Respect The Tech

I recently took an excellent class at a writer's center in suburban Maryland and learned that my blog, Cry Laugh Heal, needs a technological overhaul.

 

Today's title, "Respect The Tech" is wise advice from my savvy and humorous teacher, Mary T. McCarthy, who currently is an editor at Splice Today (www.splicetoday.com), and founded and writes for her own popular humor website called Pajamas and Coffee (www.pajamasandcoffee.com).  She's the mother of four children and I'm not sure where she finds the time or energy but she also has a book coming out this summer called "The Scarlet Letter Society".  Whew! McCarthy is one busy and very smart dynamo.

 

Basically "respect the tech" means to get your blog or website set up correctly and technologically right.  And if you personally can't get it right, then you must find someone you can trust to keep you on the tech straight and narrow.  The tech is too important to be ignored.  Take it from me, ignoring it brings unwelcome consequences.  I didn't mean to ignore it, I just got overwhelmed by it and other things going on in my life and I thought everything would be okay. NOT!

 

I think I was spending so much time on the writing and the writing and the writing that I took my eye off the tech.  I am now trying to catch up as best I can and I hope you will be patient with my project currently under construction.

The software I have been using is woefully out of date and there are many, many updates that need to be installed.  Patience and calm are my current watchwords as I transition from one site to another and I must admit that I am learning a lot which is a good thing right?

 

I'm not going to go on and on and about what I need to do but I would like to give my wonderful readers a heads up that change is in the making and I am busy trying to make sure that all is in place before I launch a new and improved Cry Laugh Heal.

Any feedback you want to send me is definitely welcome.

Thank you!!

Lea Michele & Cory Monteith

Songs are touchstones; expressions of personal thoughts, emotions or memories.  An outpouring of experiences.  Songs can transport and inspire and also energize.  Songs can also help the writer and the listener process emotions of loss or grief.

 

Actress and singer Lea Michele had been working on her new album, Louder, many months before the tragic and sudden death of her boyfriend, actor Cory Monteith, who died from a toxic mixture of heroin and alcohol.  Michele and Monteith also connected professionally, playing high school sweethearts on Fox's award winning series, Glee.

With the recent release of Louder, Michele is giving candid interviews about Monteith and she recently recounted that Monteith had privately listened to and critiqued many of her new songs and he sent her notes about his thoughts on the album as she continued recording.

 

Naturally, Michelle's work on Louder stopped after Monteith's death on July 13, 2013.  While mourning the loss of Monteith, Michele searched for songs to add to the album that would reflect her feelings of spinning out of control and songs that might explain to others the depth of what it felt like to be without Monteith, how much she loved him, and how scared she was to go on without him.

 

She found a song titled Cannonball; a song she said she plays over and over because it helps her feel emotionally stronger and hopeful about the direction of her future.  "Grief is a scary thing," Michele says.  Yes, it is Michele, very scary and that's why it's so great that you are talking about it.  Sadly, we don't truly know how scary it is until it happens to us.  You are brave to share your feelings and thoughts, letting others know that they are not alone in their grief journeys.  I am so sorry for the pain of your loss. 

 

Below is the story TV Guide recently published about Michele, her new album and tragedy of Monteith's battle with his addictions.

 

Lea Michele

Lea Michele: "Grief Is a Scary Thing"

Mar 6, 2014 10:08 AM ET
by Liz Raftery
TV Guide
Lea Michele says writing and recording her new album Louder helped her overcome her grief after losing her boyfriend Cory Monteith last summer.

"I had this experience happen to me [and] decided to write about it," the Glee star tells the Los Angeles Times. "That's what felt organic."

Monteith, Michele's Glee co-star and boyfriend of four years, died in July from a toxic combination of heroin and alcohol.

The album's first single, "Cannonball," is about new beginnings. Michele recalls hearing the song for the first time:  I just literally keeled over because grief is a very scary thing, and there comes a point where it can really take you down," she says. "['Cannonball'] lifted me up. It was what I needed to get through my difficult situation."

Rather than avoid the topic, Michele decided to address Monteith's death head-on on the record, which was released Tuesday. "A lot of people don't know how to touch this situation. It's like walking on eggshells," Michele says. "I felt 'Cannonball' ... puts it all out there. It's like this is really hard, we're not denying that it's hard. We're gonna get through it."

Another track, "If You Say So," which Michele co-wrote with Sia Furler, is a reflection on the last conversation she had with Monteith. "It's something beautiful that came at a very difficult time," Michele says of her record. "If I've learned anything from this past year is that you have one life. ... You have to love as hard as you can love and live as hard as you can live because we just have one life. I feel like Louder really expresses that."

Johnny Cash's To Do

I write about the great American singer songwriter Johnny Cash today for two reasons: the first is it's his birthday and if he were still here with us he would be 82 years old (Happy Birthday Johnny!) and the second is his infamous "to do" list.

 

Cash's iconic songwriting talents crossed over into so many different kinds of music that he is one of the few people to have been inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame, the Rock and Roll Music Hall of Fame and the Gospel Music Hall of Fame.  Incredible right?

 

Cash's most powerful songs to me are "Ring of Fire," "I Walk The Line," and of course, "Folsom Prison Blues."  All three resonate with themes of pain, redemption and love and reflect Cash's tumultuous yet successful and award winning life as a musician that was also sadly marked by his brother's childhood death, drug abuse and divorce.

Johnny Cash -- The Man in Black

So with all that Johnny Cash had going on in his life, you might think his To Do list would reveal the secrets to what inspired him.  You might expect to see a To Do List that says things like "Call My Agent," "Lunch with George Jones," "Must Write Lyrics to New Song," or "Rehearse for Upcoming Tour."  I would have figured that the guy is a big time celebrity and the stuff that he reminds himself that he has to do is going to reflect that right?  But it doesn't. 

 

Cash's list is worth reading because it appears he used it as a tool for him, a healing tool that helped him take the next step.  I can relate to the whole idea of list making as a way to put life's priorities in focus.  If you have any doubt about what Cash's priorities were, look at what he puts at the top of the list.  Don't Smoke.  His health.  He is trying to fight that awful nicotine monster just like any other ordinary person. 

It just goes to show that sometimes public people have simple needs and desires just like anyone else and that the things he worried about or tried to keep under control are the very same things we think about or worry about, such as not eating too much.  In other words, I think Cash felt life might not always be fair in the habits you have to fight but it's still damn good!!

 

Unfortunately, Johnny Cash died in 2003, less than four months after his second wife, June Carter Cash died.  Cash writes about his list in the autobiography that he wrote titled, "Cash: An American Man" and when the original of this list went up for auction, someone paid over $6000 for it.

 

I love #2 and #3 and #9!

What's on your To Do list today?

Getting In Gear

The calendar still says February but the warm temperatures this weekend offered me hope that Spring is close to arriving in my area of the world.

I think my neighbors felt the same way because all weekend I saw them emerging from their homes of hibernation, waving hellos and walking around their yards picking up recently fallen branches and small sticks and checking out winter's damages.  It was also nice to see the baby brigade out and about with strollers and young toddlers in tow.  While doing my errands, everyone seemed to be energized by the warm and shining sun.  Coats disappeared and even some shorts and flip flops appeared on a few righteous teenagers.  

 

Stretching and breathing in fresh air was the order of the day and it just felt great all around.  Even though I felt the tug of the next episode of "House of Cards" mentally calling me to the computer, I ignored it's mesmerizing pull and instead went for a long walk for at least a mile or two.  It's definitely a good walk when I lose track of time and distance and it's also definitely amazing how a walk can reset your outlook and change your mood.

 

 

We've gotten a lot of snow this season so it's been harder to go outside and exercise but I try to remind myself that I always feel better when I get myself in gear and do some sort of exercise whether it's walking, bicycling, dancing or running.  I tell myself myself that exercising offsets the bad effects of sitting in front of the computer for hours a time but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be true according to some recent news stories. 

 

It's a fact of life that I spend a lot of time in front of the computer.  Hours and hours.  When I am at my full-time job five days a week, I try to periodically get up and walk around the office to squeeze in some exercise time and then I try to do the same when I am at home writing Cry Laugh Heal which is not work at all but truly a passion for me.

It's a constant battle and as I get older I can see that activity truly is the key to having and maintaining good health.  I like to sometimes follow these three simple suggestions from The American Diabetes Association on how to increase physical activity in your daily routine: 

 

--Take the stairs, not the elevator.
--Park further away from your destination, so you have to walk more.
--At home, make several trips upstairs to building extra cardio into such things as putting away laundry or other household chores.

Good luck with your personal fitness and here is the link to the National Public Radio story that made me think differently about sitting around and vegging out:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/02/19/279460759/sit-more-and-youre-more-likely-to-be-disabled-after-age-60?utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=20140223&utm_source=mostemailed

A New Week

I am with you my dear readers as we begin a new week together!!!!

I hope your weekend was full of exciting adventures and laughter and love and family and friends.

Mine seemed to zip by in a blink.

While I have many things that I want to tell you about, I ran out of time to sit down and put them in complete thoughts and sentences.

There is definitely more to come but today I leave you with the below thought since change and more change seems to be the theme of my life these days:

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it,

 

move with it,

 

and join the dance

 

                         ~Alan Watts

 

 

 

 

 



Within The Morning Light

I am an early riser.  I find the morning to be peaceful and so quiet.  I use my morning time to collect my thoughts about what I think is going to happen during that particular day and pray for other things that I hope will happen.

 

So the morning is when a lot happens for me.  With my trusty cups of hot tea, I appreciate the solitude of the wee early hours of the day.  Quiet allows me to think and to breathe and pull myself together.

 

I am always writing down blog ideas and collecting different points of view on the subjects of resilience, rebuilding a new life and grief but the morning is usually when I actually post my thoughts.  I try to write whenever I get the chance so I don't lose my ideas, but that is sometimes difficult because I also have a full time job that I work during the day.

 

You may not be a morning person but perhaps you find quiet for yourself at other times of the day.  Try to spend some quiet time with your thoughts.

 

Short periods of time spent in solitude can be a good thing.

Solitude

By Garnett Ann Schultz

 

The sighing wind so slowly passed

Across the rolling seas,

It climbed the hill and came to rest

Among the stately trees,

Each nodding flower nestled there

Within the morning light,

Protected by the still of dawn

As darkness crept from sight.

 

The golden sun came stealing through

And lingered on the breeze,

As nature loaned an added charm,

A gentle little tease,

The dew that sparkled on the grass

The quiet, oh, so dear,

Within the tender arms of Spring

A peacefulness and cheer.

 

No sound within the forest glade

But that of singing birds,

A music sweet upon the air-

No human voice is heard,

Just Mother Nature lingers there

A carefree, happy mood,

The world in quietness supreme

God's wondrous solitude.

Owen Danoff -- On & On & On

A big shout out today goes to the multi-talented singer songwriter Owen Danoff for exceeding his Kickstarter goal of $15,000!!!

Owen and his supporters raised $19,391 by June 30 and now Owen has the money to record his debut album this year!!!  In fact, he's already started work on his album.  This past weekend, he and his rockin' band went to NYC to spend time in a recording studio putting down music tracks.

 

I write about this today because it is truly exciting and yes, healing, to watch someone who I have know since he was a baby find his passion in life and then follow it.  It's healing because it is renewing and energizing to see Owen or anyone else commit to their talents and continue to work hard at developing and mastering them.

 

Everyone has a talent and everyone does something a little better than someone else.  It doesn't matter how old you are or what phase of life you are in, there is always time for you to develop and follow your passions. 

 

If you are not familiar with Kickstarter, it is an online resource dedicated to funding creative projects.  Films, games, music, art and technology, Kickstarter allows the person proposing the project with a funding goal and deadline to have complete control over it.  Kickstarter offers an online platform where people can pledge money directly to fund a proposed project to make it happen

 

Here, in Owen's words, are some of the reasons why he wanted to record an album:

"Music is about how it makes you feel, and I know the feeling of having a friend in a favorite album when there's no one else to turn to. I know the feeling of listening to a song that's so in tune with the world around you that you can't help but dance a little in public, or close your eyes and soak it in. I know the feeling of sitting on a bus or a plane for hours, and putting in headphones to let music steal away the time.

 

Those feelings, those connections we have with the music we love, are magic. If you give me the chance, I will do my best to create that magic for you."

 

If you haven't heard Owen Danoff before, I have posted a video of him and his band singing a song a wrote called, "On & On & On."  I liked it from the first time I heard it.  It has a driving beat and I love the lyrics.

Here's to Owen's debut album and may good luck continue to follow him and his band "On & On & On" as he goes about creating his magical music for us.

A Friend's Good Bye Letter

Last week a childhood friend of my father's died.  They had known each other since they were in grade school and met each other while playing on the black top when they were about seven or eight years old.  They both went on to attend the same high school, playing basketball, and later both went into the insurance business working for different companies.

 

 

Over the years, they stayed in touch with each other as best they could.  They both worked very hard while trying to raise large Irish Catholic families.  My father and mother had six children and my Dad's friend and his wife had eight children.  Our families didn't really mix, not because we didn't want to, but more because the ages of the children were different we didn't live close to their neighborhood and there basically was just too much stuff going on to try and coordinate anything.

 

When you have known someone for as long as my Dad and his friend knew each other it is hard to let go.  My Dad knew that his friend was not well but didn't know how sick he was until he received the news of his friend's death.  One way to keep the person connected to you is write a letter to the person now deceased.  I don't think this is morbid.  In fact, I think it's very healthy.

 

The person who died is someone who had an important place in your life.  The person is physically gone but the friendship is still there.  Sharing memories -- whether it's through writing a letter or talking to others about this person -- is a healthy way to process your feelings of grief and to establish  to yourself that the friendship or perhaps love in other cases, is still there and will always be.

 

 

Now my Dad is writing a letter to his friend's widow and their adult children about his special friendship with this man and it is bringing back a lot of great memories for him which he hopes will also be a comfort in the days and years ahead as they and my Dad work through their loss.

 

Don't ever unestimate the importance of a note written from the heart.  After my husband died, I received cards from people who worked with my husband or were friends with him and some wrote notes to me about how they knew him and their experiences with him.  I saved those cards because those notes were like little pieces of a puzzle that was my husband.  Sometimes the stories caught me by surprise and other times I only knew the story from my husband's point of view and the handwritten note reveal a different side of him to me.

Let me be honest, sometimes the stories weren't always the best but either way, the notes were part of dealing honestly and openly with our feelings of grief and trying to find comfort in reaching out and sharing.
 

I, Poet

When I was in high school, I used to write a lot of poetry.  I liked the deliberate way of choosing and using words and trying to find the right rhythm of each line.  I had a special notebook that I used to write down thoughts and words that I wanted to remember for images in future poems.

 

I even entered a poetry contest in high school and surprisingly one of my poems won and was published in a national anthology of high school poetry.  That was a confidence booster!

 

Then it was time to go to college.  My interests changed in college and poetry unfortunately fell by the wayside.  But since my husband died nine years ago, I have rediscovered poetry and its way of adding texture to my life.  Reading poetry is similiar to putting my foot on the brake of a speedy pace of life.  Reading and trying to write poetry slows me down and helps me shuffle through feelings and conflicts about what is going on in my life.  It is therapeutic for me.
 

Beach Grasses



In particular, in high school and also now, I am fascinated by Haiku, which is a very short form of Japanese poetry.  Traditional haiku consists of 17 on.  An on is similiar to a syllable but it is not really a syllable.  But there is a specific way of writing haiku, and when it is written correctly,  it is sparse and elegant.

 

I recently decided to try and write some haiku poems and I just finished one about my late husband.  My first attempts were really bad but I kept trying and once I learned to really focus on what it is I am trying to say, my poems improved. 

 

So here goes. . . this is a haiku poem I wrote about my late husband, T.O.:

 

New Jersey native

the moon and constellations

Party together.

 

 

Obviously, New Jersey native refers to the fact he was born in the Great State of New Jersey, a fact he put right out there for all to know.   The Moon and Constellations refers to his love of space and the exploration of it and as a first-class newspaper reporter he had the unique talent of taking complicated scientific concepts and distilling them down to make them interesting and understandable to nonscientific readers!  Party together says it all, for he was a very social man and loved hanging out and talking and listening to people of all ages.  He was definitely a people person!

 

I am once again taking great comfort in reading and writing poetry and perhaps will continue to share with you my poetry inspirations and work as they develop.  Try writing or reading poetry yourself.  You may find personal inspiration too!

 

Finding The Words

I think the hardest thing about writing is writing.

 

                                               ~ Journalist, Author and Screenwriter Nora Ephron

During Sunday night's Academy Awards ceremony, tributes were paid to those in the film industry who passed away in the last year.  Nora Ephron most certainly was a bright twinkling star in her own right and the producers of the show chose to display the above quote in her honor.

Ephron was a keen observer of American culture and especially the stormy and romantic relationships between men and women.  Like most things Ephron wrote about she is spot on about trying to write. 

 

Writing is trying to get the words together in one sentence to reveal a truth.

Writing this blog for my readers is a wonderful, sometimes magical thing.  It has helped me process the grief of losing my husband and, in turn,  I do hope that it has helped others of you out there also trying to make sense of a loss whether it is a husband, a wife, a child, a parent or a good friend.  I never want anyone to feel isolated or alone in their despair.

 

Writing is something I feel I have to do and each time I sit down at the computer keyboard to write to you I try to do my very best.  Sometimes I feel I hit the bar of accomplishing what I set out to do and other days I wish I had a better brain so that something more insightful would have hit the page.

 

I enjoy writing but it also can be frustrating to find the right words to convey what I am feeling.  There is nothing more frustrating than staring at the blank screen and you know what you want to say but just don't know how to say it.  Writing can sometimes feel like trying to nail jello to the wall: elusive and messy.

 

Writing in particular about grief and a person's ability to bounce back from a loss is a tricky mission.  When I post my thoughts, I want to explain how shocked, how painful, how alone, how outside yourself you feel when someone you loves dies and how you feel totally lost.  But I don't want to sound whiney, dramatic or self-absorbed. 

 

Grief is a personal subject, almost intimate, yet it also univeral.

 

Whether you want to or not, at  some point in your life you will experience grief.  I can't say what it will be like for you or how long it will last because everyone's grief is different.

 

I also want to let you know that through my blog posts that with the passage of time, and it has been nine years for me since my husband died, the journey improves.  Step by step, day by day, you move forward.  It is slow and some days you may not feel the will to go on but that probably means you need to rest and recoup to garner strength.  You may not know where you are going but the act of moving helps you work through your jumbling emotions.

 

I have found that it takes positive energy, support from friends and family and a healthy way of living.  I know you will find your way.  It will reveal itself to you.

 

Thank you for reading Cry, Laugh Heal!!!  My readers are the best and I love hearing from you!!!

Healing Therapy

 

Drawing By NYC Multiple Medium Artist Joe Mangrum

One of my sister has a shoulder that is frozen and she is going to a physical therapist to work through the incredibly stiff shoulder muscles and joint.  If the physical therapy doesn't work, then she may have to have surgery and she really doesn't want that to happen.

 

We were talking about her physical therapy and she was telling me about how the therapist told her that to really get the exercises to work and unlock the muscles and joint that the therapy would have to increase to another level and she asked my sister if she was prepared for the "wall of pain" that she would have to work through to achieve her goal.

 

My sister said she was prepared and she knew it was going to be bad; that it would be so painful that she probably would cry.  But she still is committed to the next level of therapy, know that it's going to be awful, but also feeling hopeful that this increased therapy could be successful.

 

This may sound random to you but the more that I talked to my sister about her "wall of pain"  the more I felt I was talking to her about processing grief.

 

New grief can be so painful that it feels as though a part of your body has been amputated and you are walking around in a state of hemorrhaging.  You need to just take each day as it comes and little by little, you will start to feel that the pain is decreasing. 

 

But there is still a core amount of pain that requires work from you.

 

I think this concept was the hardest part for me.  When my husband died, I was stumbling around and in a state of numbness.  Every day I was full of grief and pain.  What was I going to do?  I had just lost my husband and everything was falling apart.  I thought I could read about grief and think about grief and it would eventually disappear.  Not!

 

Months and months of just feeling terrible finally made me realize that I had to do some of the work myself.  I had to actively figure out how to make myself feel better.  I found a support group at a local hospital and in the beginning I talked to someone on the phone for one-on-one time.  Later on, I joined a group and went to sessions twice a month to talk about grief and rebuilding my life all over again.

 

It was exhausting but I am so glad that I took the first step and asked for help.

 

It's important for you to recognize that you need time to work through this loss of your loved one.  There is no way to know how long it will take you to process your feelings.  Everyone grieves differently and takes different paths in their grief journey.  I do think it's fair to say that healing can come in cycles of ups and downs.

 

You have to confront your "wall of pain" and feel it.  The processing of this pain is hard for you are giving yourself permission to remember all the good things and all the bad things that your loved one was to you.  Write it down, shout it out, talk to a therapist, talk to a friend, paint it, take a shower and cry or go running and cry.

 

But get it out. 

 

Vent your feelings and thoughts and work through you "wall of pain."  You are releasing the pain and the hurt and the anger and the frustration and the confusion of not knowing what you are supposed to do next.

 

And in releasing your "wall of pain" you are empowering yourself and moving forward. 

 

For grief that you hold within yourself only keeps hurting and hurting.

 

 

Courtesy of NYC Multiple Medium Artist Joe Mangrum

 

 

In Sympathy

Yesterday I wrote a sympathy card to a man who once lived across the street from our family when I was growing up.

Sadly, his wife died last week after suffering for about a year.  He could no longer take care of his wife by himself but she lived nearby and I understand that he visited her almost every day.  I haven't seen either one of them in years but they still are significant to me.

I babysat for their three children and so did one of my sisters.  We would always wave to them if they were in their yard and sometimes we would walk across the street for short conversations.  My mother and his wife talked a lot because our families had children who were the same ages and they would all be outside playing at the same times.

As I sat down to express my sympathy, I realized that even though I lost my spouse a number of years ago and I have a pretty good idea how much pain this man is feeling, it is still difficult to write a sympathy card.

But as difficult as it is, I still remember how comforting those sympathy cards and letters were to me after my husband died and I would never let my awkwardness stop me from helping another person in the throes of grief and vulnerability.

Writing heartfelt condolences is a tricky area and you're never quite sure if you are saying the right thing that will bring comfort to a person newly bereaved.

I think the most honest and touching thing anyone can write to the grieving person is about how you knew the person that died; what they meant to you, how you met them and a special memory you may have of them.  Maybe they said something to you that always has stayed with you and helped inspire you.

In the end, everyone always wants to hear lots of stories about the person they loved and lost.

What Are You Thinking?

Following-up to yesterday's post about writing as a way to process your thoughts and emotions, I just wanted to add a few quick thoughts.

 

We want and need to connect to each other because we are human.  Reaching out to one another, expressing our thoughts and emotions is essential.

Otherwise, we are isolated and afraid; cut off from human interaction and we don't allow ourselves to have the opportunity to grow or change.  We are just lost in our own thoughts as though we are watching the same video on a loop tape.  Over and over again.  Stuck.

At a certain point in my grief journey, I felt stuck.  I was sick of my grief feelings.  I was tired of feeling the pain.  I was tired of my whole outlook on life.  I wanted life to be the way that it used to be, even when my husband was sick.  At least he was still with me and we could talk to each other.

But I knew life wasn't going to go backwards for me so I had to find a way to get myself in gear and go forward.  I also knew that if I felt this way, then others must feel the same way too.  I know I am not alone in my feelings and by writing about what helps me, I hope I am helping others who are dealing with a loss.

Writing or journaling is one way to express your innermost thoughts and process all the complex emotions you are feeling.  I will be honest with you: it is hard to examine your thoughts.  Sometimes they are not pretty.  You are examining why you feel the way you do and that helps you get to know what gives meaning to your life.

Lots of people keep diaries and journals to record their thoughts and to stay in touch with what is happening to them.  Even presidents keep diaries.

I was pleasantly surprised to read in a recent Time magazine article that President Obama routinely scribbles down his thoughts and uses writing as a way to chart his way forward and cope with the stresses of his all-consuming 24/7 mega-stressful job.

"In my life, writing has been an important exercise to clarify what I believe, what I see, what I care about, what my deepest values are," Obama said in the Time magazine interview.  "The process of converting a jumble of thoughts into coherent sentences makes you ask tougher questions."
 

Writing Through Your Emotions

To me, processing or working through difficult emotions such as grief, anger, frustration and confusion, is in a sense, breaking down the walls of why I feel a certain way.  Once I think I have figured out a pretty good reason why I think this is happening, I try to either get rid of as much of the feeling as I can or I try to readjust or "rebuild" my way of looking at the situation.

 

During the "figuring out" stage (which can be hours or months), my mind is usually a jumble of thoughts and emotions.  I may be feeling powerless in a situation that keeps repeating itself or getting worse.  Sometimes I grab a pad of paper and start writing down what's in my head -- even if it doesn't make any sense.

Writing can be an effective way of sorting through a problem or trying to find a new way to deal with life after the loss of a loved one.  Just seeing the partial thoughts or beginnings of ideas on paper has helped me get through whatever is going on.   In the beginning, you may only be able to think of a phrase or a few unrelated words but the act of writing it on paper feels positive.  It's also a safe and confidential way of dealing with your emotions because it's only on a piece of paper that you can later rip up.

 

Psychological studies have found that writing about stressful, traumatic or emotional events, like caring for a dying person or grieving their loss, helps people recover faster, both psychologically and physically.

 

Jotting down thoughts, almost in stream of consciousness style, helps me move forward because it's a lot like doodling.

 

In the beginning, your pen is just moving around and doesn't seem to be following any pattern.  Then, after awhile when you're just fooling around, a design or complete thoughts start to form.  In this case, if you allow your mind to wander and you keep trying to work through the conflicting emotions eventually things start to click and a kind of healing may start.

 

Of course it's hard to put your sorrow or your loneliness into words.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.  Perhaps you can pretend you are talking to a friend or even talking to the person you lost as you search for the words that make sense.  Describe what you are feeling.  Write it down and think about what it really means to you in relation to your changed life; your life without your loved one.

 

Writing may help you feel more connected and supported and less like you are outside of yourself.

 

Writing is a resource that's available to you any time you need it.

 

 

Your Inner Artist

Free Your Inner Artist

Without any notice, life can change direction.  Finding that you have to suddenly walk down a new path can be scary.

One of the ways that I have found to deal with life's anxieties is to do something creative.  Being creative can take you out of yourself.  Working with your hands -- whether gardening, painting, writing, playing a musical instrument, crafting, sewing or cooking -- allows your mind to take a rest from what is happening in your life.

 

Doing something artistic also allows you to express your emotions and possibly bring about healing.

Sometimes, things are created spontaneously and you're not sure where it came from; it just happens.  As writer Kurt Vonnegut says in the quote below, "art is a way to make your soul grow."

 

One's art can say things that one cannot or will not verbalize.

 

Whether expressing joy or pain, letting your inner emotions loose can drive you to create all manner of art and in the process begin to heal your broken heart, the core of your inner being. 

 

 

Playing With The Moon

Playing With The Moon
By Amir Jutt

You invited us into the world of science and made us love it as you did.  You taught us that writing simply and elegantly is not as easy as you made it look.  You passed on more to us than you will ever know.

For all of the stories you told before anyone else knew them, for all of the stories you wrestled out of other people's brains and for all of the stories that flowed from your ever constant fingers on the keyboard, this picture is for you on your special day.

If God is allowing anyone in heaven to play with the moon, I'm sure it's you.

Cry, Laugh, Heal Has A New Look!

 

 

 



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