Sentimental Christmas Stockings

Stockings Belonging to Daddy, Mommy & R

 

 

" . . . And the stockings were hung by the chimney with care;

 In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. . ."

From "Twas The Night Before Christmas"
By Clement Clarke Moore

 

 

These  are our sentimental Christmas stockings, hung on our fireplace every year, in hopes that Santa Claus will think we have been good and fill them with lots of treats.

 

I know they are a bit on the tacky side but they represent a lot of good feelings and great memories.

 

They don't match each other or the living room where they hang and certainly don't look like those hip and elegant stockings you see in the Pottery Barn catalogue or stockings you may see in the display windows of Sak's or Macy's but they are our Christmas stockings and we love them.

 

My son picked them out all by himself when he was five years old.  The Santa Claus stocking was for his father, the gingerbread one is for me, his mom, and the Christmas tree is for him.  I remember watching him in the store looking at all the different choices of Christmas stockings and at first I think he was a little overwhelmed.

 

He walked around and around and kept looking and picking up all the different stockings and then decided on these three.  He had such a big smile on his face when he handed them to me and was so excited that we were actually going to buy the ones he chose.

 

Every year he looks forward to hanging them up on the fireplace, even the Christmas after his father died.

 

I wasn't going to put decorations up that year because, well because, it was enough for me to get out of bed and form a complete sentence never mind dealing with Christmas decorations.  But my son insisted we get a tree and put up the rest of decorations. 

 

All that I did was buy the tree and bring the boxes down from the attic.  My son and a wonderful friend of his did the rest.  I was in and out of the room while they were working and placing the decorations anywhere they wanted.  I really didn't care what it looked like.

 

I do remember coming into the room when my son opened up the box containing the Christmas stockings and I sortof held my breath to see if he would hang two stockings or three.  At that time, my son had a lot of anger about his father which was perfectly normal.  He was angry that his father had died, that his father had left him, that his father hadn't made better health decisions and he was angry that it was Christmas and his father wasn't there. 

 

I felt a lot of these things too but there's a big difference between an adult dealing with those thoughts and feelings and a thirteen-year-old boy.

 

I watched as he held the stockings and walked towards the fireplace.  I truly expected to see him hang only two, but then he surprised me and put up all three.  He didn't say anything and neither did I.

 

It's been quite a journey since that very first Christmas after his father's death.  I admire how my son has handled this difficult situation and the adult that he has become.  He is amazing!

 

My son still loves Christmas and EVERYTHING associated with it.

 

And every year, he still always hangs three stockings.

 

Christmas in NYC

My son and I took a quick trip to New York City this past weekend, continuing a family tradition started in his childhood.  New York City is magical to us and especially so at Christmas time.

 

Yes, there are a lots of people in the city, especially around Rockefeller Center where the huge Christmas tree in all its glory is displayed, but to us it is worth the effort of manevering in and out of the crowds and then suddenly being able to break through and look up and see the thousands of dazzling lights covering the infamous Christmas tree of New York City.

 

It was rather warm for December this past weekend and also rainy and drizzly but we loved it just the same as any other year when it has sometimes been so cold that I lost the feeling in my fingertips and couldn't work the camera.

My son and I

My husband and I started taking our son to see the Christmas tree when he was about five years old.  We would sometimes stay with friends and see as many sights as we could with a toddler and it was always a fun holiday ritual take we included in our family plans for many years.  Then when my husband died, we weren't sure we wanted to go.  We talked about it many times and then other family members decided to join us and lovingly support us that year and we all met in the city.

Looking back on that painful time, I am really glad we did not break the New York Christmas tree tradition.  It has been bittersweet for me for so many years but the tradition is also something that my son just absolutely loves and looks forward to.

It took me a long time to figure this out but essentially when my life changed so much from the loss of a loved one, I needed to find a way to deal with the pain and try to also find some way to heal and move forward so I wasn't stuck in an endless loop of grieving.  I thought that by moving forward I would be leaving the memories of my husband/my son's father behind me as I took steps to rebuild my life.

But I'm not leaving or saying good-bye to those memories and that special time.  I think what I really am doing is healing from bringing those memories with me and then creating new memories as my son and I experience the same family traditions.

How could I ever really forget those memories?  I can't.  Now I let them be with me but also try to make sure those memories don't stop me or hold me back from what I want to do today. 

My picture above may not be the best so here is a short YouTube video featuring this year's lighting of the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center so you can experience the magic of the tree for yourself:

The Circle of Life

It's the holiday season and wreaths are everywhere.  Doors, windows, large buildings and small, I see them indoors and outdoors, even on trucks and cars.  Evergreens, berries, pinecones, and magnolia leaves, the materials that wreaths are made of today seem endless.  If they're not chock full of tacky plastic stuff, wreaths are welcoming signs, hopeful signs and even peaceful signs.

Wreaths are also a sign of faith in humanity and its circular shape represents eternity, for a wreath has no beginning and no end.   Wreaths have been with us since the ancient Greeks and Romans when wreaths were awarded to victors in sporting events.  Today, Christians continue the tradition of using wreaths for special occasions by displaying Advent wreaths in their homes at Christmas time.  Advent wreaths have four candles: three purple and one pink and one candle is lit each week of Advent with a prayer to help prepare for Christ's birth on Christmas.  In Scandanavia, wreaths feature candles as a sign of hope for the future light of spring.

  

I always hang a wreath on my front door every Christmas and my sister, who is excellent at making bows, makes a new bow for me every couple of years.  Besides my home, I also always buy a wreath to decorate my husband's gravesite marker.  Lots of people do this.  It's not a strange or weird thing to do at all.  A few years ago, I remember the New York Times ran a story on this subject.  The story wrote about a cemetary in Los Angeles and said that decorating a loved one's grave site is now a "populist yuletide ritual" practiced by thousands of Americans.  

I know that it's definitely true in my little area of the world because the cemetary where my husband is buried looks like some kind of extreme Christmas decorating set out of HGTV.  Driving through the gates, I see all sorts of wreaths decorated in every single color you can imagine and these wreaths lay side-by-side with small Christmas trees and other decorations that signify the season of Christmas and bring comfort to people during this time of year.  My wreath is rather plain compared to the others but I don't care.  It's just a traditional wreath made from greens with a big red bow but it looks great to me

I have a small metal stand that the wreath lays on and then I wire the wreath to the stand to withstand exposure to the animals and the winter elements.  I like to do this because it's my way of wishing my husband a Merry Christmas and while I am setting it all up I like to talk to him about what's been going on.  I'm sure he probably already knows about the things I tell him, but I do it anyway because I like to talk to him when I am there.

If no one is around, I just talk out loud about what's happening to me, what's happening with his children, and generally the things we would normally talk about.  This past Sunday, the sun was shining and the ground was soft as I set up my husband's wreath for another Christmas celebration.  As usual I talked on and on about everything.  I'm sure he was covering his ears at a certain point and probably was thankful when I stopped talking.

To those of you who have never done this or even thought about doing it, it may seem strange to decorate a grave site and sustain a one-sided conversation with someone who is not physically present.  Rest assured, it is not unusual.  You may eventually find yourself doing it someday.  It will make you feel better as it makes me feel better.  You'll be connecting with someone you love and care about and that's what the season of Christmas is about.

In case you are interested, here is the link to the New York Times story:

www.nytimes.com/2007/12/23/us/23grave.html?pagewanted=all