Party Girl

OMG my wonderful readers,

I don't know about you but I need a good laugh!

There are too many stressful things happening in my family right now that I can't write about but believe me when I tell you that a good laugh must happen in order for me to feel better about life. 

 

 And when I need a good laugh I know I can always count on NBC's hysterical and infamous Saturday Night Live to make it happen.

Without further adieu, here are the multi-talented comedians, Cecily Strong and Seth Meyers:

I feel A LOT better and I hope you do too!

In Sympathy

Yesterday I wrote a sympathy card to a man who once lived across the street from our family when I was growing up.

Sadly, his wife died last week after suffering for about a year.  He could no longer take care of his wife by himself but she lived nearby and I understand that he visited her almost every day.  I haven't seen either one of them in years but they still are significant to me.

I babysat for their three children and so did one of my sisters.  We would always wave to them if they were in their yard and sometimes we would walk across the street for short conversations.  My mother and his wife talked a lot because our families had children who were the same ages and they would all be outside playing at the same times.

As I sat down to express my sympathy, I realized that even though I lost my spouse a number of years ago and I have a pretty good idea how much pain this man is feeling, it is still difficult to write a sympathy card.

But as difficult as it is, I still remember how comforting those sympathy cards and letters were to me after my husband died and I would never let my awkwardness stop me from helping another person in the throes of grief and vulnerability.

Writing heartfelt condolences is a tricky area and you're never quite sure if you are saying the right thing that will bring comfort to a person newly bereaved.

I think the most honest and touching thing anyone can write to the grieving person is about how you knew the person that died; what they meant to you, how you met them and a special memory you may have of them.  Maybe they said something to you that always has stayed with you and helped inspire you.

In the end, everyone always wants to hear lots of stories about the person they loved and lost.

Get Your S#%t Together

Are you one of those people who thinks that if they prepare to write their will that they are inviting tragedy to happen to them?

Guess what?  It doesn't work that way.

Chanel Reynolds

If you haven't taken care of executing your will, and/or sharing bank account numbers with your spouse or partner, then you should do it today.

Not to be an alarmist, but you really have no idea what is going to happen to you and you should be prepared.  Think of it as a gift that you are giving to the people that you love.  Life has a way of catching you off-guard and then, unfortunately, you find yourself with regrets.

I promise you, once you take care of figuring out who is charge of your health decisions and your property should you not be in a position to say, you will feel amazing!

First stop: a great web site called Get Your Shit Together (http://getyourshittogether.org/)  No shit.  That's really what the website is called.  It offers free downloads of lots of templates for wills, living wills and power of attorney.

Chanel Reynolds started the website a few years ago after her young and vigorous husband was hit by a car while bicycling.  He tragically died from the accident, leaving Reynolds with two children to raise.  She knew she and her husband had drafted wills for each other but the wills weren't signed and she had no idea how much money they had in their bank account.

I related to Reynolds story.  My husband was sick for about two and a half years before he died and I remember that awful feeling of being completely helpless when the doctors came to me one day when he was in the hospital and they asked me if I had power of attorney.  I told the doctors I didn't and they quickly replied, "You better get it today."

All at once the sheer mighty weight of our collective finances fell on my shoulders and I was not prepared to take them over either.  My husband had a will but it was out of date.  I didn't have a will and I didn't have power of attorney.  And our dear son was thirteen years old during this chaotic and emotional time.

Of course, now I do have a will and a living will and I feel a lot better knowing that copies of those essential documents sit in my attorney's file cabinet.

No matter what your situation, read Chanel's story and check out her helpful website which features a checklist of things that you may want to review to ensure that your property and your health are handled the way you want.

Here is the link to Chanel's story recently published in The New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/12/your-money/estate-planning/shell-tell-you-its-time-to-think-ahead.html?_r=0&adxnnl=1&ref=your-money&pagewanted=1&adxnnlx=1359424907-eY6eXyTxpnJ6bVGav6sExw

Comfort Dogs

 

 

"Charlie"

 

 They say that dogs can sense when people need comforting.

 

And when dogs feel a person's fatigue, sadness or loneliness, it is in their nature to give companionship and sometimes entertainment to the person in need.

 

I have been watching the generous spirit of a new puppy named Charlie who has joined the family of one of my sisters.  Charlie is full of so much energy and love and he just can't wait for someone to hold him and play with him.  Charlie is a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel and he has an uncanny sixth sense about which person in the family needs him the most.

I guess I am discovering what others have already known about dogs and their sense of loyalty and kindness.

 

When I talk about dogs and entertainment, I definitely have Charlie in mind.  Can you imagine a dog who likes for people to put outfits on him?  Well, Charlies does and he can't wait for someone to either put a dog sweater on him or a Redskins jersey (dog size of course!).  Charlie is definitely on the cutting edge of dog fashion.

 

But seriously, Charlie has had a special healing effect on those around him and has made everyone temporarily forget the tensions and stresses of the day when he is around.  It is amazing how his sweet temperament affects everyone around him and he is especially great at providing comfort to people in the midst of serious medical treatments.

 

He will jump up in a person's lap and then suddenly be very still as the person gently strokes Charlie's cute ears or holds his small body.  In fact, Charlie offers every bit of a calming influence, and maybe more, as the infamous K-9 Parish Comfort Dogs do.

 

The K-9 Parish Comfort Dogs were brought into Newtown, CT immediately following the tragic shooting massacre of more than 20 children and teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School in mid-December 2012 to ease the pain of survivors and parents whose children had died in the tragedy.

 

The K-9 Parish Comfort dogs are trained to interact with people at churches, schools, nursing homes, hospitals and in disaster situations.  According to K-9 Parish Comfort dog's FaceBook page, a dog "is a friend who brings a calming influence, allowing people to open up their hearts and receive help for what is affecting them."

 

Check out these special healing pictures of the K-9 Parish Comfort dogs doing their best to help children and adults heal and feel better about their lives:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/photos-of-golden-retrievers-comforting-the-residen

What Are You Thinking?

Following-up to yesterday's post about writing as a way to process your thoughts and emotions, I just wanted to add a few quick thoughts.

 

We want and need to connect to each other because we are human.  Reaching out to one another, expressing our thoughts and emotions is essential.

Otherwise, we are isolated and afraid; cut off from human interaction and we don't allow ourselves to have the opportunity to grow or change.  We are just lost in our own thoughts as though we are watching the same video on a loop tape.  Over and over again.  Stuck.

At a certain point in my grief journey, I felt stuck.  I was sick of my grief feelings.  I was tired of feeling the pain.  I was tired of my whole outlook on life.  I wanted life to be the way that it used to be, even when my husband was sick.  At least he was still with me and we could talk to each other.

But I knew life wasn't going to go backwards for me so I had to find a way to get myself in gear and go forward.  I also knew that if I felt this way, then others must feel the same way too.  I know I am not alone in my feelings and by writing about what helps me, I hope I am helping others who are dealing with a loss.

Writing or journaling is one way to express your innermost thoughts and process all the complex emotions you are feeling.  I will be honest with you: it is hard to examine your thoughts.  Sometimes they are not pretty.  You are examining why you feel the way you do and that helps you get to know what gives meaning to your life.

Lots of people keep diaries and journals to record their thoughts and to stay in touch with what is happening to them.  Even presidents keep diaries.

I was pleasantly surprised to read in a recent Time magazine article that President Obama routinely scribbles down his thoughts and uses writing as a way to chart his way forward and cope with the stresses of his all-consuming 24/7 mega-stressful job.

"In my life, writing has been an important exercise to clarify what I believe, what I see, what I care about, what my deepest values are," Obama said in the Time magazine interview.  "The process of converting a jumble of thoughts into coherent sentences makes you ask tougher questions."
 

Writing Through Your Emotions

To me, processing or working through difficult emotions such as grief, anger, frustration and confusion, is in a sense, breaking down the walls of why I feel a certain way.  Once I think I have figured out a pretty good reason why I think this is happening, I try to either get rid of as much of the feeling as I can or I try to readjust or "rebuild" my way of looking at the situation.

 

During the "figuring out" stage (which can be hours or months), my mind is usually a jumble of thoughts and emotions.  I may be feeling powerless in a situation that keeps repeating itself or getting worse.  Sometimes I grab a pad of paper and start writing down what's in my head -- even if it doesn't make any sense.

Writing can be an effective way of sorting through a problem or trying to find a new way to deal with life after the loss of a loved one.  Just seeing the partial thoughts or beginnings of ideas on paper has helped me get through whatever is going on.   In the beginning, you may only be able to think of a phrase or a few unrelated words but the act of writing it on paper feels positive.  It's also a safe and confidential way of dealing with your emotions because it's only on a piece of paper that you can later rip up.

 

Psychological studies have found that writing about stressful, traumatic or emotional events, like caring for a dying person or grieving their loss, helps people recover faster, both psychologically and physically.

 

Jotting down thoughts, almost in stream of consciousness style, helps me move forward because it's a lot like doodling.

 

In the beginning, your pen is just moving around and doesn't seem to be following any pattern.  Then, after awhile when you're just fooling around, a design or complete thoughts start to form.  In this case, if you allow your mind to wander and you keep trying to work through the conflicting emotions eventually things start to click and a kind of healing may start.

 

Of course it's hard to put your sorrow or your loneliness into words.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.  Perhaps you can pretend you are talking to a friend or even talking to the person you lost as you search for the words that make sense.  Describe what you are feeling.  Write it down and think about what it really means to you in relation to your changed life; your life without your loved one.

 

Writing may help you feel more connected and supported and less like you are outside of yourself.

 

Writing is a resource that's available to you any time you need it.

 

 

Snowy Surprise

I went to the kitchen window early this morning and expected to see the bare concrete of the sidewalk and instead saw snow covering the ground and all of the surrounding cars and trees.

 

I had heard some talk of snow coming to the Washington, DC area yesterday on the news but the forecasters are usually so far off the mark that I didn't pay attention to their prediction. What do you know? The weather people were actually right this time.

 

So instead of opening the front door and walking outside in my bare feet to grab the newspaper off the front lawn as I usually do, I put on a coat and shoes and stepped carefully through the fresh, powdery snow.

 

I am not much of a snow person but waking up to snow falling is a wonderful, almost cozy surprise and a reminder to me once again that you really never know what the day will bring for you.

 

And I'm also thinking of all those happy children who are waking up and finding out that they don't have to go to school today!

 

Stay warm, dear readers. 

 

Embrace your day and all that it brings!!