Respect The Tech

I recently took an excellent class at a writer's center in suburban Maryland and learned that my blog, Cry Laugh Heal, needs a technological overhaul.

 

Today's title, "Respect The Tech" is wise advice from my savvy and humorous teacher, Mary T. McCarthy, who currently is an editor at Splice Today (www.splicetoday.com), and founded and writes for her own popular humor website called Pajamas and Coffee (www.pajamasandcoffee.com).  She's the mother of four children and I'm not sure where she finds the time or energy but she also has a book coming out this summer called "The Scarlet Letter Society".  Whew! McCarthy is one busy and very smart dynamo.

 

Basically "respect the tech" means to get your blog or website set up correctly and technologically right.  And if you personally can't get it right, then you must find someone you can trust to keep you on the tech straight and narrow.  The tech is too important to be ignored.  Take it from me, ignoring it brings unwelcome consequences.  I didn't mean to ignore it, I just got overwhelmed by it and other things going on in my life and I thought everything would be okay. NOT!

 

I think I was spending so much time on the writing and the writing and the writing that I took my eye off the tech.  I am now trying to catch up as best I can and I hope you will be patient with my project currently under construction.

The software I have been using is woefully out of date and there are many, many updates that need to be installed.  Patience and calm are my current watchwords as I transition from one site to another and I must admit that I am learning a lot which is a good thing right?

 

I'm not going to go on and on and about what I need to do but I would like to give my wonderful readers a heads up that change is in the making and I am busy trying to make sure that all is in place before I launch a new and improved Cry Laugh Heal.

Any feedback you want to send me is definitely welcome.

Thank you!!

Farmer In The Dell

I love farmer's markets.

 

Everything about them fascinates me.  I slow down and totally lose track of time as I enjoy walking from vendor to vendor and talking to each one of them about the unique products they are selling whether it's veggies, fruits, honey, cheeses, breads, soaps or food being cooked to order.

 

Yesterday it truly felt as if the weather had turned a corner and while it was a bit chilly the sun was bright and increasingly warm as the day progressed.  People with their children and dogs and friends and neighbors strolled and chatted each other up at the weekly farmer's market held in the Palisades section of Northwest Washington, DC. 

 

Everybody was just so darn happy to be outside and enjoying the nicer weather!  You could feel the relief in the easy manner of people greeting each other and the slower pace of checking out the market's wares whether it was sampling apples, biscotti, or asking questions about the young herb plants.

 

 

It's kind of similar to everyone having their own lemonade stand and making a go of it with their best products whatever that might be.  Making time for activities you enjoy can be one of the steps you take when rebuilding your life after a loss.  For me, farmer's markets create a healing feeling.  They reinforce for me that we are part of a larger community focused on being supportive and giving back.  Creating extra special karma if you will.

 

That might sound kind of fruit and nutty to you but I like the idea of people making things with their hands whether it is farming or sewing or jewelry and then coming together to share their talents.

 

People selling at farmer's markets always take a lot of pride in what they've made and much of what is sold at farmer's markets is organic or at least pretty close to it and I feel I'm doing my body and brain a favor when I buy healthier more natural foods that are closer to the sources of where they were grown and in my small way I'm also helping an entrepreneur who is trying to run a small business.

I was especially happy to find a vendor selling peach blossoms which are some of my favorite blooms to have in the house during spring and I also bought a few young lettuce plants for myself.

Score!

Commiting To Heal

When committing yourself to begin healing, you are taking an important step.  You are in effect looking around yourself and saying that today's situation isn't working well for you and you are choosing to change.

I have found that it's a decision that can make you feel two contradictory emotions at the same time. On the one hand, you are feeling brave to decide to open yourself up to change but on the other hand, the act of opening yourself up to something new is scary and nerve wracking because it's unpredictable.

 

We all react differently to the loss of a loved one or a trauma in our lives.  It's okay.  You are in new territory but you aren't alone.

Isn't it funny how you can feel strong and scared in the same moment?  But you can't allow that push-pull moment to overtake you and possibly stop you.  If you think about change too much, then it might slow you down.  It's much more important to keep the momentum going; to keep moving forward.

Simplifying can be the way to go when big things in your life are about to change it up. 

Tell yourself that just for today you will not be afraid.

You will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, what makes you laugh, what brings you peaceful feelings.

As you give to the world, so will the world give back to you.

Creative Encouragement

Each day is a new opportunity to find inspiration!

 

People, nature, architecture, words, acts of kindness or even criticism can spark inspiration in me to go forward and think about my life in a new or different way.  The world around us can serve to fuel the fire of our inner creativity or cause us to shift our ideas about the way life happens.

 

Inspiration keeps me going and renews my faith and hope in the future of myself and others.  Regardless of where you find yourself right now or what happened to you last week, last month or last year, you are capable of shaping your life to reflect your passions and goals.

 

We are a community of beings in need of each other and no one should ever feel they are alone in their precious life. 

 

We can heal.  We really can.

 

 

 

Happy New 2014!

As I awake to the beginnings of a new day and a new year,

I feel the air is crackling with the sense of possibilities.

 

Let us embrace the unknown and untried.

 

Let us go forward, secure in the knowledge that we are resilient.

 

We can gain strength from pain and we will help others in their journey.

 

For we are truly better together!

 

 

No Lifeguard On Duty

If you had told me ten years ago that it would take me this long to navigate my conflicting feelings of loss and truly come to grips with the fact that my husband died, he's not coming back and I'll never see him again, I would have thought you were smoking something and totally out there.

In the beginning, I was just trying to survive which meant working a full-time job and raising a thirteen-year-old boy by myself.  I honestly didn't think beyond the day I was in.  That's all I could manage.  I constantly told myself that other women have done it with more children and younger children and I could do it too.  But still it took all of the energy I could muster.

  

Photo By Sheila Hayes

Day by day, slowly, I put one foot in front of the other, sometimes falling, sometimes crashing, but always finding a way to get back up and put myself out there again.  There were times when I felt  as though I were swimming without a lifeguard on duty.  That I was screaming "Help" as loud as possible and no one heard me.  No one was there to jump in and save me if you know what I mean. 

 

And so I find that in between the making of daily decisions about working, taking care of the house, the car, and all of the other pressing responsibilities of motherhood and adulthood, somehow ten years happened.  Ten years of soul searching.  Ten years of living fully to the max. 

What did I learn?

         -- No one is going to do it for you.  You are allowed to wallow in the unknowns and unfairness of your situation for a short amount of time but then you have to stop.  As the saying goes, there comes a point where you have to pull up your big girl pants, take a deep breath and just go out there and live.  As screwed up as you feel, you just have to keep going and trust in yourself.  You are responsible for yourself and you will find your way to recover.  You will!

         -- Don't have regrets.  If it's not worth your energy, then push it aside and move on.  But if you have something to say to someone, then say it.  I'm not suggesting that you be mean or abrupt but if you have a point to make or a compliment to give then do it.  Don't wait around for a reason to do something.  You can't be afraid to try something new.  You are already living in uncharted territory.  You can make it happen.

         -- Nothing happens the way you think it will.  I don't know why it happens that way but it does.  That can be a good thing and it can also be an incredibly frustrating thing.  I worked on shifting my perspective about certain parts of my life and then sometimes ended up being pleasantly surprised.

         -- You have to take care of yourself; physically and mentally.  You need to get lots of sleep, eat well and definitely, definitely exercise.  Exercise is my saving grace.  On many days when I felt like everything was melting down I forced myself to get on the stationary bicycle, go outside and run or take a walk.  Sometimes I would walk with a friend and other times I would put the trusty ear buds in my ears, turn up the music, and try to work through some of my feelings that made me think I was constantly screwing up and that life was a mess.

           -- Reach out.  Definitely reach out.  Yes, your family and friends are more than uncomfortable with what has happened to you but you just have to keep talking and hoping that you can help them see what it feels like.  Strengthen your emotional support system.  Find a support group or volunteer to help a cause you are passionate about.  I think you will find it hard to make good solid progress if you try to push your feelings down inside yourself.  They will not go away on their own.  I know you think that you can ignore the chaotic emotional mess that's churning around inside of you but guess what?  You have to push through to the other side of the pain.

Ten years of hard work later, I feel I am in a better place and I have made huge strides in rebuilding my life.  I am writing this today in the hopes that I can lend a helping hand to others who are also on a journey to heal their hearts.  Cry, Laugh, Heal is here to let you know you are not alone in the emotions surrounding the loss of a loved one.

 

Perhaps more than anything, even as everything hits the fan, I have learned to try and stay positive and hopeful, to keep my heart open to all kinds of love and good times and the wonders of living a full life. 

 

Our loved ones would want us to find happiness without them and even though life doesn't feel the same, there is always, always the possibility for a different kind of life.  It may not be a life you had initially thought of for yourself but you are talented and special and deserve to find joy and inner peace . . .  and maybe even fall in love again.

Anything is possible!!!

Road Trip -- Traveling Alone

I was chatting with one of my friends recently and catching up with the happenings in her life.  We hadn't spoken for a few months so there was a lot to talk about.  Her husband died about three years ago and she was telling me about the adjustments and bumps in the road that her new life was presenting for her.

 

One big issue was vacation.

 

Sounds great, right?  Easy, right? Just do it, right?

 

Welllllll, it's not as easy as it sounds if you are still getting used to the idea that you are doing things by yourself.  She had planned where she wanted to go for a vacation.  That was the easy part.  It's the same place that she and her husband used to go every year for vacation so she is very familiar with where she is going.  And she also planned for friends to be there when she arrives. 

 

But the friends are coming from different cities so she will be traveling to her vacation place by herself.  For the first time.

I have no doubts that she will be able to handle the actual traveling by herself.  She may be a little teary and she might need to stop along the way to collect herself when memories of her and her husband together occassionally pops into her brain but overall I think going on vacation this way will be a good thing for my friend to try this and see how it goes.  I give her a lot of credit for putting herself out there and doing something very different.  She's a trooper!

I know you agree and am wondering what your thoughts are on this kind of situation.  Traveling alone may be a breeze for you. . . or not.  Do you have any tips to share about feeling vulnerable and traveling alone?

Many thanks for your suggestions!!!

A Year of Blessings

How Have You Been Blessed?

I know we are in the middle of January, but I just saw this idea on a website called The Honest Company (www.honest.com) and I wanted to share it right away.  Hopefully, this idea is new for you too!

 

Here's the basic idea:  At the beginning of a new year, start writing down blessings that happen to you throughout the year and put them in a container.  On New Year's Eve or Day 2014, you can empty out the jar and read all about the year of blessings that you had!

 

The Honest Company's blog suggested writing down wishes or memories made throughout the year but I thought writing down blessings whenever you think of them instead of memories and wishes would be a positive way and perhaps a reinforcing way to look for the good things that happen to you as you heal. 

 

Rebuilding your life and trying to find a new way to live your life after the loss of a loved one is a slow process that has many stops and starts.  I have found that it sometimes is a subtle process too.  Everyone's journey is unique.  Small changes can be happening to you and you may not be aware of it.

 

What kinds of things am I talking about?  For me, my sleep pattern started changing as I began to gather strength after my husband's death.  Instead of tossing and turning or hardly sleeping at all, slowly I began to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep for longer periods of time.

 

What a blessing!

 

Blessings happen to us every day and we may take them for granted.  The sun is shining, someone smiled at you, your jeans fit.  A blessing can be whatever you think is a positive thing that has happened to you!  I try to tell myself that no matter how bad the day was, there had to be something good in it.  You know what those days are like.  Those days when everything seems to go wrong or it doesn't happen the way you planned?

 

I still try to find a positive in all that frustrating stuff.  Sometimes it's just a blessing that the day is over and you can wake up fresh and try again the next day.  I know life can be painful but if I can't change the circumstances then I have to try and learn to roll with it and find some good somewhere. 

 

Have fun with this blessings idea.  It doesn't have to be an every day thing.  You can write down whatever you want whenever you want to write it down.  But at the end of the year it might surprise you to look back on the blessings that took place in your life in 2013.

 

Last night I found a container for my blessings and I wrote down two: a wonderful son and good health.

 

What are your blessings?

 

Let Your Light Shine

Today is twenty four hours of new time.  Time you didn't have yesterday and time you won't have tomorrow.

Today is a day for you to shine.  In the words of South African President Nelson Mandela (please read below), "We are powerful beyond measure."

 

Today is a day to discover something new about yourself.  A day to show what you are about.

It's your day. . . Find your power!

 

 

 

Find Your Power

 

 

Our Deepest Fear

From Nelson Mandela's 1994 inaugural speech

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who I am to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you NOT to be?

You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the World.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that

other people won't feel unsure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God

that is within us.

It is not just in some of us;

it is in everyone.

As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously 

give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

Cry, Laugh, Heal Has A New Look!

 

 

 



Check out the new look of Cry, Laugh, Heal and let me know what you think.

I re-designed the blog to give it a fresher feel.  I hope you find it easier to read and more pleasing to the eye.

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