Say Yes to Empowerment

The essence of resilience is bouncing back to a healthy place after you have been counted out.

Emotionally resilient people recognize that some good can come from even the most traumatic events.  Not only are people resilient but cities can be too.  Look at New York City.  In the 1970's, New York City was a dangerous place.  It's economy was on the verge of collapse and its streets and subways were full of crime and gangs and homeless people.  People could not find jobs.  Traveling to New York City today, there is hardly any evidence of its darker and grittier side from that time.

 

This transformation didn't take place over night.  It took years of hard work coupled with coordinated community support and a collective spirit of determination that things were going to get better, that New Yorkers were not going to put up with such a desperate way of life.

People in the midst of loss can feel this kind of desperation too and during their mourning period there sometimes comes a point -- and it's different for all of us -- when they decide they are sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I have felt that dragging sorrow when I was so immersed in in the upside down of my life that I couldn't see the possibility of anything good happening.  But a voice inside myself pushed me to put one foot in front of the other and with help from family and friends I did begin to see that there just had to be something else out there for me, something that was a more hopeful way of life.

Having a sense of hope is crucial.  Tell yourself it could be right around the bend or in the next conversation or in the next day because with hope we can find the strength to hang on and push through, finding a new direction and a new way to rebuild our lives.

Veronika Scott and her sleeping bag coat
Photo Courtesy of ABC News

I write about empowerment today because of my discovery of Veronika Scott on YouTube.  Veronika Scott lives in the infamous yet troubled city of Detroit, or Motown, a city that once was known as America's automotive center but was recently declared bankrupt by a judge.  Veronika Scott cultivates resilience every day, not only within herself but also in others looking for work in Detroit.

This Youtube video featuring Veronika and her project inspires me and I have watched it at least 20 times because each time I watch I am struck by the simplicity of her idea, the passion she has for her work, the hope she is giving to others and the power of a sewing machine.  Please check it out:

 

Time Stands Still on Sept. 11

Time will stand still for me this morning around 8:45 a.m. when the clock will remind me that twelve years ago today, the first plane, a hijacked American Airlines jet flying out of Boston, crashed into the north tower of the World Trade Center, setting into motion national events and policies that permanently changed the way we as a nation live.

All I need to do is look at a picture of the Twin Towers and it all comes back to me.  Not only the terrorist attack on the Twin Towers in New York City, but also the terrorist attack on the Pentagon in the nation's capital and the downing of the fourth plane in Shanksville, PA.  Here in Washington, DC I remember a surreal and scary day that was filled with school lockdowns and the constant sound of low flying fighter jets.

Today my heart is with those who tragically lost friends, families and their futures.


People gather in Union Square to light candles and leave notes
 for those affected by September 11, 2001 attack.  (Magnum Photos)

September 11 also reminds me that it's healthy to allow your emotions to come to the surface in order to work through them because in blocking a grieving process you block the efforts used to try and rebuild your life and find new meaning in a life that you now must live without your loved one.

Let today be an opportunity for us to reflect and remember this sacred day and how far we have come in our own ways. 

For a guy in my office, it is a day for him to remember that he was scheduled to attend an early morning meeting in the financial district of New York City on September 11, 2001.

The meeting never happened.

He and two of his clients were in a building near the World Financial Center and heard the explosions of each of the planes separately hitting the towers of the World Trade Center.  Immediately they went outside to find the eerie site of a clear, crisp deep blue sky filled with ever increasing, billowing clouds of white and black smoke.

He says that at that point he didn't know that the explosions were caused by planes crashing into the building because you couldn't see the planes inside the buildings.  People stood on the streets frozen, staring at the burning buildings unable to process what had just happened.  Sirens filled the air.  People ran.  People cried.  Cellphones jammed.  Unbelievable amounts of paper floated from the buildings.

My colleague and his clients started slowly walking uptown through the chaos and away from the Twin Towers but didn't get very far.  Eventually, they found their way into a hotel where they went inside to get more information.  Their timing was incredible because they were lucky enough to be inside when both towers shockingly and incredibly collapsed.

As the cloud of debris from the collapse of the Twin Towers filled the air and roiled down the narrow streets of lower Manhattan, it reached their hotel.  He said some of the glass windows and doors blew out as the debris cloud passed by his block and afterwards everything stopped.  Grey and white dust covered everything and it looked as if it were night time.

No one went outside because you couldn't breath.  The dust in the air was that thick.  Hours later, the three went outside, covered their noses and mouths with cloth napkins, and walked their way to Chinatown, spending the night in a hotel room my colleague had checked into earlier on September 10.

His September 11th ritual includes a telephone call to the two people he spent the day with.  For the past twelve years, my colleague and his two clients reach out to each other on September 11, no matter what part of the world they are in, and take the time to stop and remember what happened that awful day and how fate put them together.

They catch up on each other's lives, talking about each other's families and share stories about the unique events that have happened in their lives since they last spoke.

They know that life is fragile and they remember how lucky and blessed each one was to wake up alive in New York City on September 12 and travel back home.

May we all connect with the special people in our lives today and continue to heal.
 

Love Somebody -- Singers From The Voice

Melanie Martinez, Mike Squillante and other singers
 from NBC's The Voice

Hello Saturday!

I've got a lot to do today and only so much time to get it done.

I bet you also have a full plate today too!

So let's pump up the volume and get it going with this new video a friend sent me yesterday featuring the energetic and talented singers from Season 3 of NBC's The Voice singing "Love Somebody" at Rockwood Music Hall in New York City:  Mike Squillante, Melanie Martinez, Bryan Keith, Andriana Louise and Suzanna Choffel:

http://bit.ly/TheVoice3_LoveSomebody

Thanks guys for the energy!!

Buddy The Elf

A baby boy crawls into Santa's satchel of presents and travels back with him to the North Pole.....

 

So begins the wonderful story of "Elf," a classic Christmas movie which captures the spirit of innocence and hope.  If you've never see "Elf," I highly recommend it.

 

With a new year right around the corner, there is no reason for us to abandon the uplifting feeling of the holidays just because Christmas and Hanukkah are over.

 

 

 

Comedian Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf

 

I have watched "Elf" many times when it it isn't even close to the holiday season just because it makes me laugh and reminds me that my outlook on life is my choice.  Sometimes I do get caught up in the negative aspects of every day life and forget that it's essential to keep it simple and believe that tomorrow will be better.

 

I won't go as far as Buddy and believe "that there is always room for everyone on the nice list" but I can choose to keep a "holiday spirit" with me if I want and carry it around to feel any day of the week, any time of the year. 

 

Comedian Will Ferrell, a veteran of "Saturday Night Live," plays Buddy the Elf perfectly!  Every time I watch the movie, I never doubt that Buddy truly is one of Santa's elves.  One of Buddy's charms is his love of singing and his belief that singing -- even if you make up the song as you go along -- will make you and everyone else around feel better and more hopeful.

 

Buddy's sweet philosophy is essentially this: "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."  And he practices it as much as he can.

 

Now, really think about it.  When was the last time you sang out loud?  When was the last time you sang in the shower?  When was the last time you sang along to a song while in the car?  That you sang a song while you were just walking around?

 

Don't get me wrong.  I am not ignoring the realities of life.  I see the problems and stresses that I need to deal with and as I get older those problems have become more complicated.  But I also know that finding the humor in life or singing a song to myself or just being silly about a situation can help me momentarily rise above the tensions and perhaps help me find a solution, even if it's only short-term.

 

"Elf" is also about developing a childlike sense of humor. Not in an annoying, repetitive, selfish way but developing the ability to see the silly side of things in life. Humor helps me get through ordinary hassles and feel less stressed.

 

If 2012 has taught me nothing else, it has shown me and proved to me over and over is that I can only change myself and the way that I react to life and its unpredictable situations. 

 

I can be negative or I can be positive and being positive gives me the resolve and extra boost I often need to face the day!

 

A Silly Video About Scotch

This post is kindof random but there are times when I just want to be silly and this is one of those times.

I saw this video on Daily Candy and it made me laugh.  I wanted to share it with you because it might make you laugh too. . . or at least smile!

Please meet Ricky Crawford (he's cute & has a great accent) in this short video.  Crawford is a former Glenlivet brand ambassador and in this video he gives a charming lesson on how to order and enjoy single malt Scotch.

And yes. . . he is wearing a kilt:

Christmas in NYC

My son and I took a quick trip to New York City this past weekend, continuing a family tradition started in his childhood.  New York City is magical to us and especially so at Christmas time.

 

Yes, there are a lots of people in the city, especially around Rockefeller Center where the huge Christmas tree in all its glory is displayed, but to us it is worth the effort of manevering in and out of the crowds and then suddenly being able to break through and look up and see the thousands of dazzling lights covering the infamous Christmas tree of New York City.

 

It was rather warm for December this past weekend and also rainy and drizzly but we loved it just the same as any other year when it has sometimes been so cold that I lost the feeling in my fingertips and couldn't work the camera.

My son and I

My husband and I started taking our son to see the Christmas tree when he was about five years old.  We would sometimes stay with friends and see as many sights as we could with a toddler and it was always a fun holiday ritual take we included in our family plans for many years.  Then when my husband died, we weren't sure we wanted to go.  We talked about it many times and then other family members decided to join us and lovingly support us that year and we all met in the city.

Looking back on that painful time, I am really glad we did not break the New York Christmas tree tradition.  It has been bittersweet for me for so many years but the tradition is also something that my son just absolutely loves and looks forward to.

It took me a long time to figure this out but essentially when my life changed so much from the loss of a loved one, I needed to find a way to deal with the pain and try to also find some way to heal and move forward so I wasn't stuck in an endless loop of grieving.  I thought that by moving forward I would be leaving the memories of my husband/my son's father behind me as I took steps to rebuild my life.

But I'm not leaving or saying good-bye to those memories and that special time.  I think what I really am doing is healing from bringing those memories with me and then creating new memories as my son and I experience the same family traditions.

How could I ever really forget those memories?  I can't.  Now I let them be with me but also try to make sure those memories don't stop me or hold me back from what I want to do today. 

My picture above may not be the best so here is a short YouTube video featuring this year's lighting of the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center so you can experience the magic of the tree for yourself:

Holiday Kindness

New York City Police Officer Helps Homeless Man

Since everything can feel exaggerated during the holidays, doing one kind act can affect change and make a difference in someone else's life.  Many times when I pass a homeless person on the street, especially if it's a woman, I think, "There but for the grace of God go I." 

If I can, I give money or food.  But the story below about the actions of a New York City police officer shows there is the opportunity to go further.  So many times we read or hear about the negative side of life; the violence and disrespect towards each other.

And then someone jumps out and performs a simple act of human kindness.

This story is what the holiday spirit is all about and it challenges me and, perhaps you, to do one kind thing for someone else this holiday season.  Just one.  I donate clothes and canned goods but I can do more.

Maybe it's a smile you give to a co-worker you don't like or maybe you call a friend or a relative you haven't spoken to in a long time.  Maybe you rake a neighbor's leaves or maybe you bring a meal to someone who has just lost a loved one.

It's up to you.  Your kind act probably won't go viral as this one did, but you gave of yourself and helped another person and that's also what life is all about.

NYPD officer's act of kindness goes viral on Facebook

Published November 29, 2012

FoxNews.com

 

NEW YORK – An NYPD officer's act of kindness has gone viral on Facebook.

Jennifer Foster, a Florence, Ariz., tourist, posted a photograph of the officer giving a homeless man a pair of boots and socks on a frigid night in Times Square on Nov. 17.

"'I have these size 12 boots for you, they are all-weather. Let's put them on and take care of you,"' Foster quoted DePrimo as saying to the homeless man. "The officer squatted down on the ground and proceeded to put socks and the new boots on this man. The officer expected NOTHING in return and did not know I was watching."

The image became an instant hit on the NYPD's Facebook page. More than 308,861 users "liked" his generosity as of Thursday morning.

Newsday identified him as Larry DePrimo of Holbrook, Long Island. He's assigned to the 6th Precinct in Manhattan.

The homeless man said he'd never had a pair of shoes. DePrimo purchased a pair of insulated boots and thermal socks and put them on the man's feet.

DePrimo said the man "smiled from ear to ear. It was like you gave him a million dollars."

He told The New York Times that "it was freezing out and you could see the blisters on the man’s feet. I had two pairs of socks and I was still cold.” He learned the man's shoe size was 12.

The police officer went into a nearby Sketchers shoe store and the manager offered him his employees' discount, which brought the price of the boots from $100 to $75, the paper reported.

"Most of us are New Yorkers and we just kind of pass by that kind of thing," Jose Cano, 28, a manager at the store, told the Times. "Especially in this neighborhood."

A Sweet Smile

Photo By Sam Costanza

When I first saw this story I thought it was about a guy driving a cab in New York City who just liked to give candy to his customers for fun.

But the story is more than that.

This quirky story is really about coming to terms with a loss in your life and how this man, who drives a cab in New York City, found a way to rebuild his life and make it less painful by bringing a smile to others.  It certainly is a unique way of dealing with grief.

Wouldn't you love to be lucky enough to find youself in his cab?

This cabbie just wants to make your day sweeter

NYC Candy Cab driver gives out free candy

By Meena Hart Duerson / NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

Published: Friday, October 5, 2012, 12:02 AM

 

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"Candy cabbie" Mansoor Khalid gives passengers as much candy as they want.

Now that’s one sweet ride.

Taxi driver Mansoor Khalid is on a one-man mission to cheer up New Yorkers with a daily dose of candy.

“The New York life is not the easy life,” Khalid, 36, told the Daily News. “People are depressed. I see a lot of people stressed sitting back there."

Khalid is no stranger to stress. He dubbed his taxi the NYC Candy Cab after his 2-year-old son died in April from a long battle with heart disease.

“I learned a lot of things,” he said of the trauma of losing his child, who underwent two heart transplants and lost a kidney before he passed away. "Life is too short."

Khalid, who moved to New York from Pakistan in 1993 and has been driving a cab since 1997, had already seen the impact of small acts of generosity. During the two years he spent in the hospital with his son, he routinely brought coffee and desserts to the doctors and nurses when he got off his shift at 1 a.m.

"They got so happy when in the middle of the night I gave every person coffee," he said. “I was so nice to them and they were so nice to me.”

After his son died, Khalid decided to bring his routine to the people he interacted with every day in his cab.

Photo By Sam Costanza

  Khalid said he was inspired to do something sweet after the death of his 2-year-old son.

 

“I was very depressed, losing my little boy," he said. "Somehow, God gave me this idea. Now (I'm) chit-chatting and time is flying by!”

Though he doesn’t eat much candy himself — “Skittles, only” — Khalid offers a wide variety of sweets, and has started cataloguing his collection on Instagram. Fans can also follow him on Twitter (@CandyCabNYC), and he may even start a blog for his growing following.

One such fan was thrilled to discover the cab on a late night out last weekend, and quickly spread the word about him through social media.

“We all started freaking out,” said David Weiner, 27. “You don’t see piles of candy like that in adulthood. It’s just one of those things that reminds you you’re in New York and anything can happen.”

And Khalid’s unusual project has the full support of the city.

"We encourage drivers to go the extra mile in the name of customer service, and Mr. Khalid certainly does this," said Taxi and Limousine Commission boss David Yassky. "We appreciate the loyalty he inspires in his passengers."

Loyalty isn’t the goal, considering that Khalid responds to every hail, candy or no candy. His mission is to spread warmth.

"It’s a little thing,” he said, “but people get happy.”

Remembering Sept. 11th

One of the reflecting pools at the
 World Trade Center memorial site in New York City

Eleven years ago today, on the crisp and clear autumn morning of September 11, 2001 in New York City and Washington, DC, people went about the business of getting ready to lead their lives.

 

In both cities, people were unaware of the destruction ahead.  People said good-bye to their loved ones and left for work.  They started another day in the one place where they wanted to do their jobs and raise their families.

 

But it was not to be.  Almost 3,000 people died from the terrorist attacks and through the powerful recollections of those who did survive, we come together today as a nation and remember and recollect the unique paths of those who gave their lives on this tragic day.  We honor their memories and pray for their souls.  Today has become a national day of service and community service activities planned for today include writing thank you notes to veterans and military families, collecting coats for the homeless and building houses.

We thank God that we got to know them even if it was a short period of time.

 

In particular, September 11th showed me in the most graphic way possible that life really and truly can change instantly and in ways you never imagined.  While you want to believe and need to believe that you will see someone again, you can't count on that happening.  If there is something you want to tell someone you must say it when you feel it.  If you admire someone, if you like someone, if you are thankful to someone or you love someone, make sure they know it.

 

Go out of your way today and please make sure that the people you care about know that they improve your life, bring joy to your life, and that they are special to you.

Keegan -- The Opposite of Loneliness

Marina Keegan

Marina Keegan had something to say and she said it extremely well as a writer for the Yale Daily News.

Before graduating from Yale this month, Marina wrote the below column to her classmates, reflecting on her positive college experience, her sense of life's possibilities and the nervousness of going out into the real world and following her dream of being a writer.

As the mother of a recent college graduate, I recognize what she was feeling when she wrote this beautiful column and have heard some of the same thoughts from my son.  Tragically, Keegan's prescient words have become more poignant since the news broke that Keegan died a few days after her May 21st graduation in a car crash on her way to a vacation house on Cape Cod.

Keegan definitely had something to say and her wisdom speaks to all of us:

The Opposite of Loneliness

By Marina Keegan

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.

This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.

But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. They’re part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or didn’t live in New York. I plan on having parties when I’m 30. I plan on having fun when I’m old. Any notion of THE BEST years comes from clichéd “should haves...” “if I’d...” “wish I’d...”

Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. We’re our own hardest critics and it’s easy to let ourselves down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than once I’ve looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our private insecurities follow us and will always follow us.

But the thing is, we’re all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading (except maybe the crazy people who win the prizes…) We have these impossibly high standards and we’ll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves. But I feel like that’s okay.

We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it’s easy to feel like that’s slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we’ve had to. Some of us have focused ourselves. Some of us know exactly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To you I say both congratulations and you suck.

For most of us, however, we’re somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road we’re on and whether we should have taken it. If only I had majored in biology…if only I’d gotten involved in journalism as a freshman…if only I’d thought to apply for this or for that…

What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman year, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly, I began trudging to SSS, probably the point on campus farthest away. Remarkably, it wasn’t until I arrived at the door that I questioned how and why exactly my friends were partying in Yale’s administrative building. Of course, they weren’t. But it was cold and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking and the snow barely visible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a New Haven storm, I felt so remarkably, unbelievably safe.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I’d say that’s how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don’t have to lose that.

We’re in this together, 2012. Let’s make something happen to this world.

A Mama Hug

I took a quick one-night trip to New York City on Monday to attend a senior awards dinner at Fordham University's Lincoln Center campus.  I was invited by the Dean of Students and was asked not to tell my son that I was coming because my son didn't even know that he was going to receive an award.  My lips were sealed.  There was no way that I was going to miss this event because this is the kind of stuff that parents live for.

This past weekend, my son had called me and asked if I had received anything in the mail about the awards dinner.  No, nothing came, I said.  I was very casual about it and said I  guess he would have to go to the dinner like everyone else to see who ends up with an award.

He never suspected that I had taken off work and traveled to New York just to see him until he got to the table where I was already seated.  I stood up and turned around and he was genuinely so surprised and taken aback to see me.  "MOOOOM," he said enthusiatically.  As those around us watched us hug, my son spontaneously said in a voice louder than I wanted, "Mom, you are such a good liar!"  Yes, I thought to myself, that's just what every mother wants to be known for...her ability to lie...Oh well.

In the spirit of Fordham's Senior Leadership Awards, I'd like to give a big shout out -- WOOOO WOOOO -- and a huge Mama hug to my son who has worked so hard these past four years!  Single parenting can be such a crapshoot but in this case, right now, it's all good!!!!!!!

I am so proud of him and his work ethic.  I have never seen him happier than he was on Monday night.  Fordham was a wonderful and challenging experience for him.  He discovered for himself that you get out of life what you put into it, made a lot of new friends and found his passion which has turned into a paying job after graduation. 

His smile and demeanor was priceless...Isn't that what every parents hopes for?

Mad Men

The season premiere of "Mad Men" airs tonight and I can hardly wait.  It is my favorite television show and I am very curious to see where creator Matthew Weiner takes the endlessly interesting characters who work at the New York City ad agency of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.

Watching "Mad Men" is like opening up a time capsule and immersing yourself in all of the sophistication, controversy and change of the 1960's.

The writing is suberb and from the moment you step in to the offices of Sterling Cooper you know you are in for a great time of it.  People drink constantly during the day, smoke all the time, yet there is hardly any cursing.  There are no computers or cellphones but there are lots of face-to-face meetings (romantic and business) in hotel rooms.  No one has any tatoos or piercings but there are lots of sexy crisp white shirts on the men and beautiful form fitting dresses and suits on the women.  Everyone looks like they are pulled together even though they aren't.  And underneath all of this is the backstory of the 1960's -- civil rights, women's changing roles at home and in the workplace, the Vietnam War, drugs and the Space race with Russia.

I also like to watch "Mad Men" because my husband worked in various news rooms in New York City during the 1960's and I like to imagine what the city was like during that time.  I think it would be fair to say that it was a time of working hard and playing hard.  Watching Don Draper (played by the handsome Jon Hamm) and Roger Sterling (played by the witty John Slattery) is very similiar to watching two people play a game of chicken in terms of taking work and play to the limit.

So I'm going to start making the popcorn.  Check it out if you get a chance.  You won't regret it!

Paying Respects @WTC

On a bright and beautiful Sunday morning this past weekend in New York City, I finally had an opportunity to visit the memorial site for the World Trade Center.

With my brother, sister-in-law and their 12-year-old daughter, we took a taxi to the 8-acre site in lower Manhattan where the infamous Twin Towers once stood.  The site is deceiving because construction fences surround the area and you can't see the two black stone squares containing the waterfalls or even hear the waterfalls from the road.  It just looks like a regular construction site.

Getting to the memorial site is a multi-step process that involves a free ticket (you need to go online to make your reservation and print out your ticket before visiting the site) and then passing through a number of checkpoints where your entry ticket is scanned and then a larger security stop where you and everything else you own is placed in plastic tubs and run through a scanner.  Once you complete this security process, you gain entry to the historic site where you can then walk freely around the memorial and remember that fateful day when almost 3,000 people lost their lives to the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001.

Walking towards the black stone squares, I began to hear the sound of water falling.   It felt as though the water was buffering us from the everyday noises of the city and almost acting like a curtain, shutting out all distractions.  It is hallowed ground and people automatically lowered their voices and were respectful of each other's space as they visited.  As I began my journey to a place of quiet reflection, I thought of the horror of that day.  My relatives and I started talking about the names carved into the black stone surrounding the waterfalls -- the first responders, the people on the planes, the workers in the towers and also the people in the Pentagon who died that day. 

As New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says in the memorial's commemorative guide, the World Trade Center Memorial is "a reminder of the enormous loss suffered on 9/11, but (it) also is a symbol of hope for the future."  The hundreds of people who visited this past Sunday and future Sundays come to honor and pay their respects to the memories of those who lost their lives that day but we also come to see how this part of the city is recovering and rebuilding after the devastation of the Twin Towers collapsing. 

And isn't that what grieving and healing are about after all?  Your heart is devastated, you can't imagine any kind of future because your loss is so deep and so painful, yet you put one foot in front of the other and minutes turn into hours, hours into days and days turn into months and finally years.  It is a slow and steady process of allowing pain, anger, frustration and sadness into your life and then working through it enough to feel stronger, to rebuild and go on with your life.  It's about finding resilience within yourself.

I have found that it is possible to experience the loss of a spouse and to find my way to a different life.  There are moments when life is bittersweet but I think it is important to have faith and to be positive about your direction.  It is not a straightfordward process because one moment I found myself to be happy and then a wave of grief unexpectedly would cascade over me.  After nine years, I still struggle but I work hard to get on the other side of the pain.

I drew strength from the World Trade Center memorial, from the simple yet elegant design that draws you in and gives you a sense of hope and also from the names of the victims inscribed around the pools which are set in the footprints of the original Twin Towers.  I also found inspiration in listening to a video in the visitors centers that features people who survived 9/11.  Each heroic person talks about what happened to them on September 11 and how their lived dramatically changed.

In their own ways, these incredible people found an inner strength that allowed them to overcome their tragedy and gave them the will to carry on and slowly rebuild their lives.  Their message to all of us:  you must keep your heart open to love, for life can be profound in ways you can never imagine.

 

Giants Victory

Ron Antonelli/New York Daily News

Part of healing and jumping back into the regular routine of life is finding something to care about.  It can be anything in the whole universe and you can change it anytime you want.

Yesterday, for me, it was the New York Giants and their 21-17 victory over the New England Patriots.

The Super Bowl party I attended was loose and friendly in the beginning of the game but it became a little more tense in the fourth quarter as the clock ticked away and the game looked like it would be decided by one or two key plays.  Giants fans were definitely in the minority at the party but I was committed.  I have written in previous posts about how my husband was a hard core fan and I truly thought the Giants were the better team.

It was a fantastic game, hard fought and well played.  In their second Super Bowl matchup in five seasons, Eli Manning and the Giants triumphed over Tom Brady and the Patriots, with Ahmad Bradshaw scoring a touchdown in the closing minute of the fourth quarter that pushed the Giants to a victory.

This might be a stretch but I do get the take away lesson of watching the determination of two teams playing against each other in a Super Bowl game and the laser focus of athletes.  Their competition can be infectious in a good way because they are digging down to find the best within themselves even when the odds may be against them.  For us, such energy can serve to jump start our desire to move forward and help us with the daily acts of coping and rebuilding while dealing with the unexpected changes in our lives.

The small decisions do build upon themselves and in turn, gives us hope and resilience.  Thanks, Eli!

Fordham Hoops

Let's file this post under "Things That Make Me Happy."

My son is in his senior year at Fordham University's Lincoln Center campus.  I'm posting this picture, currently on display on West Side Highway and 134th Street, just to show support!  Go Rams!!

Mucho Thanks!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

The classy and world famous Rockettes

Are you watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade yet?  To me, it's not truly Thanksgiving until I watch The Rockettes perform their incredibly precise dance numbers and their infamous kickline.  Then, of course, there are the numerous marching bands, celebrities lip synching popular tunes and the huge balloon animals.  Maybe you're peeling potatoes or putting the turkey in the oven.  Whatever you are doing and wherever you are, I hope your day is full of great food, family and friends!

Today I want to send a big thank you to all of my wonderful readers who have supported me and given me invaluable feedback.  I feel very lucky -- and amazed -- that others have connected with my blog and read my posts on a regular basis.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Macy's Parade in New York City

October Snowfall in NYC

This past weekend I visited some people I love, in a city I love, even though the weather forecasters were predicting snowfall in October.  I didn't believe it would actually happen.  I thought it might be cold enough to snow but I never thought it would actually stick to the streets and accumulate.  Obviously, I was wrong.  By Sunday morning, CNN said New York City's Central Park received 2.9 inches of snow and thousands of dollars in tree damage.

Saturday morning, on the way to New York, it was heavy pounding rain.  Thank goodness I was not driving.  The traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike was heavy and my Vamoose busdriver was a pro!  We left Bethesda at 7 am and arrived in Manhattan a little after 11 am.  I would say that was great time under any weather conditions.

I then met my son, who is a senior at Fordham University, and we ran in the chilly rain to the subway to travel downtown and see the new 911 memorial at Ground Zero.  By the time we came out of the subway at the World Trade Center stop, the rain had turned to big wet snow flakes and the temperature had dropped dramatically.  On the way to Ground Zero, we walked past Zuccotti Park, home of the Occupy Wall Street protesters living in wall-to-wall tents.  I don't know how they were able to stay warm because the city had taken their generators the day before.  I was freezing walking around the city for about an hour.  I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to be camping out in a nylon tent with no heat.  The OWS protesters deserve a lot of credit for their steadfast commitment to a critical economic issue that desperately needs to be addressed.

My son and I were both anxious to see the new memorial and we didn't care how harsh the weather was.  The recently televised dedication ceremony on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and all of the pictures we had seen of the site made us want to go there even in the driving rain and snow and see it up close and personal.  But it was not to be because somehow we missed the information that visitors are required to reserve a pass to gain access to the memorial built to remember the nearly 3,000 people who lost their lives to terrorism that awful day.

I guess we are spoiled by the fact that in Washington, DC visitor passes are not required at the numerous historic memorials scattered around the Nation's Capital.  You do have to go through security checks but you don't need a pass to gain entrance.  Unfortunately, we didn't see the 911 memorial on Saturday since we didn't have a pass, but we walked across the street to the new World Trade Center Financial building and went inside and looked at the 9/11 site from there.  It was enough for that day.  We felt we had done our best.

In the spirit of sharing, if you do intend to visit the National September 11 Memorial in New York City, you need to log on to http://www.911memorial.org/ before you go to visit the site and reserve a pass because visitor passes are required and will be checked.  Also, you will only be admitted at the time printed on your visitor pass. 

We were disappointed but we're not going to let it get us down or prevent us from seeing the new 911 memorial.  It's worth another try and now that I know the visitor routine, I'm looking forward to going back to Ground Zero and taking it all in.