is causing people's anxiety levels to spike.  Maybe it's a combination of both things but I am aware that there is a different vibe out there now and it's not to be ignored.

Listening is a powerful tool.  I recently read that when you listen to people, really listen and not anticipate what they are going to say next, that sometimes they can hear the truth in what they are speaking, sometimes for the very first time.  When you listen you create space for someone to fill with their words, their thoughts.  When you are quiet you give the other person time to assess or process what is happening to them.

Listening is a gift.  Try it and see what happens.

Time To Reveal

Three things cannot be long hidden:

 the sun,

 the moon

 and the truth.  -- Buddha

Moments of Grace



Moments of Grace

By Colleen Wilson

http://www.hellogrief.org

October 5, 2011

As many grieving people know, keeping a loved one’s memory alive after they die can be a difficult task. There are many images, voices, smells and memories that you want to remember forever, but each day it can become a little bit harder to grasp on to what used to be. I have definitely been struggling with this ever since my mom passed away two years ago this December.

Since my mother’s death was unexpected, I have often worried about feeling disconnected to her or become scared that I’m going to start forgetting the little things about her. Thankfully I have found comfort in small “moments of grace” that reassure me that my mom is still with me throughout each day. These moments have been occurring within my family’s life through the appearance of deer and ladybugs.

Female deer symbolize caring, gentleness, intelligence, watchfulness, and most importantly to me, maternal traits.  Some cultures believe that anyone who sees a deer has seen the animal so that they can look deep into their own heart and find their deepest treasure.  When I was growing up, our yard always attracted deer. They would come to eat my mom’s Hosta plants even after she would try vigorously to cover them and make them seem less appetizing. So when deer started appearing more frequently after my mom died, my family saw it as a comical sign.

The day after she passed away, my aunt and I were in the foyer of my house. As we opened my front door there were six deer standing there, looking in. We knew right away that it had to be a sign from Mom. We felt that she was trying to tell us that even though she was gone, there would always be six people in our family.

The deer made another appearance when I woke up on the morning of what would have been my mom’s 50^th birthday and heard our golden retriever barking loudly. When I looked out our side window, I saw four deer in the front yard. I turned to my dad and said, “You know this is a sign right?” He stood there as his eyes welled up, and he responded, “She must have wanted to make sure we were all up in time for mass.” That morning there were four deer, one for each family member that was in the house at the time. Since her death, my family and I have seen many deer, in some very unique places and times. I love seeing them because they remind me that my mother is always watching over us.

It is not only in one of God’s largest animals that I see my mom, but also in one of His smallest creatures. On Christmas Eve, about a week after my mom’s death, my friend Katy was in our church for midnight mass. After lighting a candle in memory of my mom, she felt something small touch her on the face. She thought it was a fly, but her mom told her it was a ladybug. Katy tells me that she knew it had to be a sign. In her head she said, “If it really is you, Mrs. Wilson, please fly by again.” Two seconds later, it did. Because it was in the middle of winter she thought that it was quite an odd and unusual coincidence. But she sincerely felt that the ladybug held a message for us, and afterwards shared her story with my family.

Since then, we have been seeing ladybugs everywhere. No matter the weather, I can find ladybugs sitting on the porch of my townhouse or gathering in the back room of a restaurant. On what would have been my parent’s 20th wedding anniversary, my family and I went to New Hampshire for a vacation. Upon walking into the hotel I noticed a ladybug cartoon on the bulletin board in the lobby. I was also graced with the presence of a ladybug when I was in Jamaica this past January for a service immersion trip. I was having an emotionally draining day working with burn victim children at a local children’s hospital. I was standing in the playground watching the kids play on the swings when I felt something on my hand. When I looked down I saw a ladybug crawling up my arm. I sat there taking in the moment of grace as I watched its short legs move underneath it. Even in another country, my mom knew just how to brighten my day.

After researching this little bug I learned that the name “lady bug” finds its origins in the Middle Ages. The insect was dedicated to the Virgin Mary and called the “beetle of our lady.”  This name links the ladybug to spiritual ideals and religious devotion. It also holds a link to mothers. Because the life cycle of the adult ladybug is short it teaches us how to release worries and enjoy our lives to the fullest. It is often seen as a messenger of promise telling us that we need to release our fears and return to love.

For a grieving family, moments of grace can be the difference between a rainy day or a sunny one. I realize that seeing the deer and ladybugs is difficult because they are constant reminders that my mom is gone, but they also reassure my family that she is with us.

I challenge today’s readers to think about their loved ones and try to recognize ways in which they could be sending you messages: yesterday, today or tomorrow. Finding ways to connect with a loved one even after they passed can be challenging at first, but it can also bring comfort in difficult times. What ways have you found to stay connected?

Special thanks to guest author and HelloGrief community ^[2] member Colleen Wilson for sharing this piece with us.

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Article printed from Hello Grief: http://www.hellogrief.org
URL to article: http://www.hellogrief.org/moments-of-grace/

Steve Jobs

I didn't always initially understand the impact of the products Steve Jobs enthusiastically developed for his cutting edge company, Apple, but what I admired about Steve Jobs was his tenacity.

He just never quit. 

He never quit battling cancer and he kept on inventing new teckky products that always showed us how far ahead of everyone he was.  I can't exercise without my Ipod and I know lots of people who can't live without their Macs!  The way his mind worked was fascinating.  Talk about using your life to do it's best and never wasting your talents!

Steve Jobs you showed us how to forge ahead.  May you rest in peace.  You certainly outdid yourself in life!

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/10/05/ap/tech/main20116461.shtml

Light A Candle

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,

 and the life of the candle will not be shortened.

  Happiness never decreases by being shared.

-- Buddha

Animal Adoration

This story addresses children and pets but I think it also pertains to adults...Love the pictures!

Animal Attraction

Why kids adore animals and what they can learn from all creatures, great and small

By Gail F. Melson Ph.D

From Parent & Child Magazine

A whirling 4 year old comes to a screeching halt, transfixed by the fish swimming lazily around an aquarium in the pediatrician's waiting room. A 6 year old, home from school, showers the family dog with hugs and kisses before saying hi to Mom. A 10 year old chooses her gerbil, Misty, as the subject of her school essay, "My Best Friend."

Children are fascinated by animals. Whether it's a bunny in a picture book, a nature show crocodile, a horse on the farm, or a monkey in the zoo, our kids can't get enough of the furry - and even the scaly and slithery - creatures that share our planet. And when it comes to the creatures that share our homes, the fascination is even more intense. The bond that develops between a child and his pet is deep and can be every bit as authentic as the emotional ties to a parent, grandparent, sibling, or friend.

What's behind this fascination?

One theory, biophelia, argues that our attraction to animals is hard-wired in our brains. In fact, evidence suggests that for as long as we humans have been walking the earth, we have had pets by our side. Whatever the reason, research shows that kids reap rich rewards from interacting with animals. A pet can provide affection, counteract loneliness, and help relieve stress. Feeding the classroom turtle or guinea pig can teach responsibility and care. Visiting a drive-through safari or simply watching the squirrels in the park gives children a chance to learn about habitats and survival. In short, animals provide one of the best learning tools in your child's life.

Lessons from a Fish

At its simplest, having an animal at home invites more of the natural world into your child's everyday experiences. It's like a daily biology lesson. A pet provides an up-close opportunity to study how a non-human creature moves, sees, smells, thinks, and even feels. In addition, a pet can help your child understand other kinds of animals, even those he may never have seen in person. One study showed that 5 year olds who cared for a goldfish at home better understood how frogs eat and grow than their classmates without direct pet experiences.

That goldfish can also help your child learn empathy. Young children do not automatically come equipped with the ability to see and feel from another's perspective, especially when that other is very different from them. (Think of the preschooler who picks out a toy car or a doll as just the right gift for Daddy's birthday.) Animals, with their ways of moving, eating, and communicating that are so different from humans, challenge young children's "me" perspective. A dog's tucked-in tail says "I'm scared," for instance. A cat's arched back and standup fur says, "I'm seriously annoyed."

These unique moments give children a chance to step into other paws and claws and see the world through animal eyes. One bonus of learning empathy this way is a greater awareness of animal welfare. Kids who understand animal behavior and needs are more likely to embrace humane attitudes. In addition, empathy for the animal world may spill over (with your help) into greater sensitivity to human needs.

Pets give many children a sense of companionship, support, and love. Misty the gerbil isn't the only animal to earn a Best Friend Award. Pets are available and rarely too busy to give their undivided attention - especially if a treat is in the offing. If a child is upset, for example, Misty doesn't have to be dragged away from preparing dinner or pulled off the phone. She doesn't say, "Use your words." Instead, she's all ears. No wonder many children see their pets as self-esteem boosters.

Animals provide opportunities to nurture. Although we rightly think of kids on the receiving end of care, we hope that when they grow up they'll, in turn, be sensitive nurturers of children, elderly, and others. The roots of nurturing skills are laid down during childhood, as children observe, learn about, and try out being caregivers. Pets, whether at home or in school, are dependent on us to survive, and can help children plant those roots. When your child sets out food, grooms the guinea pig, walks the dog, or goes along with you to the vet, his nurturing roots are growing.

Caring for an animal provides an especially important opportunity for boys to nurture, since they get fewer chances to hone their care-giving skills as they grow up. Research has found that children associate caregiving of humans with the female role - a "mommy thing," as one 3-year-old said to me. Pet care is a solid "gender-neutral" training ground for nurturance.

Animal Opportunities

If you're considering a pet, be aware that there's no one right animal (or species) for toddlers, preschoolers, or teens. Instead, the choice involves savvy matchmaking. Into the mix go an animal's needs and temperament, your child's personality, and your family's situation. Will that high-energy dog get the exercise she needs living in a small apartment? Will the cat hair set off Grandma's allergies? Will those veterinary bills stretch the budget too far?

If you can't make room for an animal in your home, don't worry: There's no evidence that pets are necessary for children to thrive. We do know, however, that children's lives are enriched by involvement with the natural world. Try to find other ways to go "on safari." A backyard birdfeeder, for example, offers a ringside seat at an "avian drama." Walks in the woods or a visit to a petting zoo, an aquarium, or the seashore are all wonderful ways to bring your child and animal life together.