Compassionate Action

Courtesy of Dave Allen Photography



Thought For The Day

"Tuning in to the needs and feelings of another person is a prerequisite to empathy which in turn can lead to understanding, concern and, if the circumstances are right, compassionate action," according to Daniel Goleman, an author, psychologist and science journalist.

I read this quote recently in a story about empathy in The New York Times and it caught my attention.

Compassionate action.

 

It reminds me of the Jesuit concept of social justice, which is acting on something you may see or feel that is happening to another person and then getting involved to try to change it for the better.  

 

To me, compassionate action means not only putting yourself into another person's feelings but feeling it to the point that you want to help someone who is sick, hungry, in trouble, or suffering a loss of some sort.

 

It's something to think about.

 

 

 

 

Can You Hear Me Now?

It's one thing to forget to turn your cell phone off and then have it ring while you are in church, in a job interview, at a funeral or in a theater, but it takes some major manipulation of a person's ego to actually answer it while they are in those places.

 

Right?

 

Someone I didn't know sat next to me during a play and her cell phone started ringing.  I immediately looked at her and she started searching her purse to find the phone.  I assumed that once she found it, she would just turn it off.  Wrong!! She actually answered it and started whispering that she couldn't talk because she was at a theater performance.

 

Say what??!!

 

 

Forgetting to turn off my cell phone has only happened to me once and the embarrassment was enough so that I always check to make sure my phone is off when it should be.  I was in a large meeting some years ago with an executive of the company I worked for at that time and my cellphone started ringing.  I truly had forgotten to turn it to silent. I quickly put my hand in my purse and turned it off.  Luckily I caught it after the first ring!

 

But yesterday I read a story that tops everything.  Caleb Wilde, a young funeral director, posted on his blog, Confessions of a Funeral Director (www.calebwilde.com), that a colleague who is also a funeral director told him about a funeral service where the pastor's cell phone unbelievably began to ring in the church while the pastor was addressing those gathered to pay their respects.  I don't even want to think about the possible songs this pastor might have used as a ringtone. 

 

As if the ringing wasn't bad enough, the pastor then actually answered his cell phone while the service stopped and he then went on to confirm a time for a golf appointment in front of the whole congregation. Then he went on with the funeral service as though his actions on the cell phone were perfectly normal and within the bounds of good etiquette.

 

Not!!

 

How hard is it to turn off a cellphone or put the cell phone on vibrate during a funeral or anywhere else where you should not be talking?  I'm sure that the pastor probably received a few well chosen words from the family of the deceased after that church service. 

Has anything similar happened to you?  I would be interested in hearing about your experiences with cell phones ringing in places that surprised you.

A Healing Patch of Green In Richmond

I took a road trip to Richmond, Virginia this past Saturday to visit my son and his girlfriend and we spent part of the day leisurely strolling the grounds of a breathtaking place called Maymont.

 

I knew nothing about Maymont but was happy to go along and discover more about this estate and 100 acre park given to the city of Richmond in 1925 by James Henry and Sallie May Dooley.  As we walked through the nature center and then went out its back doors, rolling hills of green and rows of small rose bushes and manicured gardens greeted us.  The sound of rushing water further along the path could be heard and we came upon a water fall of sorts (I took the photo!) which you could view from above where the water descended down the hill and beside it as you walked down the steps to a another healing patch of green: a beautiful Japanese garden full of bamboo, small bridges and large orange and white koi.

Maymont Water Fall

I could have stayed there for hours, absorbing the tranquility of the trees, the warm sun, relaxing sound of the water and the beauty of being surrounded by undeveloped green space.  It was so comforting and hopeful and yes, healing.

 

Unspoiled nature has this incredible power to produce a calming effect on me.  When you stop and observe its seasonal beauty, it takes you out of yourself and reminds you that you are part of something a lot bigger than yourself, a community as big as Planet Earth and all of its natural wonders.

 

Exploring Maymont reminded me that I need to pause everyday and enjoy life's small, fleeting pleasures, the colors and fragrance of a flower, the sound of water falling over rocks, the crisp smell of a wood fire, the feel of the sun on my face, and just walking in the grass.  I need to spend more time noticing and enjoying whenever nature is around me and let its healing spirit wash over me.

 

I love the city but sometimes its noise and constant traffic jams can tend to grind you down and when I find an oasis of green space, whether it's a park or potted plants and flowers, it calms me down and allows me to put positive thoughts back in my brain.

We all know how to work and set goals for ourselves but do we know how to play?  Do we go out of our way to make sure we regularly relax and enjoy the people we love and the beauty of our surroundings?

 

Exploring a new path on Saturday, talking and walking through Maymont's historic grounds untangled the thoughts in my head and allowed me to refresh my perspective about life, reminding me that life is not as overwhelming as it may sometimes feel.

 

The Pink Month

When I see pink products for sale during the month of October, I wonder how much of the money really goes to researching a cure for breast cancer.  Probably not very much.

I know I'm not alone in this thought because I've heard and read similar comments from others discussing the reason why these products are being sold.  Buy them because you like them or need them.  But I think most people now see those oh so pretty pink-ribboned products as a merchandising trick better left alone.

If anything good has come out of the marketing of these pink products, it is perhaps that they have brought a new awareness to mammograms and the idea that early detection can be a life saver.

We know that breast cancer is a disease that happens twelve months a year, not just in October.

 

Whether a mother or a daughter, grandparent, sibling, or friend, chances are that you know someone affected by breast cancer.

 

I started getting mammograms when I was 35 years old because tragically I had an aunt who lost her life to breast cancer, a cousin who also died from it, another cousin who was diagnosed and treated and is in remission and a sister who thankfully is now in remission because she went in for her annual exam and the doctors found and diagnosed her breast cancer while it was in an early stage.  I also have a very good friend who is currently fighting the good fight and is truly a warrior in keeping herself healthy and positive in her thoughts.

 

Eloise Caggiano
Courtesy of parents.com

Perhaps instead of buying something for sale that is pink and supposedly sold to contribute money to cancer research, why not instead help someone you know who has breast cancer.

 

I saw this terrific post by Eloise Caggiano, the program director for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, on a blog at www.parents.com and thought it had some great ideas.  Caggiano is an eight-year breast cancer survivor so her advice comes from a place of experience.  Please read her list of eight ways to help a friend with breast cancer in the link below:

http://www.parents.com/blogs/parents-perspective/2013/10/17/health/8-ways-to-help-a-friend-with-breast-cancer/?socsrc=pmmtw

Nighty Night?

The change in seasons has been taking me for a bit of a roller coaster ride lately and I am ready to get off.

I can't quite put my finger on what is bringing about all of these conflicting feelings but I am determined not to let them get the best of me.  Some of it, I think, has to do with the sun beginning to set earlier now but I think the other factors may be a prolonged lack of sleep and a lot of family stuff rolling around in my brain.  I know I am tired and I am ready to fall asleep but I don't always stay asleep.

 

Maybe this has happened to you and then you know how frustrating it is to look at your bedside clock, close your eyes and pray for sleep to come and send you to a restful place.  And then it doesn't happen.

 

Did you know that over 20% of Americans may suffer from chronic sleep loss or untreated sleep disorders?  Amazing right?  It seems so simple: it's night time, you're tired, lay down on the bed, close your eyes and off to sleep.  Not.

Sleep is one of those things that I take for granted until I can't do it.  I would love to sleep in like I used to when I was in college.  Now that was really sleeping!  I could sleep until noon or one o'clock with no problems at all and wake up totally refreshed.  Plus I never felt guilty if I slept half of the day away.

Now it seems as if I need some kind of nuclear fairy dust to get me to go into a deep sleep.

 

I made some progress last night in catching up on some of my lost sleep, forcing myself to turn off the television around 9 pm and get ready for bed by reading.  These small changes might be the trick to turning the whole sleep thing around.  I'll have to wait and see. 

In some ways this inability to sleep reminds me of the period of time after my husband died and I would only sleep for a few hours a night.  Trouble with sleeping is normal when you are grieving or handling a stressful event in your life; especially when your grief is new.  Grief may cause anxious and depressed feelings which can then cause you to stay wide awake, getting caught up in a loop of lacking sleep.

 

It's true that your life has changed.  There is no ignoring that painful fact.  I can't tell you when you will laugh again -- although I hope it's soon -- but I can tell you that the more you are able to acknowledge your true feelings and express them, the faster you will process your grief feelings and regain your sense of self and regular sleep habits.

 

Ah, yes regular sleep habits.  I'm looking forward to having those back in my life and will continue to try some different ways to make this happen. 

Without being too personal, what are some of the things that help you sleep well?

Strangers Become Friends

When walking down the street, with a destination in mind, lost in my thoughts about work or something happening in my personal life, I admit that I am not always aware of the people around me.

I know that physically there are groups of people or singular people walking towards or past me, but the details of what they are wearing or what they look like are an instantaneous blur.

It's not because I am walking and texting.  If I hear the ping of a text received on my phone and I need to answer it, I move out of the path of the pedestrian traffic and use my telephone keyboard in a self-made safe zone by an office building or a sidewalk bench.

I know that there are people on the sidewalk with me or in a store or a restaurant and I make sure not to bump into anyone but I'm not always looking at people and spontaneously saying "hello" or smiling.  Most of the time I think I am unaware because I need to be somewhere or need to get something done and it is almost as though I am on my own express track.

 

Photographer Richard Renaldi Poses Jenny Wood & Dominek Tucker
Photo Courtesy CBS News

I can't imagine what it would be like if I was walking down the street and a photographer asked me to stop and pose with someone I didn't know at all.  A total stranger.  Someone I might never see again.

 

I'd like to think that I would stop and that I would enjoy the spontaneity of the moment.  The unexpected things that happen to me sometimes make me stop and laugh at the amazing adventures that life can bring.

 

It's fun and it gives me a lift.  We all need those moments, don't we? . . .Those moments when the walls come down and maybe, just maybe, we're vulnerable in our actions.  And when we are vulnerable we are usually our most authentic selves!!

 

Watch this short CBS On The Road piece and see what these strangers on the streets of New York City discover about the human connection:

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57596845/new-york-photographer-turns-strangers-into-friends/

Royals Cover By Pip

Lorde's smash hit, "Royals," is a mesmerizing song with an almost hypnotic beat.  I can't understand all the words to the song but I still like it and it continues to grow on me.

I was surfing around on YouTube the other day because music is an instant stress buster for me and found a different version of  "Royals," sung by Pip and a few other singers.  I watched it a few times and thought you might want to check out Pip's unique cover of "Royals" because it's filmed in the round in a parking garage!

Pip in Los Angeles

Since his fabulous appearance on the second season of NBC's hit series, "The Voice," Pip moved to Los Angeles to continue his music career.  His debut EP, No Formalities, was released in January 2013 with a debut single of a song called "Who Cares."

Maybe you'll be driving Cadillacs in your dreams today!  Below is the link to Pip's YouTube video.  Hope you like it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuRr1IEmGBM