Seeing Clearly

"Give yourself the gift of time in coming to answers for your life. . . .

 

It takes time, and a lot of introspection and soul-searching,

 

to get clear about what you really want to manifest in your life."

 

                                       ~Author David Emerald

Freezing Friday

Wow!! What a week!

Between the snow, the ice and the polar vortex of winds hitting the Washington, DC area, it's seems as though it's been a battle of the elements every day.  Fashion has definitely gone by the wayside and staying warm is the priority.  Sometimes the sun is out but I'm not feeling too much difference in the temperature.

 

I am not really a winter person at all but this chilly cold season does teach me to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.  I can't change it so I've got to go with it and get on the other side of it.

 

I try to look at it as another lesson in a different kind of resilience.  As in: I can't control what Mother Nature decides to bring to my area of Planet Earth but I can control my response to her events. 

Snow People Visiting The U.S. Capitol

I can stare and curse at the frozen snowy icy car or I can go out and start it, warm it up and start clearing it off.  It's all about taking a deep breath and just doing it.  And that's when I put one pair of gloves inside another pair of gloves and the same with socks.  It's the only way to make sure my fingers and toes stay warm and toasty.  I don't know about you but if my hands and feet get cold, I'm a goner.  I just can't take it.

So for those of you in warm and tropical climates, I wish I were there with you.  But seeing as I am not, I will be dealing with my Freezing Friday, staying bundled up and taking it a step at a time.

Happy New 2014!

As I awake to the beginnings of a new day and a new year,

I feel the air is crackling with the sense of possibilities.

 

Let us embrace the unknown and untried.

 

Let us go forward, secure in the knowledge that we are resilient.

 

We can gain strength from pain and we will help others in their journey.

 

For we are truly better together!

 

 

You Can't Sit Back & Wait

Did you ever complain about something you thought was going to be great but then it turned out to be a disappointing experience?

If you happened to complain to my mother about such a thing, then she probably would tell you that you have no one to blame but yourself because you get out of something what you put into it.

Which is the another way of saying that you can't sit on your butt and wait for stuff to come to you; you need to make the effort and go out there and take a chance and make some stuff happen.

Maybe it won't work the first time or the second time.  But you have to keep trying!

Check out the rainbow!

Happiness is not something that's ready made.

 

It comes from your own actions

 

                     ~ Dalai Lama

6 American Optimists

Readers: start your engines!

If you are anything like me, you probably have days when it's just plain hard to get into gear and get going.

 

 

To help you move it along today,  here are six Americans (I am inspired by Gabby Giffords!) who told Reader's Digest that life is better when you think positive and here's what they have to say about looking on the bright side of life:

Spirtual Adviser

Billy Graham, 94, Christian minister, says, "If I didn't have spiritual faith, I would be a pessimist.  But I'm an optimist.  I've read the last page in the Bible.  It's going to turn out all right."

Educator

School principal Kenyetta Wilbourn, 36, carried an aluminum bat through the hallways of Detroit'd Denby High when she started there in 2009.  Now, while the neighborhood is still troubled, Wilbourn has transformed Denby into a clean, calm center of learning  "This city is not the 'diamond in the rough'; it is the actual diamond," she says.

Journalist

Katie Couric, 55, broadcaster and author, says, "Find the joy.  When you feel it, le t it wash over you.  And take a moment to appreciate it.  Be grateful for the people in your life, for waking up feeling good and pain free, and for the stretch of road ahead that's so full of possibilities.  When you encouter bumps, keep going and don't look back."

Politician

Gabrielle Giffords, 42, the former congreswoman from Arizona, wrote the final chapter of 2011 book, Gabby: A Story of Courage and Hope, in her own words: "Hope and fatih.  You have to have hope and faith. . . Long ways to go.  Grateful to survive.  It's frustrating.  Mentally hard.  Hard work.  I'm trying.  Trying so hard to get better.  Regain what I've lost. . .I will get stronger.  I will return.

 

Sports Enthusiast

Grant DePorter, 48, a Chicago restaureur and leading Chicago Cubs fan, is sticking by the team, which last won the World Series in 1908.  "No one knows more about optimism than a Cubs fan.  After waiting 104 years, it's our optimism, and not the winning, that binds us together.  We really do believe the next year will be the year," he says.

 

Business Leader

Former Google executive Marissa Mayer, 37, was named CEO of the struggling internet giant Yahoo! last August.  She's the sixth person to hold the post in the past five years.  "My view is that the core of Yahoo! is incredibly valuable and a great platform to build on," she says.

Who inspires you?

Diane Von Furstenberg

You probably know of Diane Von Furstenberg from her infamous dress designs for women, especially her iconic wrap dress.  Her dresses have been worn by First Lady Michelle Obama, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow.  Today, Diane Von Furstenberg masterfully runs a global company, tastefully designing women's fashions, along with fragrances, cosmetics and home collections.

Diane Von Furstenberg

But Diane Von Furstenberg is more than a fashionista.  She is also a passionate and generous person who spends a lot of time mentoring women and distributing her grant and philanthropic money to community building, education and environmental causes, among others.

 

And if that isn't enough, she also offers support by reaching out and communicating through a column that she writes for The Cut, the high-end fashion section in New York Magazine (http://nymag.com/thecut/). 

 

Today, Diane takes a question about negative energy.  The very thing that I try extra hard to keep out of myself and my life.  Negative energy can waste time, money, talent and hurt your outlook on life.  I know it when I am with it, no matter how attractively packaged it is.  What's a person to do?  Walk away?  Feign indifference?

Here is Diane's sage advice:

Dear Diane: As someone who places a lot of focus on inner peace and happiness, how do you deal with the negative energy of others? -- Athena

The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.  You have to build from within and you will have control.  Be honest with yourself, accept who you are.  Once you do that, you can improve yourself and like yourself.  YOU are the solution!  Look for the light and build around it.  You have the keys to your happiness.  Let others be negative, your light will shine on them!  It also helps to surround yourself with amazing women.  I am so thrilled to be in the fourth year of the DVF Awards, where we award five extraordinary women who have had the courage to fight, the power to survive, and the leadership to inspire.  I have met so many incredible women that make it easy to focus on the positive because they have so often turned hardship into opportunity.  That is the definition of grace.

And that my friends, is also positive energy!

Writing Through Your Emotions

To me, processing or working through difficult emotions such as grief, anger, frustration and confusion, is in a sense, breaking down the walls of why I feel a certain way.  Once I think I have figured out a pretty good reason why I think this is happening, I try to either get rid of as much of the feeling as I can or I try to readjust or "rebuild" my way of looking at the situation.

 

During the "figuring out" stage (which can be hours or months), my mind is usually a jumble of thoughts and emotions.  I may be feeling powerless in a situation that keeps repeating itself or getting worse.  Sometimes I grab a pad of paper and start writing down what's in my head -- even if it doesn't make any sense.

Writing can be an effective way of sorting through a problem or trying to find a new way to deal with life after the loss of a loved one.  Just seeing the partial thoughts or beginnings of ideas on paper has helped me get through whatever is going on.   In the beginning, you may only be able to think of a phrase or a few unrelated words but the act of writing it on paper feels positive.  It's also a safe and confidential way of dealing with your emotions because it's only on a piece of paper that you can later rip up.

 

Psychological studies have found that writing about stressful, traumatic or emotional events, like caring for a dying person or grieving their loss, helps people recover faster, both psychologically and physically.

 

Jotting down thoughts, almost in stream of consciousness style, helps me move forward because it's a lot like doodling.

 

In the beginning, your pen is just moving around and doesn't seem to be following any pattern.  Then, after awhile when you're just fooling around, a design or complete thoughts start to form.  In this case, if you allow your mind to wander and you keep trying to work through the conflicting emotions eventually things start to click and a kind of healing may start.

 

Of course it's hard to put your sorrow or your loneliness into words.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.  Perhaps you can pretend you are talking to a friend or even talking to the person you lost as you search for the words that make sense.  Describe what you are feeling.  Write it down and think about what it really means to you in relation to your changed life; your life without your loved one.

 

Writing may help you feel more connected and supported and less like you are outside of yourself.

 

Writing is a resource that's available to you any time you need it.

 

 

It's A New Day

Photo By Jonny Valiant

I'm not making resolutions for 2013.

 

I feel when I do make resolutions that I'm setting myself up to feel bad if I don't stay true to the resolution, no matter what it is.

 

Instead, my goal is to try and treat each day as if it were a "new year" and do my best.  I expect that sometimes I will achieve my best in those twenty-four hours and sometimes I will not come even close.

 

But the next day will be a new day and an opportunity to try once again to put myself out there!

 

My inspiration for today is the following quote from one of my favorite authors:

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself!

                                 ~ Anna Quindlen, Pulitzer Prize winning jounalist and bestselling author

Perspective

 

Photo By Patti Raab

 

Have you ever been sitting in your car at a traffic light waiting for the light to turn and you look out the window and see something that's probably been there for months but it's as if you are seeing it for the first time?

Why haven't I noticed that building before?  Are those new plants?  How long has that bench been there?

 

When you slow down or stop the usual routine of what you are doing, it can give you an opportunity to really see the world around you and notice the beauty of your environment.  In other words, a fresh perspective.

 

A few days ago, I had been sitting at my desk working on my computer for way too long and I decided to take a break.  Instead of walking around the office, I went outside and walked a number of blocks in direction I don't usually go.  I stood on the sidewalk and looked up at the sky and took a deep breath then I slowly walked, taking notice of the buildings, the plants, people, just life itself and how it was all happening.

 

The warmth of the sun felt great and just getting out and moving around gave me a positive perspective on the rest of the day.  It was just enough of break to shake off some stress and feel renewed.

 

You have control over your perspective about life.  Some days it is not always easy to find the wonder of being, but it is there for us to discover.  I think there is a lot of truth in the following quote which I found on the always resourceful website, The Silver Pen (www.thesilverpen.com):

Welcome To Today!

A good friend from high school who I am now friends with on Facebook (Yeah!), posted the below message on her page.  I found it to be so hopeful that I wanted to share it.

Today is a clean slate and an opportunity to start or finish or say or write something that you didn't get a chance to do yesterday.  There is always hope that things will get better.  I truly believe it!!  Hang in there if you are going through a rough patch.

Here's to today.  Grab and go with it:

Grab Your Opportunity

"When someone says 'Opportunity only knocks once,' what in the world are they thinking?

Opportunity exists virtually everywhere you look."

~ Richard Carlson

YOLO

I recently became familiar with the term YOLO.  My son used it in his graduation speech and I had to sheepishly ask him afterwards what it meant.  "Mom, you know, it means 'You Only  Live Once'!"  Of course I know the phrase, "You Only Live Once" and have heard it at least a million times, but I don't think of it as YOLO.

It's hard to stay on top of the latest in lingo.  Everywhere I turn, I either hear or see someone saying YOLO or it's stamped on T-shirt's or painted and written as graffiti on walls and sidewalks.

The rapper Drake started the trend earlier this year when YOLO was used as a lyric in a song called "The Motto," in which Drake sings, "You Only Live Once.  That's the motto baby, YOLO."

I guess every generation has its own catch phrase expressing appreciation for the wondrous gift of life and that every day is the chance to go for it.

It reminds me of the phrase (and I'm going to date myself here) "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" that was popular in the '70's.  I can clearly see the black and white poster in my friend's dorm room that was an enlarged picture of a guy walking along the shore with his back to the camera and this phrase is printed above in the clouds.

When you lose a loved one there may be many times when you don't even want a new day to begin.  You want time to go backwards to when your loved one was with you.  You may not want to live, but your loved one wouldn't want you to approach life in that way.  Your loved one would probably want you to appreciate the time you have instead of vegging in bed and escaping life.

We wish that our loved ones could still talk to us.  Wouldn't that be fantastic?  But they can't and even though you may feel their spiritual presence they can't communicate by having a conversation with you.  But I bet if they could, they would tell you to make the most of the time you have and remind you that. . . . . . . .   YOLO!

Happy New Year!

We will open the book.  Its pages are blank.  We are going to put words on them ourselves.  The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.

                                                            ~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Happy New Year!  The idea that 365 days stand before us, fresh and unmarked, ready to be embraced is rather daunting.  As I flip through my new 2012 Metropolitan Museum of Art calendar book that my Dad gave me for Christmas, I am hesitant to write in it because I want 2012 to remain unchanged.  What will this year bring?  Will I be ready?  How many resolutions should I make?

Well, that's easy because I don't have any New Year's resolutions.  When I made resolutions in the past, I only did so because I felt I was supposed to and not because I wanted to.  Going through the exercise of making resolutions always feels as though I am setting myself up for the year.  Instead, I approach each day as a chance to try and get it right.  I strive to be realistic about what I can achieve and what I can't.  With God's grace, sometimes it works and then sometimes it doesn't.  I remind myself that it's not the end of the world when things fall apart.

The point is to keep trying because you're human and you can only do your best and that's about all you can expect from yourself.  The feeling that we have today of looking forward to a brand new year is something I try to bring to the beginning of each new day.  I start the day reminding myself that today is a day that has never happened before; that today is good day because I have a chance to live and explore it.

So despite my hestitation to write in my new 2012 calendar, I will open the book, examine the dates on the blank pages and begin to live.