40 Ways To Lose The Clutter

No matter how hard I try to keep my stuff under control somehow it doesn't behave.

 

Day by day I try to throw out papers, mail, and other stuff that has outlived its welcome but still there is always more stuff to deal with or organize.  Not all of it is important stuff, but still it's stuff that I don't want to buy again.  Here's my fear and maybe you can identify with it: once I throw out certain things, I'll find I immediately need it.

 

Sweet readers, what is a person to do?  How do you deal with your stuff? Or maybe the stuff that a loved one left for you deal with?

 

I guess I am emotionally connected to my stuff.  I admit it.  And I know what I'm supposed to do to stay on top of my clutter game.  I'm familiar with most of the tricks for getting rid of my unruly stuff: donate it to someone who can really make use of it, give it to a friend or relative, take a picture of it, or sell it online or at a tag sale.

 

 

 

But I can't always get myself to do those things.  One of my great friends must be a mind reader because this week she sent me this timely post from a blog, White House Black Shutters (www.whitehouseblackshutters.com) about decluttering and within the story is a link that takes you to a schedule you can print out for 40 days of getting the stuff out of your house (one schedule has dates and one is blank so you can make your own schedule).

 

I like Ann Marie's idea of keeping track of when and how much stuff you are throwing out because then I (or we) can go back and actually confirm for ourselves that yes indeed we did get rid of a lot that was hanging around and causing trouble.  Simplifying is the name of the game; not just to make room in our homes but also to set ourselves free from the burden of having too much stuff.

 

I think we've all had it with winter weather and we're  ready to open the windows and let the slightly chilly yet fresh air in.  Decluttering isn't fun but I think it can be rewarding for it helps me find more space, and light and order which is always a good thing.

 

As Ann Marie says, you could fill 40 boxes, 40 bags (of any size) or 40 trashcans but it really doesn't matter whether you hit the target of 40 or not.  Forty days of focusing on different areas of the house and really focusing on sweeping it out will take us right into Spring, which traditionally is always a time of renewal.

Good luck and here's the link to the White House Black Shutters post on 40 ways to lose your clutter:

http://www.whitehouseblackshutters.com/40-bags-in-40-days-2014/

Giving Comfort

Yesterday was a snow day in Washington, DC with the local and federal governments shut down and people resigning themselves to once again bundle up and go out and shove and clear their cars of winter's one two punch: ice and snow.

 

Before I braved the outdoors, I indulgently hung out in my pajamas and worked on the computer, answering emails and checking out Twitter for Oscar gossip.  I also made use of my snow day by tackling a large stack of magazines in my home office and in hopes of ridding myself of some unnecessary clutter.

 

I came upon an old 2007 Town & Country magazine which featured a special section on grieving.  Ah! This must be the reason why I had saved this issue I said to myself.  I remember being surprised at the time that I bought the magazine that Town & Country was tackling such an uncomfortable subject since most of its articles are about lighter subjects such as traveling, beauty and celebrity trends.  But in this particular issue, I found an informative and insightful section on dealing with grief.

 

 

 A column about grief and loss titled "How To Comfort" by Kate Lardner popped out for me upon rereading the section.  Here are a few to consider:

 

-- "We live in a culture that is afraid of illness and death.  There's judgment from every direction, and it slows down the healing process.  Trust your own experience, and be with people who aren't telling you  to pull yourself together." ~ Cynthia O'Neal, cofounder of Friends in Deed, a crisis center in New York City.

 

-- "I was terrified of my sons' impending deaths from AIDS.  What helped the most when they were dying was to do whatever I could to open up my heart, instead of shutting off from the fear of the anticipated loss.  I talked to mothers in hospitals who were visiting sons with AIDS." ~ Brenda Freiberg, chair emeritus, AIDS Project, Los Angeles.

 

-- "Be with a grieving person quietly, and offer the stability of your presence, which is not the same as trying to 'make it better.'  Much more important for the bereaved is to feel the actual loss in the moment.  Human beings are amazingly resilient; we think we won't be able to survive, but we will.  Grief, the hurt, is a good sign." ~ Acharya Eric Spiegel, a Buddhist teacher in New York City.

 

-- "Think twice before telling anyone that they ever get over the loss of somebody close; on a feeling level you never truly get over it." ~ Sanford Pepper, M.D. San Francisco psychiatrist.

In Honor Of The Oscars

In honor of the Oscars last night, I'd like to give out a personal award.

Last night's Academy Awards speeches seemed to me to be particularly emotional, expressing the gratitude of recognition, the fulfillment of dreams and deep thanks for the years of incredible support that people received while working on their ground breaking film projects. 

It brought to mind for me the role that others play in our lives during difficult times and reminded me that support groups around the country are on the front lines of our communities, doing the nitty gritty, down and dirty and painful work of helping us put one foot in front of another as we learn to live with the unexpected challenges that life has brings us.

 

In my case, I'd like to give out a personal award, The Best  Support Group award to Widowed Persons Outreach (WPO) located at Sibley Hospital in Washington, DC.  The people at Sibley who run this incredible program are the unsung heros of bereavement work and I'd like to draw the curtains aside a bit to reveal that grief support groups are not strange secretive gatherings of people who wallow in their sorrow and loss.

 

Best Support Group Award

No indeed.  They are groups of compassionate people dealing honestly and directly with the confusion that grief brings.  I spent almost two years as a participating member of the WPO support group and then after leaving the support group I spent many years later as a volunteer trying to give back the unconditional support WPO gave to me.

I learned a tremendous amount from the other widowed members of the group and also the amazing people who ran the group while I was there.  One person I would like to give a shout out to is Julie Potter, a calm and patient woman with so much insight that she reminds me of  a wise Buddha.  WPO taught me how to slowly gather the shattered pieces of myself and figure out how to best to put them back together in a way that gave me worked for me.  The group gave me the strength to help myself and my grieving young son.   

 

Whether it's alcoholism, gambling, overeating, drug addiction or grief, I believe that others who are traveling the same unpredictable path as ourselves can often offer the greatest amount of inspiration.

It may seem slow and incredibly painful but I found that when you sit and share your story with others facing the same issues, there is a sense of relief that you have finally found people who understand the depth of what you are feeling and how hard it is to handle.  In searching for a way to begin healing, support groups offer a safety zone because you find you are not alone in your emotional turmoil. 

 

Many people are uncomfortable with the emotional pain of grief.  As a result, family and friends are sometimes unsure of what to say or how to be helpful.  Support groups are the places where we can let it all hang out, revealing the thoughts and feeling we might not want to tell others because they might not get what we are really telling them.

 

You deserve to talk through your feelings and get them off your chest.  It's all part of starting a healing process.  By letting your emotions come to the surface and then working through them, you acknowledge and face your changed life and find others who are also dealing with the same sorts of issues.

 

Each grief may be individual but you shouldn't feel that you have to handle it all by yourself.  Support groups can be a crucial first step when you find yourself unsure of how to deal with a personal crisis.

Ew! It's Funny Friday

What a whirl of a week this had been.  Deadlines. Pressure.  Meltdowns.  Not me.  Others.

 

You're familiar with this kind of dynamic aren't you?  I know you must be because there is no way that this kind of stuff only happens to me.

 

How do I deal?  (Did I hear someone say booze?)

 

No my friends I don't drink but I do make a lot of jokes about being in really awful situations because humor helps me cope.  I constantly make jokes about myself -- and believe me there's a lot of material there -- and I also make jokes about the perceived dysfunction and frustration and sometimes the plain silliness of daily situations that life happens to oh so innocently send our way.

Comedian Jimmy Fallon
Photo Courtesy New York Daily News

 



Instead of making jokes I guess another option would be to steel myself through the rough times, white knuckling my chair and holding my breath until it's over, but that wouldn't be any fun!  No, in fact that attitude would just suck the joy out of most situations. 

So meet "Stacy" and "Sara" and get ready to laugh as they hang out with First Lady Michelle Obama and "the girls" talk about different ways to stay active and eat right:

 

Willing To Wonder

 

 

I do not at all understand

the mystery of grace --

only that it meets us

where we are

but does not leave us

where it found us.

 

          ~ Anne Lamott

Johnny Cash's To Do

I write about the great American singer songwriter Johnny Cash today for two reasons: the first is it's his birthday and if he were still here with us he would be 82 years old (Happy Birthday Johnny!) and the second is his infamous "to do" list.

 

Cash's iconic songwriting talents crossed over into so many different kinds of music that he is one of the few people to have been inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame, the Rock and Roll Music Hall of Fame and the Gospel Music Hall of Fame.  Incredible right?

 

Cash's most powerful songs to me are "Ring of Fire," "I Walk The Line," and of course, "Folsom Prison Blues."  All three resonate with themes of pain, redemption and love and reflect Cash's tumultuous yet successful and award winning life as a musician that was also sadly marked by his brother's childhood death, drug abuse and divorce.

Johnny Cash -- The Man in Black

So with all that Johnny Cash had going on in his life, you might think his To Do list would reveal the secrets to what inspired him.  You might expect to see a To Do List that says things like "Call My Agent," "Lunch with George Jones," "Must Write Lyrics to New Song," or "Rehearse for Upcoming Tour."  I would have figured that the guy is a big time celebrity and the stuff that he reminds himself that he has to do is going to reflect that right?  But it doesn't. 

 

Cash's list is worth reading because it appears he used it as a tool for him, a healing tool that helped him take the next step.  I can relate to the whole idea of list making as a way to put life's priorities in focus.  If you have any doubt about what Cash's priorities were, look at what he puts at the top of the list.  Don't Smoke.  His health.  He is trying to fight that awful nicotine monster just like any other ordinary person. 

It just goes to show that sometimes public people have simple needs and desires just like anyone else and that the things he worried about or tried to keep under control are the very same things we think about or worry about, such as not eating too much.  In other words, I think Cash felt life might not always be fair in the habits you have to fight but it's still damn good!!

 

Unfortunately, Johnny Cash died in 2003, less than four months after his second wife, June Carter Cash died.  Cash writes about his list in the autobiography that he wrote titled, "Cash: An American Man" and when the original of this list went up for auction, someone paid over $6000 for it.

 

I love #2 and #3 and #9!

What's on your To Do list today?

Getting In Gear

The calendar still says February but the warm temperatures this weekend offered me hope that Spring is close to arriving in my area of the world.

I think my neighbors felt the same way because all weekend I saw them emerging from their homes of hibernation, waving hellos and walking around their yards picking up recently fallen branches and small sticks and checking out winter's damages.  It was also nice to see the baby brigade out and about with strollers and young toddlers in tow.  While doing my errands, everyone seemed to be energized by the warm and shining sun.  Coats disappeared and even some shorts and flip flops appeared on a few righteous teenagers.  

 

Stretching and breathing in fresh air was the order of the day and it just felt great all around.  Even though I felt the tug of the next episode of "House of Cards" mentally calling me to the computer, I ignored it's mesmerizing pull and instead went for a long walk for at least a mile or two.  It's definitely a good walk when I lose track of time and distance and it's also definitely amazing how a walk can reset your outlook and change your mood.

 

 

We've gotten a lot of snow this season so it's been harder to go outside and exercise but I try to remind myself that I always feel better when I get myself in gear and do some sort of exercise whether it's walking, bicycling, dancing or running.  I tell myself myself that exercising offsets the bad effects of sitting in front of the computer for hours a time but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be true according to some recent news stories. 

 

It's a fact of life that I spend a lot of time in front of the computer.  Hours and hours.  When I am at my full-time job five days a week, I try to periodically get up and walk around the office to squeeze in some exercise time and then I try to do the same when I am at home writing Cry Laugh Heal which is not work at all but truly a passion for me.

It's a constant battle and as I get older I can see that activity truly is the key to having and maintaining good health.  I like to sometimes follow these three simple suggestions from The American Diabetes Association on how to increase physical activity in your daily routine: 

 

--Take the stairs, not the elevator.
--Park further away from your destination, so you have to walk more.
--At home, make several trips upstairs to building extra cardio into such things as putting away laundry or other household chores.

Good luck with your personal fitness and here is the link to the National Public Radio story that made me think differently about sitting around and vegging out:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/02/19/279460759/sit-more-and-youre-more-likely-to-be-disabled-after-age-60?utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=20140223&utm_source=mostemailed