Not To Worry

Why is it that I think that worrying about something will affect the circumstances of the thing I'm  worrying about?

 

It's as though the more I worry about it, the more I think I can push the situation to go the way I want.

My siblings and I talk a lot about worrying and why we worry.  Like A LOT.  As in a couple of times a week.

It's a good thing I come from a family of six children so we can rotate our calls to each other and no one ends up being burnt out from the constant chatter of one person over and over.  What do we worry about?  Besides our children, most of whom are now young adults and tell us not to worry about them, we worry about our wonderful parents who are in their eighties.  We all live within a hour or two of where my parents live and only out of love do we wonder if they need more of our help.

To say that my parents are independent and free spirited is an understatement but that is also what makes them so charming and so resistant to our offers of help.  I'm sure your family is much the same as ours where aging and illness are issues that are now at the top of the worry list.  It's a bit of a  juggling act trying to know when to offer assistance and when to leave it alone and let it work itself out.

Lots of people say that worry is a waste and I suppose that's true but it doesn't feel that way when you are actively worrying about people you care about.

Worry Beads

Usually worry starts with my thoughts and then as I start thinking about a situation, I unfortunately let myself get ahead to something that hasn't happened yet and maybe it won't ever happen but I still think to myself "What if that happens?"  Do you do this too?  Or am I in a class by myself?

When my thought process starts going round and round, stuck on a thought, I find I have to apply the mental brakes on myself and distract myself with some other activity.  If I don't stop thinking about the "what if's", then the worrying will affect my mood; as in getting a very intense headache.

At that moment I realize the negative effects of worrying: all that thinking, all that concern, all that energy focused on a certain situation, doesn't change whether it will happen.  Not one little bit.  In the meantime, I've made myself a an awful wreck.  Not. good. at. all.

Just as the repetition of handling the beads on a string of worry beads can be calming and healing so does saying positive affirmations to yourself.  Affirmations can help guide you to inner peace.  Sometimes I say; "Worry is a waste." "Worry is a waste." and other times I repeat "Resist worry. Resist Fear."  or "I am safe."

Most of the time my affirmations go a long way to making me feel better about whatever is going on and when they don't I know I can always grab my trusty phone and know that an understanding sibling is just a call away!

Preventing Burnout

Holidays are the best!  They always seem to arrive at the right time, just when we need a break from our daily routines.  Just when we need time out to relax and recharge.

 

 

 

Holidays help us take a break, both mentally and physically, from the responsibilities we carry out every day. I intend to sleep in, exercise more, hang out with friends, and read.  I do all of these things on a regular basis but holidays allow me to do them for longer, uninterrupted periods of time.  And I can do them spontaneously which adds to the fun.

 

Holidays also opens up our creative juices and gets us to thinking of different ways to decorate our houses, apartments or even ourselves!  We try new recipes and sometimes even travel to a new place.

 

When we continually do our work routines or personal responsibilities over and over again in just the same way, every day, with hardly any break in the routine, we can start to burn out and then things start to go bad.  You can be on the path to burning out and not really know until it's too late.  Others probably know it because they see a change in you, but you are probably determined to power on, pushing to do what you need to do at all costs.

 

It's time to take a break!

 

The Washington Post story below is about nurses and how they deal with patient burnout but their solutions could be our solutions too:

 

Nurses at the Georgetown Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center
do stretching exercises
Photo by Marvin Joseph/The Washington Post

 

http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-06-10/national/39865768_1_burnout-intensive-care-unit-nurses

Quietude

I am constantly reminding myself to chill out: when I am driving to and from work, when I am at work, or when I am in a situation where my expectations are not even close to matching up to reality.

 

Add to the equation a traumatic event such as the recent bombing at the Boston Marathon and the resulting increased security and it's no wonder that you, me and others are on edge.  Stressed out.  And the toll that stress takes on our physical health and mental well being is daunting.

 

I don't think I am alone in feeling this way.  No wonder people are finding it difficult to get along.  The work-hard-get-ahead lifestyle eventually catches up with you whether you admit it or not.  If you don't feel well, you're not going to act well.

 

So I'm thinking that we all can take it down a couple of notches and play better together.  One way that I try to play better with others is to remind myself to lower my voice.  If I can keep my voice in a monotone volume when talking to others then that does a lot to calm me.  I have a tendency to get excited when I am talking and then have a bad habit of raising my voice.  I'm getting better at achieving this but it's still something I need to constantly work on.

 

 

 

It's all about inner peace; a state of mentally and physically being in a calm place.  Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss and contentment.

 
Looking within myself to quiet my conflicts and trying always to smooth the rough edges is one way for me to try and get to a place of inner peace.  If I don't try to find and practice inner peace, then I can't very well go out in the world and deal with others in a civilized manner.  It really starts within me.

The words to John Lennon's infamous song, Imagine, come to mind:

 

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

 

From big worries in your life to small inner butterflies, together let's look within ourselves and give inner peace a chance.

 

Mental Relaxation

 

 Planes, trains, cars and boats are not always at the ready to take us to dreamy destinations.

 

Work, finances and other life responsibilities sometimes get in the way of traveling even though everyone needs take occasional breaks from their surroundings, especially if life is particularly stressful or painful. 

 

You can't always take a vacation even if you really need or want one.

 

But you can read a book.

 

I saw this wonderful saying from Dr. Suess (posted above) on one of my favorite websites, The Silver Pen (www.thesilverpen.com) and was reminded of the magical healing power of reading and books.

 

I know this may sound simplistic but books can be short-term solutions to an ongoing need to give your brain something else to think about.  After I experienced the loss of my husband, I couldn't concentrate when I tried to read the newspaper.  Every morning I would go out and get the newspaper from the sidewalk and try to read it and couldn't get past a sentence or two.  It was frustrating and I would end up tossing the newspaper.  This went on for months. 

 

Then I discovered reading poetry.  Slowly, I would let my eyes go over the words and try to absorb them.  Sometimes I discovered that I had been momentarily transported in my thoughts and sometimes not.  Eventually my ability to focus returned but I learned it's a process that you can't hurry along.  Healing happens at its own pace.

 

Reading is truly a gift.  Movies can give you a similiar mental break but I always think our imaginations are better than anything a movie will show us.

 

Fiction, non-fiction, biographies, poetry, it's all good.  To loose yourself in a book is so relaxing.  Ever since I learned to read as a child, I have loved books and sometimes hold on to a book that I've already read just so I can go back and read various parts of it again.

 

There are some books that grab you right away and totally bring you into the story to the point that you feel as if you know the characters and you don't want the story to end.  I have read books where this has happened and as I am nearing the end of the book I purposely slow down my reading because I know it's going to end and I really want to enjoy each and every last word the author has written.

I hope you have found books that mentally allow you to fly away and go places you never imagined.

Sweet reading to you!

 

 

 

 

Getting A Life

"Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast? Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water gap or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a cheerio with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Each time you look at your diploma, remember that you are still a student, still learning how to best treasure your connection to others. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a letter. Kiss your Mom. Hug your Dad. Get a life in which you are generous."

 

                                             ~ Excerpt from Anna Quindlen's Villanova Commencement Speech, 2000

 

 

 

Baby Practices Picking Up Cheerios

 

 

I worked a few hours in the office yesterday and then was able to leave early.  I didn't feel guilty at all about cutting the work day short.  I was looking forward to meeting my son at the movies.  We saw "Les Miserables" and I enjoyed it but I prefer the stage version of the iconic story about the French Revolution.

 

While waiting in the lobby, I let my mind wander and watched the cold, rainy weather outside.  I could feel my shoulders relax as I looked up at the clear slanted ceiling and my eyes followed the sliding raindrops down the glass.  After a few minutes, my mind seemed to empty of office concerns and I starting thinking about the importance of mentally and physically breaking from my work schedule.

 

I could work all the time if I wanted to.  Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with work and I am happy to have my job.  I have a strong work ethic and get a lot of satisfaction from doing my job and doing it well.  But there comes a point when you need to recharge and you can't do that if you are always working and always pushing yourself to do more work.

I find that working constantly starts to make me inefficient.  I start to get tired, I get headaches easily and I start to answer people in a short manner.   When I start experiencing those symptoms, I know it's time to take a break and do some of the things that Anna Quindlen suggests in her quote above: pick up the phone, call a friend or a family member, write an email, connect with another person.

I need to work to support myself financially but I also need to remember -- especially during the holidays -- to take a break and enjoy the treasures of my life.
 

California Eating

When I go grocery shopping, I like to read the labels.  I like to know what I'm eating because I think it can make a huge difference in my mental and physical health.  Healthy and fresh foods keeps  my immune system and healing powers strong which keeps me in the game.

This label reading started about 10 years ago when I was very sick and my doctor put me on a strict low-fat diet.  I started reading the labels on everything: salad dressing, cereals, crackers, pudding, chicken and anything frozen.  I was really surprised by what I found but also glad that the information was there so that I could decide for myself what I wanted to buy.

 

When I feel healthy, I have more energy and then I feel positive, which in turn affects what I do with my life.  So I try to stay away -- as much as possible -- from processed junk that is chock full and shot through with who knows what kind of chemicals and preservatives.  Take a look around the next time you're in a grocery store and find out for yourself.

And while you're looking at those food labels, ask yourself this:  do I want to buy food that is fresh or do I want to buy food that a company has toyed around with?  Knowledge in truly power in this instance.  It seems to me that if you are running a food company you want to take care of your customers.  Right?

 

Not always.  Among all the hot-button-empower-the-masses issues on state and national ballots that Americans had a chance to vote on last week, there was a West Coast issue I have been following for while that unfortunately was defeated by the voters of California: labeling genetically modified foods.

Since the measure, known as Prop 37, was defeated in California, it now means that genetically engineered foods made from plants or animals that is sold in California will continue to have no specific labeling requirements and can be  displayed and sold from the shelves just like everything else.  Monsanto, DuPont and Dow spent millions of dollars to defeat the measure, arguing that it would add hundreds of dollars to the average consumer's grocery bill.  This time Monsanto, Dow and Dupont were successful.

But I feel strongly that the issue of labeling genetically modified foods has not died and in fact will come back stronger.

If you support the idea of transparency in food labeling, here's a link to the Environment Working Group's statement on Prop 37:

http://www.ewg.org/release/ewg-president-ken-cooks-statement-california-proposition-37