A Listening Binge

For the past several weeks, I have been on a listening binge and it feels healing.

 

There are a number of family members and friends who are going through various kinds of difficult personal situations and, in trying to be helpful, I have been listening to what they tell me they want to talk about, in particular what it feels like to be in their crisis, what they really wish they could do to solve it and how frustrating it is to have the situation go on and on.

 

Listening may seem as though it is a passive activity but it is definitely not.  I'm not just sitting in my chair staring vacantly at the person talking and letting my eyes roam around the room, thinking about something else that is totally unrelated to the person's thoughts nor am I just holding my phone up to my ear, doodling away on a piece of paper or reading something on my computer screen instead of listening to their words.

 

Pablo Picasso's The Flowers of Peace

I am listening to hear what they intend to say but are not exactly saying.  Listening is another way to show I care, that I am interested in them and invested in their troubles as I focus on the backstory of their words.  As in when they say they are angry about something, I sometimes get the feeling that they really mean to say they are scared.  I'm listening with my heart as I'm trying to understand and support.  It's an emotional exchange because we need each other to help figure out what our crazy creative lives are all about and sometimes we are too close to interpret what's going on. 

I also know that they would do the same for me if I needed to talk to them about my life and that creates a solid unspoken feeling of trust.  We have each other's backs so to speak.

 

Listening is a time to learn about the other person for they are pouring out their thoughts, emotions or sometimes both to you.  I have known some of these people for decades and am still learning new things about them and they way they feel about life.  I try to imagine what it would feel like to be the other person who is trying to deal with whatever the situation is.  And if I'm doing listening well, which I hope I am, then I sometimes feel as if I'm going through the problem too.
 

If you can't think of anything to say to someone who is handling a rough situation, you can always offer to support them through the gift of listening.

Listening is a way of honoring someone's story.

 

More of Everything

There is always more out there for us to discover and embrace  . . .

I'm In Today

A friend from a support group sent me a wonderful short poem (which I am sharing below) reminding me about the priority of today.

On one level, I suppose you could say it's about managing your time but on another level, I think it's about figuring out what's important to you and staying focused on the things you want to pursue or accomplish and the people in your life that you really want to hang out with.

That can be a tall order when you have lots of responsibilities from daily life vying for your attention but I find that most people will make, find or block out the time to do whatever it is that really fires them up even if they have to lose sleep to get it done.

 

The person who sent the below poem to me could not find the author and I couldn't either.  Whoever the author is they gave us the gift of a solid message calling into focus the beauty of being in the moment and letting everything extraneous fly away. 

Please check it out and see for yourself. . .

Be Spontaneous!

TODAY

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.  Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday.  We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said.  Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with its possible adversities; its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.  Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise.  Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only one day -- Today.  Anyone can fight the battles of  just one day.  It is only when you and I add the burdens of those awful eternities -- Yesterday and Tomorrow -- that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives us mad -- it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what will happen Tomorrow.

 

Let us therefore live but one day at a time.

Being All In

 

 

 

 

 

This holiday season, I am appreciating the endless decorations of bows, bells and evergreens, listening to the traditional Christmas music that seems to be playing everywhere and trying to find wonderful presents for those that I love.

 

I've been to a few Christmas parties and also donated to schools and other groups who are dependent upon help from others so that they may continue their community work that is so crucial to helping men, women and children who are homeless and without a place to go for regular shelter and meals.

 

I am trying to give of myself and think positive thoughts because I know if I put myself in that mindset then I will act positively and carry on in a meaningful way.

 

I know there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays, there is just what we are comfortable with and what we feel is right for ourselves.

 

But I still don't feel that I'm "all in" to the Christmas spirit.

 

Maybe I'm overthinking it and I should just allow it to happen rather than wondering why I don't particularly feel it.  I'm not sure.

 

Maybe it's that I feel emotionally spent by personal situations where I am constantly trying to be supportive but it doesn't seem to be making a difference.  That is a hard one.  I think we all have come up against that kind of situation.  I am trying my best, and so are others, but at a certain point, you can only do so much.

 

I guess at the end of the day, it's really all about love.

 

How are you feeling this holiday season?