Dorothy Flies Over Kansas

If I live to be 92 years young, I hope I am as adventurous and free spirited as Dorothy Ellis! 

 

She is fearless!

Dorothy was in hospice care when she told her family that she wanted to fly over her home in Kansas in a powered parachute that she had watched many times in the open sky as she gazed from her window.

Her family and her hospice nurse put their worries about her age and her health aside and to their credit they made Dorothy's wish come true!  I love her reaction at the end of the flight!  Sadly, she died six weeks after flying in her parachute machine but think of the great time she had up there in the bright blue sky. 

Here's the inspiring video her family shot watching her fly on a beautiful sunny day in Kansas!  I first saw this video on the Facebook page of JT Morriss & Son and I'm so happy they shared it with all of us.

So today let's all follow Dorothy and go for broke:

Compassionate Care

I write about the subject of hospice care today because November is National Hospice Care month.  I don't usually pay attention to the themes of specific months but in this case I saw a tweet about it and wanted to draw attention to the incredible people who do this important work.

I have the greatest respect for the people who do hospice work.  The time and endless amounts of energy poured into this work of providing compassionate care to those diagnosed as terminally ill is critical to the patient and the families trying to do their best as a loved one reaches the end of their life. 

Each year in the United States, more than 1.58 million people with a life-limiting illness receives care from hospice care givers, according to a report by the National Hospice & Palliative Care Organization.  Most hospice care is given at home, allowing people to be surrounded by their friends and family in the last stages of their life.

 

I was told by my husband's doctors that the best time to learn about hospice care is before you need it.  No one really knows when and if that time will come but it is wise to prepare.  As hard as it is to think about the possibility of using hospice services, hospice care organizations have decades of experience and are invaluable to family members who need a break from the physically and emotionally exhausting work of trying to do all of the caregiving by themselves.

My husband did not need hospice at the end of his life but just in case it became necessary to have hospice come to the house to help me, I met with a one of their nurses.  She was very calm and reassuring about what happens when hospice becomes involved with your loved one.  She emphasized to me that hospice care is not about giving up; it is more of a focus on comfort and care and respect.  It gave me strength to know that hospice would be there should I ever need it.

 

For myself, I find it hard to imagine doing this work if you don't know the person who is ill.  Taking care of someone when you don't know them and know that they aren't going to get better requires an immeasurable amount of faith, inner peace and compassion.  This is only a few of the reasons why the people who do hospice care are so special.  They embrace the patient and their family and are honored to take care of your loved one and to try to enhance the quality of their life in the time they have remaining.

 

Ladies Home Journal recently ran an inspiring story called,  "It Doesn't Have To Be Sad: The Life of A Hospice Nurse."  It is a revealing story from a nurse's perspective about being with terminally ill patients and what it feels like to help dying patients through their final days.  Here is the link:

 

http://www.lhj.com/community/your-stories/hospice-nurse/?page=1
 

An Honest Dialogue

After a loss, people often feel that they have no resources.

 

They feel they have no one to talk to about the extreme pain they are feeling.

 

A little over two years ago, I launched Cry, Laugh, Heal as a place where people could go to read and discuss grieving and say to themselves, "I'm not alone.  Someone else gets it."

 

Because in the end, no one ever wants to feel alone.

 

Since starting the blog I have written about grief and about the crucial process of trying to put the pieces of your life back together after the death of a loved one has blown it apart.  Besides grief, I have also explored the topics of nutrition, friendship, humor, honesty and raising a child by yourself after the death of a spouse.  Grief is a multi-dimensional issue and I think the above topics are but a few of the many handy-dandy tools that are related to surviving a loss.

 

I have found that an important part of grieving in a constructive way is acknowledging it, facing it head on and not running away from it and all of the shock and pain it causes.  Calling it what it is is soooo important.

Another crucial part of the grieving process is to reach out to others.  Do not be afraid to talk about your grief.  I'm not saying it's a 24/7 topic.  No topic can be talked about all the time.  But don't be afraid to say to someone you know who cares about you, "I feel awful" or even "I'm scared.  I have no idea what's going to happen next."

 

You will connect.

 

As did this very brave woman who is the subject of today's post.  Her final connection is truly powerful and was written about recently in the New York Times.  This woman found an inner peace and was not afraid to talk about what was happening to her.  Her story is raw yet she is courageous in an unprecedented way, giving of herself, reaching out and sharing until the end.

 

Please read this incredible story, share it and talk about it:

Martha Keochareon

As Nurse Lay Dying, Offering Herself as Instruction in Caring

By ABBY GOODNOUGH

The New York Times, Thursday, January, 10, 2013

SOUTH HADLEY, Mass. — It was early November when Martha Keochareon called the nursing school at Holyoke Community College, her alma mater. She had a proposal, which she laid out in a voice mail message.

      

“I have cancer,” she said after introducing herself, “and I’m wondering if you’ll need somebody to do a case study on, a hospice patient.”

      

Perhaps some nursing students “just want to feel what a tumor feels like,” she went on. Or they could learn something about hospice care, which aims to help terminally ill people die comfortably at home.

      

“Maybe you’ll have some ambitious student that wants to do a project,” Ms. Keochareon (pronounced CATCH-uron) said after leaving her phone number. “Thank you. Bye.”

 

Please click on this link for the whole story:

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/11/us/fatally-ill-and-making-herself-the-lesson.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

Holiday Survival Tips

 

Finding Inner Peace During the Holiday Season

 

Whether it's Thanksgiving, Christmas or Hanukkah, the holiday season is filled with lots of conflicting memories and overwhelming expectations.

 

Let's be real: There is no such thing as a perfect holiday.

 

There is only the holiday that you create yourself and celebrate, hopefully with people you care about and people who also care about you. 

 

The size of the decorations, the cost of the decorations, the number of parties, the quantity of food and alcohol and the amount of presents has nothing to do with the happiness you may or may not feel during this time of year.

 

For people who are newly widowed or who have lost a child, a parent, a friend or a relative, the idea of being without that person during the holidays is incredibly painful.  Please accept my sympathies.  I am truly sorry for your loss.

 

I'm really not sure why I didn't fall totally and completely apart during the first holiday season after my husband's death.  I think I was too numb to feel anything and I also give a lot of the credit to my son who was only 13 years old at the time.  Somehow we, along with family and friends, kept going and we got through it, discovering an inner strength we didn't know we had.

 

Although I do have to admit that there were many times that I could not listen to the constant playing of Christmas music in the house, in the car and in stores.  I did find the music hard to bear and had to separate myself from it a lot.

 

In the hopes of helping others who are trying to figure out how they can get through the holidays while dealing with the loss of a loved one, here are some timely tips from the Hospice Foundation of America that may make this holiday season a bit easier for you:

 

-- Do what is comfortable;

 

-- Plan for the approaching holidays.  Be aware that this might be a difficult time for you.  The additional stress may affect you emotionally, cognitively, and physically; this is a normal reaction.  It is important to prepare for these things.

 

-- Take care not to drink alcohol ( a central nervous system depressant) in excess, overeat (which bring fatigue), or overwork.

 

-- Avoid spending more than you like simply because it is expected.  Buying smaller gifts or giving the gift of time are important options to consider.  Feel good about not going into debt.

 

-- Recognize that holidays won't be the same.  If you try to keep everything as it was, you'll be disappointed.  Doing things a bit differently can acknowledge the change while preserving continuity with the past.

 

-- Be careful not to isolate yourself.  It's alright to take time for yourself but don't cut yourself off from the support of family and friends.

 

-- The holidays may affect other family members.  Talk over your plans.  Respect their choices and needs, and compromise if necessary.

 

-- Avoid additional stress.  Decide what you really want to do, and what can be avoided. 

 

-- Find the way that is right for you.

 

You are loved and you are not alone.  Ever.