Happy St. Patrick's Day

If it's March, it must be that time of year again when everything green is up for grabs and my family is never embarrassed to wear as much of it as possible.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all and I'm sure you're planning to do it up proud!

My large and boisterous family gathered yesterday before the snow hit the Washington, DC area to celebrate our Irish ancestry and all the stops were pulled out for a grand time.   

 

So in the tradition of my Celtic tribe, it was an afternoon of irreverent jokes and imitations, lots of food and drink and unspoken but deeply felt connections from heart to heart.

My niece, Kathleen, and her husband, Ryan

 

Clydes' Tower Oaks

 

 

Me and My Dad



Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Falling in love and being loved is just so oh-la-la isn't it?

May your heart expand today with the joy of being with your Valentine or having great memories of a special Valentine who may no longer be with you.

I'm sending this song out today to Valentines around the globe:

Bridget's Affirmation

When one of my nieces was three years old, she started going to nursery school for part of the day a few times a week.  Her mother (my sister) knew that while she was at school she would start to miss Mommy at some point so she taught her daughter to say to herself, "There is no need to cry.  Everything will be all right.  Mommy will be right back."

My sister was ahead of her time because she was teaching my niece to say an affirmation to herself even though she didn't know what an affirmation was or what they can do.

And you know what?  Repeating those sentences to herself helped to reassure my niece that everything would be all right until Mommy came back.  It worked!!

We didn't know it at the time but when my sister put those words together she hit on a magic formula of sorts because there is a calming power in repeating something positive to yourself over and over again no matter how old you are.

Even today there are times when something stressful will happen in our large family of two parents, six children, four spouses, and 13 grandchildren and we jokingly will repeat the above affirmation to each other as a way of coping with what's going on and telling ourselves that we can handle it.

Affirmations, as I recently have learned, help you focus and can bring clarity to your heart and mind.

 

Affirmations are healing.

You can say them any time during the day and they can be anything that you want them to be.  But they must be positive or uplifting.

We can experience so many emotions after a loved one dies or when we are dealing with a stressful experience in our life.  It's hard to process all of those conflicting feelings all at the same time.  Affirmations have a way of helping you pump the brakes on your self a bit and stop to see exactly what is happening to you.

 

Repeating a positive or uplifting phrase to yourself is similar to being your own cheerleader and giving yourself the encouragement to get through something such as a personal loss or  a life changing event of another sort.  Although I didn't realize it the time, I used affirmations after my husband's death to help me through times when I felt vulnerable or exhausted or just plain overwhelmed.  It wasn't always just the pain of my loss that got to me but sometimes it was just making all decisions by myself whether it was about raising my young son, our house or our finances.

 

I would say to myself, "You can do this" or "You can survive this" or "Tomorrow you will feel stronger" and pretty soon I was on the other side of whatever it was I was trying to handle.  Sometimes I totally screwed something up but the affirmations gave me the boost I needed to get back on track.

 

Maybe you already have a phrase that you say to yourself that really works well for you.  Or maybe you are looking for something new that will affirm your mood or your day or something you trying for the first time.  If you really have no idea of what you could say to yourself as an affirmation, here are a few suggestions:

 

          -- Today is going to be a good day.

          -- Today I choose to think positive thoughts.

          -- I am going to be all right.

          -- There is no other moment; only this moment.

          -- I am blessed with (pick the one that works for you): a wonderful family, fantastic friends, a beautiful home or a great job.

 

So just go out there and try it and see what happens!
 

Nothing More -- The Alternate Routes

After a day spent counting our blessings and giving thanks, today we are full of gratitude right?

 

To keep that warm and fuzzy and wonderful feeling of kindness going, here is a song introduced to me by Hannah Donnelly (a Jesuit Volunteer Corps alumni & my son's girlfriend) that I know I will be singing or humming to myself today or whenever I feel my patience starting to wear.  It is a beautiful song, offering hope and I think it fosters the spirit of giving.

 

 

 

The song, "Nothing More" was written specifically for Newtown Kindness (www.newtownkindness.org) and is performed by a band called The Alternate Routes. 

Please listen.......For it's all in the heart:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tXzlVjU1xs#t=83

A Generous Heart

I saw this letter yesterday and it reminded me that a new school year will be starting soon.  With the beginning of a new school year, perhaps teachers and student will be dealing with conflicting emotions about losses or illnesses that happened over the summer.

 

When a friend or an acquaintance is grieving from the loss of a loved one, it is natural to want to reach out and make them feel better.  One of the greatest gifts we can give is listening.  Even if you don't know what to say, we can always listen; listen as the person talks to you about their story of loss.  This is not a small thing.  Everyone needs to acknowledge what has happened to them in their own words.

But what should we do if we don't know the person very well?

 

They might be someone we work with or someone we see every day or maybe only once in a while.  In this instance, the letter I read concerned a teacher.  Teachers are in professional situations and they may not want or feel comfortable talking to the parents of the children they teach about their loss.

But still you want to show compassion. 

The following letter about acknowledging a teacher's recent loss was sent to Carolyn Hax, a writer and advice columnist for The Washington Post.  Below is the insightful guidance Carolyn Hax gave recently to a mother who wanted to help her daughter's teacher and ease her pain just a bit.

Photo Courtesy of New York Times

Dear Carolyn:

     My daughter is in the third grade, and her teacher lost her mother last week.  I'd like to know what we, as parents, should be doing right now for the teacher.  Sure, send a card and flowers.  But, we're not close friends or family, so I don't know what her day-to-day needs are.  I asked the school if I should come volunteer  a couple of days next week, but they don't even know if she 'll be back by then.  Do you have any suggestions?

                                                              Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

My main suggestion is not to overdo it.  When people are grieving, they often use work as their place to be normal, to escape being The Person Who's Grieving.  Even expressing condolences can affect people's composure when they'd rather stay on even professional keel.*

You have a generous heart, and the offer to volunteer in the classroom is a good one that you can re-make when the teacher is back, ideally through the school and not through the teacher herself.  Having your daughter make/write the card would also be swell -- just keep your involvement to the kind that the teacher can respond/react to in private.

*Since things are never easy. . .  some people are terribly offended when no one says anything about their recent loss.  That's why it's so important to acknowledge the loss in some way if you haven't been asked not to.  Just, again, err on the side of discretion in professional situations.

Keeping Love In Your Heart

The best and most beautiful things in the world

 

 cannot be seen or even touched --

 

they must be felt with the heart.

 

                                    ~ Helen Keller

 

 

 

The human heart is an amazing organ isn't it?  We fall in love, break up, and then perhaps fall in love over and over again, testing the resiliance of our courageous yet vulnerable hearts.

 

Somehow, throughout our lives, we ride this emotional rollercoaster and our hearts manage to survive the ride and keep on beating. When a relationship doesn't work out, we are sad but eventually we pick ourselves up and carry on until we meet the next person who catches our fancy.   

 

We must keep love in our hearts for love teaches us everything about the richness of life.
 

Blessed Easter

Have A Blessed Easter

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Gospel of St. Matthew 5:3-10

Staying Young At Heart

Next week is Thanksgiving!! How did that happen?

The calendar says November (I checked it!) but I feel I'm still mentally stuck in the summertime.  I really am having a hard time this year getting used to daylight savings time and it being dark so early.  It doesn't feel great to leave work, walk out of the building and it's already night time.  It is just not my thing at all.  I love it when it is 7 or 8 o'clock at night and it's still light outside!

 

It's the best!

Plus this year, Thanksgiving seems early and then all the shopping and parties start and before you know it, Christmas is here.

I'm looking forward to catching up with my son who has been away for months and other members of my family I haven't seen for awhile.  Then there are always those memories of holidays in the past which sometimes sit in the back of my brain, vying for attention.  These memories can be triggered by a person, a song, even the smell of particular food.

 

For instance, whenever I smell that burnt, roasting smell of chestnuts cooking, I am instantly in New York City with my husband.   And whenever I smell turkey stuffing or the ingredients of stuffing cooking, I am back in the kitchen of my childhood.

 

I think it's healthy to take these good and bad holiday memories "out" shall we say, and visit with them but not obsess over them.  Acknowledge that they happened, talk about them or write about them if that makes you feel better and then put these past memories back in their mental place.

 

Today is what counts.  Not something that happened many years ago that you can't change and might not want to change.  Express what is appropriate and then move on.

 

This holiday season my priority is to stay emotionally well and appreciate simplicity.  In browsing the web to research ways to reinforce this idea for myself, I came upon a short list of tips written by Joan Westlake for healthkey.com that I think is a good starting point for being positive and staying young at heart:

1. Love

Affection and companionship are the best medicines for the heart.  Fabulous friends, great grandchildren, salubrious siblings and nice neighbors keep you involved in life.  Revel in romance.  Pets provide unconditional love plus the hugs and warmth on which the soul thrives.

2. Give

What you give truly comes back 10-fold.  There are children longing for someone to read them a book, homeless folks hungry for a helping of kindness with their soup, homebound people waiting for a ray of humanity to brighten their day and friendly dogs needing a walk while the hope for a forever family.

3. Move

Get on the go.  Swimming is one of the best ways to keep in shape well into your 90s.  Start your day off with a walk or hike.  Take a dance class and get out and Salsa, Two-Step or Disco.  Tai chi and yoga guide you in ancient movements to enrich your body and soul.

4. Explore
Take a trip.  Learn a new language.  Start a new business.  Go live in the place of your dreams.  Find your spiritual nature.  Go boldly into new worlds.

5. Party
Celebrate and embrace each birthday!  Invite friends of all ages.  Dance and play loud music.  Eat cake and steak and have that rowdy shot of tequila or expensive glass of wine. 

You're worth it!!