Soul To Soul

 

You do not have a soul.

 

You are a soul.

 

            ~Indie.Arie

Confessions of A Mediocre Widow By Catherine Tidd

The title of Catherine Tidd's new book suggests she is a mediocre widow.

 

Don't believe it for one second.

Catherine Tidd is quite the opposite.  Catherine Tidd is in fact a courageous, smart and very funny woman in search of herself and an entirely different life while raising three young children after the death of her beloved husband, Brad, in a tragic motorcycle accident in 2007.

Her book is refreshing and down-to-earth and is full of painful and funny personal insights about what happened to her after the death of her spouse: the hospital, the funeral, her in-laws, the whole crazy upside down aspect of picking yourself up and putting yourself back together.  As a widow myself, I truly understand the tightrope walk of processing grief, raising a child, working a full-time job all the while trying to figure out what the hell is going to happen next in this so-called uncharted territory called a new life. 

 

 

Putting those intensely private and sometimes heartbreaking experiences down on paper for others to consider and understand is a difficult task but not for Catherine Tidd.  She has written an amazing book that I couldn't put down and I would recommend to anyone whether they have lost a spouse or not because she is straightforward yet humorous (my husband is dead and Keith Richards is alive?) about how her new life unfolded in the months and years following her husband's death. 

 

Many times while reading, "Confessions of A Mediocre Widow Or, How I Lost My Husband And My Sanity," I found myself putting the book down and saying out loud, "Yes! That's exactly right Catherine.  Yes! You nailed what it feels like at that particular stage of grief."

 

I have to reveal that I was familiar with Catherine's sense of humor before I read her book.  Her uplifting blog, "Widow Chick," (www.widowchick.blogspot.com) was the first blog about grief that I discovered online.  Right away I loved the name of her blog and read every post, sometimes laughing at the things she vented about and sometimes shaking my head in agreement with her about the emotional push and pull of navigating single parenting, anniversaries, birthdays, and the dating scene.

 

But her new book is chock full of more Catherine and it has given her the time and space to expand on how loss affects you and those who care about you and to really dig deep into a discussion of life on your own as a widow with children, a subject that tends to make most people feel very uncomfortable.

 

Catherine Tidd



Here is how Catherine explains what she wanted to have happen to her in the midst of dealing with her overwhelming grief: "I wanted to  walk into a padded room and throw the grocery list, the bills, the back-to-school forms, the insurance paperwork, just chuck 'em at a wall over and over until the paper was crumpled and soft.  I wanted to scream until my throat was raw.  I wanted to kick at those padded walls until my legs were sore.  I wanted to pull an Office Space and take a baseball bat to every appliance in my house that had the nerve not to work properly.  And sometimes I wanted to take my emotions out on an innocent teddy bear."

Catherine also writes about using retail therapy as a way of coping with the loneliness and isolation following her husband's sudden death.  She would buy tons of stuff, decide to keep one thing and then return the rest the next day.  This didn't make her very popular with the salespeople and her therapy went on for months until she got fixated on a new purchase: a Mazda RX8.  As in a car that doesn't have a back seat, is low to the ground and not child friendly at all.  I loved that she did this even though it was extravagant.

Here in Catherine's words are why the Mazda RX8 was such a necessary, yet temporary, purchase: "For a while, that car was the best therapy I could have had.  It was where I could go and just pretend for a minute that my life was not actually happening.  I could drive around and forget for seconds at a time that I had three kids at home who were in the throes of toddlerhood.  I felt empowered that I had bought that car completely on my own.  I would listen to music I liked, turning it up so loud that it would almost drown out the thoughts in my head.  And the tinted windows would show nothing at a stoplight if I just needed to sit there and cry for a minute."

Even though Catherine spent her 11th wedding anniversary planning her husband's funeral, she found the inner strength to move her life forward and "Confessions of A Mediocre Widow" is a candid book about the reality of becoming a widow and where the exhausting, emotional adjustments took her and her family.

The bottom line, Catherine writes, is the ability to become self-aware and realize that it doesn't matter whether other people understand your journey or not.  You will find the way that is best for you.  It may be a slow process but inner peace can come if you accept what your life is today.  She states a core truth about being a widow when she writes that there comes a point in every widow's journey when she has to make peace with the death of her loved one "and finally accept that, yes, this has happened to her.  Most of the widows who seem to all of a sudden turn a corner have one thing in common: they stopped fighting widowhood and started to work with it."

Thank you Catherine Tidd for sharing your heartfelt story in this beauty of a book, "Confessions of A Mediocre Widow."  You made me feel as though we were friends in this widow journey and I know your new book will help many others (widows or not)  understand that you have to put yourself out there and live life with as much love as you can find.

 

"Confessions of A Mediocre Widow" will be available in retail stores on Tuesday, January 7, 2014.  Copies can be ordered on Amazon.com at this link:

http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Mediocre-Widow-Husband-Sanity/dp/1402285221/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1387507432&sr=8-1&keywords=confessions+of+a+mediocre+widow

 

or at Barnes & Noble at this link:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/confessions-of-a-mediocre-widow-catherine-tidd/1114864435?ean=9781402285226

Summertime Music In December

Baby, it's cold outside isn't it?

 

Weather predictions of flurries, dropping temperatures and possible black ice bring with it winter's outer armor of boots, scarves, gloves and woolen hats.  Meanwhile, kids around the nation are praying for snowstorms to arrive for Santa Claus and Christmas and extra days off from school.

 

And in the midst of all this Winterness, a friend tweeted this rockin' new video (see below) titled "Keep This In" by Phillip Noss that transports me to one of my favorite places: THE BEACH!!!!

 

Santa Delivers To The Beach Doesn't He?

 I love the warm, breezy feel to this song and I think it's the perfect antidote to the current all play all day Christmas carols that seem to be piped in to every stereo system that I come into contact with.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am not being a Scrooge this year at all.  It's just that sometimes I get burnt out about the commercial aspects of Christmas very quickly, especially since it seems to start earlier and earlier each year.

 

Please notice that no one in this video has a coat on or anything resembling winter gear.  From the first seconds of Phillip Noss' good ole rock and roll song, I am immediately transported to a Coney Island boardwalk wonderland of arcade games and even bumper cars and I can practically smell the caramel popcorn and taste the greasy fries that are part of the beach's mandatory menu.  Just so you know, pizza is also on this mandatory beach menu!

 

It's Summertime in December by watching the below link to Phillip Noss' new song and video, Keep This In, the first single off his upcoming album, Lover On The Run:
 

You Can't Sit Back & Wait

Did you ever complain about something you thought was going to be great but then it turned out to be a disappointing experience?

If you happened to complain to my mother about such a thing, then she probably would tell you that you have no one to blame but yourself because you get out of something what you put into it.

Which is the another way of saying that you can't sit on your butt and wait for stuff to come to you; you need to make the effort and go out there and take a chance and make some stuff happen.

Maybe it won't work the first time or the second time.  But you have to keep trying!

Check out the rainbow!

Happiness is not something that's ready made.

 

It comes from your own actions

 

                     ~ Dalai Lama

Newtown One Year Anniversary

Today we pause and pray for the community of Newtown, Connecticut and in particular for the families of the 26 victims shot in the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  At a press conference earlier this week, the families asked that people remember the 6 adults and 20 children on this tragic one year anniversary by performing an act of kindness or volunteering with a community group. 

 

You can visit their new website at www.mysandyhookfamily.org

 

Bridget's Affirmation

When one of my nieces was three years old, she started going to nursery school for part of the day a few times a week.  Her mother (my sister) knew that while she was at school she would start to miss Mommy at some point so she taught her daughter to say to herself, "There is no need to cry.  Everything will be all right.  Mommy will be right back."

My sister was ahead of her time because she was teaching my niece to say an affirmation to herself even though she didn't know what an affirmation was or what they can do.

And you know what?  Repeating those sentences to herself helped to reassure my niece that everything would be all right until Mommy came back.  It worked!!

We didn't know it at the time but when my sister put those words together she hit on a magic formula of sorts because there is a calming power in repeating something positive to yourself over and over again no matter how old you are.

Even today there are times when something stressful will happen in our large family of two parents, six children, four spouses, and 13 grandchildren and we jokingly will repeat the above affirmation to each other as a way of coping with what's going on and telling ourselves that we can handle it.

Affirmations, as I recently have learned, help you focus and can bring clarity to your heart and mind.

 

Affirmations are healing.

You can say them any time during the day and they can be anything that you want them to be.  But they must be positive or uplifting.

We can experience so many emotions after a loved one dies or when we are dealing with a stressful experience in our life.  It's hard to process all of those conflicting feelings all at the same time.  Affirmations have a way of helping you pump the brakes on your self a bit and stop to see exactly what is happening to you.

 

Repeating a positive or uplifting phrase to yourself is similar to being your own cheerleader and giving yourself the encouragement to get through something such as a personal loss or  a life changing event of another sort.  Although I didn't realize it the time, I used affirmations after my husband's death to help me through times when I felt vulnerable or exhausted or just plain overwhelmed.  It wasn't always just the pain of my loss that got to me but sometimes it was just making all decisions by myself whether it was about raising my young son, our house or our finances.

 

I would say to myself, "You can do this" or "You can survive this" or "Tomorrow you will feel stronger" and pretty soon I was on the other side of whatever it was I was trying to handle.  Sometimes I totally screwed something up but the affirmations gave me the boost I needed to get back on track.

 

Maybe you already have a phrase that you say to yourself that really works well for you.  Or maybe you are looking for something new that will affirm your mood or your day or something you trying for the first time.  If you really have no idea of what you could say to yourself as an affirmation, here are a few suggestions:

 

          -- Today is going to be a good day.

          -- Today I choose to think positive thoughts.

          -- I am going to be all right.

          -- There is no other moment; only this moment.

          -- I am blessed with (pick the one that works for you): a wonderful family, fantastic friends, a beautiful home or a great job.

 

So just go out there and try it and see what happens!
 

Congratulations Pope Francis!

Yesterday's news that Time magazine selected Pope Francis as their Person Of The Year surprised me just as much as when the College of Cardinals elected him to become Pope.

 

I didn't think it would really happen but I am ecstatic that it did!

 

I knew Pope Francis was a finalist for the annual honor but I really thought that Time magazine was going to go with former National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden, who this year released hundreds of thousands of classified government documents revealing the depth of the U.S. government's surveillance on phone and internet communications.

 

But spiritual won out.  Congratulations Pope Francis!

 

 

You are the real deal!!  You not only talk about the need to help the poor but you roll up your sleeves and get your own papal hands dirty trying to make the lives of the poor better yourself.

 

People love you and are excited about your humble leadership because you are inclusive.  You are a healer.  You have come along at a time when the world at large and the Catholic community desperately needs you and your gentle guidance.

 

Recently you invited nearly 200 homeless people to join you for dinner at the Vatican and there also were news stories about you sneaking out at night dressed as a regular priest to meet with homeless men and women to give comfort and listen to their concerns.

 

You are quickly shifting the priorities of the hierarchy of the Catholic Church from abortion, contraception, gay marriage and the nuns to more Christian issues such as poverty, materialism and the inequity of the world's economy.

 

Equally as important, you are opening the doors on the Vatican bank and calling for transparency.  I say it's about time someone threw some light on the decades of secretive Vatican Bank transactions and I must add there are times when I pray for you because I worry about you.

 

But then I remember that you are a Jesuit and Jesuits are always in a class by themselves!