Crying & Healing

This post is for anyone, and in particular someone who is close to me, who is currently going through an anxious time in their life and is unsure how it will turn out.

Anxiety may be dogging you and causing sleepless nights, loss of appetite, an increase in appetite, a need to abuse alcohol or drugs (please don't!!!!), crankiness or sadness and crying.  As in crying constantly.  Like every day.  At any time.

This person close to me was talking recently about how crying really does make her feel better but she's also aware that it doesn't make others around feel better.  Crying is normal and is a healthy release from sadness, tension, frustration or anger about a particularly stressful situation.



But even though crying is normal, it scares alot of people; both men and women.  I have seen people who can handle incredible amounts of stress or pressure or work completely mishandle a situation when they see someone cry in public.  They either just stand there fumbling through words that they hope will make some kind of sense or they find a reason to excuse themselves and walk away.

Hello?????  Really??????  All the person needs is a comforting gesture.  Let's exercise our human natures and try to connect with one another.  A hug or holding a person's hand or putting an arm around their shoulder would be wonderful place to start.  Just keep telling yourself that it's not about how uncomfortable you feel.  It's really about helping the other person who is obviously in some kind of distress and is falling apart in front of you.

Many years ago, I would cry all the time.  I didn't plan it.  And I didn't do it on purpose.  I would just feel an overwhelming sadness and then the tears would start to well up and I couldn't stop myself.  I had no control over my feelings at all.  At the time, I was grieving over the loss of my husband, for our life together and for our life as a family with a young child.  I really did try to keep it together but for about a year I cried a lot.

I didn't even care where I was when I cried.  I didn't even care how other people reacted to my crying.  I was so beyond worrying about how I looked when I cried.  Sometimes I would do "The Ugly Cry," as Oprah calls it, which is full out face crying with your face twisted and red and your mouth wide open and then other times I would find myself sitting quietly and the tears would roll down my face.

I did scare myself once with my crying.  Once, when I was at the cemetary early in the morning during the work week when no one was there, I was kneeling on the ground and talking to my husband at the same time.  I was full of emotion and frustration and anxiety and I cried so hard that I got a nose bleed.  That was bad!

 

I was at a particularly low point in my life and never in a million years would I ever wish that absolute down-in-the-gutter feeling of loneliness on anyone.  God bless you if you happen to be in that place right now.  I am sorry for what you are going through righ now and I am sending you a hug and a message of strength so you know you are not alone and that there is always hope.

 

I know it doesn't feel like there is any hope right right now.  The person close to me doesn't feel it either.  But there is hope and I know it is within you.

 

Let it burn within you and please allow yourself to feel your inner strength and always believe in your ability to build on it.

 

It's okay, in fact it's necessary to give yourself permission to cry, for your tears are a comfort and a sign you are processing your anxious feelings.  Releasing your tears may help you sort out your feelings but they will never extinguish your beautiful inner spirit or your power to renew your life.

 

Comfort Dogs

 

 

"Charlie"

 

 They say that dogs can sense when people need comforting.

 

And when dogs feel a person's fatigue, sadness or loneliness, it is in their nature to give companionship and sometimes entertainment to the person in need.

 

I have been watching the generous spirit of a new puppy named Charlie who has joined the family of one of my sisters.  Charlie is full of so much energy and love and he just can't wait for someone to hold him and play with him.  Charlie is a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel and he has an uncanny sixth sense about which person in the family needs him the most.

I guess I am discovering what others have already known about dogs and their sense of loyalty and kindness.

 

When I talk about dogs and entertainment, I definitely have Charlie in mind.  Can you imagine a dog who likes for people to put outfits on him?  Well, Charlies does and he can't wait for someone to either put a dog sweater on him or a Redskins jersey (dog size of course!).  Charlie is definitely on the cutting edge of dog fashion.

 

But seriously, Charlie has had a special healing effect on those around him and has made everyone temporarily forget the tensions and stresses of the day when he is around.  It is amazing how his sweet temperament affects everyone around him and he is especially great at providing comfort to people in the midst of serious medical treatments.

 

He will jump up in a person's lap and then suddenly be very still as the person gently strokes Charlie's cute ears or holds his small body.  In fact, Charlie offers every bit of a calming influence, and maybe more, as the infamous K-9 Parish Comfort Dogs do.

 

The K-9 Parish Comfort Dogs were brought into Newtown, CT immediately following the tragic shooting massacre of more than 20 children and teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School in mid-December 2012 to ease the pain of survivors and parents whose children had died in the tragedy.

 

The K-9 Parish Comfort dogs are trained to interact with people at churches, schools, nursing homes, hospitals and in disaster situations.  According to K-9 Parish Comfort dog's FaceBook page, a dog "is a friend who brings a calming influence, allowing people to open up their hearts and receive help for what is affecting them."

 

Check out these special healing pictures of the K-9 Parish Comfort dogs doing their best to help children and adults heal and feel better about their lives:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/photos-of-golden-retrievers-comforting-the-residen

Writing Through Your Emotions

To me, processing or working through difficult emotions such as grief, anger, frustration and confusion, is in a sense, breaking down the walls of why I feel a certain way.  Once I think I have figured out a pretty good reason why I think this is happening, I try to either get rid of as much of the feeling as I can or I try to readjust or "rebuild" my way of looking at the situation.

 

During the "figuring out" stage (which can be hours or months), my mind is usually a jumble of thoughts and emotions.  I may be feeling powerless in a situation that keeps repeating itself or getting worse.  Sometimes I grab a pad of paper and start writing down what's in my head -- even if it doesn't make any sense.

Writing can be an effective way of sorting through a problem or trying to find a new way to deal with life after the loss of a loved one.  Just seeing the partial thoughts or beginnings of ideas on paper has helped me get through whatever is going on.   In the beginning, you may only be able to think of a phrase or a few unrelated words but the act of writing it on paper feels positive.  It's also a safe and confidential way of dealing with your emotions because it's only on a piece of paper that you can later rip up.

 

Psychological studies have found that writing about stressful, traumatic or emotional events, like caring for a dying person or grieving their loss, helps people recover faster, both psychologically and physically.

 

Jotting down thoughts, almost in stream of consciousness style, helps me move forward because it's a lot like doodling.

 

In the beginning, your pen is just moving around and doesn't seem to be following any pattern.  Then, after awhile when you're just fooling around, a design or complete thoughts start to form.  In this case, if you allow your mind to wander and you keep trying to work through the conflicting emotions eventually things start to click and a kind of healing may start.

 

Of course it's hard to put your sorrow or your loneliness into words.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.  Perhaps you can pretend you are talking to a friend or even talking to the person you lost as you search for the words that make sense.  Describe what you are feeling.  Write it down and think about what it really means to you in relation to your changed life; your life without your loved one.

 

Writing may help you feel more connected and supported and less like you are outside of yourself.

 

Writing is a resource that's available to you any time you need it.

 

 

The Stepping Stones

I like the hopeful tone of this short story a lot and I hope you do too.

It captures what life is about and I really believe that step by step, little by little, we can help each other through the ups and downs of life.  Then you can turn around and help another person:

The Stepping Stones

By Barbara Williams

Come, take my hand.  The road is long.  And we must travel by stepping stones.  No, you're not alone: I'll go with you.  I know the road well, I"ve been there.

Don't fear the darkness, I'll be with you.  We must take one step at a time, but remember, we have to stop for awhile.  It's a long way to the other side and there are many obstacles.  We have many stones to cross, and some are bigger than others.

Shock, denial and anger to start, then comes guilt, despair and loneliness.  It's a hard road to travel, but it must be done.  It's the only way to reach the other side.

Come, slip your hand in mine.  What?  Oh, yes.  It is strong.  I've held many hands like yours.

Mine was once small and weak, like yours because you see, once I had to hold someone else's hand in order to take the first step.

Oops you stumbled!  Go ahead and cry.  Don't be ashamed, I understand.  Let's wait here awhile and get your breath.  When you're stronger, we'll go on. . .One step at a time. . . There's no need to hurry.  Say, it's nice to hear you laugh.

Yes, I agree the memories you shared are good.  Look, we're halfway there now; I can see the other side.  It looks so warm and sunny.

Have you noticed?  We're nearing the last stone, and you're standing alone!  And look at your hand. . . You've let go of mine.  We've reached the other side, look back.  Someone is standing there.

He is alone and wants to cross the stepping stones.  I'd better go, he needs my help.  What?  Are you sure?  Why yes, go ahead, I'll wait.  You know the way, You've been there.  Yes, I agree, it's your turn my friend. . . to help someone else cross the stepping stones.