Hooked -- A New Song from Pip

Yesterday was an absolute lousy day.  I arrived home from work and was not feeling good about my little world but was also looking for a way to rid myself of those negative, counter-productive feelings left over from the office.

 

While making dinner, I checked my email to see if there was some wonderful piece of news that would cheer me up.  My stressed out mood buster came in the form of an email from Pip, my cousin's talented son and singer who participated in season two of NBC's The Voice as part of  Adam Levine's team.

 

Music.  Yes, that's what I needed to erase the day's frustrations and bring me back to a relaxed state of mind.  Pip's email contained a new song and video titled "Hooked"  which I clicked on right away because I knew Pip's amazing voice and positive energy would shine through his music video and be contagious and mood changing.

It was!!  Thanks Pip!!  Check out "Hooked" for yourself below:

SNL -- Wrapping With Justin Timberlake & Jimmy Fallon

A good laugh is worth a million bucks.

 

Justin Timberlake & Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live

There are a few of my friends and family members who can make me laugh so hard that I can't get my breath and I love that they have this special talent.  They are usually imitating someone or just have the ability to see life in a quirky way and I always can use a dose of their sense of humor.

 

Fortunately, there are also a few shows on television that also make me laugh.  One of them is "Saturday Night Live."  When I came home from a Christmas party this past Saturday night, I turned on the television and "Saturday Night Live" had just started airing and I immediately started laughing at the Wrappingville skit (link & video below) featuring the multi-talented Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon.

 

When we laugh, we forget about our sadness or anxiety, at least for a little while, and life seems less threatening.  In other words, laughter gets you out of your head and away from your troubles.

Check out this ridiculous yet clever Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon skit about rappin' or should I say wrapping paper and gift bags:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sD5hLarHyZo

Way To Go

It's Fabulous, Fantastic, Friday and I know you are as happy about this as I am!

 

By the end of the work week, everyone needs a nice pat on the back.

 

Try saying one nice thing, one kind thing to someone you know or even a stranger

 and see what happens...............

JOY!!!
 

Revisiting Maurice Sendak

 

 

 

 

Maurice Sendak is known as an internationally renowned prize-winning children's book author and illustrator but he also has a message for adults too.

 

When children read his most famous book, "Where The Wild Things Are," they run around and play as if they are monsters, just like the ones in Sendak's book.  Spontaneously and instantly, children enter Sendak's world with love and abandon.

 

Adults may want to join the children in their play but their "adultness" sometimes holds them back.  "Oh, that's a child's book" or "I can't play like that" or "I shouldn't play like that" are some of the many things adults think after reading Sendak's book.

 

But Sendak's message to adults is one that children get right away: Say "I can" not "I can't."

 

One of my son's great friends sent this YouTube video to me so that I could share it with my readers.

 

It is a touching interview that NPR's Terry Gross did with Maurice Sendak near the end of his rich life.  Sadly, Sendak died last May at the age of 83 from complications of a stroke. (http://crylaughheal.blogspot.com/2012/05/maurice-sendaks-night-kitchen.html

 

In this wonderful NPR interview, Sendak talks about "the creative man" but more importantly he poignantly addresses aging and what life feels like for him at this stage.

 

To me, Sendak's message is short and sweet: Live your life!, Live your life!, Live your life!

 

Please click on the above to have a listen and watch the accompanying "wild" illustrations of artist Christoph Niemann.

That's What Friends Are For

 

 

 

 

This past weekend I met up with three of my best girlfriends to celebrate my recent birthday.

 

I have known these special women for decades and we have been through a lot with each other and for each other.  Birthdays, weddings, funerals, break-ups, new jobs, new houses, vacations -- we have been through it all! 

 

The beauty of being friends for a long time is that you don't have to explain everything.  One person can mention a certain situation or a person's name and we know right away what that means.  We know the things that make us laugh and the things that drive us crazy.

We always celebrate each other's birthdays and this time we went to a small French cafe in Georgetown for brunch.  It was misty and rainy outside and the inside of the restaurant was quiet and cozy.  No one was in a hurry and we settled in for a few hours and just enjoyed each other's company.

What a treat!!!!

Each one of my friends is a treasure and I love all of my girlfriends.  Real friends are made one at a time and sometimes through a shared activity.  I have some special friends I have gotten to know because our sons went to school together and I have other friends I have made through work and volunteering. They are the butter on my bread, the icing on my cupcakes.  They are the people that I cry, laugh and heal with.

All of them add that extra special something that makes me pause and say to myself, "I am lucky to know her and have her as a friend."

I find that my friends provide a layer of protection against life's setbacks and disasters.  I try to comfort and listen to their ups and downs as they do for me.  A true friend is a connection to life.

Friends care about what is going on in your life and with them you can always be yourself.  You can spill out your thoughts, even when they don't make any sense, and your friends take the time to figure it all out and make you feel that it's okay.  Or in my case, sometimes my friends put me back on the right track when I have lost my way....Thank goodness for that!!!!!

I need hugs and smiles and laughter.  I think we all do. 

When we isolate ourselves, we lose an essential connection to people and psychologists report that cutting yourself off from people can make you sick because you keep all of your feelings and thoughts locked inside and your body can't take it.  Your immune system can become compromised and other conditions such as heart disease can develop.

Thank you my special, extraordinary friends and my great readers for being there and for being your wonderful selves!!!

As the saying goes, you have to be a friend to have a friend!!!!
 

Mental Relaxation

 

 Planes, trains, cars and boats are not always at the ready to take us to dreamy destinations.

 

Work, finances and other life responsibilities sometimes get in the way of traveling even though everyone needs take occasional breaks from their surroundings, especially if life is particularly stressful or painful. 

 

You can't always take a vacation even if you really need or want one.

 

But you can read a book.

 

I saw this wonderful saying from Dr. Suess (posted above) on one of my favorite websites, The Silver Pen (www.thesilverpen.com) and was reminded of the magical healing power of reading and books.

 

I know this may sound simplistic but books can be short-term solutions to an ongoing need to give your brain something else to think about.  After I experienced the loss of my husband, I couldn't concentrate when I tried to read the newspaper.  Every morning I would go out and get the newspaper from the sidewalk and try to read it and couldn't get past a sentence or two.  It was frustrating and I would end up tossing the newspaper.  This went on for months. 

 

Then I discovered reading poetry.  Slowly, I would let my eyes go over the words and try to absorb them.  Sometimes I discovered that I had been momentarily transported in my thoughts and sometimes not.  Eventually my ability to focus returned but I learned it's a process that you can't hurry along.  Healing happens at its own pace.

 

Reading is truly a gift.  Movies can give you a similiar mental break but I always think our imaginations are better than anything a movie will show us.

 

Fiction, non-fiction, biographies, poetry, it's all good.  To loose yourself in a book is so relaxing.  Ever since I learned to read as a child, I have loved books and sometimes hold on to a book that I've already read just so I can go back and read various parts of it again.

 

There are some books that grab you right away and totally bring you into the story to the point that you feel as if you know the characters and you don't want the story to end.  I have read books where this has happened and as I am nearing the end of the book I purposely slow down my reading because I know it's going to end and I really want to enjoy each and every last word the author has written.

I hope you have found books that mentally allow you to fly away and go places you never imagined.

Sweet reading to you!

 

 

 

 

It's A Girl!

 

 

 

The daughter of a very good friend of mine gave birth early yesterday morning to a baby girl!

I am very excited for the parents of this beautiful new baby and my friend and her husband who now are grandparents. 

 

It's so magical to me that on Wednesday morning she was a mother and a wife (and lots of other great things too!) but by Thursday morning she had become a grandmother and met her first grandchild.

 

You really never know what life has in store for you! 

Becoming a parent is the adventure of a lifetime.  I mean this in the best of all ways.  I have loved every minute of it.  There is a lot of repetition and hard work involved in raising a child, either as a single parent or as part of a couple, but the rewards are priceless.

 

When we are with babies and young children we see the world in a fresh and new way for their reactions to the world are spontaneous and unfiltered.  I also discovered that being with my own son when he was a child, or other people's young children, could be healing in the sense that everything else that has happened to you that day falls away and the time spent with a child highlights what is really important in life.

 

Taking their hands, comforting them, teaching them right from wrong and helping them to learn how to take care of themselves is repeated over and over, the stuff of everyday life.  But it's also the stuff of a super love that you feel for your child and that super love never decreases even as they need you less and less.

 

I think the parents of this new baby girl are going to be great and I look forward to watching them take their journey together as a family.

 

P.S. Don't forget to have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The Big 300

 

 

Today marks my 300th post.

It's a personal milestone and truly a huge deal for me.  Big thanks go out to all of my family (especially my son, Ryan, who is my biggest blog cheerleader), friends and readers out there in the internet world who read Cry, Laugh, Heal.   You give me more than you know and I read and respond to all of the great feedback I receive!  And I hope to receive lots more feedback as I continue to write about the incredibly silly, sometimes sad and mostly spontaneous events that happen to me on my new journey as a widow and single mother.

I thought it would be appropriate to go back to the beginning, to the very first post I wrote launching Cry, Laugh Heal in December 2010.  This post is special to me because I had no idea what I was doing -- not that I really know now what I am doing -- but back then I really had no idea where Cry, Laugh Heal was going and what the reaction to it would be.  I just decided to jump in and try it and see what would happen.

 

When I read that first post today, I see a different person, a person still yearning to go backwards to the time when my husband was alive and well.  I still feel that way sometimes but now the feeling comes less frequently and not as strong as it did then. 

I definitely still feel passionately about changing the way people think about grief and trying to help people as they try to rebuild their lives after the loss of a loved one.  That's the reason I started Cry, Laugh, Heal: to open up the subject of grief and it's resulting resilience.  Grief is a natural reaction to a loved one's death and eventually it will happen to you whether you like it or not.  It doesn't help anyone when we make grief a taboo topic.

Everyone's grief journey is unique and certainly full of ups and downs.  I have found that for most people, the passage of time tends to lessen the waves of pain and eventually, the loss becomes less raw and more manageable.  One day, after many years, I had what is called a light bulb moment and finally realized that my husband would never want me or our son to be miserable.  I can't tell you how or why it happened, but it finally clicked in my brain that he would have wanted us to heal and find happiness.

To my great surprise, I have discovered that an inner strength does slowly build with the taking of each day as it comes to me.

I hope you enjoy reading my first post:

Clothes To You

December 23, 2010 

With the today's launch of Cry, Laugh, Heal, I’ll start by sharing an unexpected moment that helped me cope with my husband’s death.

Grieving can take you down some unpredictable paths -- sometimes revealing humor where you least expect it.

I learned the importance of having a sense of humor early in life while growing up in a large Irish Catholic family. If you couldn’t laugh at yourself, then someone else would imitate you until you did. So laughing and making jokes about life’s bumps in the road was part of my DNA, an integral part of my spirit, and it served me well until my husband died.

Suddenly, I found myself in this new role of being a middle-aged widow and single mother and I felt as though I was outside of myself performing some sort of high-wire act. On the one hand I was trying to move forward and support my young son, while on the other hand I was completely numb. As much as my family and friends supported me, I felt as if no one really got my “spin cycle” of emotions and what I was trying to handle.

I decided I needed to find others who had also lost loved ones and talk to them about how they managed to put the pieces back together and go on with their lives. I started going to group support sessions at Sibley Hospital’s bereavement group called Widowed Persons Outreach (WPO) and it was there that I found the emotional resources and freedom to talk about ALL the issues surrounding my husband’s death -- even the things that sound really irreverent and crazy to other people.

Talking about the emptiness, the surreal feelings, the memories and the loss of future memories was exhausting but therapeutic. But the best thing that came out of these emotional dialogues was that I unexpectedly rediscovered my sense of humor.

We were talking about what happens when you have buried your loved one yet their belongings – their clothes, their food, their books, most of what they owned – is still all around you. I jumped into the discussion and began talking about what happened to me one day when I was in the house all by myself. That particular day, I really felt like I was falling apart and all I wanted was some kind of contact with my husband.

I opened my cell phone, walked around the room and stared at it, thinking there actually was the possibility that something might happen -- a ring, a text, a signal of some sort from my husband. I know it sounds strange but when you are in the throes of deep grief and your loss is so raw, you are just hurting and not being logical.

I closed my eyes and imagined that he was hugging me. Then I opened the hall closet and took one of his tweed jackets off the hanger. I put it on and of course I immediately felt better. I smelled him in that precious jacket and I imagined his arms around me. I was comforted and torn up at the same time.

As I talked about this experience to my group, I said to the husky man sitting across from me, “Trying on his clothes really made me feel a lot better. Haven’t you ever done the same thing?”

Without missing a beat, he said with a completely straight face, “I gotta tell you. I have never, ever once thought about wearing my wife’s clothes.”

I totally burst out laughing. Something about the serious expression on his face, his delivery and the mental picture of this big guy in a small pastel sweater made me laugh so hard I couldn’t get my breath. And everyone else started laughing too so I knew that we had hit on something close to people’s hearts.

It was then that I knew life was going to be a little softer. Nothing was going to be great or wonderful; just slightly more bearable. For a long time, I didn’t think it was okay to laugh. I wasn’t supposed to be enjoying myself and besides, nothing was funny to me anyway.

There is a very thin line between crying and laughing. Many times you find yourself doing one of them and all of a sudden you are doing the other. But a good cry or a good laugh can make you feel as if a huge weight has been lifted and that’s what this blog is here to do.

Summer Fun

 

 

 

 

When I was a child my mother used to let me and my siblings sit on the front steps of our house after the sun had set and it was nightime.  We had all had our baths and she would let us outside in our pajamas.  What risk takers we were!

 

We loved it because we got to stay up late since there wasn't school and there also was an incredible feeling of freedom and naughtiness.  We would play games and look up at the stars in the night sky and sometimes eat sliced bananas in a bowl with milk.

 

Spontaneous Summer.  Relaxing Summer.  Special Summer.  Healing Summer.

 

I think you get the idea by now that Summer is my favorite season.  This week, I have been noticing as we approach the end of August, that every day, in a small way, the sun is setting earlier.  A new school year has started, preseason football games are airing on national television and the beginning of September and Labor Day is almost upon us.

I don't want the seasons to change. I think of Summer as my BFF and don't want to say good-bye.  I want summer to go on and on and on. . .

 

What do you love about Summer?