Compassionate Care

I write about the subject of hospice care today because November is National Hospice Care month.  I don't usually pay attention to the themes of specific months but in this case I saw a tweet about it and wanted to draw attention to the incredible people who do this important work.

I have the greatest respect for the people who do hospice work.  The time and endless amounts of energy poured into this work of providing compassionate care to those diagnosed as terminally ill is critical to the patient and the families trying to do their best as a loved one reaches the end of their life. 

Each year in the United States, more than 1.58 million people with a life-limiting illness receives care from hospice care givers, according to a report by the National Hospice & Palliative Care Organization.  Most hospice care is given at home, allowing people to be surrounded by their friends and family in the last stages of their life.

 

I was told by my husband's doctors that the best time to learn about hospice care is before you need it.  No one really knows when and if that time will come but it is wise to prepare.  As hard as it is to think about the possibility of using hospice services, hospice care organizations have decades of experience and are invaluable to family members who need a break from the physically and emotionally exhausting work of trying to do all of the caregiving by themselves.

My husband did not need hospice at the end of his life but just in case it became necessary to have hospice come to the house to help me, I met with a one of their nurses.  She was very calm and reassuring about what happens when hospice becomes involved with your loved one.  She emphasized to me that hospice care is not about giving up; it is more of a focus on comfort and care and respect.  It gave me strength to know that hospice would be there should I ever need it.

 

For myself, I find it hard to imagine doing this work if you don't know the person who is ill.  Taking care of someone when you don't know them and know that they aren't going to get better requires an immeasurable amount of faith, inner peace and compassion.  This is only a few of the reasons why the people who do hospice care are so special.  They embrace the patient and their family and are honored to take care of your loved one and to try to enhance the quality of their life in the time they have remaining.

 

Ladies Home Journal recently ran an inspiring story called,  "It Doesn't Have To Be Sad: The Life of A Hospice Nurse."  It is a revealing story from a nurse's perspective about being with terminally ill patients and what it feels like to help dying patients through their final days.  Here is the link:

 

http://www.lhj.com/community/your-stories/hospice-nurse/?page=1
 

Parents Are Human Too

While celebrating my son's birthday recently, he asked me once again what it was like the day he was born.

 

I think every child likes to reminisce about the day of their birth and what everyone was doing as they were arriving into the world.  His questions about how long I was in labor, what was happening in the hospital and what Daddy was doing were expected.

 

But that conversation evolved into a bittersweet conversation about his Dad and some of the frustrating health issues he had before his death.  His Dad (my husband) was diabetic and injected insulin.  He was not overweight.  He developed diabetes later in life and controlled his diabetes with pills for a number of years but then was hospitalized with acute pneumonia which caused his sugar levels to go out of control.  Injecting insulin was the only way the doctors could stabilize his sugar count.

 

Too put it mildly, diabetes and my husband were not a good match at all.  I know of two people who are diabetic and both inject insulin.  They are religious about checking their blood sugar, eating well and exercising on a regular basis.  These were not things my husband did on a regular basis or even wanted to do daily.

 

His pills would sit on the table, he would go for hours without testing his blood sugar, he would eat desserts and he would drink alcohol.  Don't get me wrong.  I loved my husband desperately but there were times when I felt I was fighting harder for his health than he was.  I will give him credit for the efforts that he did make for short periods of time when he would try to change his habits but then it would become too much and he would let it all slide again.

 

 

Our son remembers the arguments about diet and exercise and medicine and I know that this created anxiety.  I don't particularly enjoy answering these questions from my son but I'm also not going to hide the truth from him and run away from the reality of our situation.  Going back in our memories to those times is painful and we truly tried to make things easier for him because we knew he was sick but in the end it wasn't enough.

 

It is very hard to explain to a child that their parent is not all that they think they are or want them to be.  You want to think and talk only about the good times but that's not life.  We have to learn to take the good with the bad. 

We're all human.  We make mistakes.  Our hearts are in the right place and so are our intentions but we don't always carry through on our goals.  I've had my share of screw-ups but I'm still here so my son can argue with me when he is annoyed or angry at something I've done.  His Dad isn't here and he can't talk to him or confront him with his issues and that creates pain and sometimes anger.

Give yourself and others permission to feel and talk about these conflicted emotions.  In the end, I think it's okay to love someone but still be angry at them for some of the choices they made while they were with you. 

It's their actions that we don't like because our love for the person is still there.  Always.

Be Careful Out There

A good friend of mine recently introduced me to Gospel Star Marvin Sapp and his daily spiritual insights called "Marvin's Motivational Moment." 

Family, jobs, personal interests and personal predicaments.  We live in a rushed and complex world that can easily be stressful and overwhelming.  All the more reason to stake out time to evaluate and regroup; to take stock of what's happening to you, REALLY happening to you, instead of making your schedule of commitments and appointments your top priority.

Who's in charge of this life? 

I love the immediacy of texting and also being able to communicate with friends any time of the day or night through emails and Facebook but after awhile it feels hollow and if I throw a couple of weeks of busybusybusy in there then I really start to feel out of touch.  If I can, I need to actually see the person or at least hear their voice to feel as though I'm reconnecting with them and that we're back in the same galaxy.  

Electronic interactions are great for the quick message, the fast update but not if you are in the mood for or in need of a heart-to-heart conversation.  That's why the following Motivational Moment from Marvin made me stop and really think about people in an entirely different way:

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

So handle them with care."