Tax Day

Today is dreaded Tax Day which means that people in the United States must file individual tax returns with the Internal Revenue Service.

Not to worry for those who aren't prepared to file your taxes today.  The IRS allows you to file an extension which gives you until October 15 to file.  Thank goodness right?  There is more time if you need it!

Taxes are confusing under even the most normal of circumstances.  According to CBS News, the U.S. tax code is more than 73,000 pages long. Just figuring out what to pay eats up an estimated 6.1 billion hours of our time each year.

But if you are filing as a widow or widower this year for the first time, I send you my condolences.  I've been there and it's a hard place to be.  You are deep in grief and you just want everything to stop.  Yet the world around you continues to go on and it's jarring to face reality.  Taxes are just one more thing from a list of many that are now your responsibility as the surviving spouse.

With all of the emotional upheaval you are trying to deal with since your loss, I'm sure taxes are the very last thing on your mind.  Or at least they were for me.

 

Maybe your spouse was in charge of this responsibility and all you had to do was sign the papers.  Or maybe you were involved and helped gather papers, receipts and other financial essentials to prepare your taxes with your spouse.  Either way, your financial future is now in your hands.

 

But the good news is that there are lots of resources out there and if you feel overwhelmed by doing your own taxes then it's okay to get or ask for help.  Give yourself a break.

You aren't alone in your confusion.  I get help with my taxes every year and I feel good to have found an accountant I can trust.  Tax laws change all the time and there is no way the average person can keep up with them.  I use and need an accountant now and even before my husband died because neither one of us was good at that kind of thing.  We would gather our receipts and statements together, talk about some stuff we weren't sure of and then make an appointment to talk to the accountant.

 

The first year after my husband died was particularly difficult.  Going backwards in the checkbook and other financial papers forced me to relive the year and all of the ups and down of hospitalization, doctor's appointments and other events that I didn't really want to think about.  But the next year was a little easier and the next year after that a little easier too.

 

It takes time to figure out what works for you.  I did gain confidence in setting up my own system and keeping track of the household expenses and I bet you will too!

Tips For The Early Days of Grief



Photo By Patti Raab



A family I know lost their brother right before Christmas and now the same family has suddenly lost their father.  I can't imagine the waves of shock, pain, anger, despair and confusion they are engulfed in now as they try to work their way through an intense grieving process.

Please include them in your thoughts and prayers.  The following article is dedicated to them:

The Early Days: Surviving the First Few Days of Bereavement
By Greg Wright

What are the most important things to know during the first few weeks of bereavement?  Several months ago, my wife and I put our heads together and came up with a list.  We hope it will be helpful.

1.  Beware of survivor's guilt.  Irrational guilt brings its best attorney.  You cannot defeat his arguments, but you can ignore him.

2.  Focus not on the rest of your life but just on getting through the next fifteen minutes.

3.  Expect grief to affect every part of you:
           -- Physically-shortness of breath, pressure in your chest & weakness
           -- Mentally - concentration, ability to make good decisions & will to live.
           -- Spiritually- confidence in prayer.
           -- Emotionally - ability to restrain anger & sadness

4. Be careful what you say to people, especially words expressed in anger.

5. Expect people to do stupid things.  You will have to ignore many things people will say to you.  Rare are the people who fully understand what you are going through right now.  Great is the necessity of being prepared to overlook & forgive.

6. Let people help you.  Not only do you need them, but you actually minister to them when you allow them to help you.

7. Recognize that everyone grieves differently.

8. Guard your marriage at all costs.  Recognize that men will usually grieve differently from their wives.

9.  Guard your identity -- even if you lost your only child, you are still a mother or father; you have been forever changed by having a child.

10. Guard yourself from despair.  Grief only seems unbearable.  Many can testify that it can be endured.

11. Guard your faith.  If faith is a part of your life, this is not the time to examine your faith.  This is the time to stand firm in that faith.

12. Delay major decisions.

13. Simplify your life as much as possible.  Make lists, identify next actions for each item & focus on the next action.  Ask others to help you.

14.  Due to compromised ability to concentrate: be very careful with driving, working in the kitchen & anything you do on a computer.

15. Be patient with your progress; grief must run its coarse.

16.  Be gentle with yourself & let yourself grieve.

17.  Be realistic about what faith does for you.  Faith does not take the pain away, but it does make the pain bearable.

18.  Let yourself be comforted.  Hang onto words of encouragement.  Even if they do not encourage you immediately, they will eventually if you do not throw them away.  It's just that grief delays their effect.

19.  Be careful about alcohol.  If you are not used to it, this is not the stime to start.  If you are used to it, resist any temptation to increase the quantity.

20.  Be careful about sleeping pills.  My wife could not sleep for days, so the doctor put her on pills.  Nevertheless, it was a struggle to get off of them.

21.  If faith is part of your life, pray for strength, and visit those Bible passages that deal with grief: especially Psalm 10, Psalm 13, Psalm 42, Psalm 62, Psalm 63 and Psalm 73.

22.  Guard your memories, and tell people you want to talk about your loved one.

23.  Be willing to heal.  Anger closes the door to healing, and bitterness throws away the key.

24.  Cry till you run out of tears.  Grief seems to have a mind of its own.  Don't try to fight it.  Your heart will tell you when you need to pull away and grieve.