Your Life, Your Movie

"Stay In Your Own Movie"

 

~ DeVon Franklin

 

When my son was a young child, he would talk about going to various friend's houses to play and how wonderful their house was, how great their snacks were and how nice their parents were and how perfect everything always seemed when he was there at whatever friends house he happened to be.  Sometimes he would even tell me that the parents of some of his friends never even ever argued.  Ever.

 

First I told him that they were waiting for him to leave so they could have their argument and then I would smile and tell him that I was glad he liked to go and play with his friends at their house and that his friends were always welcome to also come to our house to play.  And they would.  A lot.  And as my son grew up it was wonderful to see many different friends run in and out of our house as he hung out with lots of his friends, old and new.

 

My son's vision of other people's lives as perfect is something that I fall into too and maybe this happens to you too.  It's easy to look at another person's life, whether a friend or someone you don't know well at all, and think that just because it all looks good, you know what I mean -- the house, the car, the children, the spouse, the job -- that theirs is a perfect life.  However, here's a major spoiler: It's not.  I'm not saying that if someone else's situation looks good then it's got to be bad.  I'm just remarking on the possibility that behind all those things that  look good sometimes there lurks a lot of burdens and troubles and problems because they aren't always obvious to others.

 

The parental insight I offered to my son goes something like this: there will always be people who have more than you and there will always be people who have less than you.  Yes, it's a normal thing to want to improve your life and work towards goals that get you to a better place but don't set yourself up by comparing your life to theirs because you might end up being dissatisfied and unhappy.

 

Instead, look at the blessings and gifts in your life and be happy and proud of what you have worked hard to earn or achieve.  Your talents are unique and not like anyone else's.  It is hard not to compare because sometimes it is so in your face.  But there is more to someone else's story than you know and there are always trade offs being made for what arrives in your life.  I have found there is a certain quiet grace to having the confidence to live within your means and being at peace with the path you have chosen.  Your life is just as special as anyone else's.

 

Continue to develop your gifts and appreciate the wonders in your life for there is always something new to learn, something new to discover. 

 

Focus on what is happening in your life instead of comparing your life to someone else's.  Comparing is a waste of time.  You only have a partial picture of what is going on with others.

 

But you know the whole picture of what is happening to you so put your energy on you and the people you care about.

 

It's your life, your movie, so stay in it, as DeVon Franklin says, and try to make every day a block buster!!

 

Personal Growth

Take some time for quiet thought today.

 

Your inner person deserves it!

When you get free from certain fixed

 

concepts of the way the world is, you find

 

it is far more subtle, and far more miraculous

 

than you thought it was.

 

                           ~ Alan Watts

Dream A Little Dream

Here is something to think about ~

You have to speak

 

Your dream out loud.

 

               ~ Kelly Corrigan

To me the importance of this beautiful powerful thought is that when you speak your dream out loud, you start to make it real.  It's the first step in owning your dream and part of owning it is making the dream and all of its possibilities yours so that it can become real. 

 

By talking about your dream out loud, you give your dream a place in your life and it becomes a real part of your life, instead of just a passing thought that sometimes you think about but then it goes away and you continue on and put your energy into other things.

 

One of my dreams for 2014 is to upgrade my kitchen and I think I have finally saved enough money to start this exciting project!

 

 

Everyone has a dream.  It can be big or small; anything that you want it to be.

 

What's yours?

Soul To Soul

 

You do not have a soul.

 

You are a soul.

 

            ~Indie.Arie

I'm In Today

A friend from a support group sent me a wonderful short poem (which I am sharing below) reminding me about the priority of today.

On one level, I suppose you could say it's about managing your time but on another level, I think it's about figuring out what's important to you and staying focused on the things you want to pursue or accomplish and the people in your life that you really want to hang out with.

That can be a tall order when you have lots of responsibilities from daily life vying for your attention but I find that most people will make, find or block out the time to do whatever it is that really fires them up even if they have to lose sleep to get it done.

 

The person who sent the below poem to me could not find the author and I couldn't either.  Whoever the author is they gave us the gift of a solid message calling into focus the beauty of being in the moment and letting everything extraneous fly away. 

Please check it out and see for yourself. . .

Be Spontaneous!

TODAY

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.  Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.  We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said.  Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with its possible adversities; its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.  Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.  Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only one day -- Today.  Anyone can fight the battles of  just one day.  It is only when you and I add the burdens of those awful eternities -- Yesterday and Tomorrow -- that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives us mad -- it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what will happen Tomorrow.

 

Let us therefore live but one day at a time.

Quietude

I am constantly reminding myself to chill out: when I am driving to and from work, when I am at work, or when I am in a situation where my expectations are not even close to matching up to reality.

 

Add to the equation a traumatic event such as the recent bombing at the Boston Marathon and the resulting increased security and it's no wonder that you, me and others are on edge.  Stressed out.  And the toll that stress takes on our physical health and mental well being is daunting.

 

I don't think I am alone in feeling this way.  No wonder people are finding it difficult to get along.  The work-hard-get-ahead lifestyle eventually catches up with you whether you admit it or not.  If you don't feel well, you're not going to act well.

 

So I'm thinking that we all can take it down a couple of notches and play better together.  One way that I try to play better with others is to remind myself to lower my voice.  If I can keep my voice in a monotone volume when talking to others then that does a lot to calm me.  I have a tendency to get excited when I am talking and then have a bad habit of raising my voice.  I'm getting better at achieving this but it's still something I need to constantly work on.

 

 

 

It's all about inner peace; a state of mentally and physically being in a calm place.  Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss and contentment.

 
Looking within myself to quiet my conflicts and trying always to smooth the rough edges is one way for me to try and get to a place of inner peace.  If I don't try to find and practice inner peace, then I can't very well go out in the world and deal with others in a civilized manner.  It really starts within me.

The words to John Lennon's infamous song, Imagine, come to mind:

 

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

 

From big worries in your life to small inner butterflies, together let's look within ourselves and give inner peace a chance.

 

Good Luck to Marathon Runners

 

Good luck today to my son and a great friend of his who are

 

running a marathon in Richmond, VA!!

 

It's a beautiful day, perfect for being outside and running, and I hope their race is successful!!

 

Hopefully, no one pulls anything or gets dehydrated.

 

Stay strong runners!  Your efforts are amazing!!!

The Art of Resilience

Being Proactive Can Strengthen Your Resilience

The subject of resilience totally fascinates me.

Resilience is being able to bounce back after being tossed around by life.  Trying to figure out why one person bounces back from a life trauma and another person breaks from the pain tells us something about the human condition don't you think?

 

It's a roll of the dice. It's the $64 million question.

The ability to stay on track and keep your focus, the ability to develop an inner strength in the face of adversity is inspiring to me and in turn I draw strength from other people's stories of getting through a serious illness, a financial setback or the loss of a loved one.

 

When I read or hear about other people's experiences with life's hardships, I am always curious about what they were thinking as they went through it and what kept them going.  Sometimes it strengthens my resolve and I think to myself, "If they can do it, then so can I."

After my husband died, I searched everywhere for stories about widows raising children and read all the stories about it that I could find so that I might figure out what I was going to do.  The best advice I read was this:  don't ignore your problems or try to wish them away.  Take each day as it comes and if you can't bear to look past 24 hours or even an hour, then don't.

 

Try to break the moments down into manageable blocks of time.  Sometimes that's only 10 minutes but that's okay.  Often I would go from 10 minutes to the next 10 minutes and then the next 10 minutes until I found I had gotten through an hour and then I continued to slowly work my way through the time of pain.

I think it's good to know that the bouncing back part doesn't always happen immediately.  It takes awhile to figure out what's going on, put yourself somewhat back together and start following your usual daily routines.  During this time, reaching out to family and friends for support is key.

There is no way to predict which adult or child is going to find the determination and inner resolve to dig down within himself or herself and overcome the bad/stressful/unfair situation that life has thrown their way.  You might think that it's the person who has been given much in terms of material wealth and privilege but it's not always that way.

Sometimes the person who shows incredible amounts of inner strength is the person who has nothing.  No material goods and no parent.  Or the person has a parent but it's one that's an alcoholic or drug addict.  Or no job and no insurance.  Or no spouse and no idea what the future will bring.

 

If you have nothing or the one thing in life that you loved was taken away then you can as if you have nothing to lose and that in itself is a kind of resolve. 

 

Resilience isn't all about being tough and toughing it out, but more about opening yourself up to life and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and reaching out for support. 

 

You can't change what has happened but with courage, support, and a hopeful attitude, you and I can look toward the future and wahtever it may bring us.

Getting Into The Zen Groove

 

 

"Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset."
- St. Francis de Sales, patron saint of writers

Courtesy of Bethany Fine Arts Gallery

From my core being, I am trying so very hard to attain a zen state of mind.

 

This year is the year when I am trying to learn to meditate and think about serene things and scenes of nature that bring to mind a balance of calm and beauty.

 

It is a matter of trial and error for me to get my Western mind into an Eastern place of mindfulness where deep breathing and relaxation can lead to healing.

 

It is harder for me than I thought it would be because once I close my eyes and try to start to focus on one place, less than a minute later my mind wants to start thinking about something that happening in my life that needs solving.

 

I am slowly learning how to put the brakes on my busy thoughts and I'm going to keep working on this because the end results are so worth it.

 

Meditation helps control pain and promotes general health, according to the American Holistic Medical Association.  A series of studies published in prestigious medical journals over the past decade found that people who regularly practice meditation reported a significant decrease in pain, anxiety, depression, blood pressure and other physical symptoms.

 

The breathing is the first thing that I have been consciously working on.  Breathing, you say?  Don't you just do that naturally?  True, we all breathe to stay alive but most of the time we don't realize that we are breathing in short breaths instead of slower, deeper breaths.  Okay, maybe you realize it but I'm just becoming aware of it.

 

For instance, the other day, I caught myself when I was in the middle of trying to finish something at work on deadline. I was trying to work faster and I wasn't paying any attention to the way I was breathing. I realized that if I stopped, took some deep breaths and slowly continued to take deep breaths that my pace of work was more focused and I finished with a better state of mind.

Instead of being all frazzled, I felt calmer.

 

It's going to be awhile before I really feel I am on the road to true mediation but I am making the effort to be more aware and I feel that's progress.

 

The journey towards mindfulness and a calm, focused inner being continues. . .

 

My groovy readers, please share. . . What do you know about meditation that could help others? 

Discovering Kris Carr

A relative who is also a close friend was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and she introduced me to the awesome books written by New York Times best-selling author Kris Carr.  I don't know how I missed her but I am now totally taken with her philosophy of assessing your personal priorities in order to successfully battle cancer and become a "wellness warrior."

Carr's blueprint for self-examination helps you to take stock of how much you actually exercise (not enough), what you actually eat (room for improvement) and what you should eat (more veggies) to how much stress (too much) and fun (not enough) exists in your life.  Kris Carr is all about empowerment plus she mixes it up with a fantastic sense of humor using terms such as "cancer posse" to describe those who have helped and supported her since her diagnosis, "CanSer babes" referring to herself and other women united in the battle against cancer and "Froot Loop mentality" noting the lack of nutrition in the standard American diet that is chock full of processed and sugar ridden foods.

I have never been diagnosed with cancer and I pray to God that I never am, but I am also fully aware of the risks of cancer in my family.  Relatives on both my mother and father's side of the family have fought various cancers and sadly, some have lost the fight.

But you don't have to be a cancer patient to appreciate and take advantage of Carr's information.  I immediately found her positive attitude and approach to life incredibly uplifting and was also struck by how adaptable her philosophy could be for people who are in various stages of grieving.  Reading the "Crazy Sexy Cancer" book series could recharge your inner you and perhaps give you a friendly kick in the butt to move yourself forward.  I know it did  for me.

Just to fill you in a bit about Carr, she was diagnosed with a rare and incurable stage 4 cancer in December 2003.  Doctors said chemotherapy, radiation and surgery could not help her.  "This whiskey tango foxtrot moment (that's military lingo for WTF?!) sparked a deep desire in me to stop holding back and start living like I mean it!," Carr said.  She then went on a deep healing pilgrimage and discovered a nutrient dense plant-based diet that put her in remission.

Carr has an amazing talent for crystalizing thoughts about life.  A sentence which immediately jumped off the page for me was: "Catastrophic moments in life force you to focus in on the immediate."  Wow!!  Is that ever true!!!  Everything shifts when you are handling a trauma and things that you once thought were important get deleted from your priority list.  You only have so much energy and you find that it has to be directed towards the catastrophic event in your life, not the things that drain you.

Being diagnosed with cancer is certainly a catastrophic and traumatic moment as is the death of a loved one.  When either of these things sadly occurs, you are feeling so many things at once it's hard to get a grip on what is happening to you.  That is why Carr's take-charge attitude is so helpful.  Ask for help, find help, keep looking for help and eventually your situation has got to improve if not physically, then mentally.

Another sentence in Carr's books that grabbed my attention was: "When you are living like you mean it, you are a force of nature."  It's very difficult in the beginning of grief to live your life like it means anything because you are in pain and have no enthusiasm.  At that point, all the cards have been thrown up in the air and you have no idea which way to go or what to do.  It's enough to throw on some clothes, try to eat and maybe go to the grocery store or call a friend....and sometimes the day turns into a lot of time spent sitting and staring at family pictures and wondering what happened.  That's okay too because it's all part of the healing process. 

Create your own pace and slowly, and I do mean slowly, you will begin to feel that it's possible to put one foot in front of the other and, as Kris Carr says, you will meet yourself and begin a new journey.