My Patient Readers

Dear Patient Readers:

For over three years, I have been using Blogger to communicate with you and for me the process of posting Cry Laugh Heal to the internet was working out nicely.

 

From the beginning, my goal was to try and help others who lost loved ones and were searching for resources that could help them find a way to carry on without their precious person.  At Cry Laugh Heal, I  write about my experiences with loss and resilience but always with others in mind.  I draw strength from the stories of other people and I'm sure you do too.  It's about support.  No one should ever feel alone and without hope.

 

So when I recently discovered that my blog was difficult to find from a teckie-internet-google-search engine kind of way, I was told I needed to change to another software and thus also change the look of Cry Laugh Heal. 

 

It has been one big frustration after another and I am writing to apologize for the inconvenience of technological problems on my blog site.  If you have recently logged on to www.crylaughheal.com, you discovered for yourself that the site is changing.  I didn't know that you would be able to see the ever changing look of Cry Laugh Heal but there it is.

It has been very difficult for me to navigate this process and find someone to help me transfer more than three years of blog posts and pictures from Blogger to Word Press and then take the Word Press content and work it into a new template but I finally found a great tech guy.  Unfortunately, it's taking longer than I thought.

I miss my writing routine and communicating with all of you on a regular basis but I am also excited for the new Cry Laugh Heal site to be born.  In the meantime, I am tweeting at @crylaughheal and I have a Facebook page that can be found at https://www.facebook.com/crylaughheal?ref=hl.  You are welcome to join me there and I hope you do!!

Here's to a new and improved Cry Laugh Heal that I hope will see the light of day very soon and give you the helping hand you may be looking for as you work through your loss and embrace your new journey.

Peace.

Mary Kate

Commiting To Heal

When committing yourself to begin healing, you are taking an important step.  You are in effect looking around yourself and saying that today's situation isn't working well for you and you are choosing to change.

I have found that it's a decision that can make you feel two contradictory emotions at the same time. On the one hand, you are feeling brave to decide to open yourself up to change but on the other hand, the act of opening yourself up to something new is scary and nerve wracking because it's unpredictable.

 

We all react differently to the loss of a loved one or a trauma in our lives.  It's okay.  You are in new territory but you aren't alone.

Isn't it funny how you can feel strong and scared in the same moment?  But you can't allow that push-pull moment to overtake you and possibly stop you.  If you think about change too much, then it might slow you down.  It's much more important to keep the momentum going; to keep moving forward.

Simplifying can be the way to go when big things in your life are about to change it up. 

Tell yourself that just for today you will not be afraid.

You will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, what makes you laugh, what brings you peaceful feelings.

As you give to the world, so will the world give back to you.

Baby Steps

Ugh.  I feel as though I have been stuck in a lot of life's drama lately and it is distracting me.

 

Big drama has been happening to me on all fronts of my life and I just thought I would let you wonderful readers know the reason why I haven't been able to post on my blog as much as I would like.  Not that you are hanging on to every word I ever post but I thought it would be nice of me to give an explanation for cutting back lately.

 

I can't and don't think it would be fair to talk about all the nuances of the Big D that is overtaking my life but I have faith that some parts of it will be short lived.  Sometimes I think that life's problems will resolve themselves if I give it enough time to unscramble but I am finding that a hard part of healing can be the times when you have to roll up your sleeves and confront the situation yourself.

Until then, I remind myself to take baby steps, for baby steps will get me where I need to go.

Peace.

In Honor Of The Oscars

In honor of the Oscars last night, I'd like to give out a personal award.

Last night's Academy Awards speeches seemed to me to be particularly emotional, expressing the gratitude of recognition, the fulfillment of dreams and deep thanks for the years of incredible support that people received while working on their ground breaking film projects. 

It brought to mind for me the role that others play in our lives during difficult times and reminded me that support groups around the country are on the front lines of our communities, doing the nitty gritty, down and dirty and painful work of helping us put one foot in front of another as we learn to live with the unexpected challenges that life has brings us.

 

In my case, I'd like to give out a personal award, The Best  Support Group award to Widowed Persons Outreach (WPO) located at Sibley Hospital in Washington, DC.  The people at Sibley who run this incredible program are the unsung heros of bereavement work and I'd like to draw the curtains aside a bit to reveal that grief support groups are not strange secretive gatherings of people who wallow in their sorrow and loss.

 

Best Support Group Award

No indeed.  They are groups of compassionate people dealing honestly and directly with the confusion that grief brings.  I spent almost two years as a participating member of the WPO support group and then after leaving the support group I spent many years later as a volunteer trying to give back the unconditional support WPO gave to me.

I learned a tremendous amount from the other widowed members of the group and also the amazing people who ran the group while I was there.  One person I would like to give a shout out to is Julie Potter, a calm and patient woman with so much insight that she reminds me of  a wise Buddha.  WPO taught me how to slowly gather the shattered pieces of myself and figure out how to best to put them back together in a way that gave me worked for me.  The group gave me the strength to help myself and my grieving young son.   

 

Whether it's alcoholism, gambling, overeating, drug addiction or grief, I believe that others who are traveling the same unpredictable path as ourselves can often offer the greatest amount of inspiration.

It may seem slow and incredibly painful but I found that when you sit and share your story with others facing the same issues, there is a sense of relief that you have finally found people who understand the depth of what you are feeling and how hard it is to handle.  In searching for a way to begin healing, support groups offer a safety zone because you find you are not alone in your emotional turmoil. 

 

Many people are uncomfortable with the emotional pain of grief.  As a result, family and friends are sometimes unsure of what to say or how to be helpful.  Support groups are the places where we can let it all hang out, revealing the thoughts and feeling we might not want to tell others because they might not get what we are really telling them.

 

You deserve to talk through your feelings and get them off your chest.  It's all part of starting a healing process.  By letting your emotions come to the surface and then working through them, you acknowledge and face your changed life and find others who are also dealing with the same sorts of issues.

 

Each grief may be individual but you shouldn't feel that you have to handle it all by yourself.  Support groups can be a crucial first step when you find yourself unsure of how to deal with a personal crisis.

A World View

Something To Think About. . .

"The world is before you

 

and you need not take it 

 

or leave it as it was when you came in."

 

~ James Baldwin

 

 

Heavy Fog Rolls Into New York City
NY Metro Weather via Earthcam

 

The Notebook

I never know when I am going to read or hear something that I might want to use in writing a future blog post so I try to always carry a small notebook with me.  On the times that I have forgotten my notebook, I have written notes on the back of envelopes, cocktail napkins and business cards which then creates this messy pile of stray notes.

For now, the small spiral notebook I am using is almost full and it caused me recently to flip through the worn pages to check and see if I had missed anything that might be helpful to myself and others who are trying to rebuild their lives after a loss or strengthen their resilience when facing life's unexpected trials.

 

 

And then there it was.  Handwritten notes from a sweet conversation I had this past summer on the beach with a young woman in her twenties.  She had lost her grandfather and an uncle within a few months of each other.  We had just met and were casually talking about ourselves.  I told her about Cry, Laugh, Heal and surprisingly she then began telling me about her experiences with loss.

 

I write about this conversation today after so many months because I was struck by the common thread in her thoughts and the fact that if I closed my eyes and forgot about her age she could have been a member of my support group made up of people much older than herself.  She was voicing many of the same feelings older people have expressed after losing a loved one:  the need to talk, the shock and confusion and the contradictions brought by the pain of loss.

"People know you are going through an awful time of it and yet they talk to you as though nothing has happened," she said remarking on what it was like to go back to school after attending the funerals.  "I think people react this way because it's far too messy for them and they also think they're upsetting you.  And they definitely don't think about how you might want to cry and release your feelings."

She continued talking quietly about this experience and said after a period of time following the losses she knew she needed to be part of a  trusted discussion addressing grief issues.  The loss of her uncle and her grandfather made her realize that she needed to join a support group and she was so glad that she did.  She wasn't sure what she would find or what it would be like, but she came away surprised and also curious about the amazing dynamic that had occurred in her group.

"Isn't it weird how you can find yourself in a support group, among people who you have never met before, people who are strangers, and you start speaking honestly from your heart about how you really feel and what you are really thinking about.  I found that I was saying things to strangers that I couldn't tell my loved ones, the people who have known me for most of my life.  And for some reason the other people in my group felt that way too.  And it worked.  I felt I was with new friends."

Our discussion about life and loss was not for long; I would say at the most it was about 10 to 15 minutes.  But within that short window of time while we talked, I felt her willingness to expose her vulnerability on the contradictions of these grizzly subjects of loss and resilience was amazing.

 

Here's why:  in her young soul she had dug deep and found strength in a truth that sometimes takes many of us (myself included) a life time to discover.  That truth? 

 

Her words say it best: "Sometimes beauty comes out of pain.  I found that something good can come out of something tragic and that's hard for people to understand.  I think people are afraid to say something good came out of someone's death because we are afraid it would be seen as though we were glad that it happened when of course that is not the truth at all.  No one, no one wants anyone to feel that pain but it's surprising to discover that a light can come out of darkness."

Kickstarting Change

Hey there!  I hope you had a great and productive weekend and if it wasn't one of those two things then I hope it was a weekend chock full of fun!

 

Mine was full but it was full of running interference for family members and in particular trying to understand the emotional needs of one family member.  I keep reminding myself that it's all about love, love, love!

 

In the midst of this whirlwind weekend of emotions, I found the following quote which I felt was insightful and particularly timely:

"And that is

how change happens.

One gesture.  One person.

One moment at a time."

                        ~ Libba Bray

You Can't Sit Back & Wait

Did you ever complain about something you thought was going to be great but then it turned out to be a disappointing experience?

If you happened to complain to my mother about such a thing, then she probably would tell you that you have no one to blame but yourself because you get out of something what you put into it.

Which is the another way of saying that you can't sit on your butt and wait for stuff to come to you; you need to make the effort and go out there and take a chance and make some stuff happen.

Maybe it won't work the first time or the second time.  But you have to keep trying!

Check out the rainbow!

Happiness is not something that's ready made.

 

It comes from your own actions

 

                     ~ Dalai Lama

Nelson Mandela

Rest In Peace Nelson Mandela

For you used your precious life and your healing nature to change the world

and make it a much better place for generations to come. 

Education is the most powerful weapon we can use to change the world.

 

                            ~ Nelson Mandela

Kris Carr's Golden Ticket

I recently wrote about some of the good things I learned about surviving a personal trauma in the ten years after my husband's death (No Lifeguard On Duty).  After that post was published, many people told me they found it helpful to know how things feel ten years after a loss.

 

No matter how crazy and afraid you feel after a loss, it's essential to keep trying to find the support you need until you discover a different way to live.  Even though change is the last thing you want to do, change is possible.  It feels as though nothing will ever go right for you ever again, but that my friends, is a feeling that eventually will pass if you give it some time.

There is always hope.

 

The idea of changing and rebuilding your life, working on personal development or sustaining a lifestyle change over a ten years period is so interesting to me.  How do other people do it?  What keeps them committed to their new way of life?  I was Googling to see if I could find out more about how others mark their personal benchmarks of change when up on the computer screen popped the name of one of my favorite inspirational people: Kris Carr.

 

Photos Courtesy of Kris Carr

 

Kris Carr is truly amazing to me.  I have written about her many times on Cry, Laugh, Heal and never tire of her enthusiastic, original and generous way of approaching life as a person diagnosed with a Stage 4 cancer. 

 

Kris Carr is a New York Times bestselling author and wellness activist who brings you to the idea of change in a best girlfriend, let's do this together kind of way.  Whenever I am in a rut or feel the need to kick myself in the butt to get motivated, I either pick up one of her books or read her blog, Crazy, Sexy Cancer (www.kriscarr.com).  Kris Carr recently went in to the doctor's for her ten year check up and talked about it on Oprah's amazing weekly program called Super Soul Sunday.

 

Please watch this short YouTube clip and listen to Kris Carr talk about her changed life ten years after being diagnosed with the Big C:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5cE3OnOZR4&feature=player_embedded

Way To Go

It's Fabulous, Fantastic, Friday and I know you are as happy about this as I am!

 

By the end of the work week, everyone needs a nice pat on the back.

 

Try saying one nice thing, one kind thing to someone you know or even a stranger

 and see what happens...............

JOY!!!
 

Changing It Up

It is never too late to make changes in your life.

 

You can be 22, 42, 62 or even 92 and suddenly decide it's time for a change.

But you have to want it.  You can't do it just because others want you to.  You need to make changes and take care of yourself for yourself.

 

I was thinking about this because a wonderful friend of mine was discharged from the hospital this past Saturday after having her gall bladder removed on Friday.  It all happened very quickly and it was scary for a short time because we weren't sure that it was going to be a straightforward surgery.

 

In the end, that bad boy of a gall bladder was removed and hopefully her health issues are gone forever more.

 

 

We are all quite thankful that she is at home and resting but she also has to make some changes in her diet.  Which is where the changes I was talking about in the beginning come into the picture.

 

When good health is the issue, sometimes we have to stop eating some things and start eating other things that are better for our bodies.  I know how hard this can be because I was very sick and hospitalized about 11 years ago.  I was told by my doctors to stop drinking alcohol and eat a low fat diet that was practically a non-fat diet.  And I did it.  I didn't like it but it slowly became a way of life.  It took a lot of mind changes on my part and rethinking about the food that I ate.

 

I was constantly reading food labels and I think for the first couple of months I existed on homemade soup, baked salmon, non-fat yogurt, fat free chocolate pudding and salads with no-fat dressing.  That meant no desserts, no chips, no fries, no cheeseburgers and especially no pizza.

 

I got myself back into a state of good health and felt a lot better and stronger after changing things up.  It is no exaggeration to say that if you have good health, you have almost everything.  Good health is not to be taken for granted.

The state of your health is your launching pad from which the rest of your life flows.  If you don't have any energy, how can you work to make your dreams come true?  If you are sick, then you are spending money on hospitals and doctors instead of on your own business or your home or your family.

 

Please don't get discouraged if you know you need to make changes and you have tried many times and it didn't seem to work for you.  Please try again.  If you aren't in great shape right now, you can change it.  It is possible!!

 

Take a walk.  Turn on some music.  You can get up and move and groove.  Think about what you're eating.  You can make better food choices and build up your immune system.  Change is always possible.

 

It's never too late to make changes to improve our health and live more vibrant lives.

Let's start today!!

Changes At Arlington Cemetery

A cemetery is an intimate place.

For me, it is a place where I let down my guard and become vulnerable to my feelings.  Sometimes I raise my arms to the sky as if saying that I am ready to let it all wash over me but other times I sit silently and close my eyes and try to center my thoughts.

 

In the summertime when I visit my husband's grave, I sometimes love to lay in the grass that covers where he is buried.  As I lay on my back looking up at the sky, I love to let my hands run through the blades of grass and feel the warmth of the sun envelope me knowing that some part of him is underneath me.

I don't do this every time I go there but when I do I find it to be comforting.

Isn't that the whole point of going to a cemetery?  To find comfort, to try and put yourself back together, to heal and to also find some measure of peace?

I talk to my husband while I am visiting there and I also leave things near his marker that I know he liked, such as cookies and shells from the beach.  It's my way of  telling him that I am thinking of him and I'm still caring about him.  It's an emotional connection that gives me strength.

I was reminded of the healing role of my many cemetery visits while reading a touching Washington Post story yesterday about Section 60 in the Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia.  The story reported that the small treasures and personal mementos people have routinely left at their loved ones graves for months is now being collected by the cemetery's workers and taken away.

Arlington National Cemetery
www.arlingtoncemetery.mil

Section 60 hold special significance because that is where more than 800 recently deceased Iraq and Afghanistan war dead are buried and the pain of each relative's grief is still new and raw.  Arlington National Cemetery is one of the nation's oldest cemeteries and within its 624 acres lies more than 14,000 veterans, including some who fought in the Civil War.

For many, many months, loved ones personalized the stark gravestones of their spouses, children and friends with pictures, balloons, dog tags, handmade trinkets, holiday decorations and love letters as they try to find some kind of answer to the searing heartbreak they feel about their special person's death.

 

But the cemetery has changed its mind and is now collecting anything left at the gravesites.  Arlington cemetery's executive director plans to meet with the families of the deceased this Sunday to discuss the new policy of cleaning up section 60. 

It seems that from the Army's point of view, the cemetery needs to stay clean and look just like every other part of Arlington Cemetery but for the families, the disarray of the personal belongings left at the gravesites reinforced their love, their unwavering bond with their loved one and reflected their shattered dreams.

This link will take you to The Washington Post story, headline, "Another Death, Another Loss":

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/cleanup-in-arlington-national-cemeterys-section-60-upsets-families-of-war-dead/2013/10/01/ec5de34e-2ac4-11e3-97a3-ff2758228523_story.html?tid=auto_complete

A New Week

I am with you my dear readers as we begin a new week together!!!!

I hope your weekend was full of exciting adventures and laughter and love and family and friends.

Mine seemed to zip by in a blink.

While I have many things that I want to tell you about, I ran out of time to sit down and put them in complete thoughts and sentences.

There is definitely more to come but today I leave you with the below thought since change and more change seems to be the theme of my life these days:

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it,

 

move with it,

 

and join the dance

 

                         ~Alan Watts

 

 

 

 

 



Life's Garden of Loved Ones

Two tropical storms have moved through the Washington, DC area recently and we are getting more than our usual dose of rain.  Not complaining because I like the rain.  It's good for our gardens and everything feels clean after a good downpour.

 

This summer I am trying to pay more attention to the plants in my yard which I guess I think of as my garden even though they are not all planted in one contained space.  I planted some lettuce, rosemary and basil along with geraniums and marigolds.  Watching things grow is hopeful!

 

As you wake-up and embrace today's events, here's a good thought about life's garden of loved ones:

Photo Courtesy of French Essence

"Let us be grateful to

people who make us happy;

they are the charming

gardeners who make our

souls blossom."

 

          ~ Marcel Proust, French Author

 

 

Congratulations to The Class of 2013!

After (hopefully) fours years of hard, hard work and spending thousands and thousands of dollars on college tuitions, remarks by a notable person -- whether an author, celebrity, scientist, politician or even the First Lady or the President of the United States -- definitely seems in order before degrees are handed out at universities across the nation.

 

For the parents, relatives and friends of the graduate, and even those of us who have already graduated, whether from a university, a community college or the School of Street Smarts, the commencement speech is also a time to pause and listen; to see whether the speaker can offer us new insights about life.  We can gain new perspectives or get our engines reignited by remarks made in the annual rite of commencement speeches.

The reason I find commencement speeches so capitvating is that they usually reveal something about the speaker that we might not have known before.  Many times, the commencement speaker talks about what they were like as a young person, what they wanted to achieve, what life instead handed them and then what they did with life's surprises.

Oprah Winfrey Speaks At Harvard
Photo Courtesy of David L. Ryan/The Boston Globe

Commencement speeches show us the resilience of the human spirit, for everyone needs resilience in order to move forward.  Some people do graduate from college and go forth into the world and do exactly what they planned to do and that's wonderful!  But I think I not only speak for myself, but also for many, many others, who start out thinking they are going to do one thing when they leave college and then end up doing something very different.

 

As the Class of 2013 leaves their respective campuses, poised for change, they may find a world very different from what they expected -- or maybe not.

Here are a few of this year's commencement speeches that stood out for me:

Former U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords (who is still recovering from being shot in the head in 2011), Bard College:

"The nation's counting on you to create, to lead, to innovate.  Be bold, be courageous, do your best."

President Barack Obama, Morehouse College:

"We've got no time for excuses.  In today's hyper-connected, hyper competitive world, with millions of young people from China and India and Brazil, many of whom started with a whole lot less than all of you did, all of them entering the global workforce alongside you, nobody is going to give you anything you haven't earned.  Nobody cares how tough your upbringing was.  Nobody cares if you suffered some discrimination.

 

"Moreover, you have to remember that whatever you've gone through, it pales in comparison to the hardships previous generations endured -- and if they overcame them, you can overcome them, too."

Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Princeton University:

"I'm not going to tell you that money doesn't matter, because you wouldn't believe me anyway. In fact, for too many people around the world, money is literally a life-or-death proposition. But if you are part of the lucky minority with the ability to choose, remember that money is a means, not an end. A career decision based only on money and not on love of the work or a desire to make a difference is a recipe for unhappiness."

Comedian Stephen Colbert, University of Virginia:

"There is no secret society out there that will tap you on the shoulder and show you the way.  The true secret is, your life will not be defined by the society we have left you. . . Every generation must define itself.  If you must find your own path, and we have left you no easy path, then decide now to choose the hard path that leads to the life and the world that you want."

TV host & Multimedia Entrepreneur Oprah Winfrey, Harvard University:

"It doesn't matter how far you might rise, at some point you are bound to stumble.  Because if you're constantly doing what we do, raising the bar. If you're constantly pushing yourself higher, higher, the law of averages, not to mention The Myth of Icarus, predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do, I want you to know this, remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us into another direction."

"It's okay to feel bad for a little while.  Give yourself time to mourn what you think you may have lost. But then, here's the key: Learn from every mistake because every experience, encounter, and particularly your mistakes, are there to teach you and force you into being more of who you are."

Here's to the Class of 2013!  Congratulations and Good Luck!!

 

 

The Very Cool Sela Ward

Sometimes on Friday evenings, I watch CBS's prime-time hit series CSI:NY on television.  I love crime shows and one of the other reasons I like to watch it is Sela Ward, an award-winning actress who plays a very cool, straight-to-the-point detective named Jo Danville.

In real life, Ward is a busy mother of two children and a wife as well as a career woman.  Yet she always gives off this aura of being calm, collected and totally together; something I am constantly working towards.

This month she landed beautifully and professionally on the cover of  Ladies Home Journal magazine where she gave an interesting interview about taking risks in life and being open to unplanned opportunities that life may spring on you.

Sela Ward

I love Ward's honest attitude towards life and being courageous in your actions.  She's not afraid to admit to making a mistake or putting herself out there in an untested way.  She picks herself up and continually starts over again.  That takes a lot of guts!

While she talks in the interview about her determination with regards to acting, I think her philosphy of grabbing life and going full throttle can easily be applied to myself and anyone else out there trying to find a new direction in their life or just trying to discover new ways to make their life work in a healthy and creative way.

Here are just three of many insightful questions and answers from the Ladies Home Journal interview with the very cool Sela Ward:

Q: LHJ: Isn't it funny how we make plans for our lives, but so much occurs by chance?

Ward: Yes, but there's a drive that makes you keep moving forward -- and connects you to other people.  If you sit at home all day long or play it safe or say "I'm not going to go to that," then you don't meet those interesting people who can change your life.  You have to open yourself up to the world.  I open myself up to possibilities all the time.

Q: LHJ: In what ways do you keep moving forward, in your personal and professional life?

Ward:  When I was on Sisters, I'd be so bad some weeks.  I'd take a risk with a scene and fall flat on my face.  But I'd pick myself up, work with my acting coach, go back the next week and then be kind of good.  Of course the following week I'd fall on my face again.  I did this for six years.  By the time I was finished there wasn't one scene or script that I was afraid of.  I have that same attitude about life.  I know how to put in the hard work, I know what I don't know and I know how to figure it out.

Q: LHJ: Are you always thinking about what's next or is there part of you that is able to sit back and enjoy the here and now?

Ward: I try to live my life in the present.  If you think in terms of "This is it," not "Things will be better in my next lifetime," the choices you make are different.  For me right now it's about living my life in Technicolor.  There are so many opportunities and possibilities all around us.  Even though I'm not in that "35 and under" relevant category anymore, I've still got a lot to offer -- I've still got a lot I want to do.

Living our lives in Technicolor. . . Isn't that a great concept?  Sela is so wise!

Let's do it!

Good Friday

Today is Good Friday, the Friday before Easter, and many Christians will spend the day praying, fasting and reflecting on the crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ.

I am working today so I will try to reflect and pray but I will be squeezing it in between my office projects and the usual running around I do in order to keep all the balls in the air.

Good Friday signals that Easter is almost here and that means that the end of Lent is also almost here.

 

That's good news for me because this year for Lent, I gave up chocolate which I totally love, especially when it's been sitting in the refrigerator.

 

 

 

 

I have not eaten chocolate for 45 days.

 

I can't believe it myself.  I didn't think I would make it this long.  I thought I would break my Lenten promise not to eat chocolate and that somewhere in those days before Easter I would eat a bag of M and M's. 

But I didn't.  And I feel a lot better for it. 

A few days before the beginning of Lent, I was beginning to feel powerless over chocolate.  I would eat it and then tell myself that that was it, chocolate wasn't good for me and I wasn't going to eat anymore.

But it didn't work.  The chocolate was talking to me.

Whether it was a chocolate chip cookie or chocolate candies in the kitchen at work, I realized I couldn't keep it up.  I had to put the brakes on the chocolate.  Luckily, Lent came along at just the right time.

 

I have to admit that chocolate did come close to my mouth one or two times.  I was at a party and there was a bowl of wrapped chocolates just sitting there.  Automatically, I put my hand out to take one (or two) and then that little voice inside me said, "You gave it up, remember?  Don't even think about it."

 

Another time I was at my parents and my father loves to nibble on trail mix.  When I was pouring it into a small bowl for him, I did the same thing.  I automatically went for some and then realized there were bits of chocolate mixed in to the nuts and raisins.

 

The idea of giving something up for Lent is symbolic.  Jesus gave up his life for us and the least I can do is try to change a small habit during Lent, right?  You can be creative about Lent.  You don't have to give something up.  Instead, you can try to do something positive such as being more patient or thinking twice before making an unnecessary comment.

 

Whether it's chocolate or kindness, I am glad to have stepped back, reset my actions and taken a break from a bad habit.

 

Who knows. . . Maybe I even earned a little grace along the way, which is always a good thing!

 

 

 

                                                                                      

Silver Linings Playbook

 

 

Bradley Cooper & Jennifer Lawrence

 

I applaud the wonderful movie, Silver Linings Playbook, which came away from the Academy Awards last night with Jennifer Lawrence winning an Oscar for Best Actress.

I had heard a lot about this movie before I recently saw it and I wasn't disappointed.  It definitely lived up to its reputation as a solid, slightly edgy, movie and it stands out because its story and its actors are courageous and hopeful.  The movie shines a light on two subjects that make people uncomfortable: grieving and mental health, and weaves these sensitive issues in a romantic-comedy-drama about families, resilience, growth and love.

 

In Silver Linings Playbook, the characters played by Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence are trying to put their lives back together and not always succeeding.  Bradley Cooper's character is dealing with a bipolar diagnosis and Jennifer Lawrence's character has just become a widow after learning her husband was hit and killed by a car. 

 

I don't want to reveal too much about the movie because you really should see it for yourself.  But I think it's safe to tell you that both of them talk directly and honestly about the ways they reacted when their traumas crashed into their lives and how those out-of-control decisions took them to places they didn't want to be but at the time, they couldn't help themselves.

 

And yet their characters never give up.

 

They are vulnerable and heartbroken and always trying to put their lives back together.  They believe there is a Silver Lining out there for each of them and this is where I fell in love with the movie.

 

Both characters put themselves out there in incredibly fearless ways given what they are dealing with because they are determined to find new lives. 

 

You see how hard it is for them to change but they keeping going at it.

 

I know it's only a movie but it can be an unexpected source of strength to watch actors or people you know go about the painful process of making changes within themselves and finding the will to take actions that, as small or as large as they might be, reveals to them and to others that they and we are stronger than we might have ever thought we were.

 

As a widow, I know how hard it is to stay positive about life but I found that staying positive can really make a difference in the decisions you make.  There were and still are plenty of times when I screw up but if I didn't believe that things were going to get better I would find myself in a sad place and I don't want that for myself or for you.

Unexpected sources of strength are within us and around us.  Dig down deep within yourself or reach out to to others.

Move forward and surprise youself.

 

 

Rosa Parks

When I read that the U.S. Postal Service unveiled a stamp commemorating civil right activist Rosa Parks, I said to myself, "It's about time."

 

Parks, who would have turned 100 this year, was riding a segregated and crowded bus home in Montgomery, Alabama in 1955 when a white man wanted her seat.  She refused to get up and give it to him and she was arrested for breaking the law.

 

A 381-day bus boycott began, lead by a young Baptist minister named Martin Luther King Jr.  Both Parks and King went on to capture the nation's attention for standing up and leading the national movement for civil rights.

 

Parks appealed her arrest taking it all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court which then ruled that bus segregation was unconstitutional.

 

By quietly saying, "No," look what Parks achieved.  She is truly inspirational!  Through her simple action she inspired thousands of others to demand a better life for themselves and their children.

 

Sometimes we want change to happen immediately; just as soon as we are sick and tired of something.  But other times, change happens incrementally, through one person after another agreeing with each other, bonding together and making their voices heard.

 

Positive thoughts can be powerful.

 

What would you like to change in your life?