Snapshots of Caregiving

Helping to care for someone, whether they are young or old, is a time to step up to the plate and show how much that person means to you and many times it also turns out to be a time of personal growth.

I have taken care of lots of babies and toddlers and I have also taken care of elderly relatives.  Until you do it, you really don't realize how much time and energy it takes to properly care for another person.

For me it is instinctive.  I see the need and I want to help.  There are few things in life that can make you feel as good as when you help someone else just because you love them, not because you are getting paid.  As my generation of baby boomers ages and my parents generation lives longer than the previous one, millions of Americans today find themselves providing unpaid care to an elderly person or young child.

To be a healthy caregiver, you must also make yourself a priority because extensive caregiving is harder than you think.  If you don't take care of yourself than you really aren't in good shape to take of another person.  You can easily burnout if you let it become all encompassing.  It can be a physical and psychological drain on a person's resources.  It requires a lot of patience and a lot of flexibility.  Caregiving can be isolating and we need all the resources we can find.

The Washington Post recently ran a special section on March 5 about the demands and rewards of caregiving and I thought it would be helpful to share some of the excerpts from it:

Troubleshooting, and tailoring how you help
By Rosalynn Carter
Former First Lady

There are four kinds of people in the world: those who are currently caregivers, those who have been caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.

There are going to be many, many more older people.  We are living longer.  There's the baby boomers.  There's also the veterans coming home with physical problems, mental problems, PTSD, traumatic brain disorders.  Somebody's going to have to take care of them.  There's a dearth of geriatric professionals and those who know how to care for people with mental illness.  There's going to be a greater need for them.

We (care experts from the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving) go into the home of a family.  We ask them to name five problems they have and then we work through the problems.

For instance, there was one woman whose husband had Alzheimer's.  He wouldn't go into the bathroom.  But he loved plants.  And so when our trainer, our care coach, was working with him, one day they decided to put a plant in the bathroom.  And he went in and watered it.  Now he goes in and gets in the tub.  He takes a bath and goes to the bathroom.

You have to tailor how you help.

The elderly don't want to be a problem
By Alene Moris
Women's Rights Leader

Right now, we see the elderly as a problem.  Why don't we look at the elderly as a resource?  We want to help.  We don't want to just be trying to keep ourselves busy.  I hate that.  There are important things to do in life and we need to be able to continue being useful.  I'm a great believer in being useful.

We've got all these healthy "young old" people who go into retirement from 60 to 75 (years old) -- and what do they do with themselves?  They want something meaningful to do.  I think we need to look at ways in which they go into caregiving.  They understand it.  They're close to it.  They see it.  They know that they're going to be there.

Finding Help
By Monica W. Parker
Assistant professor, Department of Medicine, Emory University

Many people who are working can't afford $17 an hour for a caregiver for eight hours a day.  If you're too rich to be poor -- and too poor to be rich -- you're in a no man's land.  You can't get somebody to come to your house to take care of you or assist you.  Maybe there isn't an adult day-care program near you.  There needs to be more services available for working families to help them care for retired workers.

There's a growing acknowledgement that many of us are caring for our relatives and we do need assistance.  It's affecting everybody.  The people I come in contact with feel a lot better when they know where to go for help.

Family Time

It's that time of year in my family. 

 

Time to celebrate the birthdays of my parents who are in their 80's.  My Mom and Dad's birthdays land on the calendar exactly a week apart so in the last few years my siblings and I have started celebrating their birthdays together in the interest of harmony, world peace and all that is holy.

 

 

We know we are blessed to have our parents still with us and we definitely don't take it for granted.  Not for one minute.  But sometimes it can be tricky in making sure that each birthday receives the same amount of attention, if you know what I mean.  The healing part of this family get together is that it's great to have a happy reason to gather and just straight out enjoy ourselves which usually means retelling childhood stories, imitating each other and a lot of jokes.

 

One of the presents that was a huge hit was a box of Ole and Lena fortune cookies that one of my sisters had bought at a Scandinavian store.  I had to Google the names of Ole and Lena because I didn't know who they are or why they are funny but apparently they are the central characters to jokes made by Scandinavian Americans particularly in Minnesota, Wisconsin and the rest of the Upper Midwest region of the US.  The humor is rather folk and really silly.

 

Happy Birthday Mom and Dad and we all wish you many, many more!!

 

Mom &Dad Celebrating Their Birthdays In Party Attire

My brother, Tom, and sister, Theresa

My sister, Sheila, and brother, Tom

 

My sister, Maureen, and me in a selfie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day

If it's March, it must be that time of year again when everything green is up for grabs and my family is never embarrassed to wear as much of it as possible.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all and I'm sure you're planning to do it up proud!

My large and boisterous family gathered yesterday before the snow hit the Washington, DC area to celebrate our Irish ancestry and all the stops were pulled out for a grand time.   

 

So in the tradition of my Celtic tribe, it was an afternoon of irreverent jokes and imitations, lots of food and drink and unspoken but deeply felt connections from heart to heart.

My niece, Kathleen, and her husband, Ryan

 

Clydes' Tower Oaks

 

 

Me and My Dad



Dorothy Flies Over Kansas

If I live to be 92 years young, I hope I am as adventurous and free spirited as Dorothy Ellis! 

 

She is fearless!

Dorothy was in hospice care when she told her family that she wanted to fly over her home in Kansas in a powered parachute that she had watched many times in the open sky as she gazed from her window.

Her family and her hospice nurse put their worries about her age and her health aside and to their credit they made Dorothy's wish come true!  I love her reaction at the end of the flight!  Sadly, she died six weeks after flying in her parachute machine but think of the great time she had up there in the bright blue sky. 

Here's the inspiring video her family shot watching her fly on a beautiful sunny day in Kansas!  I first saw this video on the Facebook page of JT Morriss & Son and I'm so happy they shared it with all of us.

So today let's all follow Dorothy and go for broke:

A Listening Binge

For the past several weeks, I have been on a listening binge and it feels healing.

 

There are a number of family members and friends who are going through various kinds of difficult personal situations and, in trying to be helpful, I have been listening to what they tell me they want to talk about, in particular what it feels like to be in their crisis, what they really wish they could do to solve it and how frustrating it is to have the situation go on and on.

 

Listening may seem as though it is a passive activity but it is definitely not.  I'm not just sitting in my chair staring vacantly at the person talking and letting my eyes roam around the room, thinking about something else that is totally unrelated to the person's thoughts nor am I just holding my phone up to my ear, doodling away on a piece of paper or reading something on my computer screen instead of listening to their words.

 

Pablo Picasso's The Flowers of Peace

I am listening to hear what they intend to say but are not exactly saying.  Listening is another way to show I care, that I am interested in them and invested in their troubles as I focus on the backstory of their words.  As in when they say they are angry about something, I sometimes get the feeling that they really mean to say they are scared.  I'm listening with my heart as I'm trying to understand and support.  It's an emotional exchange because we need each other to help figure out what our crazy creative lives are all about and sometimes we are too close to interpret what's going on. 

I also know that they would do the same for me if I needed to talk to them about my life and that creates a solid unspoken feeling of trust.  We have each other's backs so to speak.

 

Listening is a time to learn about the other person for they are pouring out their thoughts, emotions or sometimes both to you.  I have known some of these people for decades and am still learning new things about them and they way they feel about life.  I try to imagine what it would feel like to be the other person who is trying to deal with whatever the situation is.  And if I'm doing listening well, which I hope I am, then I sometimes feel as if I'm going through the problem too.
 

If you can't think of anything to say to someone who is handling a rough situation, you can always offer to support them through the gift of listening.

Listening is a way of honoring someone's story.

 

Kickstarting Change

Hey there!  I hope you had a great and productive weekend and if it wasn't one of those two things then I hope it was a weekend chock full of fun!

 

Mine was full but it was full of running interference for family members and in particular trying to understand the emotional needs of one family member.  I keep reminding myself that it's all about love, love, love!

 

In the midst of this whirlwind weekend of emotions, I found the following quote which I felt was insightful and particularly timely:

"And that is

how change happens.

One gesture.  One person.

One moment at a time."

                        ~ Libba Bray

Thoughts on New Year's Eve

Time is one the most precious of commodities we have.

It should never be wasted and always treasured for its possibilities. 

 

On this New Year's Eve of 2013, I hold my fresh new calendar to hung in the kitchen tomorrow and flip through the untouched months and days and wonder what this years holds for me, my family and my friends.

 

Of course I hope for only good and fantastic things to happen to those I care about and that includes you my dear and wonderful readers!  Thank you so much for all of your support!!

As I always say, I hope I help you as much as you help me.

 

Alice G Patterson Photography
Courtesy House of Turquoise

I know some people love to make resolutions at the beginning of a new year, but I prefer to try and focus on each day as it comes to me and work within those twenty four hours on being positive, loving, healthy and helpful to others.  I don't always hit the mark but I try really hard!

 

Let's put those negative events behind us as we start a brand new year and let go of any feelings that may get in our way of doing something we want to passionately pursue.

 

Whether you are cozy at home, playing board games and watching the crowd at Times Square, or getting glammed up right now to go to a rockin' party tonight, I raise my glass to you and wish you a happy and safe New Year's Eve!

Family Dynamics

I'm sure I'm stating the obvious when I say that every family has its own dynamic and its own way of relating to each other and I think that this special form of communication developed within the family over the years is revealed in its barest form on a holiday.

 

Let me tell you about mine.  Okay at least a little bit.

 

Take 15 adults, 8 grandchildren in their teens and twenties, 6 children under the age of six and one newborn baby and put them all together in close quarters for a number of hours and what do you get?

 

One large hungry and uninhibited family all talking at the same time about important earth shattering subjects such as food, sports, fashion and children.  People's responses are made to one another on the run while moving from one room to another or just loud enough for someone in one room to hear the other person.  What can you do? 

Christmas Day was full of welcoming kisses and hugs and flying wrapping paper and little ones mesmerized by electronic games.  It also was full of lots of spinach and artichoke dip and chips and cookies and peppermint bark.

  

Oh Behold Our Family Christmas Tree!!!!

I find as my siblings and I get older that so much can be said with a facial expression or a quick gesture of the hand.  Especially when your parents aren't looking.  

 

It may not have been entirely calm, quiet or an organized Christmas Day but it was ours and it worked for us.  It was a lot of work but at the end of the day, we were happy and blessed this year to be able to hang out with each other and I thank the Lord who allowed us to be together.  

 

Whether your family celebrated Christmas or not, I hope you were able to gather and feel some family love and make some holiday memories.

Christmas Eve 2013

Have you been naughty or nice this year?

Santa knows which one, and as the song says, he's making a list and checking it twice!

On this Christmas Eve that seemed to arrive so quickly this year, I hope Santa is good to you and brings you exactly what you wished for.  Santa is one busy dude you know so don't forget to put out the milk and cookies for him!  Sometimes we leave him a nice cold beer because we know that with all of his dashing around that he has worked up quite a thirst!

Photo Courtesy of Beall + Thomas Photography

Also on this Christmas Eve, I would like to say to my fabulous readers that I hold you in a very special place in my heart and I wish you a very Merry Christmas!!  You are my Christmas gift this year for you have blessed me with your continued support and I thank you for always taking the time to stop and read Cry, Laugh, Heal.

 

I hope I have been able to help you as much as you have helped me!

Merry Christmas!

It's A Wonderful Life

This time of year I am always on the lookout for when "It's Wonderful Life," is airing on television.

I could buy the DVD of this holiday classic but that would take the spontaneity out of it for me.  I like the surprise of turning on the television and finding it already on, or in the case of this past Friday evening, I caught it right at the very beginning.

I know that it's not a diverse film, I know that many things that happen in this film are dated and wouldn't be said or wouldn't happen today but I think "It's A Wonderful Life" is popular for other reasons.  The story's core message rings true today for all of us whether or not a particular group of people is featured in the movie or not.

It doesn't matter what gender or race you are or where you live or what you do, whether you are a parent or married or single because here's the message of the movie:  each person's life has a purpose.

 

We are George Bailey.

 

We may not know the effect that our life has on another person's but rest assured it does.  Each one of us is here on Earth for a reason and our life does make a difference and touches so many other lives.  The big things and the small things that we do and do not do not only affects our life, but also the lives of many others.  Please remember this idea when you are having a bad day and nothing seems to be going right.  You are probably doing something good and you just don't realize it.

 

Jimmy Stewart & Donna Reed star in "It's A Wonderful Life"

In the movie, "It's A Wonderful Life", we see that the town of Bedford Falls would have been known as Pottersville if it were not for George Bailey and the Bailey Savings & Loan offering help to the community.  Also when George is a boy he saves his brother, Harry, who then grows up to be a War Hero, from drowning in an icy pond, and George also prevents the pharmacist, Mr. Gower, from giving poisonous pills to a customer.

But George doesn't think twice about the good works he has done.  This is just the way he is wired.  Then one Christmas Eve a large amount of bank money is misplaced and he is desperate to find it. When he can't, all he can see is criminal charges and jail time in his future.  He decides he will be worth more dead than alive and then George starts thinking about suicide.  He drives to a bridge but before he can do anything, a man jumps into the river and George jumps in to save him.  After they both get out of the river, the man reveals himself to be Clarence, George Bailey's guardian angel. 

 

I love Clarence!  He is a great character with his large sleeping shirt and talk of earning his wings in Heaven for when he first arrives on Earth he is only an AS2, Angel Second Class.

 

This gem of a movie opened two weeks before Christmas in 1946 but it didn't do very well.  It wasn't until 1974 when it began airing on network television that it gained a huge following.  Ever since then the movie is shown during the holidays and is a wonderful reminder that life is all about love and taking care of each other.

As Clarence writes in his thank you note to George: "No man is a failure who has friends.  Thanks for the wings.  Love, Clarence."

Newtown One Year Anniversary

Today we pause and pray for the community of Newtown, Connecticut and in particular for the families of the 26 victims shot in the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  At a press conference earlier this week, the families asked that people remember the 6 adults and 20 children on this tragic one year anniversary by performing an act of kindness or volunteering with a community group. 

 

You can visit their new website at www.mysandyhookfamily.org

 

Bridget's Affirmation

When one of my nieces was three years old, she started going to nursery school for part of the day a few times a week.  Her mother (my sister) knew that while she was at school she would start to miss Mommy at some point so she taught her daughter to say to herself, "There is no need to cry.  Everything will be all right.  Mommy will be right back."

My sister was ahead of her time because she was teaching my niece to say an affirmation to herself even though she didn't know what an affirmation was or what they can do.

And you know what?  Repeating those sentences to herself helped to reassure my niece that everything would be all right until Mommy came back.  It worked!!

We didn't know it at the time but when my sister put those words together she hit on a magic formula of sorts because there is a calming power in repeating something positive to yourself over and over again no matter how old you are.

Even today there are times when something stressful will happen in our large family of two parents, six children, four spouses, and 13 grandchildren and we jokingly will repeat the above affirmation to each other as a way of coping with what's going on and telling ourselves that we can handle it.

Affirmations, as I recently have learned, help you focus and can bring clarity to your heart and mind.

 

Affirmations are healing.

You can say them any time during the day and they can be anything that you want them to be.  But they must be positive or uplifting.

We can experience so many emotions after a loved one dies or when we are dealing with a stressful experience in our life.  It's hard to process all of those conflicting feelings all at the same time.  Affirmations have a way of helping you pump the brakes on your self a bit and stop to see exactly what is happening to you.

 

Repeating a positive or uplifting phrase to yourself is similar to being your own cheerleader and giving yourself the encouragement to get through something such as a personal loss or  a life changing event of another sort.  Although I didn't realize it the time, I used affirmations after my husband's death to help me through times when I felt vulnerable or exhausted or just plain overwhelmed.  It wasn't always just the pain of my loss that got to me but sometimes it was just making all decisions by myself whether it was about raising my young son, our house or our finances.

 

I would say to myself, "You can do this" or "You can survive this" or "Tomorrow you will feel stronger" and pretty soon I was on the other side of whatever it was I was trying to handle.  Sometimes I totally screwed something up but the affirmations gave me the boost I needed to get back on track.

 

Maybe you already have a phrase that you say to yourself that really works well for you.  Or maybe you are looking for something new that will affirm your mood or your day or something you trying for the first time.  If you really have no idea of what you could say to yourself as an affirmation, here are a few suggestions:

 

          -- Today is going to be a good day.

          -- Today I choose to think positive thoughts.

          -- I am going to be all right.

          -- There is no other moment; only this moment.

          -- I am blessed with (pick the one that works for you): a wonderful family, fantastic friends, a beautiful home or a great job.

 

So just go out there and try it and see what happens!
 

Family On Air Force Two

Black Friday for me was all about family. 

 

I have a cousin who is a major in the US Air Force and he and his wonderful family are stationed at Andrews Air Force Base which is about a 45-minute drive from my house.  He invited family members to come to Andrews yesterday and he conducted a special tour for us of Air Force Two and a number of other VIP jet planes.

 

We had three generations of family with us and we spent a different kind of day together, hanging out, catching up and learning something new about our cousin's important job flying jets for Vice President Joe Biden and other government officials and also never missing a chance to ham it in front of our cameras and pretend we too were VIPs.

Love, respect and making fun.  Isn't that what family does best?

Me With Family Members Posing By Air Force Two

Me on Air Force Two Pretending to Conduct Business


 

Giving Thanks!!

Today is a day when I pause to give thanks for all of the incredible gifts God has sent my way and also it's a day when it's okay to eat too much.

 

I am lucky to have wonderful friends and family and to be able to visit some of them today.  I know that during the hustle and bustle of this holiday that I will scan the room and think about the blessings in my life.  I never take what I have for granted for I know how quickly a person's life can change.

I also am thankful for my readers.  It means a lot to me that you stop here and read my posts and I hope that in some small way I am able to help you for your support truly helps me.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

No Lifeguard On Duty

If you had told me ten years ago that it would take me this long to navigate my conflicting feelings of loss and truly come to grips with the fact that my husband died, he's not coming back and I'll never see him again, I would have thought you were smoking something and totally out there.

In the beginning, I was just trying to survive which meant working a full-time job and raising a thirteen-year-old boy by myself.  I honestly didn't think beyond the day I was in.  That's all I could manage.  I constantly told myself that other women have done it with more children and younger children and I could do it too.  But still it took all of the energy I could muster.

  

Photo By Sheila Hayes

Day by day, slowly, I put one foot in front of the other, sometimes falling, sometimes crashing, but always finding a way to get back up and put myself out there again.  There were times when I felt  as though I were swimming without a lifeguard on duty.  That I was screaming "Help" as loud as possible and no one heard me.  No one was there to jump in and save me if you know what I mean. 

 

And so I find that in between the making of daily decisions about working, taking care of the house, the car, and all of the other pressing responsibilities of motherhood and adulthood, somehow ten years happened.  Ten years of soul searching.  Ten years of living fully to the max. 

What did I learn?

         -- No one is going to do it for you.  You are allowed to wallow in the unknowns and unfairness of your situation for a short amount of time but then you have to stop.  As the saying goes, there comes a point where you have to pull up your big girl pants, take a deep breath and just go out there and live.  As screwed up as you feel, you just have to keep going and trust in yourself.  You are responsible for yourself and you will find your way to recover.  You will!

         -- Don't have regrets.  If it's not worth your energy, then push it aside and move on.  But if you have something to say to someone, then say it.  I'm not suggesting that you be mean or abrupt but if you have a point to make or a compliment to give then do it.  Don't wait around for a reason to do something.  You can't be afraid to try something new.  You are already living in uncharted territory.  You can make it happen.

         -- Nothing happens the way you think it will.  I don't know why it happens that way but it does.  That can be a good thing and it can also be an incredibly frustrating thing.  I worked on shifting my perspective about certain parts of my life and then sometimes ended up being pleasantly surprised.

         -- You have to take care of yourself; physically and mentally.  You need to get lots of sleep, eat well and definitely, definitely exercise.  Exercise is my saving grace.  On many days when I felt like everything was melting down I forced myself to get on the stationary bicycle, go outside and run or take a walk.  Sometimes I would walk with a friend and other times I would put the trusty ear buds in my ears, turn up the music, and try to work through some of my feelings that made me think I was constantly screwing up and that life was a mess.

           -- Reach out.  Definitely reach out.  Yes, your family and friends are more than uncomfortable with what has happened to you but you just have to keep talking and hoping that you can help them see what it feels like.  Strengthen your emotional support system.  Find a support group or volunteer to help a cause you are passionate about.  I think you will find it hard to make good solid progress if you try to push your feelings down inside yourself.  They will not go away on their own.  I know you think that you can ignore the chaotic emotional mess that's churning around inside of you but guess what?  You have to push through to the other side of the pain.

Ten years of hard work later, I feel I am in a better place and I have made huge strides in rebuilding my life.  I am writing this today in the hopes that I can lend a helping hand to others who are also on a journey to heal their hearts.  Cry, Laugh, Heal is here to let you know you are not alone in the emotions surrounding the loss of a loved one.

 

Perhaps more than anything, even as everything hits the fan, I have learned to try and stay positive and hopeful, to keep my heart open to all kinds of love and good times and the wonders of living a full life. 

 

Our loved ones would want us to find happiness without them and even though life doesn't feel the same, there is always, always the possibility for a different kind of life.  It may not be a life you had initially thought of for yourself but you are talented and special and deserve to find joy and inner peace . . .  and maybe even fall in love again.

Anything is possible!!!

10 Years

Dearest Tommy:

How can it be 10 years?  I miss you!!

                            xoxo

Compassionate Care

I write about the subject of hospice care today because November is National Hospice Care month.  I don't usually pay attention to the themes of specific months but in this case I saw a tweet about it and wanted to draw attention to the incredible people who do this important work.

I have the greatest respect for the people who do hospice work.  The time and endless amounts of energy poured into this work of providing compassionate care to those diagnosed as terminally ill is critical to the patient and the families trying to do their best as a loved one reaches the end of their life. 

Each year in the United States, more than 1.58 million people with a life-limiting illness receives care from hospice care givers, according to a report by the National Hospice & Palliative Care Organization.  Most hospice care is given at home, allowing people to be surrounded by their friends and family in the last stages of their life.

 

I was told by my husband's doctors that the best time to learn about hospice care is before you need it.  No one really knows when and if that time will come but it is wise to prepare.  As hard as it is to think about the possibility of using hospice services, hospice care organizations have decades of experience and are invaluable to family members who need a break from the physically and emotionally exhausting work of trying to do all of the caregiving by themselves.

My husband did not need hospice at the end of his life but just in case it became necessary to have hospice come to the house to help me, I met with a one of their nurses.  She was very calm and reassuring about what happens when hospice becomes involved with your loved one.  She emphasized to me that hospice care is not about giving up; it is more of a focus on comfort and care and respect.  It gave me strength to know that hospice would be there should I ever need it.

 

For myself, I find it hard to imagine doing this work if you don't know the person who is ill.  Taking care of someone when you don't know them and know that they aren't going to get better requires an immeasurable amount of faith, inner peace and compassion.  This is only a few of the reasons why the people who do hospice care are so special.  They embrace the patient and their family and are honored to take care of your loved one and to try to enhance the quality of their life in the time they have remaining.

 

Ladies Home Journal recently ran an inspiring story called,  "It Doesn't Have To Be Sad: The Life of A Hospice Nurse."  It is a revealing story from a nurse's perspective about being with terminally ill patients and what it feels like to help dying patients through their final days.  Here is the link:

 

http://www.lhj.com/community/your-stories/hospice-nurse/?page=1
 

Changing It Up

It is never too late to make changes in your life.

 

You can be 22, 42, 62 or even 92 and suddenly decide it's time for a change.

But you have to want it.  You can't do it just because others want you to.  You need to make changes and take care of yourself for yourself.

 

I was thinking about this because a wonderful friend of mine was discharged from the hospital this past Saturday after having her gall bladder removed on Friday.  It all happened very quickly and it was scary for a short time because we weren't sure that it was going to be a straightforward surgery.

 

In the end, that bad boy of a gall bladder was removed and hopefully her health issues are gone forever more.

 

 

We are all quite thankful that she is at home and resting but she also has to make some changes in her diet.  Which is where the changes I was talking about in the beginning come into the picture.

 

When good health is the issue, sometimes we have to stop eating some things and start eating other things that are better for our bodies.  I know how hard this can be because I was very sick and hospitalized about 11 years ago.  I was told by my doctors to stop drinking alcohol and eat a low fat diet that was practically a non-fat diet.  And I did it.  I didn't like it but it slowly became a way of life.  It took a lot of mind changes on my part and rethinking about the food that I ate.

 

I was constantly reading food labels and I think for the first couple of months I existed on homemade soup, baked salmon, non-fat yogurt, fat free chocolate pudding and salads with no-fat dressing.  That meant no desserts, no chips, no fries, no cheeseburgers and especially no pizza.

 

I got myself back into a state of good health and felt a lot better and stronger after changing things up.  It is no exaggeration to say that if you have good health, you have almost everything.  Good health is not to be taken for granted.

The state of your health is your launching pad from which the rest of your life flows.  If you don't have any energy, how can you work to make your dreams come true?  If you are sick, then you are spending money on hospitals and doctors instead of on your own business or your home or your family.

 

Please don't get discouraged if you know you need to make changes and you have tried many times and it didn't seem to work for you.  Please try again.  If you aren't in great shape right now, you can change it.  It is possible!!

 

Take a walk.  Turn on some music.  You can get up and move and groove.  Think about what you're eating.  You can make better food choices and build up your immune system.  Change is always possible.

 

It's never too late to make changes to improve our health and live more vibrant lives.

Let's start today!!

The Pink Month

When I see pink products for sale during the month of October, I wonder how much of the money really goes to researching a cure for breast cancer.  Probably not very much.

I know I'm not alone in this thought because I've heard and read similar comments from others discussing the reason why these products are being sold.  Buy them because you like them or need them.  But I think most people now see those oh so pretty pink-ribboned products as a merchandising trick better left alone.

If anything good has come out of the marketing of these pink products, it is perhaps that they have brought a new awareness to mammograms and the idea that early detection can be a life saver.

We know that breast cancer is a disease that happens twelve months a year, not just in October.

 

Whether a mother or a daughter, grandparent, sibling, or friend, chances are that you know someone affected by breast cancer.

 

I started getting mammograms when I was 35 years old because tragically I had an aunt who lost her life to breast cancer, a cousin who also died from it, another cousin who was diagnosed and treated and is in remission and a sister who thankfully is now in remission because she went in for her annual exam and the doctors found and diagnosed her breast cancer while it was in an early stage.  I also have a very good friend who is currently fighting the good fight and is truly a warrior in keeping herself healthy and positive in her thoughts.

 

Eloise Caggiano
Courtesy of parents.com

Perhaps instead of buying something for sale that is pink and supposedly sold to contribute money to cancer research, why not instead help someone you know who has breast cancer.

 

I saw this terrific post by Eloise Caggiano, the program director for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, on a blog at www.parents.com and thought it had some great ideas.  Caggiano is an eight-year breast cancer survivor so her advice comes from a place of experience.  Please read her list of eight ways to help a friend with breast cancer in the link below:

http://www.parents.com/blogs/parents-perspective/2013/10/17/health/8-ways-to-help-a-friend-with-breast-cancer/?socsrc=pmmtw

The Great Possession Debate

Sometimes you find help in the most unpredictable places.

Yesterday morning I was reading a column in The Washington Post called Home Front and came across a question from a reader that I thought was timely, on point and more importantly, one that we all probably will have to face at some point or another in our lives.

The questioner wanted to know what to do with the possessions that once belonged to a loved one.  Specifically, the things that belonged to her father, who had recently died.  Inheriting a lifetime of someone else's possessions can be overwhelming and increase the sadness and stress everyone is already feeling.

 

 

They may just be things, but they are also your loved one's things and since that person is no longer here, it feels as if the possessions will help maintain an emotional bond.  It feels wrong and disrespectful to toss it all away.

 

Do you have to keep everything?

It's up to you.  But keeping everything at some point can become an emotional burden so you might want to pick and choose the things that you do keep.  You can do it little by little when you feel ready.

While preparing yourself to make a decision about a loved one's possessions, here is a wise point of view from Sheila Bridges, an author and New York-based designer who was named "America's Best Interior Designer' by CNN and Time magazine.

Bridges has a common sense answer we all can easily follow.  Here is the unedited question from Home Front and Sheila Bridges' answer:

Q: My mom is coming to live with me in a 1,500-square-foot townhouse.  She has boxes of things she has collected over the years, many associated with my father, who passed away a year ago.  How do I incorporate some of these things in our soon-to-be-shared living spaces?  She collects Hummel figurines and things like that, and I also have one small case of cat-related items.  What is the best way to showcase items such as these without overwhelming the house and still making my mom feel welcome?

 

A: I understand, having just lost my own father nearly a year ago.  I think it is more about incorporating a few of the things that are really meaningful than a ton of items.  Maybe you could put a cabinet with open shelves on top and drawers below in your mom's bedroom and she could put some of the things on the shelves that remind her of your dad.  I incorporated a couple of my father's lamps and his favorite chair into my home, but that was it.  I think anything more than that would have been too much to live with.  They are reminders of him that I love living with, without going overboard and turning my own home into a shrine to him.