Time is one the most precious of commodities we have.
It should never be wasted and always treasured for its possibilities.
On this New Year's Eve of 2013, I hold my fresh new calendar to hung in the kitchen tomorrow and flip through the untouched months and days and wonder what this years holds for me, my family and my friends.
Of course I hope for only good and fantastic things to happen to those I care about and that includes you my dear and wonderful readers! Thank you so much for all of your support!!
As I always say, I hope I help you as much as you help me.
Alice G Patterson Photography Courtesy House of Turquoise
I know some people love to make resolutions at the beginning of a new year, but I prefer to try and focus on each day as it comes to me and work within those twenty four hours on being positive, loving, healthy and helpful to others. I don't always hit the mark but I try really hard!
Let's put those negative events behind us as we start a brand new year and let go of any feelings that may get in our way of doing something we want to passionately pursue.
Whether you are cozy at home, playing board games and watching the crowd at Times Square, or getting glammed up right now to go to a rockin' party tonight, I raise my glass to you and wish you a happy and safe New Year's Eve!
Sometimes on Friday evenings, I watch CBS's prime-time hit series CSI:NY on television. I love crime shows and one of the other reasons I like to watch it is Sela Ward, an award-winning actress who plays a very cool, straight-to-the-point detective named Jo Danville.
In real life, Ward is a busy mother of two children and a wife as well as a career woman. Yet she always gives off this aura of being calm, collected and totally together; something I am constantly working towards.
This month she landed beautifully and professionally on the cover of Ladies Home Journal magazine where she gave an interesting interview about taking risks in life and being open to unplanned opportunities that life may spring on you.
Sela Ward
I love Ward's honest attitude towards life and being courageous in your actions. She's not afraid to admit to making a mistake or putting herself out there in an untested way. She picks herself up and continually starts over again. That takes a lot of guts!
While she talks in the interview about her determination with regards to acting, I think her philosphy of grabbing life and going full throttle can easily be applied to myself and anyone else out there trying to find a new direction in their life or just trying to discover new ways to make their life work in a healthy and creative way.
Here are just three of many insightful questions and answers from the Ladies Home Journal interview with the very cool Sela Ward:
Q: LHJ: Isn't it funny how we make plans for our lives, but so much occurs by chance?
Ward: Yes, but there's a drive that makes you keep moving forward -- and connects you to other people. If you sit at home all day long or play it safe or say "I'm not going to go to that," then you don't meet those interesting people who can change your life. You have to open yourself up to the world. I open myself up to possibilities all the time.
Q: LHJ: In what ways do you keep moving forward, in your personal and professional life?
Ward: When I was on Sisters, I'd be so bad some weeks. I'd take a risk with a scene and fall flat on my face. But I'd pick myself up, work with my acting coach, go back the next week and then be kind of good. Of course the following week I'd fall on my face again. I did this for six years. By the time I was finished there wasn't one scene or script that I was afraid of. I have that same attitude about life. I know how to put in the hard work, I know what I don't know and I know how to figure it out.
Q: LHJ: Are you always thinking about what's next or is there part of you that is able to sit back and enjoy the here and now?
Ward: I try to live my life in the present. If you think in terms of "This is it," not "Things will be better in my next lifetime," the choices you make are different. For me right now it's about living my life in Technicolor. There are so many opportunities and possibilities all around us. Even though I'm not in that "35 and under" relevant category anymore, I've still got a lot to offer -- I've still got a lot I want to do.
Living our lives in Technicolor. . . Isn't that a great concept? Sela is so wise!
You are either laughing with joy from the news of your acceptance or crying because you got rejected.
If you didn't get into the college you wanted, it feels as if it's the end of the world, doesn't it? But guess what?
It's not.
You don't know where life is going to take you; who you're going to meet and where you're going to go. Life is full of the unexpected and the unplanned.
I am in a place I never thought I would be but it's still good! I think I could ask my friends the same questions about college, careers and life and they would agree that life does not always unfold the way we think it will but it ends up working out.
In one of my former lives many, many years ago, I was a reporter in Washington, DC who wrote for The Boston Globe. I covered the Massachusetts delegation on Capitol Hill. I worked very hard, learned a lot about how things really work and also had a ton of fun.
Part of that fun was getting to know a group of stellar reporters and writers who were considered to be in a category all by themselves. Their work was untouchable. They were not only great reporters and writers but they were great people outside of work. David Nyhan was one of those guys.
Below is a classic story that Nyhan wrote in 1987 about keeping life and the whole college admissions thing in perspective. And The Boston Globe continues to reprint it all the time because no one can say it any better.
Please read it and you will discover the special way that Nyhan had with words and more importantly, that his words still ring true today.
David Nyhan
Did You Get A College Rejection Letter? Here's Some Sage Advice?
By David Nyhan, Globe Staff
Former Globe columnist the late David Nyhan wrote the following column in
1987. Since then, it has been reprinted in the newspaper and online many times
around this time of year. Nyhan died in January 2005.
THE REJECTIONS arrive this time of year in thin, cheap
envelopes, some with a crummy window for name and address, as if it were a bill,
and none with the thick packet you'd hoped for.
''Dear So-and-so:
''The admissions committee gave full consideration . . . but I regret to
inform you we will be unable to offer you a place in the Class of 2012." Lots of
applicants, limited number of spaces, blah blah blah, good luck with your
undergraduate career. Very truly yours, Assistant Dean Blowhard, rejection
writer, Old Overshoe U.
This is the season of college acceptance letters. So it's also the time of
rejection. You're in or you're out. Today is the day you learn how life is not
like high school. To the Ins, who got where they wanted to go: Congrats, great,
good luck, have a nice life, see you later. The rest of this is for the
Outs.
You sort of felt it was coming. Your SAT scores weren't the greatest. Your
transcript had some holes in it. You wondered what your teachers'
recommendations would really say, or imply. And you can't help thinking about
that essay you finished at 2 o'clock in the morning of the day you absolutely
had to mail in your application, that essay which was, well, a little weird.
Maybe you could have pulled that C in sociology up to a B-minus. Maybe you
shouldn't have quit soccer to get a job to pay for your gas. Maybe it was that
down period during sophomore year when you had mono and didn't talk to your
teachers for three months while you vegged out. What difference does it make
what it was? It still hurts.
It hurts where you feel pain most: inside. It's not like the usual heartache
that kids have, the kind other people can't see. An alcoholic parent, a secret
shame, a gaping wound in the family fabric, these are things one can carry to
school and mask with a grin, a wisecrack, a scowl, a
just-don't-mess-with-me-today attitude.
But everybody knows where you got in and where you didn't. Sure, the letter
comes to the house. But eventually you've still got to face your friends. ''Any
mail for me?" is like asking for a knuckle sandwich. Thanks a lot for the kick
in the teeth. What a bummer.
How do you tell kids at school? That's the hard part. The squeals in the
corridor from the kids who got in someplace desirable. The supercilious puss on
the ones who got early acceptance or the girl whose old man has an in at Old
Ivy.
There's the class doofus who suddenly becomes the first nerd accepted at
Princeton, the 125-pound wrestling jock who, surprise, surprise, got into MIT.
But what about you?
You've heard about special treatment for this category or that category,
alumni kids on a legacy ticket or affirmative action luckouts or rebounders or
oboe players. Maybe they were trying to fill certain slots. But you're not a
slot. You're you. They can look at your grades and weigh your scores and see how
many years you were in French Club. But they can't look into your head, or into
your heart. They can't check out the guts department.
This is the important thing: They didn't reject you. They rejected your
resume. They gave some other kid the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that kid
deserved a break. Don't you deserve a break? Sure. You'll get one. Maybe this is
the reality check you needed. Maybe the school that does take you will be good.
Maybe this is the day you start to grow up.
Look at some people who've accomplished a lot and see where they started.
Ronald Reagan? Eureka College. Jesse Jackson? They wouldn't let him play
quarterback in the Big Ten, so he quit Illinois for North Carolina A & T. Do
you know that the recently retired chairmen and CEOs of both General Motors and
General Electric graduated from UMass? Bob Dole? He went to Washburn Municipal
University.
The former minority leader of the United States Senate, Tom Daschle, went to
South Dakota State. The former speaker of the US House of Representatives, J.
Dennis Hastert, went to Northern Illinois University. Dick Armey, the former
House majority leader, took a bachelor's degree from Jamestown College. Winston
Churchill? He was so slow a learner that they used to write to his mother to
come take this boy off our hands.
I know what you think: Spare me the sympathy. It still hurts. But let's keep
this in perspective. What did Magic Johnson say to the little boy who also
tested HIV positive? ''You've got to have a positive attitude." What happens
when you don't keep a positive attitude? Don't ask.
This college thing? What happened is that you rubbed up against the reality
of big-time, maybe big-name, institutions. Some they pick, some they don't. You
lost. It'll happen again, but let's hope it won't have the awful kick. You'll
get tossed by a girlfriend or boyfriend. You won't get the job or the promotion
you think you deserve. Some disease may pluck you from life's fast lane and pin
you to a bed, a wheelchair, a coffin. That happens.
Bad habits you can change; bad luck is nothing you can do anything about.
Does it mean you're not a good person? People like you, if not your resume.
There's no one else that can be you. Plenty of people think you're special now,
or will think that, once they get to know you. Because you are.
And the admissions department that said no? Screw them. You've got a life to
lead.
They say that sharing is caring and I care so much about my readers that when I read the below post yesterday from the Bereaved Partners Support Group (@BereavedPartner on Twitter), I couldn't wait to share it with you.
So many things in this article resonated with me: especially the idea of stepping into your fears and working through them to find something new in your changed life.
Healing and recovery happen. It may not feel as though this natural process is happening to you but it is. You must believe in a new way of life and even a new point of view.
It doesn't mean that you won't miss your loved one. You will. But it will not feel as raw as it did in the beginning. I can't tell you how many people would tell me that my husband would not want me to live my life in a sad way; in a way of constantly feeling pain. I knew they were right but I didn't feel that way. I wasn't in that place yet. And then one day it did make sense to me and I did realize that it was okay to enjoy my life.
It is okay to buy some beautiful flowers. It is okay to go out and laugh with friends. It is okay to open myself up to new opportunities.
Please read the below story. I love it because it is so hopeful!!
Awakening
One of our group attendees passed on this passage to us to share with others. We encourage you to read it. It is eye-opening, grounding and beautiful…
BPSG Team
Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get it… when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out… ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realise it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realise that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you… and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself… and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn’t always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself… and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-resilience.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties… and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the out-dated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, its not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is a temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our souls. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people… and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
To me, this picture captures a feeling of freedom. The freedom of possibility, the freedom of creativity. It's warm outside, not hot hot, and the windows are down; Janis Joplin's great whiskey voice is singing, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. . ."
When I see those VW wagons driving down the highway, I am reminded of the 1960's and the sometimes excellent adventures of being a teenager. It was fun but I don't think I would want to go back and relive those times. Maybe you feel differently. . .
Today I look at the passage of time very differently. Every day is an opportunity to try to do something alittle differently or work on something about yourself that you are trying to improve. It can be something small like adding another minute to your exercises or not cursing for 24 hours (that would be me) or something big like calling someone you haven't talked to in a long time or visiting an ill person who may be in the hospital.
Sometimes it's the little things in life that can make a difference.
Someone holds the door for you as you enter a building.
A stranger (nicely and innocently) smiles at you for no reason.
A friend calls you.
Someone treats you to lunch.
A happy card arrives in the mail.
You find a dress, purse or shoes on sale at an incredible price. ( I always love this!)
Someone actually listens to you.
These small wonderful surprises give you a lift and put something extra into your step. Most of these are surprises that you can give to someone else too. After all, life is a two way street.
It goes without saying that I truly love the big unexpected surprises that come with the proverbial red bow around them but these days, at this point in my life, the wait is longer for those Santa Claus/Big Daddy life presents and instead I take pleasure in the small things that happen to me and I what I can do for others.
Try it and see. I think you will be oh-so surprised!
