I'm In Today

A friend from a support group sent me a wonderful short poem (which I am sharing below) reminding me about the priority of today.

On one level, I suppose you could say it's about managing your time but on another level, I think it's about figuring out what's important to you and staying focused on the things you want to pursue or accomplish and the people in your life that you really want to hang out with.

That can be a tall order when you have lots of responsibilities from daily life vying for your attention but I find that most people will make, find or block out the time to do whatever it is that really fires them up even if they have to lose sleep to get it done.

 

The person who sent the below poem to me could not find the author and I couldn't either.  Whoever the author is they gave us the gift of a solid message calling into focus the beauty of being in the moment and letting everything extraneous fly away. 

Please check it out and see for yourself. . .

Be Spontaneous!

TODAY

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.  Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.  We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said.  Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with its possible adversities; its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.  Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.  Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only one day -- Today.  Anyone can fight the battles of  just one day.  It is only when you and I add the burdens of those awful eternities -- Yesterday and Tomorrow -- that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives us mad -- it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what will happen Tomorrow.

 

Let us therefore live but one day at a time.

Taxi Dad

Today's post is a shout out to all of the men out there who have lost their wives or partners and are working hard to juggle the never ending responsibilities of working a paying job while raising their precious children.

I think that women in this situation tend to receive more attention than men due to the sheer numbers of women who find themselves widowed with young children.  But men are also out there too doing their part and running around -- as all parents do -- trying to keep all the plates in the air.

 

I was reminded of this earlier in the week when I jumped into a taxi and had a casual conversation with the young driver.  It was one of those casual chats that starts out as nothing but then it became more.   We were talking about the cost of living in Washington, DC and the price of gas and then it evolved into stories about our children and life's priorities.

 

The taxi driver had two children, one who just started college and the other who was around 10 years old.  He tapped the dashboard to show me the picture of his younger child which he had taped by the driver's wheel.  "This is the reason that I don't work on weekends even though that's the time I could make a lot more money," Taxi Dad told me.  "My wife died in 2009 from cancer so I am doing it by myself, you know?  I don't have time to go crazy and spend money and time on other things.  Do you know what I mean?"

 

Yup, I told him, I did know what he meant. 

 

I have been a single parent for ten years and being a single parent, just like being a parent with a spouse or partner, is a lot of hard work.  It's also incredibly rewarding and sometimes heartbreaking.  Many times I found myself in uncharted territory in ways I never imagined and sometimes I got through the day by just going with my gut instinct as I tried to be both Mom and Dad.  Whether it's something that happens at school, a decision to be made about a friend's party or sharing the car, I second guessed myself a lot.

 

Instead of saying, "I don't know.  I'll have to talk to your father about this," I would try to buy some time on making a decision by just being honest and saying, "You have to give me some more time to think about this."  Sometimes, I would call a friend and sometimes I would call one of my sisters but you definitely need someone you can talk to whose judgment you trust because you need parental feedback and I didn't have anyone else to help me figure it out.

 

I think widowed Dads probably learn to set up their own support systems and find other guys or family and friends to help them navigate the surprises of trying to work a job and raise children by themselves.

 

Taxi Dad is just one of thousands of Dads out there who try to arrange their work schedules to support their children's needs just as women do. 

As my ride and our conversation ended, it felt good to share our stories about how we handled our losses and connect for a short time with another parent who had also lost a spouse.  Me and Taxi Dad are doing our best and that's all we can ask of ourselves.

 

Here's to the Dads who man up every day and make it work!  

Make Each Day Meaningful

Resilience is a quality we all have within us.  We can take that resilience and make it work for us and strengthen ourselves if we choose.

 

Resilience is a tenacity of spirit; a determination to deal with adversity in our lives.  I know it doesn't feel like it at the time we are trying to handle one of life's stressful or sad times, but the courage and patience that we find inside ourselves as we process hardships can help us come out on the other side of it a better person.

 

A better person, you ask?  How can that be? 

 

Adversity can sometimes make us better people in terms of gaining new insight about life and about yourself.  A better person in terms of coping and reordering our priorities.  And a better person in terms of appreciating and loving life even more than we did before because we know how it can change up in a snap.

 

The good times sparkle even brighter after those challenging times, don't they?

 

Of course, I am not wishing adversity on anyone.  I don't have to because life hands it to us all on its' own.  I know this from my own experiences and those of my family and my dear friends.

 

Accepting and even anticipating change helps us maintain flexibility about life and all that come rolling our way.

 

Remain calm.  Remain peaceful.  Remain hopeful.

 

 

Resting Your Mind

 

The older I get, the more I find the below quote to be true.

 

  What do you think?

 

 

Photo Courtesy of French Essence

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."

                                  ~William James

                                     The Principles of Psychology

It's All In Your Attitude

Hi Dear Friends!

Yesterday I went for my annual eye exam and of course the doctor dilated my eyes.  I now have to use eye drops three to four times a day.  One is a prescription drop and the other is an over-the-counter brand.  I am just getting used to this new routine and I am finding that it's a lot of drops to have rolling down my face.  Better get some water-proof mascara right?

 

Needless to say, computer time has been temporarily shortened but today I still wanted to post some thoughts about healing and managing life's wacky stresses.

I am sharing a short but wise essay a friend sent me (author unknown) on keeping it together and remembering to jump off the hamster wheel, take break and RELAX.

 

As I write this, it is snowing in the Washington, DC area and schools and the federal government are closed.  Perhaps you are taking an unexpected break today and if you are snow bound, I hope you keep your power and have time to enjoy some down time!

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,

 

raised a glass of water and asked,

 

"How heavy is this glass of water?"

 

Answers called out ranged from 20 g to 500g.

 

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.

 

It depends on how long you try to hold it.

 

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

 

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

 

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

 

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

 

He continued,

 

"And that's the way it is with stress management.

 

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,

 

as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,

 

we won't be able to carry on."

 

"As with the glass of water,

 

you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.

 

When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

 

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.

 

Don't carry it home.

 

You can pick it up tomorrow.

 

Whatever burdens you are carrying now,

 

let them down for a moment if you can."

 

So, my friend, why not take a while to just simply RELAX.

 

Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.

 

Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

 

Life is short.

Re-Shuffle Please

Alex Katz Painting

The amazing thing about grieving is that it blows all the unimportant stuff right out of the water.

It immediately rearranged my priorities and what I once thought was important wasn't anymore.  New stuff appeared at the top of my priorities list after my loss.  Things I thought were important suddenly didn't matter, and other things I didn't seem to have time for before, I now made time to do. 

Life dramatically changed, life tragically changed and everything mixed together and changed its order.  Life re-shuffled.  I now have a different perspective on life because I saw how quickly life can turn itself around and how you shouldn't take anything for granted.  Instead, I know that I need to grab life and go for it!

When life deals you a blow, your first reaction is to withdraw and protect yourself. You want to crawl under the covers, lock the doors and wait for the bad stuff to go away all on its own. But guess what? That doesn't work.

In fact, denial can sometimes make a situation a whole helluva lot worse. I think it gets worse because ignoring a situation allows your thoughts and feelings to build up and build up instead of working through the pain.  I know it's scary but think of working through your grief pain like pulling off a band-aid.  Doesn't it hurt more when you pull the band-aid off slowly?

For me, this is where the joking comes in.  I tend to make jokes when I get overwhelmed by life because it's a great coping mechanism, tension breaker and it allows me to find joy when there doesn't seem to be any. 

I know that's not always the most effective way to deal with a situation, but cracking a joke can make something more manageable and it brings the situation into perspective; as in maybe the situation's not as serious as others think it is.

If I cook something and it doesn't taste right, I try to correct it and if it still doesn't taste right, then I let it go.  If my child comes home with a bad haircut, I'm annoyed, but then I say, "It's only hair"  and then I try to let it go.  Okay, so the grass didn't get mowed today.  I will get to it.  But I really try not to obsess anymore.  Are these truly the most important things in life?  Ten years from is anyone going to care?  I don't think so.

Sometimes you have to re-shuffle your priorities.  

Be open to spontaneity...Be in the moment...Especially today.

Goals & Dreams

You are never too old to

 set another goal

 or

 to dream a new dream

                                                        

~ C. S. Lewis