Your Life, Your Movie

"Stay In Your Own Movie"

 

~ DeVon Franklin

 

When my son was a young child, he would talk about going to various friend's houses to play and how wonderful their house was, how great their snacks were and how nice their parents were and how perfect everything always seemed when he was there at whatever friends house he happened to be.  Sometimes he would even tell me that the parents of some of his friends never even ever argued.  Ever.

 

First I told him that they were waiting for him to leave so they could have their argument and then I would smile and tell him that I was glad he liked to go and play with his friends at their house and that his friends were always welcome to also come to our house to play.  And they would.  A lot.  And as my son grew up it was wonderful to see many different friends run in and out of our house as he hung out with lots of his friends, old and new.

 

My son's vision of other people's lives as perfect is something that I fall into too and maybe this happens to you too.  It's easy to look at another person's life, whether a friend or someone you don't know well at all, and think that just because it all looks good, you know what I mean -- the house, the car, the children, the spouse, the job -- that theirs is a perfect life.  However, here's a major spoiler: It's not.  I'm not saying that if someone else's situation looks good then it's got to be bad.  I'm just remarking on the possibility that behind all those things that  look good sometimes there lurks a lot of burdens and troubles and problems because they aren't always obvious to others.

 

The parental insight I offered to my son goes something like this: there will always be people who have more than you and there will always be people who have less than you.  Yes, it's a normal thing to want to improve your life and work towards goals that get you to a better place but don't set yourself up by comparing your life to theirs because you might end up being dissatisfied and unhappy.

 

Instead, look at the blessings and gifts in your life and be happy and proud of what you have worked hard to earn or achieve.  Your talents are unique and not like anyone else's.  It is hard not to compare because sometimes it is so in your face.  But there is more to someone else's story than you know and there are always trade offs being made for what arrives in your life.  I have found there is a certain quiet grace to having the confidence to live within your means and being at peace with the path you have chosen.  Your life is just as special as anyone else's.

 

Continue to develop your gifts and appreciate the wonders in your life for there is always something new to learn, something new to discover. 

 

Focus on what is happening in your life instead of comparing your life to someone else's.  Comparing is a waste of time.  You only have a partial picture of what is going on with others.

 

But you know the whole picture of what is happening to you so put your energy on you and the people you care about.

 

It's your life, your movie, so stay in it, as DeVon Franklin says, and try to make every day a block buster!!

 

Silver Linings Playbook

 

 

Bradley Cooper & Jennifer Lawrence

 

I applaud the wonderful movie, Silver Linings Playbook, which came away from the Academy Awards last night with Jennifer Lawrence winning an Oscar for Best Actress.

I had heard a lot about this movie before I recently saw it and I wasn't disappointed.  It definitely lived up to its reputation as a solid, slightly edgy, movie and it stands out because its story and its actors are courageous and hopeful.  The movie shines a light on two subjects that make people uncomfortable: grieving and mental health, and weaves these sensitive issues in a romantic-comedy-drama about families, resilience, growth and love.

 

In Silver Linings Playbook, the characters played by Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence are trying to put their lives back together and not always succeeding.  Bradley Cooper's character is dealing with a bipolar diagnosis and Jennifer Lawrence's character has just become a widow after learning her husband was hit and killed by a car. 

 

I don't want to reveal too much about the movie because you really should see it for yourself.  But I think it's safe to tell you that both of them talk directly and honestly about the ways they reacted when their traumas crashed into their lives and how those out-of-control decisions took them to places they didn't want to be but at the time, they couldn't help themselves.

 

And yet their characters never give up.

 

They are vulnerable and heartbroken and always trying to put their lives back together.  They believe there is a Silver Lining out there for each of them and this is where I fell in love with the movie.

 

Both characters put themselves out there in incredibly fearless ways given what they are dealing with because they are determined to find new lives. 

 

You see how hard it is for them to change but they keeping going at it.

 

I know it's only a movie but it can be an unexpected source of strength to watch actors or people you know go about the painful process of making changes within themselves and finding the will to take actions that, as small or as large as they might be, reveals to them and to others that they and we are stronger than we might have ever thought we were.

 

As a widow, I know how hard it is to stay positive about life but I found that staying positive can really make a difference in the decisions you make.  There were and still are plenty of times when I screw up but if I didn't believe that things were going to get better I would find myself in a sad place and I don't want that for myself or for you.

Unexpected sources of strength are within us and around us.  Dig down deep within yourself or reach out to to others.

Move forward and surprise youself.

 

 

Insight from Bridesmaids

One of the reasons the movie, Bridesmaids, is such a run-away hit is that every woman either knows one of the characters or sees herself in one of the characters.

It's also an insightful movie about the ups and downs of friendship.

Multi-talented comedian Kristen Wiig plays Annie, a 30ish, single young woman who has hit a rough spot in her life.  Nothing is working.  Her boyfriend uses her, she gets fired from her job, her car breaks down all the time, she moves in with her mother and on top of all that her best friend is getting married.

I could go on and on about all the hysterical scenes in this movie but I won't.  If you've seen the movie, you know which ones I mean and if you haven't, then run out and rent it.  The surprise for me was that in the middle of this over-the-top comedy is a touching scene that addresses the choices a person faces when they feel they've hit bottom and life as they think they know is pretty much over.

The scene is a tipping point of sorts for Annie.  Annie is lying on the couch in her mother's house, feeling like a major loser.  Megan, a fellow bridesmaid played by the incredible Melissa McCarthy, comes to visit her and shake her out of her funk.  Megan jumps on Annie and starts to physically push her around and punch her.  "This is your life Annie," Megan says and continues hitting Annie until Annie finally pushes back.  Megan tells Annie that no matter what else is going on that she is her friend.  And as her friend, Megan is glad to see that the real Annie is in there somewhere even though she's having a pity party for herself.  "You are your problem," Megan says.  "You are also your solution."

It may sound harsh but Megan's on to something.  If you're not willing to stand up for yourself then what does that say?  Really, now, think about it.  I know it's much easier to deflect the blame and say it's your circumstances, it's not your fault and life is picking on you.  That makes it easy all around because then you don't have to take responsibility.  You're more like a pinball being pushed around in the machine of life than an adult.

Life has handed you a loss and it hurts.  Give yourself time to experience the depth of your loss.  It's okay to feel sorry for yourself  but then there comes a point where you have to put the brakes on those feelings and push yourself forward.  Megan may not have picked the nicest way of getting her message across but she is right about one thing.

The solution is in you.