Family Time

It's that time of year in my family. 

 

Time to celebrate the birthdays of my parents who are in their 80's.  My Mom and Dad's birthdays land on the calendar exactly a week apart so in the last few years my siblings and I have started celebrating their birthdays together in the interest of harmony, world peace and all that is holy.

 

 

We know we are blessed to have our parents still with us and we definitely don't take it for granted.  Not for one minute.  But sometimes it can be tricky in making sure that each birthday receives the same amount of attention, if you know what I mean.  The healing part of this family get together is that it's great to have a happy reason to gather and just straight out enjoy ourselves which usually means retelling childhood stories, imitating each other and a lot of jokes.

 

One of the presents that was a huge hit was a box of Ole and Lena fortune cookies that one of my sisters had bought at a Scandinavian store.  I had to Google the names of Ole and Lena because I didn't know who they are or why they are funny but apparently they are the central characters to jokes made by Scandinavian Americans particularly in Minnesota, Wisconsin and the rest of the Upper Midwest region of the US.  The humor is rather folk and really silly.

 

Happy Birthday Mom and Dad and we all wish you many, many more!!

 

Mom &Dad Celebrating Their Birthdays In Party Attire

My brother, Tom, and sister, Theresa

My sister, Sheila, and brother, Tom

 

My sister, Maureen, and me in a selfie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Younger Point of View

Just to briefly, and I do mean briefly, follow up on yesterday's post about the ever changing dynamics of going online to share grief and loss experiences, a friend sent me the below link to a fantastic New York Times story addressing this very topic.

 

I loved this story about Millennials and hope you do too because it introduced to me some new websites I enjoyed discovering plus it highlighted the thoughts and feelings of a younger generation in the midst of trying to figure out the best way to deal with their grief their own individual way while helping others who are also trying to do the same thing.   

Here's the link to the New York Times story:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/23/fashion/an-online-generation-redefines-mourning.html?_r=0

I'm glad it's the end of the week.
I'm beat!

P.S.  Yesterday I had a lot to say and the words got away from me.  So sorry lovely readers for going long on yesterday's post. 

 

Have a great weekend I hope you get to do something fun, relaxing or outrageous!!
 

Internet Loss

Have our electronic devices separated us from each other so much that it's now normal to text people about a loved one's death?

Has it become routine to attend the funeral of a friend or a loved one and start snapping selfies?

Why would someone let their cellphone ring during a funeral service and then answer it and continue talking?

We are in a strange state of communications today.




The first time I saw a selfie taken at a funeral I have to say I was really shocked.

 

I didn't know the young girl in the picture but she tweeted a picture of herself and a couple of her friends at a funeral and it looked to me like they were more at a party than at a funeral service to pay their respects to the family of the deceased.  Her selfie felt sad to me.

Call me old fashioned but I think taking pictures at a funeral is way over the line.

 

But I also realize dear readers that not everyone feels the way I do.  Please share your thoughts on these situations if you would like for I'd love to hear what you have to say.

The anonymity and global reach of the internet has helped people open up to exercising a new kind of dialogue about grief and loss but that dialogue is not without its' extremes.  I must include myself in this online grieving movement because I have been blogging and writing Cry Laugh Heal for almost four years because I wanted to help others and add to the ongoing dialogue and I also visit many other sites where people freely discuss many private aspects of experiencing a loss.

I have found most internet sites to be very helpful in making me feel less alone in my feelings but I only discovered them by accident through my own research.  My support group didn't suggest any web sites and when my husband died ten years ago it would never have occurred to me to go to my computer for comfort. 

At that point, my life and the life of our young son was turned upside down and inside out and I never thought about going online to find a grief chat group or even to begin blogging about my thoughts concerning loss or developing resilience.  I'm sure at that time there were people who were blogging about grief and loss but I just didn't know about them and didn't have the energy for trying to find them.

I was totally consumed with just trying to keep it together.  I went back to working full time after taking about ten days off to arrange the funeral and burial of my husband and our son couldn't wait to bury himself in schoolwork so that he could forget about his father's death.  

 

Today online discussions about grief seem to everywhere with scores of websites and blogs focusing on many different kinds of losses: the death of a spouse, a child, a friend, a partner, a parent or even a pet.  I think this is a great development; a healthy and wonderful thing because for decades people never discussed the emotional effects of their abrupt losses, the shock or trauma they felt seeing their loved one die or what they did to help them get whole again after their loss.

However, our electronics can sometimes serve to disconnect us and a very sad event this week in the news brought this to mind.  As friendly and open as the internet can be to unfettered dialogue about loss, it can also be cold in its execution. 

I still find it hard to believe that Malaysian Airlines chose to text the relatives of the 153 passengers aboard Flight 370 to tell them that no one on board survived the plane's mysterious disappearance.  What happened to exercising some human contact and compassion?  The airlines should have had a room setup with grief counselors and put someone in charge of personally giving them such tragic news.

While it did not look as though anyone had survived the strange crash, no one gives up hope until there is evidence to do otherwise.  Texting the information was cruel.

Cellphones ringing in church?  This has happened a few times at my parish during Mass and it never ceases to surprise me that people act casual while the phone is ringing and they don't seem to be in a rush to turn off their phones.  Instead, people let their phones (no matter what the ringtone) continue to ring during Mass or a funeral service.  It's plain rude.  What about when people answer the phone during a funeral service and continue to make conversation?  "Hey! How are you? Yeah I'm at a funeral right now.  Um, I think I'm okay.  How about I call you later?"  Turn it off before you get into the service.  Put it on silence.  Please.  It's not that hard.

Our actions with electronic devices and our behavior on the internet only requires some thought about how our decisions will affect others.

Let's be careful out there.


 

A Ripple Effect

Something To Think About. . . . . . .

 

 

 

Every little thing you do adds up,

 

and before you know it,

 

you've created your life.

 

And how you create your life

 

ripples out and effects everyone

 

and everything that crosses your path,

 

known or unknown to you.

 

                   ~ Kathy Freston

Old Movies

When Sundays are overcast and chilly, as yesterday was, I love to gather the blankets on the sofa and watch old movies.  At first I feel a little guilty about laying on the couch, vegging and doing nothing but then I remind myself that I'm not really doing nothing.

 

 

I work very hard during the week at my full-time job, plus I have other family responsibilities that I'm always trying to squeeze in here and there.  So when I find a day to watch a movie from beginning to end, I try to stop and enjoy it for the healing luxury that it is. 

 

Yesterday as I was surfing the channels I found a classic from 1966 that took me back to my younger days: Trouble With Angels starring Hayley Mills and June Harding as two troublemakers who are sent to an all girls convent school to get straightened out.  Rosalind Russell plays the Reverend Mother (the person in charge of the school and the convent) perfectly!  She never misses any of the girls tricks!

 

Here a short clip from Trouble With Angels:

 

 

 

As you can see it's worth it to watch the movie just to see the style of clothes and hair from the mid-1960's and laugh at the silly havoc that the girls spread through the school which these days will seem mild to most people.

 

Having gone to a Catholic elementary and high school, I find the movie to be hysterical and also I must say I identify with the girls always getting trouble because that was my experience with the restrictive but instructive structure of Catholic schools.  In hindsight, I see that I received an excellent education even if I wasn't always receptive to everything that was being taught to me and I admit there was something about being told that I had to do it the nuns' way that made me want to break their rules.

 

Not very smart I know, but I had a lot of fun and made a lot of great friends and have many hysterical memories of that time.

 

Just as Hayley Mills and June Harding find it hard to think of the nuns as women who had other lives before they donned their long black habits and veils so did I.  I look back on those days when my friends and I made it so hard for some of the nuns and I cringe.  

 

I think the movie glosses over what living in a convent is really like but that's okay because after all it's just a movie and it's supposed to be a comedy not a documentary.  I'm sure that in every convent there were nuns who were great friends, nuns that you felt deep respect for and nuns that drove you up the wall.

Just like the people you meet in real life right?

I hope you did something relaxing this weekend and that those good vibes follow you through this week!
 

A Happier Friday!

Something as simple as the day of the week can make me happy.

I didn't even work five days this week because Washington, DC got so much snow on Monday that the federal government shutdown, the buses weren't running and I had the day off.

 

Still, today is Friday and that feels great.  The grind of this week is almost over and the weekend is within sight.

 

 

Friday evening is one of the best feelings in the world, don't you think? You've just finished working through one work week and now the whole incredible weekend is in front of you.  Have you ever noticed how happy everyone is on Friday evening when they are leaving their offices?

It's as though the principal rang the bell at school and announced "Recess!" I swear if I could bottle that Friday evening feeling I would make a ton of money. 
 

So embrace your fabulous Friday feeling and, better still, keep it going as long as possible.  Maybe you have plans to do something today you wouldn't do on any other day of the week!  Lighten up and spend some time playing.

Friday.  As Pharrell Williams sings in his infectious hit song, "Happy," I feel like a room without a roof. . . .

L'Wren Scott

One of my sisters and I were talking on the phone the other day about the tragic news that fashion designer L'Wren Scott had been found dead in her New York City apartment at the age of 49. 

 

We talked about what the news stories were reporting -- that she had used a scarf to hang herself, that she designed such beautiful, beautiful clothes, that she was so glamorous herself and that she was the longtime girlfriend of  Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones.

 

L'Wren Scott and Mick Jagger

More importantly, we reiterated to each other that no matter what was happening to us, we would always know that we could call each other in case of a personal trauma.  That there should never be the feeling that anything could be so utterly hopeless.  That if we found ourselves in a place that made it difficult to reach out that we could depend on each other to intervene and help. 

 

Of course we don't know L'Wren Scott personally and all that we know about her is what we read in the newspapers and see on television but there was something about her that came through in the pictures taken of her that gave you the feeling that she could be one of your friends and if you did meet her in person you would like her and probably go to lunch with her and have a lot of fun.

 

The way that her life ended just seemed so incredibly and heartbreakingly sad.  The idea of someone being alone, feeling that they were so very alone, desperate for a way to deal with their life at that point and to take their own life brought home how vulnerable we as human beings can be in the midst of our problems and especially how life can sucker punch you when you least expect it.  No suicide note was found in her apartment but reports have speculated that she was having financial problems with her business and was possibly as much as $6 million in debt.

 

Dark thoughts can sometimes creep into our psyche but we have to be on guard to fight them and make sure that they don't overtake our feelings and actions.  We also need to make sure we talk to others about our fears.  Suicide is particularly difficult to come to terms with and is much more complicated than the way I am writing about it today but it's hard to imagine that there wasn't someone out there who could have helped her; it goes against our instincts to think that suicide is even an option.

 

We may never know for sure what drove her to that isolated place that day.  We live in an highly competitive and fast-paced society that can take a toll on the sensitivities of some of us.  I choose to think that if she had confided in someone about her anxieties that they would have offered her a strong and helping hand.

Please rest in peace L'Wren.